„I have to go back to work.“

It was the day of the puppy’s arrival when, relatively early in the morning, Jiyong’s eyes shot open, being immediately awoken by that one thought: Next week his two months break from his job would be over.

The last few days, or rather weeks, he had completely forgotten about the fact that one day, he would have to get back into his old routine, though, obviously his plan was to reduce the time he worked. Yet, that was exactly his problem because it was easier said than done.

Wanting to voice his troubles to the love of his life, he his side just to realize that apparently he was left alone in their kingsized bed. With a touch to the mattress of Seungri’s side of the bed Jiyong knew right away that the younger must’ve been up for some time as it was cold and neat like the other had never slept there.

Disappointed, the rapper his back again and closed his eyes, trying to simply ignore the anxiety that was building up in his chest. Going back to YG wasn’t the end of the world, two months ago he couldn’t even imagine taking a break to begin with, so why? Why was he so scared?

Well, if he was being honest with himself he knew exactly why.

With a heavy sigh he rolled out of bed and pulled the hood of Seungri’s way to big sweater over his face. It was too bright in the bedroom, Seungri must’ve opened the curtains. Putting on some fluffy socks, the idol didn’t bother to search for a pair of pants and just exited the room in his boxers - not that you could see much of them as they were covered by the dark navy hoodie.

„Seungri?“ He yelled as he shuffled through the door.

He waited for a few seconds but didn’t receive an answer. It was so quiet… too quiet. With Seungri, silence meant something was off, the guy was usually a really loud person in everything he did, so with a slight worry that something was wrong Jiyong hurried down the hallway. Before he could make it to the stairs that would lead to the living room downstairs, however, he was startled by a loud noise. Being still sleepy the idol was immensely confused by the sound for a few seconds, it resembled a vacuum cleaner.

Oh.

That’s because it was, in fact, a vacuum cleaner. 

The blonde walked down the stairs to see Seungri’s back facing him, standing in the middle of living room with his sweatpants hanging loosely from his hips and with the sleeves of his black and white striped shirt rolled up to his elbows. He was currently cleaning the big fluffy carped, the coffee table and the couches were pushed aside.

„Seungri?“ Jiyong tried again, a bit louder in an attempt to be heard over the noise of the vacuum cleaner, but the younger didn’t even budge. He just continued cleaning. „HEY! SEUNGRI!“

There was a pause and Seungri finally seemed to have heard him because he opened his mouth to reply, turning slightly in Jiyong’s direction without looking at him.

„Soooome-“ He began.

„What?“

„-BODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WOOORLD IS GONNA ROLL ME-“

He couldn’t be serious.

„I AAAAIN’T THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHEEEED!“

Jiyong pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. What did he say earlier about Seungri being a loud person? Here was the proof. As if the vacuum cleaner wasn’t loud enough already.

„WELL THE YEARS START COMING AND THEY DON’T STOPE COMING-“

„Jesus ing christ, SEUNGRI!“ Jiyong yelled again and put his hand on the other’s shoulder, who jumped and nearly slipped as he stepped on the hose of the vacuum cleaner.

„EEEEEEEEK!“ Seungri screeched and shot around, his face completely horrified. „JIYONG WHAT THE ?! You scared the living out of me!“

„Excuse me, what should I have done then? It’s not my fault that you are so distracted by signing the Shrek soundtrack!!“

The kindergarten teacher gripped his chest to calm his racing heart. Momentarily Jiyong forgot his worries and laughed while pointing his finger at the younger, who still tried to relax, but sadly this happiness didn’t last long as those troubling thoughts came back.

„What’s wrong, babe?“

„Huh?“

„I know that look.“ Seungri said sympathetically. „Something’s bothering you. What happened?“

The rapper stayed silent for a moment as he thought about how to voice his concerns without sounding like an idiot. Seungri, who saw the hesitation, put the vacuum cleaner aside and pressed a soft kiss to Jiyong’s forehead before sneaking his arms around the older’s waist.

„It’s just… I don’t know, I guess I just realized that the thought of going back to being G-Dragon scares me.“ He finally confesses and looked down at the collar of Seungri’s shirt to avoid his gaze. He felt embarrassed for some reason.

„Why does it scare you honey? I thought you would be happy to finally go back?“

„Yeah, that’s what I thought too but…“

„But?“

„But I’m really afraid that I will be the same person as before.“

Seungri pursed his lips, thinking about what he was just told.

„That’s not unlikely.“ He finally answered and the idol looked up at him desperately.

„But I don’t want that! The last time I accepted a job I treated you like ! I acted as if you weren’t even there most of the time and that was so horrible of me! I don’t want to be like that, you don’t deserve such a treatment!“

The younger smiled lovingly at Jiyong, giving the blondes pouty lips a peck. Jiyong really was confused by that because why would he look so happy at that statement? Didn’t he remember what happened the last time Jiyong worked?

„Jiyong. I know that you feel bad about it and that you don’t want it to repeat but think logically for a minute. I’m not a psychologist but even I can tell that you have two main issues: One is your obsession with work and the other is your fear of living a life outside of said work. I had the pleasure of getting to know you a bit over the last few months and what I found out is that you are generally an introvert and you have a timid character with the surface of an extrovert that you present to everyone whom you aren’t close with.“

The idol gaped at his boyfriend, who was suddenly in his super-smart-and-rational-as-well-as-reasonable mode that somehow was in stark contrast to the All Star singing Seungri from a few minutes prior.

„You are an impatient perfectionist so you want everything to go smoothly immediately. It doesn’t surprise me that you are scared of going back to your job if you look at the big picture because you don’t want to hurt me, you are afraid of making the smallest mistake. But honestly, Jiyong, I don’t care as long as you are happy. Which you aren’t but that doesn’t mean that your way to go about it is how it works. Your obsession with your job is kind of like an addiction. So if you think about people with an addiction, do you think it’s possible to stop just like that?“

Jiyong bit his bottom lip in contemplation.

„But I kind of did, right? I mean, I took a break for two months.“

„Hmm, how should I explain this. Okay, so. This might not be the best comparison but imagine you were an alcohol addict. You are taken out of your environment of friends who you used to drink with regularly, you are taken out of a relationship that made you miserable and you are taken to a facility with only non alcoholics and no access to alcohol. Obviously you can’t drink alcohol because you simply don’t have access to it, you do feel withdrawal symptoms but there is nothing you can do but continue without it. After some time it gets easier and the withdrawal symptoms become less, the people with you in the facility have a great impact on you too. Maybe instead of drinking alone in the evening you go bowling with them or instead of visiting a bar you suddenly start doing sports. Your life feels so much better but at the same time you realize that you can’t stay at that facility forever, you’ve got a job after all. So you go back into your old environment where you have to learn how to cope on your own. The life in the facility wasn’t your real life, it was only a mere ’simulator’ but now you gotta fight without any help. There are your old friends but they drink just like before and the relationship that burdened you didn’t get any better either. So you get triggered, relapse and have to start from the beginning again until you learn two things: Firstly, how you get rid of bad influences, and secondly, how to recognize your own limits. Do you understand?“ 

The idol nodded, worry still visible in his eyes.

„So you are saying that I have to expect that I will make mistakes like before? That I will ’relapse’ but that I will learn from it until one day I’m in control?“

„Exactly. But in order to achieve that you have to get into that environment again, the avoiding strategy doesn’t work, you will only develop more fear the longer you wait. Instead of being scared of it you should look forward to the opportunity to change your life.“

„But- but what about my fear of living a life outside of my work?“ Jiyong stuttered, feeling so small all of a sudden.

„You are already doing that, sweetheart.“ Seungri grinned proudly. „By trying to handle a relationship and a job at the same time, and most importantly taking a break from the idol life you’ve lived since basically forever, you are gaining control. And you are doing so so well!“

A small smile formed on Jiyong’s lips and a slight blush adorned his cheeks. His boyfriend was right, he was already fighting. He had made so much progress already, so why couldn’t he just be proud of himself for once? He could depend on Seungri, the younger was brutally honest but at the same time very understanding and supportive. He would always be by the idol’s side, ready to help if needed and that alone took the fear from Jiyong.

„Thank you, Seungri, really. You have no idea how much calmer I feel now, you always find the right words. I don’t know what I did in my past life to deserve you!“ He murmured as he pressed his face to the other’s neck and closed his eyes.

„Well, I don’t know about your past life but the fact that you tolerate my loud personality is already pretty impressive.“

„I don’t tolerate it, I love it.“

„That’s even weirder. Sometimes, when I’m being especially embarrassing and you still look at me like I am the love of your life, I wonder what’s wrong with you.“

„I look at you like you are the love of my life because you are.“

„Jiyong…“

Seungri suddenly teared up and his bottom lip started to tremble. He kind of resembled a five year old.

„No!“ Jiyong yelled. „No no no, don’t start crying or I will start crying, you know how it is!“ He pleaded and shook the other’s shoulders. „Pull yourself together!“

„But I caaaaan’t!“ Seungri began literally wailing like a baby and after he sobbed a „You are the love of my life too!“ Jiyong joined in as well. 

Oh man.

After their crying session, lots of hugging and snotty kisses, Seungri went back to cleaning the carpet and Jiyong ate the cold pancakes Seungri had made before he helped his boyfriend tidying the rest of the living room.

The rapper would lie if he said he wasn’t nervous or worried about going back into his old world but he definitely didn’t freak out about it anymore. He knew he had Seungri’s support, not just his but also Youngbae’s, Chaerin’s and many others’ as well. In the end, there was nothing to be scared of.

He had