So…what now?

That's all Jackson thought about the entire drive back up until he was parking in the driveway.

What now?

There was nothing left for him to do but just go on with his life. He couldn't mourn, not when there wasn't anyone for him to actually talk to. People barely knew Mark. How was he supposed to explain that he died? That he was murdered? That it all happened before he could've done something to help.

He had nothing.

It was done.

He just had to mourn on his own, collecting the darkness into himself, turning it into a ball that would, hopefully, become so small that it wouldn't hurt as much.

Jackson leaned his forehead against the steering wheel and slumped forward while letting out shaky breaths. He screwed his eyes shut and tried to remember what he did when his father died. He was a kid, all he remembered was not being able to sleep and locking himself in his bedroom whenever he saw his mother crying.

He would crawl into his mother's bed and snuggle up next to her, it made it all bearable. Death was just death. He never had to dig deeper and understand his feelings, he just had to move on and forget. He never really dealt with his dad's death, he just moved on, he found other things to distract him because he was just a kid.

Jackson cleared his throat and wiped his face before getting out of his car with his bags and Mark's box. He had the bullet chain swinging around his neck as he trudged up to his door. It was like he was on auto pilot, none of his motions registered with him, they just worked on muscle memory.

He swung the door open and paused when he found Jaebum walking across the foyer while drinking a water bottle.

, he forgot about this whole problem.  

"Oh hey." Jackson murmured while closing the door behind him. "I forgot you were coming home today."

Jaebum grinned in response until he noticed Jackson's bag in his hand and frowned, "Did you go somewhere?"

"Huh?" Jackson asked distractedly before looking down at his hand, "Oh…yeah."

Jaebum scratched the back of his neck awkwardly when his friend didn't fill in the blanks, "Where'd you go?"

"Just…around. I don't know, it's hard to explain." Jackson sighed while tossing his bag to the side.

Jaebum's frowned deepened, "Alone or did you go with someone?"

"We're friends, right?" Jackson lifted his head, his bloodshot, dark eyes taking Jaebum by surprise.

Jaebum beamed and slung his arm around Jackson, "Brothers."

"So how come you never told me that you dated Mira?"

Jaebum's smile froze before it slowly melted off into a look of distaste as he stepped away from him, "How did you find out?"

"It doesn't matter. Why didn't you tell me?" Jackson asked with a frown.

Jaebum looked away and shrugged, "Trying to be nice I guess. I didn't want to make her feel bad by telling everyone, plus I'm not super proud of it either."

"Why wouldn't you be proud of being with someone like her? Anyone else would be plastering it on a billboard." Jackson's voice got tighter.

Jaebum's face changed as his entire body stiffened. "You're not into her, are you?"

Jackson let out a laugh, "Why should it matter? Why are you so against her? You seemed fine when I took her to my room."

"There's a huge difference between you hooking up with her and you actually liking her." Jaebum said with a glare.

Jackson ruffled his hair, "Is this just because you dated her first because I get it, I can respect that."

"I don't give a about that." Jaebum said seriously. "You don't know her, Jackson, she's nothing like the girl she pretends to be on campus. She's ed up, man. There's nothing about her that's healthy for you to be around. She stabbed me in my hand because she was off her meds and got mad at me for calling her out about it and when I tried to leave she started crying and saying that she loved me. I knew I had to get the hell out of there and that was years ago, she's probably only gotten worse. I'm telling you this for your own good, she is bad news." Jaebum barked out without taking a breath.

Jackson stared at Jaebum for a long time, his eyes flickering across his face sadly,"Did you ever ask her why?"

Jaebum gave him an incredulous look, "What are you talking about?"

"Did you ever ask her why she's on meds? Why she's upset? Did you actually ever try talking to her or do you just tune out every girl you ever sleep with?"  Jackson's voice got stiffer with every word.

Jaebum gave him a laugh, "Why would I care? I didn't like her enough for that. It's not my fault that she loved me. I didn't tell her to, I didn't lead her on. I thought we had an understanding, so I kept out of her business. I wasn't her boyfriend. That wasn't my job and it wasn't like listening to her problems were going to fix them."

Jackson stared at Jaebum in disbelief. This was his best friend. His "brother." His teammate. This was the man that Jackson had also thought was respectable despite his long list of former conquests. This was the man that Jackson actually enjoyed the company of aside from Mark.

Was he always this shallow and awful?

"Do you ever give a about anyone other than yourself?" Jackson breathed out.

Jaebum's jaw stiffened, "Get off your high horse. I'm there for my friends and my team, so what if I don't hold therapy sessions with every girl I'm with? You're the same way, you barely know the names of the girls who fall at your feet but you pretend that you're this gentleman that we should all look up to and you're judging me?"

"Whatever." Jackson muttered before going up the stairs. "I'm too tired to deal with this now."

Jaebum rolled his shoulders back, "The Great Jackson Wang, if he doesn't like something, the whole world needs to shut up and let him have his way."

"Shut up, Jaebum." He growled, a new found anger towards him burning in his heart, everything out of Jaebum's mouth, even the sight of him, irritated him. Seeing him act like that after everything that just transpired seemed petty and immature, it was like everything around him stayed the same while his whole world shattered.

"You spent time with Mira, didn't you? That's why you're acting like this, isn't it? Didn't pin you as the type that would let themselves be brainwashed and manipulated by some chick."

When Jackson didn't reply, Jaebum scoffed and threw his hands up, "Dude, come on. we are not fighting about a girl, right now."

Jackson stopped mid-step and stared at him from up the stairs. This wasn't about Mira, this was never about Mira. This was about some sick competitiveness that they had that Jackson had never really noticed until now. He and Jaebum were never friends, they were just friendly rivals.

Mark was a friend, his only friend. The only person who didn't think of Jackson as the Great Jackson Wang and he was the only person who didn't see Mira as the Golden Child. He saw them for who they were and accepted them for it.

"No actually, we're not fighting about a girl at all."

Jaebum scowled, "So what the hell are you mad about? Why are we doing this?"

"It's not important." Jackson said to himself as he walked to his room.

None of it was important anymore. 

Mark was gone and he wasn't coming back. 

What else mattered?

-----

Mira walked into her apartment, tossing her bags aside before standing, frozen, in her foyer.

She was home. 

But it didn't feel like that. 

It felt like a foreign space like she was looking at a model home. 

Everywhere she looked she could see Mark. 

He was in her kitchen, looking for food, or on her small couch, falling asleep and her room, god, she didn't know how she was expected to be in her room when that was where they spent the most time together. Everything stayed the same, left in the places where she had placed them before she left but in her mind, it was like everything around her changed.  

She walked into her room and shut her eyes, trying to block out the sound of his voice echoing off the walls. She could almost smell his cheap soap and hear his high pitched laughter. It was haunting. She peeled her eyes open a