Ch. 6
Protecting You~Protecting You~
To say that I was surprise was understatement. I was beyond surprise when Youngjae came, hugging me tightly, and burying his head on my shoulder. But, it was a good kind of surprised. I was so happy.
Youngjae tighten the hug around me and I felt my body giving up as I fell backwards on my bed with Youngjae hovering me. Somehow, I felt Youngjae really gave his body and slowly I felt suffocated and hard to breaths, but I didn’t want to let him go and it seemed he didn’t want either. So, I kept patting his back and caressing his soft hair.
“Youngjae-ah…” I softly called him in my muffled voice. I couldn’t take it anymore, “Youngjae… Jae… please… I need to breath.” I said, but I got no respond. I tried to push him away, but I didn’t have any strength to do so.
Suddenly, I felt his arranged breaths against my neck. He breathed even out compared to the first time he hugged me. Soon, I heard a light and soft snore from the side of my ear. I managed to gather the strength to lay him on his back and watched him as he was asleep. Yes, Choi Youngjae is sleeping.
His sleeping figure was so adorable and huggable. He was so cute. Slowly, I felt my eyes heavier and I drift to sleep with Youngjae in my embrace. That was the best sleep ever.
~^^~
The next morning. I thought that I woke up early for the day, but it didn’t exactly early morning, but early afternoon. I looked at the clock on the wall that read 1:20 pm. It’s literally late, but it’s fine since Youngjae was still in my embrace and I felt a lot better by it.
I watched as Youngjae shifted a bit in my embrace as he rubbed his closed eyes. I chuckled looking his cute action. And honestly, it took so much strength to hold back my desire to kiss his pink and soft lips. I carefully caressed his soft hair and put away the strain of hairs from his face.
Slowly, Youngjae opened his eyes, squinting a bit to adjust to the new brightness.
“Good afternoon, sunshine.” I greeted him as he opened his eyes widely as if he was shocked by my presence.
“Jaebum hyung!” he muffled a scream.
“Yes?” I laughed at his cuteness. I felt he was embarrassed by it, so he buried his head in to the pillow.
“Hey…” I caressed his head. “Youngjae-ah… look at me… come on… it’s been a while.” I said, patting his back as I sat down next to him. Youngjae lifted half of his face, revealing his one eye which looked at me deeply. I couldn’t contain my laugh at his cuteness. I could see he pouted even more as he slowly lifted his body and sat across me.
“I… I… am sorry, hyung.” was the first thing he said.
“Are you okay?” I asked. He shook his head, “I am fine. I should be asking you that.” He said shyly.
“Oh. Yes. I felt so much better. Never better than today.” I grinned widely. He looked at me as if he judged me.
“Really, Jae. I am super fine.”
“Last night, the doctor said that your condition wasn’t really good…” he muttered.
“Really? He said that?” I asked in amused. He nodded repeatedly.
“That was last night… before you came.” I said. He stared deeply at me as he slowly held my hands. I felt my cheeks blushed by his sudden action.
“Don’t be sick, hyung. I don’t like it…” He said softly. I looked at our hands and to him.
“…like what?”
“I don’t like if you are sick because of me. I am no one. Please, don’t be sick because of me.” he said.
“No one? No, Jae. You are much more than no one. You… you…” I stuttered. Should I confess?
“I am what?” He asked.
“You are my precious friend, Youngjae-ah…” I softly mumbled. He chuckled. I looked at him and joined him laughing. It’s been awhile since his last laugh.
“You really should laugh more often because you are so beautiful when laughing, Jae.” I said unconsciously. Upon hearing this, Youngjae’s laugh died down as he looked at me deeply, again.
I cleared my throat, “Ehem… I… I… Uhm, So where have you been? I’ve been searching for you… why did you leave without telling me. You know I was worried sick about you and Jaemin. Your phone was off and your home was empty. It drove me crazy, Youngjae-ah. Please, I beg you… Don’t ever run away from me again. If you have problems, if something or someone bothered you, tell me. I’ve been telling so many times already that I will protect you. No matter what.” I scolded him out of control because I was worried and still I am. Youngjae was in silence. He let a couple of deep breaths.
“I just… I just… I-I don’t want to hurt you, h-hyung.” he stuttered.
“What?”
“I-if I stay close to you, I m-might hurt you. I d-don’t want to h-hurt you.” His voice was trembling and he was shaking. I pulled him in to me and hug him gently, patting his back again.
“Don’t you know? It’s more hurting to see you gone like that, disappear without any news. I was afraid that I might not see you again. I don’t know what will happen if you decided not to come back. I promised you, Jae. Don’t you trust me?”
He pulled away from the hug to stare at me. “I trust you, hyung…” a tear escaped his eyes. I whipped away immediately.
“Don’t cry. Should I remind you the lesson again?” I asked him, teasing a bit as he shook his head.
“No. I’ve heard enough.”
“Good. Now, tell me.” I demanded. He looked hesitant. “Come on, Youngjae-ah… I don’t like it when you hide secret behind me.”
“I-I can’t tell you, hyung.”
“Why?”
His eyes were everywhere except me. I took his chin so he could look at me.
“Hey… you said you trust me, right? I will protect you. No matter what. Now, tell me.” I repeated.
Youngjae was playing with his shirt as the sign that he was nervous. “If I tell you, I am afraid… y-you… y-you will be disgusted by me, h-hyung…” he mumbled softly. I frowned at his sentence. Disgusting?
“I won’t.” I sternly said, taking his hand and squeezing it. He looked at me.
“Did it relate to Taecyeon?” I asked, impatiently. He looked at me with wide eyes, shocked in all over his face. I knew it!
“So, my hunch was true, huh?” I said, rubbing a circle on his hand. “What did he do to you?”
“How… how did you know?” he asked, gulping noticeably.
“…because the last time I saw you before you disappeared, you were with him in the bathroom and I remember he muttered, ‘Remember that!’ to you. I am not stupid, Youngjae-ah…” I gave him a reason. He was still shocked as he kept silence. I watched as he bit his lips nervously, holding back his tears. He lowered his head down.
“Hey…” I lifted his chin and caressed his cheeks with both of my hands. “Tell me.”
He took a deep sigh, “H-he… abused me… h-he was drunk. He texted me that day, telling me to come to the bathroom. H-he said he want t-to talk w-with me. T-then… h-he said t-that I… I was a p-parasite f-for y-you t-that your r-reputation was d-down b-because of me. and then… and then…” Youngjae was struggling to tell me the story. I kept caressing his face and neck, encourage him to go on.
“I-I can’t, hyung…” he whined, eyes full of tears. It really broke my heart.
“I… I am… a-afraid, h-hyung…” he stuttered again. I felt rage climbed up to my head as I thought what he had done to Youngjae until he couldn’t talk like this.
“Afraid of what, Jae?” I asked him softly, controlling my emotion. I couln’t scare him away.
“E-everything…”
“Tell me.” I repeated countless times.
“I… am afraid to back to school, because… because… I am afraid of him. And… wh-what scared me so much is… I… uhm… I am afraid t-that what he said to me was true, that I…that I a disgrace to you. And…”
“And what? What did he do?” patience grew thin.
“I am afraid that you will think low about me… I swear that I didn’t want it. I had tried to push him away, but I couldn’t. He was so strong…”
Somehow, I felt something really bad happened to him. And Taecyeon did it.
“B-but… but… once again you came at the right time.”
“Huh?” Okay, now I was confused as hell. His story was hard to be understood because he was crying and he really wanted to hide something. I took his hands again, intertwining it with mine.
“Youngjae-ah… look at me. Hey…” His eyes met mine, “Don’t be afraid. I am here for you. I have to know what happened so I have the reason to fight it. You can’t hold it to yourself only, Youngjae-ah. You trust me, right? I won’t judge you.” I said. He slowly nodded.
“He… he… Taecyeon hyung a-almost r- me.” he mumbled in whisper, but loud enough for me to hear it.
And I couldn’t hold my emotion again as I literally yelled, “HE WHAT?!” Youngjae trembled hard hearing my loud voice, I realized it late as he started sobbing.
“Oh my God! I am sorry for yelling, Jae. I am sorry…” I pulled him in to hug. “You have to tell me about this sooner, Youngjae-ah… Now, I feel like a crap because I couldn’t protect you.”
“No!” He pulled out from the hug. “You came in the right time, just before he did something to hurt me, hyung. I… I should thank you, but when I saw your eyes, I couldn’t bring myself to tell you because I was afraid you will be disgusted by me and leave me. I… I was afraid, hyung…” he said between the hiccups.
“He did nothing to you? Really?” I asked in suspicious. He lowered his head. I knew he did something.
“H-he k-kissed me.” he mumbled before burying his face on his palm, sobbing hard. Youngjae was an innocent boy, so the thing like skinship was all new to him, more over kissing. He never give or receive one, not in the cheeks or lips. I could tell that it was a big deal for him and I know that it might be his first kiss too. I didn’t know why, but I didn’t like the idea of someone took his first kiss away. I’ve been holding myself for really long time just because I didn’t want to scare him away.
“He kissed you?” I asked in anger. He nodded once. “Where?” I asked again. He pulled out his hands and with his trembling finger, he pointed at his lips.
“I… I didn’t l-like it a t-tiny bit. I-I felt disgusted. H-he forced m-me. I… I…” I put my finger to prevent him to say anything. He looked at me deeply.
“Should I kiss you better?” I asked, didn’t really know where the courage coming from. His eyes opened widely in shock, but soon… he stared hard at me, his shaking hands clutching my hospital pajamas and he closed his eyes. I didn’t know exactly, somehow I felt he gave me permission.
So, I leaned in close to him slowly and when our lips brushed lightly, I felt he fisted tighter on my clothes. I literally could hear his heartbeats. I stopped for a moment to admire his adorable and cute face before capturing his lips with mine in a slow and sweet kiss. No rush in our kiss, it’s just an innocent kiss because I could tell that Youngjae never kissed before. And I really wanted to show him that I really cared about him. I brought my hands up to caress his neck, slowly deepening the kiss.
“Don’t be afraid. I am here for you.” I said between the kiss. I could feel he nodded his head softly, humming in to the kiss.
“I love you.” Finally I said those words. And Youngjae responded me by pulling me closer to him.
~^^~
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