CHAPTER 2: Turn Back

“Kyungri ssi.. A guest leave you this note.” Said one of the waiter as I went to the dressing room after finishing the performance.

“Thank you” I told to the waiter and opened the note.

Kyung, this is my number. Call me soon, okay? *wink* –Cutie Hwan-

As soon as I finished reading, my lips made a curve.

Jaehwan didn’t change at all, he always act cute, and it always makes me smile.

“’l’ll call him tomorrow morning.” I told to myself as I continued walking to the dressing room.

I changed my dress into a comfy jeans and a beige coat on top of a white long-sleeved shirt. I waved goodbye to my co-workers, and went out. As soon as I reached the outside, I looked up the sky and saw there were so many stars.

“Seems the universe wants to cheer me up today..” I whispered.

But then someone replied with humming a song, “Cheer up baby, cheer up baby..”

I turned my head and saw a guy that have made me happy.

“Hwan ah? You’re still here?”

He approached me while smiling, “Yes, I sent my friend home, and comeback here..”

I smiled so bright knowing he initiate to meet me again.

“I want to talk with you.. I mean, we haven’t meet for so long, and I have so many question for you.. So, can we have a talk while I take you home?”

“Mmm, how about I answer your question while having a late night snack?” I gave another option.

Jaehwan furrowed his eyebrows. “But it’s already late, is it okay for you to go out this late?”

“Don’t worry, there’s no one waiting for me in my house.. I live alone..”

Jaehwan smiled to hear my answer. “Okay, then!”

Then, he drove me to Myeongdeong, the area of street stalls. Hot spicy tteokpokki was a perfect combination with a cold breeze in this early spring. We sat under an outdoor tent and continued to talk.

“Woah, I feel so honored to be in one table with a famous musical actor..” I initiated a conversation.

Jaehwan laughed. “What are you saying? No, I’m not.”

“I saw your poster in Seongnam Arts Center.” I said as I stirred the tteokkpokki. “Mmm the title is Cinderella?”

Jaehwan nodded. “Yeah, I played as a Prince..”

I looked up and asked, “Cutie Prince?”

Jaehwan laughed to hear my question. “Yeah, Cutie Prince.”

“You must be really happy to live your dream..” I said it as I bent my head, feeling a bit jealous because I can’t live my own dream.

“Yeah, even though I’m still a maknae, but I like working in theater..” He paused to drink a water. “You too.. You must be happy to be a singer.. It’s your dream right?”

I chuckled. “I’m just a Cafe singer..”

“Hey, it’s still a singer.. Moreover you look extremely pretty when you sing..” Jaehwan always find is way to praise me.

But I made a joke. “So now, I’m not pretty?”

“No, that’s not what I mean.. I mean you’re shining more when you sing..” He said it and put down his chopstick. He straightened his back and saw me deeply. “I still remember when I got lost and met you in the music room singing alone while playing piano.. I was mesmerized, astonished! You sing with your soul and I can feel that.. Wow, it’s really memorable moment.“

I looked at him while still smiling, suddenly an old memory came up again.

That was our first met. The first time I saw Jaehwan.

As usual, I came to school early before my dad woke up. And as soon as I reached school, I went to music room. There, I usually poured my hearts out while singing and playing piano. It was so relaxing, seems like the world only filled with this piano and me, without dad’s yelling and mom’s crying. But then I noticed a pair of eyes staring at me behind the window. I was startled. I made sure that I came early enough so no one could see me to be here. But this time, there was someone who caught me off guard.

Slowly he showed himself and smiled. Yes. Smile. Jaehwan’s ultimate trait is his smile. An innocent smile that I always love.

“I’m sorry if I disturb you.. You can continue to sing.. Anyway, you have a great vocal.”

I was surprised to hear his praise. How can someone praising me this instant? I never experienced that thing. So I nervously tried to avoid him. I went out of the music room while saying, “Excuse me..”

But he followed me and asked, “Is it because of me? You shouldn’t mind me.. You can go back and play again, I will pretend that I didn’t see you..”

I stopped and told him, “It’s okay..”

He looked regret and cutely pouted in front of me. Even from the very first time I met him, I knew that he is a nice guy. But I still unfamiliar talking face to face with a guy, so I bowed lightly and continued to walk.

But he was still following me. “Ah, wait.. I think you’re my senior, I should make a greeting first.”

Again, he made me stopped my walk. I turned around and found him bowing 90 degrees to me. “I’m Lee Jaehwan..”

I was taken aback by his sudden action. “It’s okay, you don’t need to bow..”

“It’s okay.. It’s okay.. You really like to say that..” He said it and ended it with a laugh. “Anyway, what’s your name?”

I was silent for a moment, thinking about whether I should tell him my name or not. But, somehow I spoke my name. “Kyungri.. Park Kyungri.”

“Ah, okay Park Sunbaenim!” He called me in formal way making me uncomfortable.

“Don’t call me that..”

But seems he didn’t notice, and even asked, “Sunbaenim, could you show me a way to Class 10 B?”

“10 B?” I was surprised by the class he mentioned.

He nodded simply.

I took a deep breath before responding, “Yeah, I will take you there..”

He smiled widely. “Thank you sooo much Park Sunbaenim..”

I sighed. “Don’t call me that.”

This time he only respond with a grin.

Geez, this dude really likes to joke with me. I naturally smiled.

While walking to the class, he initiated a conversation. “What was the song you sing back then?”

“Kim Bumsoo – Bogoshipda..” I simply answered.

He tilted his head, like thinking of something. “It seems I have listened to that song before..”

“It’s the soundtrack of Stairway to Heaven.”

“Aaah, no wonder I have listened to that song, my mom loves that drama so much..” He smiled again.

The rest of our walking to the classroom was filled with him talking about many things, started from daily drama until his mom’s cooking. I couldn’t believe that I felt comfortable to have a talk with this stranger.

“Here..” I said as we reached the class.

“Oh, yeah, thank you so much..” He bowed again and then waved his hands to me.

That made me chuckle. I casually walked inside the class and sat at the corner left front.

He followed me and asked, “Why didn’t you go to your class?”

I looked up and said softly, “This is my class.”

He looked surprised. Then he hit his head softly. “Aaah, I thought you’re my senior.. I look like a fool.”

That time I couldn’t hold my laughter. That was the first time I laugh for the entire weeks. Dad’s problem was enough to take down my mood, but I couldn’t believe that I can laugh only because of a stranger.

But that stranger decided to be my friend. “So, we’re friends now, right?”

Friends? I don’t make a friend. I didn’t.

Not waiting for my approval, he asked again, “Can I call you by your name? Kyung?”

“You thought that I’m your senior, and then you saw me sitting in the same class so you think that we’re same age, but then turned out that I’m really your senior.. You must be confused..” I said to him.

“Yeah, when the teacher introduced you as our senior, I was surprised. So does the other students..” He told me as he started to pick a tteokpokki again. “As I think about it, the teacher shouldn’t tell us about the fact that you’re our senior..”

I smiled bitterly. “Why not? People will eventually found out that I retake the class..”

Yeah, my school attendance was less than 75%, so the teacher gave me another chance to study at school with retaking the class. It was all thanks to my dad opposed me to go to school. He thought that school was just a waste of money. Sure, it’s better to use it for gambling, right Dad? But somehow my mom has successfully begged him to let me go at the second year.

“But people started to call you unnie and noona.. It made me awkward to ever call you by your name..” Jaehwan continued to talk.

“I like it when you call me by my name..”

“Yeah, it made us closer, right?” He casually said that.

Sure. I nodded.

Since the beginning of my second first year, I befriends with Jaehwan. He was the only male student I closed with. I was a bit allergic to guys, because every time I saw a guy I’m scared that he might be like my dad. But after meeting Jaehwan my mind was change. Not every guys like my dad, surely Jaehwan is not like my dad. Because he was my only friend, I became too depend on him, I wanted to be his closest friend. But I should face reality when Hani came to his life. Everything was changed.

“Well, how’s Hani? Is she still pretty?” I didn’t know how I let my lips ask about Hani. “Or maybe prettier?” I added.

“Hani?” Jaehwan was surprised by a sudden change of conversation. But he answered easily. “She’ll become prettier day by day..”

“Heol, a definite answer from someone who’s crazy over her since high school..” I chuckled as I tried to look normal.

But he was surprised again by the choice of my words. “Crazy over her? Am I? Really?”

“You don’t want to admit it?”

He was silent for a moment until he nodded. “Yeah, I was crazy over her. I am.”

I took a deep breath before responding, “It’s normal, she’s a popular girl. I guess every man must be crazy over her. She looks like a Goddess..”

“No..” He shook his head and looked at me deeply. “I bet no one will be crazy over her as crazy as I am..”

“You want to brag me about that?” I laughed, bitterly.

“Noo.. It’s not something to be bragged about.. It’s just.. It’s seems like she have a spell on me that I couldn’t escape..”

Escape? Do you want to go?

“I don’t love her at the first sight, Kyung.. Sure she was the popular girl in school and people admired her, including me.. No one could resist her rounded big eyes, her sweet smile, her tom-boyishly cute act, her cheerful aura.. But it was only an admiration at the beginning, I don’t have any special feeling to her. Until..”

I stole a glance at him. “Until?”

“Until I accidentally saw her crying at the corner of the building. She hid her cry as soon as she saw me. But I don’t know why, I came there slowly and whispered It’s okay to cry.. It’s okay.. I won’t tell anyone about this.. But when I wanted to go, she held my hand and hug me..” He smiled as he reminisced their moment. “I was frozen at that time, never comes in my mind that the popular Ahn Hani will hug me. Then she said, Can you spare me some time? I just need someone to cry on. And please don’t ask me why I cry. I nodded. She cried her heart out and I helped her with patting her back softly. And after finished crying she wiped her tears and asked my name.” He paused for a while to smile. “I still remember how she said, Lee Jaehwan thank you so much.”

Such a nice story, Hwan ah.. You must be really happy. I said it in my mind.

Jaehwan continued to tell the story. “She left me froze and speechless. And after that..”

“She started to get close to you.” I completed his sentence.

“Yeah, she started to greet me and smile at me like I am special for her.”

I furrowed my eyebrows. “You are, aren’t you?”

He took a few moments before answering, “Yeah, because then she told me that she likes me..”

“She’s really brave, how can a girl confess first?” How can I confess firts?

He nodded firmly. “She’s brave and spontaneous, she’s always like that.”

“And then you said yes?” I asked a rhetorical question, because I already knew the answer.

“Not directly, I asked her back, Are you sure about your feeling? Because if I fall in love I fall for deep, if you just want to play around, don’t choose me. And she answered with, I’m sure 200%, I love you Lee Jaehwan, if you love me so deep, I will love you deeper. And that made me sure that her feelings for me is genuine.”

“You love that cheesy words..” I laughed, tried to hide my nervousness.

He also laughed, but then came the awkwardness between us, so I started to talk again, “And you both start dating..”

“Yeah, when previously I only noticed her rounded big eyes and sweet smile, after being her boyfriend I started to notice the wrinkles when she smiles that makes it more beautiful, and how sometimes she snorts when she laughs make it cute. And despite having slender body, she’s actually have a big appetites. And the way her nostrils flare when she’s eating something delicious. I noticed the details about her that I didn’t notice before.”

I observed the way he talked about Hani. It was always full of love, making me jealous. That there is a girl who being loved by a guy that greatly. And that wasn’t me. Somehow I always have a feeling, that in the end, I will end up just like my mom.

 “Why do I end up telling this to you?” Jaehwan chuckled as he saw me dozing off.

“It’s okay.. It’s nice to listen to old story..” I tried to cheer the situation up. “You dating Hani made many guys jealous. Moreover when you both perform a duet in school festival..”

“Aaah, that’s right..” Jaehwan’s face suddenly cheered up. “I played the piano and we’re both singing..”

“I’m Hani, Your Hani~ And the audience went wild.” I copied the way Hani sang in front of dozens of student. She surely had a way to lock Jaehwan from other girls.

Listening to me copying the way Hani sing made Jaehwan laugh. “Yeah, it surprised me. She changed the lyrics and it made me blush like a red tomato..”

I naturally followed him laughing. But I laughed at myself, as I remembered the time I saw them performing together, I was really mad. I felt like it is supposed to be me who sing with him.

“I after that, they asked me how I could get Hani’s love. Some even told me that I don’t deserve her..” Jaehwan continued.

“They’re just jealous..” So did I. I told him.

Jaehwan only smiled. “Aah, it’s so nostalgic, right? But, I haven’t heard your story.. There must be some guy hitting on you back at school.”

I was surprised by his question. “Hitting on me? No...”

“Really? You’re pretty too..”

Am I pretty? It’s only you who said that.. I only responded with smiling.

He asked again, “Or maybe you had someone you like back at school but you never tell me, uh?”

Someone I like? It’s you.. And yeah, how can I tell you when you already have Hani?

When other people started to call me unnie/ noona and created a gap, Jaehwan approached me like a friend at the same age, like I’m not someone who retake the class. When others saw me as a brainless, he saw me like I’m someone worth. He always pick me as his team mate in every group work, because he knew no one will ever volunteer themselves to be in one team with me. He always cheer me up when I’m down. He always there when I need him, until she came.

Who am I compare with Hani?

I was actually mad at the beginning to know Hani confessed to him. How could from dozens of guy at school Hani chose my Jaehwan? I can’t ever compete with her. So, I buried my feeling deep inside. And pretended my smile every time Jaehwan told me about her. His happiness was above mine. I don’t need to own him as my boyfriend, even only with his presence was enough. So I tried to support him in his relationship with Hani. But one day, Hani made a scene that made me regret my decision. I shouldn’t give Jaehwan to a girl like her.

A few days before the scene.

It was a hot early summer when we had PE Class. Sun shined so bright and the students were asked to run the field. My body wasn’t good from the beginning, after got beaten by my dad a night before, I insisted to run until my body couldn’t take it anymore. I fainted. And the first one who helped me was Jaehwan. Even though it was blurry, I still could hear his voice calling my name in worry.

The next time I opened my eyes, I was already in a school clinic, and Jaehwan was next to me.

“Are you okay Kyung?”

I nodded softly.

“You should’ve tell me if you’re sick, don’t force yourself.”

“It’s okay..”

“You always say it’s okay.. You know Kyung, you make me really worry..”

It was nice to have someone worried about you. Because it made you feel special. And I like to be special, moreover for Jaehwan.

For few days after, he took care of me. He always had his lunch with me and offered to take me home. And somehow it made Hani jealous.

When I was on my way to walk down the stairs after school, she called my name. I stopped and she approached.

“Unnie, do you want to go home?” She asked casually.

I nodded.

“Well, I want to talk with you for a while..”

I simply responded, “Go ahead..”

She took a deep breath before saying, “I know your circumstance, I mean you are Jae’s friend, and moreover you have just recovered lately, but can you not be clingy to him? It’s a bit bother me actually.”

“Clingy?” I asked in disbelieve.

“Yeah, I mean he always be with you and that makes me felt a bit ruled out. We’re as a fellow girl should keep the other’s heart, right? So won’t you to step away from us?”

I looked at her deeply, still couldn’t believe that she requested me that thing. “What are you saying?”

She looked annoyed because I kept asking back. “I mean, can you just give us time to be together? Don’t meddling in my relationship. I want Jaehwan to be only focus on me.”

She stared right into my eyes. I never knew that behind her innocent image, there was a fierce lady lived inside. “Listen, I never meddling in your relationship.. I’m only his friend.”

“Maybe you never noticed, but you are Unnie. You say you’re his friend, but who knows you have feeling for him more than just a friend?”

It seemed like she can see trough me. Like she could read my mind. And I was actually not ready to get my feeling discovered. So I was only silent.

“I can notice that, Unnie, so before you got hurt more, over your one-sided love, could you get away from Jaehwan?”

She couldn’t hold her anger as I saw a fire in her eyes. But that triggered me to say, “I won’t do that.”

She was taken aback by my answer.

So I repeated, “I will still be his friend, you can’t force me to leave him.”

As I turned to walk away from her, she held my hand. “Unniee..”

I was a bit mad that time, so I shoved her hand.

But I didn’t imagine that it made her fall to the stairs. No, I was sure that I didn’t shove her hard enough to make her fall.

And then I heard Jaehwan’s voice coming out from the back. “Hani yaaa..”

He ran down the stairs and kneeled next to her. “Hani ya, are you okay?”

Hani directly cried in Jaehwan’s arms. In the middle of her sobbing, she said, “Hwan ah, Unnie pushed me..” She said it while pointing at me.

That made Jaehwan looked up and saw me, standing nervously at the top of the stairs. I shook my head telling him that it’s not me. But Jaehwan gave me his deep disappointment stare. I wouldn’t ever forget the way Jaehwan look at me that time.

“Hey, why are you dozing off, Kyung?” Jaehwan’s question woke me up.

“Ah, no.. I’m just trying to look for an answer for your previous question..” I made up an answer.

“Heol, don’t think too hard. If you won’t share it with me, it’s okay..”

I only responded him with a smile.

“It’s really fun to talk about old memory, right Kyung? Sometimes, I miss my junior years in high school, that was really my happy time.. Aah, if I could turn back time..” said Jaehwan to me.

I smiled bitterly. If I could just turn back time, maybe I will make sure to not let you go Hwan ah.. Yeah, if I could..

[A picture of Kyungri talking with Jaehwan in a street stall]

#bgm: Kim Bumsoo – Bogoshipda.

A/N: Hi Hi, have you watched Oh My God Tips? Jaehwan and Kyungri are so cute.. Anyway, feel free to give comments, I like to interact with my readers :) See you in the next chapter, thank you ^^