CHAPTER 5: You Have Me

Jaehwan and I both went to sauna and soon we separated ways as he went to Men’s area and I went to Women’s Area to change our clothes. As we met again in the center area, he was already changed into blue t-shirt and short, while mine was orange.

“It’s relaxing, isn’t it?” He asked as soon as he met me.

I nodded in agreement.

“Here, I bought you boiled egg and iced coffee..” Jaehwan said as he set the food on the floor and sat next to me.

I took the cup of coffee before laughing at his towel sheep-head.

Jaehwan eyed me and asked, “Why are you laughing?”

I slurped the coffee before pointing out his sheep-head and said, “You’re cute..”

“Sure!” Jaehwan responded fast. He smiled at me and took the towel around my neck and made me a towel sheep-head on my head. “If you’re in sauna, you should follow the rule..”

“Is this a part of the rule?” I asked as I touched the sheep-head he made.

Jaehwan nodded firmly before he took his phone and shifted closer to me. For a second, I was surprised that he didn’t mind to be this close with me.

“Let’s take wefie!” He said.

I nodded and then smiled and made a V-pose with my hand. We took a couple of pictures before someone approaching us by calling my name.

“You’re Kyungri, right?”

I shifted my focus on camera to a guy standing behind it.

I didn’t recognize that guy at the beginning before he said, “Yes, you’re Kevin’s Kyungri!”

My heart was dropped. He mentioned a name that I’ve tried so hard to erase.

Jaehwan asked me softly, “Do you know him, Kyung?”

I got up, ready to talk with that guy in private far from Jaehwan, but that friend of jerk even has to say, “Aaah, are you Kyungri’s new boyfriend?” He asked Jaehwan shamelessly. I was really embarrassed that Jaehwan has to meet a part of my dark past.

“He’s only a friend.” I answered fast before Jaehwan answering.

“It’s okay if he’s your boyfriend.. It’s good for you to move on..” He gave me a sly smile that I dislike. He continued asking, “By the way, have you still in contact with Kevin? That trash borrowed my money and hasn’t pay back until now..” He told me.

“I’m not contacting him and have no intention to contact him. I’m not involved in his business anymore.” While I answered firmly, I sensed that Jaehwan looking at me in confuse.

That guy laughed before responding, “Okay, okay.. But if you accidentally meet him, tell him to pay back my money! I really need it right now..”

“I got it, now you just go..” I told him firmly.

But he sneered at me and even observed Jaehwan as he gave comment. “You look like a good guy.” While resting his hand on Jaehwan’s shoulder he whispered to Jaehwan, “But let me tell you, if you have Kyungri as your girlfriend, you should go to hotel instead of this sauna, man!”

Listened to that, I grabbed that guy’s hand and asked him to go. “Just go!”

While laughing, he responded. “Okay.. see you again, Kyungri..”

When that guy was finally leaving, I felt that the situation between me and Jaehwan has become awkward. I didn’t dare to see his face, I felt really embarrassed to face him right now. But Jaehwan showed up in front of me and softly hit my forehead with an egg he was holding.

“Why’d you standing frozen like this, Kyung? Let’s just sit and continue to eat!” He said excitedly like nothing happened.

I followed him to sit and watched him cracked the egg with his forehead before he peeled it for me. “Here..” He gave it to me and I took it.

I heaved a heavy sigh before starting a conversation. “You must be questioning who that guy is earlier and what’s his relation with me, right?”

Jaehwan pursed his lips. “It will be a lie if I say I’m not curious with it. But if you feel like you can’t share it with me then that’s okay.. Don’t burden yourself, Kyung..” Jaehwan said as he smiled at me.

I smiled back at him but in the inside I was ashamed. It felt like getting caught cheating in an examination, but your teacher is nice and wanting you to admit it by yourself.

I have hidden my problem with my dad to him. I have habit to hide things. But this time I wanted to open up, I wanted him to know –not only the good side of me, but also the dark side of me. This time, I wanted to like him whole fully.

“That guy is Kevin’s friend.” I said as I bent my head down. “And Kevin is my ex-boyfriend..”

“Aaah..” Jaehwan nodded as he understood what the situation now was. But he put a smile to comfort me, “I wonder how he is, a guy who can win your heart.”

Jaehwan’s comment made me look up. Kevin didn’t win my heart, he just left a scar on it. I said it in my mind.

Jaehwan shifted closer and asked with an excitement. “Tell me about your relationship, Kyung.. I always wonder what would it be if Kyungri is in a relationship..”

I chuckled. It wasn’t an exciting story to share, it was dark and sad. It was sadder than your hardest moment when Hani left you, Hwan ah.. I told him in my mind.

But in reality, I started to tell him from the start.  “Maybe I should start to tell from why I came here to Seoul..” I took a deep breath as I recalled the memories. “I moved here to run away from home, Hwan ah...”

He looked surprised. “Run away??”

“Remember when I tell you that my dad has temperament? It was actually severe.. It wasn’t he only like to yell at me, he like to beat me and my mom. Into the point I couldn’t take it anymore.. So yeah, I run away from home, to move here, in Seoul..” I explained.

Jaehwan widened his eyes. He asked me in disbelieve, “Why’d you never tell me before, Kyung?”

I bent my head down as I answered, “I don’t want to drag you into my problem, Hwan ah..”

“But...” He tried to argue, but I cut his word with continuing my story.

“So, I started a new life in Seoul, without money, without a place to live. Technically I move here without any preparation.”

He looked at me in the eyes. It can be seen that he worried about me. “Why don’t you call me, Kyung? You know that I move here too, right? I could help you..”

I smiled to him. “Back again, I don’t want to drag you into my problem, Hwan ah...”

He could only sigh in regret.

But I tried to continue my story. "I started to work here and there, anything .. just for keep living .. And one day, when I work in the coffee shop ... I met Kevin."

Flashback

When I was exhausted from working all day, I accidentally spilled coffee on the customer. She was angry at me, and I immediately apologized numerous times, but her anger didn’t abate. Until there was a man sitting at the next table who stood up and defended me.

He is Kevin.

My first impression on Kevin, he was a good man. He was willing to take the time and energy to defend me, a waitress whom he didn’t know.

Since then, I always look forward to the time when he visited the coffee shop where I worked. Every time he came, I was so excited and couldn’t take my eyes off of him. There were times when my eyes met his, and I immediately hid my face feeling shy.

Until that day comes.

When he deliberately waited me after I closed the coffee shop.

"Kyungri ssi?" He greeted me as I went out of the coffee shop.

Not only had he got me surprised by waiting me outside, but he even calling me with my name. I was utterly shocked in happiness that time. "How .. How'd you know my name?" I got stuttered as I was so nervous that he noticed me.

He chuckled before saying, "I read your name tag back when you still working .."

"Aaah .." I was blushing directly, feeling embarrassed.

“Do you want to go home?” He asked me. But didn’t waiting for my reply, he asked again, “Do you want me to walk you home?”

I really like the idea of him walking me home, but I didn’t want to bother him, so I said, “No, thank you..”

He insisted, “It’s okay... I also want to go home, who knows our home might be on the same way.” He ended his words with smile, and it was successfully melting me.

So yeah, I gave up and walked home with him.

While walking to the bus stop, we had conversation.

He asked me, “Do you used to come home this late?”

I nodded softly.

But he showed that he worried about me with asking, “Are you not afraid that if anyone bothering you? I mean, a bad guy could come out of nowhere in this late night..”

“So far, no one bothers.” I responded shortly.

“You are a beautiful girl, Kyungri ssi .. You must be careful when you walk alone this late.” He told me and then stopped walking. He even added, “Give me your phone..”

I was surprised by his request. “My phone? W-what for?”

“Just give me..” He insisted while smiling at me

Once again I melted by his smile, so I gave him my phone and it seemed he typed his number with my phone and called his phone. “Done.” He gave me back the phone as he said, “I had saved my number, if you're off from work, you can just call me .. If I had no agenda, I'll walk you home ..”

“Ah, you don’t need to do that.. It’s okay..” I softly refused.

But he replied with a soft laugh. “Kyungri ssi, you are certainly not insensitive huh? I want to know you better, so walking you home is a good opportunity for me..”

Listening to his words, I was directly blushing. Never once in my life, there a guy hitting on me, so I felt like I was flying to the seventh sky.

He even leaned closer to me and said, “Don’t forget to call me.. I’ve saved my number with the name Kevin. Yeah, that’s my name. Kevin.”

I was naturally smiling as I looked at his face. Nice to meet you, Kevin ssi..

The presence of Kevin alter my days. When usually I was always tired to start my morning, but after Kevin came to my life, I was in full spirit. I normally never have time to go walk around, but with Kevin I went to the places I never visited before.

And one day he took me to a luxurious restaurant that have a great piano. He played the piano and asked me to sing. At that time he was struck when he listened to me singing. After I finished singing, he hugged me tightly and say ‘I love you’. He said he fell in love with me and promised to help me to become a singer. I felt the world was so beautiful then. I met the right man who will help me achieve my dream. I felt Kevin is a hero in my life that I dare to give him everything, my heart, my soul ... my body.

Not taking a long time, he took the all of me. And got me decided to commit a serious relationship with him by staying in his apartment. I've even imagined building a family with him, having one son and one daughter. But that hope vanished when his real character came out.

After I signed a contract on the label he appointed, I officially became their trainee. But that was the beginning of my downfall. Instead asking me to practice singing, they asked me to be a model in several magazines, and one of them is men's magazine.

I refused it in the beginning, but Kevin kept persuading me by mentioning the pretext of contracts I signed, and how it is a natural thing if I want to reach success. I still didn’t want to disappointing Kevin, so I said yes. But once I posed for that magazine, more offers for the similar concept came. And the time when a lingerie shop asked me to become their model, I firmly refused it. But what more shocking was Kevin threatened me to broadcast our tape. I was utterly shocked that he recorded our private time. Never once came in my mind that he will using me like that. But I had no other choice, so I finally agreed. So yes, the shy girl Kyungri was gone.

Inwardly I was screaming, I don’t want to be like this, but I had no other choice. All of these I done for Kevin. But then what he did to me? After he got what he wanted from me, he went searching for another girl, a naive and foolish girl like me.

At that time I still really loved him, so I came to see that girl and faced her trying to keep Kevin to stay on my side. But what Kevin said after that really hurted me.

"Do you think I love you?" He asked me.

The face of a guy who greeted me with a warm smile was gone.

There was only this guy who looked at me with a disgusted face. "You're seriously so naive. I never loved you, Kyungri!”

He even laughed before continuing, “When I say I love you, that means I love your body, I like your star potentials.. but not more than that!"

Tears were running on my cheeks when I listened to him saying those mean words.

"If you think I asked you to stay with me because I wanted to have a family with you.. That is wrong!” He chuckled. “I don’t believe in marriage! I don’t want to get married, Kyungri! I just want to spent the night with you .. You're nothing more than just a girl who fulfilled my needs. Oh and also the trainee that my boss wanted."

At that moment I realized that these times I have been in the trap.

At that moment I realized that I made a huge mistake by falling in love with Kevin.

Wonderful world that I built slowly, collapsed instantly.

I tried to leave him, but he held me back. He threatened me with the tape and a penalty for having violated my contract. But I don’t care. I don’t care anymore if he let it viral, or if they are suing me because of the contract. I just wanted to go and get rid of him from my life.

Responding my action, he then took all of my salaries that I got from all my hard works. It felt like I was dumped into the street without anything.

“Again, I have to start from the scratch, and this time I even had to start from a lower point.” I finished the story.

Jaehwan eyes was red, it felt like he was holding his tears while listening to my story. Slowly he said, “Kyung, I never know that you have this kind of past..”

I smiled bitterly. “Yes, you never know Hwan ah, how to live a life that I passed. My life is filled with steep rocks. I am ashamed of myself.” I have tried to act strong when I told the story, but somehow my heart was ripped apart as I remembered my past. It felt the scar was opened again and it made me start to cry. While sobbing I said, “I felt really dirty Hwan ah.. My life is really different from yours. You must be ashamed to have a friend like me.”

Jaehwan reached out his hands and wiped my tears. “Don’t say like that, Kyung..”

But I still continued, “There are times when I want to give up, when I want to end this misery by ending my life. But every time I think about it, I always remembered my mom. How she survived with abusive dad for years. I must also get through it. I wasn’t as weak as what I was thinking.”

Jaehwan nodded firmly. “Yes, you are a very strong girl, Kyung .. I'm actually proud you were able to get through it.”

Listened to how Jaehwan trying to comfort me somehow making me burst to tears. I was sobbing so hard, like finally I have someone to lean on.

Jaehwan then pulled me into his embrace and said, “It’s okay, just cry as you want.. take it all out from your heart.. You don’t have to worry about anything, Kyung .. From now on, you have me..”

[the pciture of Kyungri in Jaehwan’s embrace]

#bgm: Jung Seunghwan - Fool