‘You’re an idiot.’ Sarah sat on my bed next to me and shook her head. ‘Why would you give your phone number to a complete stranger? You didn’t hand him you address as well, did you?’
‘No!’ I’m sure it sounded defensive to Sarah as she let out a sigh of relief, whilst I was actually mostly very annoyed at myself. I should have given him my address, why didn’t I think of that before?!
‘Right, that settles it then. Just block his number and it’s over and done with.’
‘No point in blocking a number that never calls you,’ I sulked. It had been two months since we had last seen each other, yet I still ended up in the city every weekend. Searching for you in the crowd, though I knew you had probably gone back to Korea. Yes, it had only taken me three weeks to realise I could Google the country code.
‘And no point in waiting for that either. You’re an idiot,’ she repeated. I was an idiot. I waited for a call that was never going to come and I was too big a coward to call you myself.
‘I love you too,’ I looked at Sarah with puppy dog eyes until she shook her head and smiled.
‘You’re never right, are you?’ She hugged me and I let my head rest on her shoulder. It was good to see her again, I shouldn’t have ignored her for as long as I had. ‘So, are you going to come to Zumba with me?’ I pulled a face.
‘No, that doesn’t sound like something I’d enjoy.’
‘But you love dancing!’
‘I’m not good at it!’
‘That doesn’t matter,’ she said. ‘Come one, you’d have fun. They use all sorts of songs. Remember that song, Oppa Gangnam Style that came out a while ago? That Korean song?’ The word “Korean” immediately got my attention, though to Sarah it seemed like I was starting to change my mind. ‘Remember it had that weird little hopping movement.’ She crossed her hands and tried to hop without getting off the bed, which made it look more like some weird spastic move. I giggled.
‘I’m sure that’s EXACTLY what it looked like.’
‘Shut up, you know what I mean,’ Sarah laughed, not embarrassed at all about her silly attempt.

After Sarah left later that night I stared at my small studio apartment. It was suddenly very quiet now I was on my own again. I stared at my phone, willing it to ring, but of course it didn’t. My gaze fell on the TV in the corner and the crochet blanket I had draped over it. I didn’t think I was ready to face the world of entertainment today either. The confrontation was too much and the thought of seeing Him just made me feel sick. That left my laptop as the only other distraction. Still risky as I could see Him there as well, but less so.
I put on comfy trousers and your cardigan and switched the computer on. I decided to look at the Oppa Gangnam Style song that Sarah mentioned earlier, maybe Zumba was a good thing. It would mean I would get out of the house more often. It was a silly video. I giggled when I was reminded of Sarah’s terrible attempt at doing the dance. Looking at something that was part of your culture I suddenly felt inspired to find out more and searched for Korean music. A video came up with the 100 most viewed k-pop music videos. As that was as good a place as any to start looking I clicked it.
Upbeat music filled my house and I was mesmerised by the bright colours and amazing costumes everyone was wearing. I didn’t understand the lyrics, but somehow that made the music more appealing for me as I could fully appreciate the singing skills of the artists.
‘Oh My God!’ I screamed at my laptop, feeling slightly embarrassed. I paused the video staring at the title and artist, feeling tears fill my eyes for a reason I didn’t understand. One of a Kind by G-Dragon. ‘That’s you,’ I whispered. The outfit was so different… No not just the outfit, your posture, your hair… everything. Was I going crazy?
I opened another tab to look for the full video. I had to find out if it was definitely you, or if my mind just desperately wished for it to be you. 
‘Stupid ad,’ I muttered when the video didn’t load straight away. It was the trailer to a new movie. I was just about to hit the skip button, when His voice came out of the speaker.
‘Sometimes life is perfect. You’re happy, in love.’ His face appeared and rather than hitting the button I put my hands over my ears and closed my eyes. He wasn’t there, it wasn’t there. I repeated it over and over as a protective mantra to stop myself from going insane.
Finally I realised the sound effects of a sci-fi movie had been replaced with a beat and carefully I glanced at the screen. The yellow hair was ridiculous but you pulled it off anyway. It suited the style of the video, but it was the dancing that convinced me I was right. That was definitely you.
And I knew you weren’t going to call.
I realised my cheeks were wet, which made me laugh. Not the ‘ha-ha’ so funny kind but the ‘ha-hah…’ so pathetic. Fine. I took a deep breath. We would probably never see each other again, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t still see you; G-Dragon, such an interesting name. I browsed through the recommended videos and clicked on That XX. Your voice hit me hard. The emotions in it brought me back to the evening you sang to me. Why had it upset you when I asked you to sing, if that’s who you were?
Crayon was next and I opened another tab in the browser where I typed your name. I half expected it, but was still overwhelmed when I realised you had your own Wikipedia page. Tonight I was going to be a stalker and tomorrow I would delete your phone number, I promised myself.

It was late and I felt tired, which wasn’t unusual. I stared at the paper in front of me. It had a few lines of text, some random words here and there, but no direction. Today I struggled again, how come it used to be so easy? I span around on my chair looking at the ceiling, then stared out of the window looking at the stars. If it was night time here, it would still be day where she was. I looked at my phone. Should I call her? To say what? Hey, how are you, how have you been. When can we meet again? I knew the answer to the last question. Meeting wasn’t an option, not in the foreseeable future. So I didn’t call her again.
I regretted not taking a picture, though her image was still vivid in my mind I was worried how long it would last. How long till I’d forget.
I had thought I saw her in the crowd, wearing a white one piece. Eating cake in a cafe.
I sighed and switched off the light. I wanted to see her.