I was in trouble. As soon as I switched my phone back on, the messages started coming in. Where are you? - James, my manager. Are the trains running late? - Jane, my coworker. The tone of the messages became harsher. Get here, now! The client isn’t happy. - Jane. Don’t bother coming back. - James. I sighed and fell back on my bed. Tomorrow was going to be a tough day.
I thought about you when I closed my eyes. Our farewell had made our meeting a painful memory and I wished desperately that I could take back those final words. Your eyes had looked betrayed, a feeling I knew well.
I stared at my phone and it dawned on me I had no way of contacting you first. Had I been conned? Were you ever going to contact me? I felt stupid worrying about a person, who was practically a stranger, but fell asleep holding onto my phone nevertheless.

I was back in the office and James wasn’t happy. He glared at me until I had to look away. I suppose I should have called in sick, rather than just not show up but it hadn’t seemed important at the time. When he sighed I knew he’d start talking first.
‘Listen, there will have to be disciplinary actions. I can’t ignore something like this. I understand your circumstances, I get that you’re feeling vulnerable-’
‘James, no, that’s not it.’
‘Then what? Think carefully about your next words, because our sympathy for your situation is what’s currently stopping you from being fired. If that’s not the reason for your behaviour…’ He wasn’t joking. The top of his ears had turned bright red and his eyes had darkened behind his glasses.
‘I mean,’ I started, ‘I’m not feeling vulnerable. I’m not that weak. I’m just feeling… empty.’ His gaze softened and I hated him for it. I didn’t want his pity, yet I wanted this job and the temptation to give in was great. Just going along with being vulnerable, but I could clearly picture His disapproval. ‘Anyway, I’m sorry. Yesterday-’ I gave up trying to tell him what really happened when the words didn’t come and just settled for: ‘Yesterday won’t happen again.’ James nodded and I turned around to leave the meeting room when he called my name.
‘Disciplinary actions, and you better work damn hard from now on.’
‘Sir, yes sir.’ I answered with a smile and he smiled back. James liked me, really. We were very similar and I knew he was mostly upset because I had let him down. So I worked really hard that morning, what else could I do.

It was that afternoon that a call came in. A foreign number.
My heart fluttered. It had to be you. I knew it would be. ‘I won’t be a minute,’ I mumbled to Jane, as I walked away from my desk to the hallway. ‘Hello?’ In the brief silence that followed I wondered what your voice would sound like over the phone. It would be lower, I guessed.
‘Hi.’ It wasn’t your voice. ‘Are you the girl from yesterday?’ His words had a certain “flow”. It must be your friend.
‘Yes, that’s me.’
‘Is he with you?’ Your friend was looking for you.
‘No… no, I’m not even in the city anymore. He couldn’t be with me.’
‘Never mind then.’ I could hear him say something to the people in the background.
‘Wait, is he missing?’ Why would he leave his phone behind? I thought about why I left my phone behind last night, why did he want to be alone? ‘Let me help you look for him. Actually, I’m currently at work, but I can look for him after.’ I smiled at some coworkers that passed by. I didn’t want anyone telling James I ran away for a second time in two days. I was drawn to you, but I wasn’t stupid enough to let go of reality this time.
‘Don’t worry. We’ll find him.’ They hung up. I stared at my phone until the screen turned black and with mixed feelings I walked back to my desk.
‘Everything okay?’ Jane asked. I nodded and smiled.
‘Of course.’ And it was, I told myself. You wouldn’t do anything stupid, and the train tickets to the city weren’t that expensive.

She was there on the same wall I had left her the night before. I froze and blinked a few times.
Same hair, same light frown on her face, different clothes. She hadn’t noticed me yet. Or maybe she had. Maybe she just didn’t recognise me.
I was debating if I was going to turn around again, or if I would let her find me, when our eyes met. She hopped off the wall and her heels clicked while she walked over. The elegant look of her high heels, midi dress and jacket were such a big difference from before. The formal look suited her more serious side, yet I preferred the way she had looked last night, her fingers barely sticking out of the sleeves of my cardigan.
‘You okay?’ I smiled.

You smiled.
‘You okay?’ No that’s not what I wanted to say. I wanted to grab your arms and shake you. Tell you how worried everyone had been, but that would be selfish. I shouldn’t ignore the pain that was obvious on your face.
‘Of course.’ You repeated the same lie I had told myself and I shook my head.
‘Okay, don’t tell me, that’s fine. Just let me know if there is anything I can do to help you, okay? Even if it’s just to listen.’ I avoided your eyes. If I saw that look once more, I knew I would hug you and I didn’t want to come across like some sort of crazy person. It was enough that I thought of myself as crazy, I didn’t need you to notice it too. Ah hack, just me suddenly showing up in front of you was probably enough to give you the creeps. ‘I’m not a stalker you know. Your friends told me you were missing and well what else could I do? I don’t know the city very well, so I somehow ended back here.’ I gestured towards the river. ‘Ah I came straight from work, so I didn’t bring your cardigan with me.’
A loud grumble filled the peaceful silence between us. I stumbled backwards with burning cheeks and you chuckled. Surprised I looked up at you. You really did seem fine. Your eyes twinkled and you had a bright smile on your face.
‘I haven’t eaten yet,’ I explained.
‘Alright, lets go,’ you grinned mischievously. Your hand grabbed mine and I didn’t really care what would happen. Your hand was warm, I wouldn’t let go.
You took us to a busy food court. The place was overflowing with people and drenched with exotic smells. ‘Not a chocolate day, but a day for crepes.’ You hurried over to one of the stalls. You looked back at me and I smiled encouragingly. I wouldn’t disappear, but I would get some chips as well.
‘I like the combination of sweet and salty,’ I explained a few minutes later when you looked disapprovingly at the chips in my hands.
‘Oh well, come on.’ You lead me away from the people to the peacefulness of a park. On one of the benches you gave me one of the crepes and I offered you some chips. I laughed when you looked properly offended and nibbled on the chips myself. The stars peeked at us, just the very bright ones that weren’t intimidated by the street lights.

She looked content. Taking a bit of the crepe and nibbling on her chips, such a strange combination. She caught me staring and her face dropped.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said.
‘What for?’
‘For what I said yesterday. I didn’t mean to hurt you.’ Ah. Of course she had noticed.
‘Don’t worry about it.’ I meant it. I had been taken off guard, but after some thought I knew she didn’t mean it the way I had interpreted it. She couldn’t possibly know how reluctant I felt to sing recently. She nodded.
‘Okay, I won’t if you don’t either.’ I smiled.

I took our leftovers and waste to the trash bin, which allowed me to stare at you from a distance. You stared to the sky above us. You weren’t wearing any sunglasses today, nor a beanie. Your black hair a sharp contrast with your pale face.
I sat back down next to you and admired your long eyelashes. You faced me, but I didn’t look away. The both of us content in the presence of the other, we just looked at the other.
‘You seem tired, I’ll call your friends so they can come pick you up.’ You didn’t object, so I took it as permission and dialled your number.
‘Yes?’
‘Ah hello, it’s me, from yesterday. I found your friend.’ I told the guy where we were. ‘He’ll be here soon,’ I told you. You sighed and let your head drop onto my shoulder.

It was comfortable to be around her and smelled of flowers.