Gold :: BTS
Twenty-One :: A JYP Survival Show
1
"Xaris, congratulations on your debut."
For a single moment the world stands still.
There's no way G had beaten him. Was there?
He had come out of nowhere in the rescue round, so clearly his popularity has increased since the last time they'd faced off. And his own rating has been dropping in recent rounds.
In that moment Seokbin can swear he sees his trainee years flashing before his eyes. Meeting Haesol and Jude, flirting with the female trainees, driving the trainers insane when he and Haesol would sneak out early and just sit on the roof of the building watching life go by.
Those were simpler times. When the only time you cared about the other trainees was during eveluations. When doing well gave bragging rights and little more. When the only enemy was the person organizing the project groups.
Now everyone was a rival, someone to be taken down without prejudice. He's watched friendships crumble, trust break, and any semblance of relaxation or order thrown out the window in favor of chaos and drama.
He's kept out of it as best he can, but he can still see it. Can still feel it in the empty bed he's been sleeping across from since Soul's elimination.
The world is inside out and now, moments from it all being over, he finally faces it head on.
And then the moment passes and he's through. He's debuting. And the next moment is a rush of relief, joy, and mild disbelief as the news settles in to replace the terror he'd felt only an instant earlier.
One last moment of emotional whiplash, but it's over now.
And then he looks left and sees G, and the weight returns. He's through. G isn't.
He leaves when instructed mostly because the sudden winner's guilt is too heavy within the room.
He has to admit he didn't expect this. Throughout the show he's worried about a lot of things. Debuting without Haesol, being eliminated, and not finishing a challenge in time being just a few.
But never did he think about how it would feel to win. To know that some people went through the same emotional wringer he did but didn't get to come out the other side victorious.
To know that for some people, people that he knows personally, all this was for nothing.
The thought lingers in his mind as he reaches the main room and greets Danny distractedly. The other male, usually talkative, keeps quiet, merely giving a nod in return.
Maybe he feels it too. Just because Doyeon forfieted probably doesn't make the situation easier.
They sit quietly as one by one the other winners filter in, each somewhat subdued. Seongjun looks a bit shaken, Jihyun looks like he's ready to punch something, and Hongsol is tearing up.
Which leaves just one pair left, and Seokbin can feel his chest tightening as he waits in terror to see if Haesol made it or not.
And for a moment, when the door opens and all he sees is Jude, his world starts crumbling.
But then Haesol steps out from behind him and gives Seokbin a grin, and the world feels a little more stable than before.
2
"I'm afraid you will not be debuting."
When Hong Daewon first heard that he was going to be in charge of informing the finalists of the results he had actually considered quitting.
And when the CEO had told him to "be as dramatic as possible" he nearly had. But then he realized that if he left, the boy would be put with someone who hadn't watched them struggling through this show. Someone who couldn't sympathize the way Daewon likes to think that he does.
And so he stays, and he practices the script his boss hands to him, feeling filthy as he does.
Neither path feels like the clear-cut right thing to do, so he takes his best guess and strides forward.
The first pair isn't so bad. TJ had forfeited after all, so it was just a matter to adding some flourish and then letting the two head off in their chosen directions.
G and Xaris is a bit rougher which he hadn't expected, and G's blunt analysis of things hurts.
He isn't wrong, but Daewon can see below his angry bluster that he's genuinely upset by the course of events. He tries to apologize without being too obvious, but he doesn't think G notices.
Sighing he heads to the next room. And this one will be one of the worst.
He can tell as soon as he walks in that Sanghyun knows how events have played out, and everything in Daewon wishes he could say differently. But he can't, so he steels himself and rattles off his memorized words. Afterwards he can't stop himself from attempting some form of comforting.
"I'm really sorry Sanghyun. I had to present it that way."
The trainee shrugs, smiling tiredly. "I know hyung. You're a good person."
Daewon disagrees, but he doesn't say anything else as he heads to the next pair. Is he a good person? Would a good person play along with the manipulation of young men's emoitions for the sake of television drama? Would a good person do that because they needed a paycheck, even when they know it's wrong? Probably not.
And so in the next room he throws the script out the window. He does believe that KimQ should have been in the group and he says as much, leaving Jihyun furious but debuting and hopefully giving KimQ some sort of closure with the nightmare of the past three months.
Hongsol and Do Sanghyun hurts again. Both boys had worked so hard throughout the show, and both deserved this debut, possibly more than the others did in some ways. But someone had to leave, and Daewon had to be the one to tell them.
Hongsol's joy is in a way rewarding, but it's dampened by Sanghyun's clear desolation. Daewon wishes he could do something to help the poor kid, but he has no interest as he slinks out of the room, leaving Deawon feeling like he's been punched in the gut repeatedly.
One room left. And he's selfishly glad that this one won't have any eliminations.
Even if he does still have to pull some bull drama for the cameras, this nightmare is almost over. And hopefully he'll be able to take care of the survivors in the years to come.
3
"I am sorry about the results, it was rather close until the end."
A part of him is almost relieved when MC Hong declares Jihyun the winner. He'd begun suspecting it during the praise - normally there's misdirection to spice up the drama - but until Jihyun's name is officialy stated he worries.
Honestly he hadn't even expected to make it this far into the show. He'd ranked consistently in the lower half of the ranks, and yet he always moved up just enough in each new round to keep himself comfortably in the safe zone.
It surprised him. He didn't even want to be an idol as instensely as many of the other trainees, and yet he survived while they were eliminated.
At first he'd felt a bit bad about it. Like he was cheating. Yes he had his sister's dream to accomplish, but was it really fair to achieve it in this way? It wasn't even his dream really.
So he started to compromise with himself. If he was here then he could work to make the situation less painful for others.
He's always been observant, always been good at knowing what to say to who to get things done. How to influence people to do things they woudln't normally.
Usually he tries to not use those skills too aggressively or openly, but with the show he let himself loose. Talking to Xaris, to TJ, even to Na Sanghyun to help them sort through issues they wouldn't face on their own.
He's actually almost proud of himself for everything he's accomplished in his time on the show. Especially with Andrew. Of all his little projects the young America rapper was easily his longest and best.
It had hurt when he was eliminated honestly. Kyuwon hadn't expected that.
He mostly keeps to himself, serving as an outside observer who helps nudge things in the right direction, not as an active player who gets emotionally entangled with others.
He prefers it that way. Emotions are messy and while he's happy to help others sort through theirs he prefers his separate and simple.
And yet Ant's elimination had hurt, and Kyuwon realized that somewhere down the line, in the chaos and misery that had driven the show, he'd let himself start caring again.
When he first realized it earlier in the day he'd honestly been scared. The last time he'd let his emotions get involved in his life things had been a mess that resulted in a hole torn into his life. One that he doesn't think will ever go away.
But maybe it can be lived with. Maybe he's been going about this incorrectly.
He'd thought about it a lot during his practice and even during the performance. Wondering if total emotional distance is really the way to handle a loss.
And as Jihyun's name is said he finds his answer. It isn't. The way to heal is to be involved, and get hurt, and let others support him every once in a while.
And so he smiles at the frazzled MC as they exit the room. Maybe he didn't debut, but this show has been worth it nonetheless.
4
"Just king Jude so we can get on with it, yeah?"
Jude has never wanted to be the leader.
He's of course known it was coming. JYP had explicitly stated that the one condition for his guaranteed debut was him leading the final group. And really it's a small price to pay for immunity in something like this.
But that doesn't mean he wants it.
As he expected, JYP had pulled something out of his to keep him in the lineup even after he'd purposfully sung worse than normal in the final battle. And so now he's here, surrounded by the other winners and officially named leader.
The cameras are still on though, so for now he needs to stay in control and on task. Thankfully Hongsol also made the group - he honestly hadn't been sure his best friend would be able to best a better singer like Do Sanghyun - as his presence makes it easier for Jude since it's one less person to worry about.
Seongjun is usually pretty well behaved as well, especially considering neither TJ nor Koda made the final cut so he won't be too difficult to manage either.
The others he isn't as sure about. Danny is pretty laid back but is also known for troublemaking. And while he'd laid off some during the show Jude isn't sure he'll stay mature now that the danger is apst.
Soul is a friend, but also known for being uncontrollable. He mostly does his own thing though and Jude believes that he'll behave when he needs to.
Xaris will definitely be annoying but with Soul also in the group they should mostly corral each other. At the very least Soul can handle Xaris if it's ever needed.
Which leaves Jihyun, who really is the only problem point among the final lineup. He's always been willful, and it's practically his signature to ignore any attempts to keep him in line. Of everyone Jude will have to worry about him the most.
So all in all not the worst group he could have ended up with. It's a worry that has been lingering at the back of his mind since the second challenge, that he'd get stuck in a position he didn't want with group members he couldn't deal with. But this isn't so bad.
And once the group takes off he can launch himself as a solo artist. Heck, he may already be able to do that, considering the following survival groups usually get.
Things will get better. But in the meantime he's willing to do his best with this whole leader business.
Even if he doesn't want it.
5
"I'll have you know I'm a delight."
Danny is honestly thankful for what TJ did. He can see survivor's guilt flowing off many of the others in waves, but his is minimal.
Thanks to TJ's forfeiting he didn't have to start his life in this group by ripping that chance from someone else. And for that he is thankful.
He's also thankful to see Seongjun enter the room after Xaris, though part of him feels terrible about that relief because it means Sanghyun is out.
He can still feel the guilt hanging around the others though, and it keeps him quiet and reflective. The past three months have been nightmarish for all of them, and even victory is bittersweet. It would be a disservice to those less fortunate to spend this time celebrating. So instead he reflects.
That's how the first day of rehearsals pass - quietly reverant and just a bit uncertain. But on the second day Danny is ready to embace the new group and treat is as a new future.
And so he starts the day by hiding an airhorn under one of the kitchen chairs.
Jude sets it off, and really it couldn't have been a better person to be caught in the crossfire. Breakfast goes from a somber affair to a miniature food fight in the course of a minute despite Jude trying to get them into order. But afterwards, as they're cleaning up, Danny notices that some of the tension has sapped from the room.
He continues his quest to cheer everyone up over the course of the day, from innocently snarky remarks to the staff to a few other harmless pranks, and by the end of the day even Jude can't resist giving a smirk at his backtalk.
On day two the staff has gotten wise to his returned antics and prepare counter measures, which are unfortunate but do allow him to actually get some work done, something that had not been accomplished in his missions the previous day. And he still manages to get a smile out of most of the group with lighthearted banter so he counts the day as a win.
Day three is harder because they're filming the music video, and he's given a larger part than he'd expected to get. Most likely, he figures, because they want to keep him from causing too much trouble.
But he doesn't really want to cause trouble. He just wants to make his group members smile and enjoy themselves a bit. Yes the past three months were awful, Danny had gone through them himself. But they're in the past, and Gold is the future.
They can't be burdened by that history, but should instead use it to motivate and propel themselves father, achieve greater things.
They owe it to those left behind to do everything they can with the chance that they've been handed. And danny intends to make sure that they do, and that they have some fun while doing it.
If they're all stuck together from the next five years anyway, may as well make them great.
6
"I'm really sorry."
He's done it. He's made it to the end.
This is everything he's worked for over the past six years. Everything he's wanted.
And yet now that he's actually here he seems to be screwing up everything he touches.
He can't count the number of takes he's ruined so far by having the wrong expression, or making a gesture that's all wrong. Why did they have to have a bad boy concept right at the start? He's no good at these sorts of concepts, why couldn't they do a cute or cheerful song?
Hongsol knows he isn't good at this, and the producer knows it too. So Hongsol doesn't understand why the man keeps making them redo the take over and over again. Couldn't they just cut his parts? Surely having so much useless footage is expensive, even for a successful company like JYP.
He wishes they'd hurry and give up. It's not like he'll magically become any good at this just from doing it over and over again. He's had six years of training after all. If he could do this he'd be able to by now.
And yet they persist, filming his section over and over again even as the rest of production continues forward.
"Hey hyung! I heard you need some help from the love expert." A teasing voice breaks through his thoughts and he looks over in confusion to see that Seokbin has walked onto his set.
That's right, the producer had said something about getting Seokbin to help him. Not that Hongsol thinks he'll be able to do much. But he doesn't voice his concerns.
"Love expert?" He says instead, raising an eyebrow.
Seokbin shrugs. "I think it fits. But okay, let's get down to business. We don't have that much time before I have to go film the rest of my stuff and it sounds like you need a lot of help."
That's an understatement. But instead of saying so Hongsol smiles. "You think you can do anything with that time?"
Seokbin's returned grin is devilish. "Who do you think you're talking to. Just stick with my hyung and we'll make you look like a god."
Hongsol proceeds to spend most their short lesson bright red. But as he expected he doesn't really get anywhere. He's just not good at this.
"Thanks for trying. I'm just not cut out or the bad boy image." He apologizes as Seokbin is waved over by the producer.
Seokbin waves back in a clear "just a moment" gesture before turning to look straight at Hongsol. "That's bull hyung. You can do this but for some reason you've decided you can't. I may as well have spent the past ten minute talking to a brick wall, that's how little you responded to my suggestions." He pats Hongsol on the shoulder. "You can do this. Maybe in training it was harder, but you're in a group now. We're all going to help each other out, but you have to let us, alright?" The producer waves again and he nods. "Alright I have to go, but I'll be back. Think about it, okay?"
Hongsol watches him leave, slightly surprised at the show of maturity. But Seokbin is right - he is in a group now.
And that means that even though everyone is counting on him, he can count on them as well. That's what a team is for after all.
A thus I finally put down my pen and release this story as truly complete. Hope you guys enjoyed the BTS and that you'll check out my new apply Princess!
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