Simon Says :: BTS
Twenty-One :: A JYP Survival Show
1
"Well then that was quite a surprise!"
The cycle was still going, and Sanghyun didn't think it would be stopping any time soon, especially not when Byunjae might be coming back.
He'd never questioned them before. There was Jude and Hongsol, Koda and TJ, Xaris and Soul, Seongjun and Danny (well, there had been Seongjun and Danny anyway, he's not sure where that stands any more), and then him and Byunjae. Undisputed best friends. If you see one, you see the other.
He'd seen Xaris's internal collapse when Soul was cut. Seen Koda's terror when TJ was up for elimination. He's even noticed that Danny doesn't relax until he hears Seongjun's name called as safe each round.
And yet... when Byunjae was eliminated all he had been worried about was getting to the vans in time. It wasn't until he actually got into his group that the implications of that sank in.
And thus the cycle of distraction and denial started up. He kept telling himsel he'd deal with it once the show was over, that right now he had more important things to focus on.
But now he has to not only judge his best friend, he has to choose between him and TJ on who will stay in the show.
He needs to get out of his cycle. And that means confronting what sent him into it in the first place.
"Hey, does this feel weird to you too?"
He glances over at Danny. That was one way to put it, though he knew his friend was refering to the general situation and not Sanghyun's specific internal crisis of what was real and what wasn't. He nods.
"I fee slimy honestly." He adds something more generalized to the end of the sentence, and Danny responds with a hum. Sanghyun is glad that he doesn't push a conversation.
He does feel slimy. He feels slimy and like a liar. He looks back at everything he and Byunjae have gotten into in the past years, and all of it is fun. But with the new information he has, Sanghyun realizes that as fun as it all was, it didn't necessarily have to be Byunjae there with him. He has equally entertaining memories from before Byunjae, when it was just him, Danny, Hongsol, and Ash, when they were still wide-eyed and innocent to how harsh the industry could really be.
Byunjae was a friend, but he wasn't his best friend. Okay. Sorted. Painful, but sorted.
So where did that leave things now? Does he still vote for Byunjae? They are freinds, better friends than he is with TJ.
But at the same time, while they aren't friends there's always been an understanding between him and the hyperactive trainee. They both struggle skill-wise, they both lean more on variety and likability than actual ability.
He can't know for sure with TJ, but at least for him being pitted against someone he knows is better never feels good. And he's told that to Byunjae in the past. He should know better than to challenge below his skill level.
Sanghyun lets out a shaky breath. Then the answer is obvious. Chances are Byunjae won't find out, and if he does, maybe it's time someone who he might actually listen to tells him to back off.
Hopefully anyway.
2
"I'm disappointed, yes, but there's no reason for hard feelings."
When Kangjoo first heard about the survival show, he wasn't sure how he felt about it. Even as the show was being filmed he was uncertain, treading cautiously and sticking to what he knew. And that ended up getting him eliminated.
When he was preparing for this showdown he focused entirely on creating the best performace he could in the shortest amout of time that he could. If he could get back, he would do things differently. He'd try to take a page from the other trainee's books, because clearly passion and hard work doesn't cut it. You have to be funny, you have to be engaging.
Basically he has to be exactly who he isn't. But when they were driving to the showdown, when he was onstage performing, he told himsef that he would do it. If he made it back in he'd try to give the audience what the wanted.
Because he does really want to debut. He knows some of the others thinks that he doesn't deserve it, he's heard them whispering when they think he's not listening. Whispering that he's not as dedicated, that he prefers to compose than practice.
And they aren't exactly wrong, but Kangjoo likes both sides of the creative process, and while he would be content just composing he'd prefer getting to perform.
And so he told himself he could change. He could put in that effort to wear a constant mask the way so many others in the profession do. But when he was waiting for the votes to tally there was a panic in his stomach that didn't come from nerves pertaining to the result.
And when Do Sanghyun wins by a narrow margin he's almost relieved. Almost. It's still dissapointing to know that his best effort wasn't quite good enough but he's young. There will be other opportunities.
Hopefully ones where he won't have to fake who he is to succeed. Because he's realized that he doesn't want that.
He makes his way stage left, followed by applause that he knows isn't for him, and he reflects on the entire situation.
It's not a good place to be in for anyone. They're all stuck in this crappy situation where their failures and struggles are put on camera for the entertainment of people who don't know about what goes on behind the editing. How many of the others are putting up masks for the show?
They're stronger than he is, that's for sure. He realizes now he could never pull off a mask like that. He wants people to know him as himself, not as some two-dimensional puppet presented to the world as real.
So when the MC asks him how he feels, he's honest. There are no reasons to hold grudges.
If anything, he feels sorry for the people left.
3
"Do you hate me?"
Danny auditioned for JYP for twenty bucks and a dare. Passing the audition hadn't been part of the plan.
But he'd made it, and there really was no sense in not going ahead with training. JYP was a good company too, he could make money working there and not have to worry about school so much. And so he accepted the offer.
Training wasn't easy, not by a long shot, and Danny considered quitting quite a few times over the years. But he did enjoy the bustle of trainee life, and he made some amazing friends to boot.
Hongsol was the first person he met on his first day of training and he instantly liked the other trainee. He was awkward as all get-out but Danny could work with that. He wasn't best friend material, Hongsol and Jude had been close even then, but he was cute and easy to drag around on Danny's many crazy adventures.
Ash joined the group a little after that, and he was quiet and nerdy but always happy to offer a bit of snark to offset Danny's own perpetual teasing and it brought a great balance to the group that had prior mostly consisted of Danny bossing Hongsol around and the other being too meek and eager to please to say anything. Ash talked back, and it developed into regular banter between them.
Na Sanghyun took it up to a new level with his preemptive teasing, and for a while Danny thought he might be his closest friend in the ever growing group they'd collected.
And then Seongjun auditioned into the company and Danny had never been happier.
Seongjun could match Danny tease for tease, giving as good as he got and stealing control from Danny every once in a while, just to push his buttons. And Danny loved him for it.
Seongjust was the closest he'd ever been to a best friend, and he came to treasure the times they would just hang out and do nothing together, laughing at their seemingly infitinte in jokes and meddling in affairs together all around the company. People came and went from the group as new trainees auditioned in and old ones left, but Seongjun was a constant that made Danny decide to renew each time his contract was up.
He had noticed the tension with Byunjae, of course he had, but Na Sanghyun did a good job of keeping the firecracker busy. So Danny never worried. Seongjun would always be here. All of them would always be here. They were a group.
And then Doyeon came. And Danny's happy little world came crumbling down.
He didn't really notice Doyeon at first. He might not have noticed him at all if it wasn't for the fact that he sometimes would tease Danny out of nowhere and that was a little weird because they didn't know each other? But Danny wasn't concerned or anything. Doyeon was just the weird new guy. He was the experienced team leader.
But then Hongsol started sitting with Doyeon during breaks, laughing at his strange jokes and letting the other lead him around, the way Danny used to.
It hurt, but Danny tried to ignore it. He tried to ignore that Doyeon was even more actively trying to get his attention, calling him out in classes and challenging him to freestyle rap contests constantly. But Danny ignored him. Hongsol could sit with whomever he liked, even if it was a weird little kid, he was an adult. Danny didn't mind.
Not at all.
Except for maybe he did, just a little bit. Maybe the idea that somone else was more entertaining than him bothered him. Maybe that's why he started responding to Doyeon's teasing with jabs that were maybe a little meaner than they needed to be.
Do Sanghyun left next, but Danny didn't feel that one as much. He was always pretty quiet, who cared? Who cared that Jude almost never sat with them anymore? Or that Ant, who usually kept to himself, actually opted to settle at Doyeon's table some mealtimes.
Doyeon was just some weird kid. And Danny doesn't care about him one little bit.
But then the day comes that the tension between Seongjun and Byunjae finally snaps. And Danny hadn't seen it coming through his haze of frustration over people leaving.
And Seongjun leaves. And everything falls apart. And that was the moment that Danny decided that he hated Doyeon.
But when Doyeon asks him point blank, he finds himself blindsided.
"I mean I know it's this whole thing, your group against mine, and I know you were upset when some of your friends started hanging out with me more and then the whole Seongjun thing happened but I always thought it was sort of playful. I mean, I don't hate you. I think you're funny and cool and someone I'd like to be friends with maybe."
Danny is stunned. He wants to be friends? He thinks he's funny and cool? Danny finds himself, for once, floundering for a response. He seems to take too long as Doyeon ducks his head, cheeks flushing in humiliation.
"And I have never been this honest in my life. Kyuwon was wrong, I don't feel better, I just feel awkward and embarrassed."
And just like that all the anger and annoyance melts, just a bit. Doyeon is just a scared kid who wants friends. Same as him. And so he's careful as he answers.
"I... don't hate you. But I guess I wasn't... thrilled... when half my group ditched me to hang out with you. At first I blamed you, but then I figured it really wasn't that big of a deal. I still had friends. Friends who obviously actually like me and didn't just hang around because they weren't sure where else to sit." He sighs. "I don't hate you, but I'm not sure I like you either TJ. Maybe one day." He smiles at the other. "We can work on it."
And maybe he actually means that.
4
"And you're right, it would be nice to hold an event here."
It's rare for Kyuwon to ever let things take him by surprise. He does't like when things surprise him, when he can't predict where they're going. And yet here he is, letting Hongsol pull him along towards the river with no resistance.
Maybe he's just frozen.
He hates the river. He fears it. Endlessly rushing, pounding, a constant reminder of his greatest failure.
"Hey Kyu, you alright? You sort of zoned out for a second there." Hongsol appears in his field of vision, and he's snapped back to reality.
He blinks, and then nods. "I'm fine hyung, sorry. The river is... really pretty." He looks over towards it to sell the line, and with a jolt he realizes that it is. It's beautiful.
Beautiful and cold.
He shudders, but thankfully Hongsol has turned towards the river as well so he doesn't notice. "It is isn't it? Kind of scary too though." He laughs awkwardly.
Kyuwon glances at him. "...Yeah."
He thinks about Hongsol's words as they continue walking, the other chatting happily to their camera as they go. Why would Hongsol be afraid of the river? What reason would he have?
He finds himself looking again. It's almost alluring. He wonders if she felt that same allure back then.
He turns away again, stinging inside. Hongsol notices this time.
"Hey, are you alright?" Kyuwon notices that he turns off the camera before tugging him over to one of the benches facing the river.
Kyuwon nods on instinct. Yes, he's alright. But Hongsol frowns.
"I know you're a quiet guy, but really you seem nervous. Is there anything I can do?" He's looking at Kyuwon with open eagerness and Kyuwon almost smirks. Hongsol is entirely too nice. It's no wonder he's consistently at the top of the rankings.
"Why are you afraid of the water?"
Hongsol looks a bit caught off guard by the odd questions, but Kyuwon is genuinely curious, and Hongsol had offered.
After a moment the other glances out towards the water. "I'm not really sure. It's just so big you know? It's big and cold and uncaring about wat we do with our lives." He laughs awkwardly. "Wow I have no idea what I'm saying, but does that kind of make sense?"
It does, and Kyuwon smiles faintly. "Yeah. Let's keep walking, okay?"
Hongsol hums and lets Kyuwon lead this time, pulling out the camera as they move and starting to film the river.
Kyuwon hears him narrating happily, and he feels a rush of warmth. Sure the river is large and cold and uncaring, but he has friends, and people around him that do care.
So when Hongsol mentions holding a fansign by the river, he doesn't mentally recoil from the suggestion. Maybe it's time to let go and allow himsel to breathe a bit.
"You're right, it would be nice to hold an event here."
Maybe they could even hold a little memorial. He thinks Narae might like that.
5
"I told you!"
He survived for three hours before Na Sanghyun started contemplating how likely it was that he could away with homocide on camera.
This situation wouldn't be one he wanted to be in under regular circumstances, but with everything that had occured in the past twenty four hours he had even less desire for it.
Not to mention that Byunjae was putting him on edge. In the dressing room the day before he'd been in an absolute rage, screaming at anyone who got close but especially directing his fury at Sanghyun himself. And Sanghyun knew in a way that it had been warranted then.
But today it's like the tantrum had never happened. Byunjae is acting cheerful and incredibly friendly with him, more so than normal even, and it's putting Sanghyun on edge. Byunjae never forgives and he never forgets. Seongjun is a great example of that.
And so Sanghyun has had his guard up the entire day, returning his friend's enthusiasm, but cautiously.
The fact his real partner for the day is Koda certainly isn't helping anything. Byunjae and Koda get on like cats and dogs on a good day, and with the events of the competition they've only gotten worse.
The worst part though, Sanghyun muses, is that he actually wanted to try and get along with Koda today. Thinking about friendships the night before has made him a bit more sympathetic to the other boy, and he wanted to try and mend bridges after two months of either ignoring or teasing Koda - with Byunjae now that he thinks about it.
But instead, he's stuck attempting to play peacemaker between Byunjae and Koda while they attempt to rip each other's heads off.
"That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard, second to only everything else you have ever said!"
Sanghyun sighs heavily as Byunjae and Koda start up yet another argument, about something stupid probably. He's getting seriously sick of it and so instead of tuning in he glances around to make sure no one is watching them.
Their hand held camera is turned off and in his bag, all but unused to this point due to their inability to share. It was like being stuck with two kindergarteners.
"I'm right, right Sanghyun? You agree with me!" Byunjae is suddenly in his face, demanding as always.
Sanghyun blinks. "I wasn't paying attention. Shouldn't we probably start heading back? We've wandered pretty far from the main building and we wouldn't want to be late."
Byunjae frowns. "Just say you agree with me." He presses, pouting slightly.
Sanghyun sighs. "I'm not going to agree until I know what it was about, and I honestly don't care what it was about."
Byunjae stares at him, and then glances over at Koda who has apparently stopped caring about whatever they were fighting about and is now enthusiastically talking to one of the stall owners.
Byunjae steps closer and lowers his voice. "Look, do you want to debut or not? Our friendship is adorable but now people have been questioning it. If we want to do this we need to set things aside. Or... or at least we should pretend to."
He glaces away slightly at the last line, and realization hits Sanghyun hard. He may not consider Byunjae his best friend, but Byunjae really does think of him as a best friend.
Well now he feels even worse.
A thus I finally put down my pen and release this story as truly complete. Hope you guys enjoyed the BTS and that you'll check out my new apply Princess!
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