I’m looking at Nayeon’s photos as I took it out form my wallet. It seemed so old now. Makes sense because it’s been 3 years already.

“Ya, Jeongyeon, who’s that?”  Tzuyu asked me.

This is Tzuyu. A enchantingly beautiful girl  I’ve met one year ago. But more than her face, she's a girl with a lot of courage and a big heart. The first time we met, This yoda hand me over a love letter.

 I just smiled at her as I caressed Nayeon’s picture.

“Ya~ no silent treatment! Tell me already.” Tzuyu pouted like a little child.

“Tzuyu, stop that, You’re making jeongyeon uncomfortable with those questions.”  Sana said.

Tzuyu pouted while tilting her head at Sana, "but love, i want to know."

As I told you, when we first met Tzuyu hand me over a love letter, only for me to pass it down to her long time crush, Sana.

And now, they are together.

“It’s okey. You can ask again tzuyu.” I said as I pat her head.

“Then who is her?”

I smiled grinning ear to ear as I remember my bunny, “My wife.”

Three years was never enough for me to finally move on. The First year was the most difficult and I cried everyday.  The day she was gone, felt like the world abandoned me.

“Nayeon, are you leaving me already?” I asked as I cried looking at her, gazing right into her eyes wishing it wouldn't be the last one.

The fear of loosing her overcame and terrorized my whole body. My feet felt weak, my chest are beating so violently and my throat feels like it's blocking my airways.

“My Jeongyeon…. D-don’t cry.” She showed me her beautiful smile as i felt her cold hands caressing my cheeks. Wiping my tears. 

“No, Nayeon… don’t die. Nayeon.i love you so mcuh.. don't leave me.” I pleaded like a child as i put both of my hands on her cheeks,  “We'll still go to the park, you'll still sing for me... and  we're going to see the sunset, right?”

"I'm sorry... " Out of breath and full of pain, a tear fell down in her eyes, she lean forward with her all might, as our lips touched, 

And her eyes closed forever, “I love you, Jeongyeon.”

I died everyday.

since she left, i felt like i'm being killed every single day.

I'm now wallking my way to her house. Once a week i visit her mother. The path was just like the way it used to be, Surrounded by enormous trees. It was now autumn so the leaves where everywhere.

I hate autumn now. I also started to hate love letters, flowers and rainbows. I hate everybeautiful thing that remind me of her.

I hate how every love song, she still comes to my mind.

As i walk nearer to the apartment, i saw the thing i hate most. 

Sunsets.

It took a while but i'm finally in her apartment's doorsteps.  The hallway is full of memories of her, that i couldn't help but to closed my eyes. Her mother greeted me and gave me some coffee. We would often talk a lot about Nayeon.

That time when Nayeon decided that she would just die even without telling me, her mother was the one who called out for me to meet her,

“I’m thankful that, in her last moments, she was with you.” Her mother told me. “Ever since young, As a mother, I’ve always knew you are someone special to her.”

I just laughed,”She thinks I’m an idiot when we were little.”

“No, as a mom. I knew.” She smiled, “Here take it, I found it yesterday.”

 It was then she gave me a chest box saying, “Jeongyeon.”

When I opened, it was filled with letters. It was every reply you gave me when I was writing you.

So you did read it all.

Dear Jeongyeon, I miss you too. I want to come and I see you.

Jeongyeon, it hurts. The treatment hurts so much. I want to see you

Jeongyeon, how are you? You’re doing well?

Jeongyeon, you stopped writing to me. Makes sense, since I never replied.

The last page seems like it was wet and just dried up. My eyes wells up when I realized that it must’ve been her teardrops when she wrote this.

Dear jeongyeon,

Are you well? I hope you are.

My first love was when I was 9 too. She was an untidy girl 3 doors next to mine. I can’t help but think she’s a dork. She was always loud and happy that I always watch her through my window.

Then suddenly, Like a miracle that  girl came into my doorsteps.

Yeah, Don’t worry, you’re that  girl.

When junior high came, I became aware of you. I became flustered when I looked at you.

I began to steal glances at you when you're not looking, having you cross my mind every single time, feeling giddy when our eyes met. Little by little you're the only thing that matters. I was scared of of loving a girl, of loving you, of all people. I was so scared on how much you mean to me. I was scared that it kills me everytime I can't tell you. I want to stay away but i can't. Then one day you started to avoid me, I wanted to ask. But I’m scared of your response, scared of your rejection.

I'm afraid of your words that might kill me, that can kill me.

The last year of junior high came, and you gave me a gift. I gave you mine too but I didn’t give you the other. The other was the one I saved last birthday. I was supposed to give her that but you were talking to another girl.

March 11 is both filled with sadness and happiness. March 11 is also the day I found out that im already dying.

But that same day, you told me you loved me. It felt so painful not being able to say that I love you too. and I’m dying.

I couldn’t let you be tied down to me. I’m slowly rotting. You deserves someone else.

Then you really started dating someone else.

That was when I realized what “dying” really feels.

Then I talked to Momo, she told me, I should say it before die.  I realized I wanted to tell you I love you, even just one last time.

I don't even know what i have liked about you. Is it your dorky jokes that makes me laugh? Is it about the way you just stand there and make me mesmerize? Is about that face that burned in my memory? What is it exactly? i don't even know. I didn't even know when it started. 

It came to me, that it was natural to fall in love you. It wasn't even a shock that you're the one i ended up loving. Because Jeongyeon, through all the years we’ve been together, there’s not a single moment when I didn’t love you.

You are my sun, my moon, my happiness and sadness. For me, you were all of that. My body may decay, but my soul will stay forever with you alone.  I’m sorry for leaving you. I wanted to say it all, but all the meaning of those words will only came out as that i love you. I will always will.

You are Im Nayeon's light. You are Im Nayeon's precious love.

This is my confession now.  What do you think? I’m a pabo right? You’ll probably laugh at my melodramatic confession.

But who am I kidding, it’s just a letter you’ll never read anyway.

My tears couldn't stop falling down to my cheeks as i hug the letter to my chest. 

Nayeon, you’re really a pabo. I got to read it idiot.  You are all of those for me too. You are my everything. 

I helplessly wiped my tears as I wrote down a reply,

Dear my beloved Im Nayeon,

My soul also belongs to you. That no matter what time, or what place, I will always come to find you. My heart will always recognize you and that will lead you to me.

I love you, always and forever.

                                    -Jeongyeon.