What He’ll Never Have

Part Four: Unicorn Muscles

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The next day was better. And worse. 

Better because I was more prepared for the stares and whispers. Worse because there were more of them and not all were friendly. I caught Chanyeol’s goons a couple times watching me from the end of the hall, or across the cafeteria. One was in my math class and glared at me for the entire period. I began to fidget as the day went on, holding my breath around each corner that I turned and avoiding the men’s restroom as much as possible. It wasn’t hard to guess that they planned to jump me somehow somewhere. One of them I could deal with (hopefully), though I wasn’t sure how much of the previous day’s victory had been luck as opposed to skill. I guessed most of it. ...but it wouldn’t matter how skilled or lucky I was if they all decided to jump me at the same time. There were seven of them not including Chanyeol. I wouldn’t stand a chance. 

My fears turned out to be empty though, as nothing dramatic happened the whole day. I didn’t even see Chanyeol. Part of me wondered if he hadn’t come to school at all, though that would be difficult to believe. More than likely, he was simply avoiding me and planning his revenge. 

I groaned at the thought, carefully checking every stall in the bathroom before I let myself enter one and shut the door behind me. No one was here and no one had watched me come in, I had made sure of that, opting to go during class rather than on a break when there was more of a chance of them finding me here. My brain hurt. I was already tired of this charade. Why do people even want to be popular? The spotlight was exhausting. 

A gush of cool air filled the room as the bathroom door clicked open and someone shuffled in. Holding my breath, I raised my feet and crunched them up on the toilet seat as silently as possible. Whoever it was went straight to the sink, flipping on the water and washing their hands, sighing as they did. They sound just as exhausted as me... 

Again cool air entered the bathroom and more feet shuffled in, two or three pairs by the sounds of it. Uh seriously people! Go to class! I sighed, contemplating my options and the likelihood of any of those feet belonged to Chanyeol’s crew. Chances were slim. I readjusted my legs slightly, about to drop my feet back to the floor when someone spoke. 

“Well, if it isn’t Little Miss .” I froze. The water turned off and the distinct sound of paper towel being pulled from the dispenser filled the room. 

“Oh hey! Dumb-, Jack-...how’s it going guys?” A smooth voice, heavily laced with sarcasm retorted. 

“Heh. You’re going to eat those words ,” a dark chuckle followed. 

“Am I?”

“You made Chanyeol look like a fool yesterday when that dweeb told him to leave you alone.” My eyes widened as realization hit. They were talking about me, which meant that the person they were talking to was... Baekhyun. Two of Chanyeol’s posse were in the bathroom cornering Baekhyun! . 

My mind reeled. I had done everything to avoid getting into a position like this with them alone in a secluded place, but at the same time this was the perfect opportunity to get an in with Baekhyun. I couldn’t afford to pass that up. 

“...well he was right,” the boy was saying. “I did, in fact, want Chanyeol to ‘ off.’” . Don’t say that! The boy was making it worse.

“You think you’re so high and mighty,” a gruff voice, either ‘Dumb-’ or ‘Jack-’ chuckled darkly. (I would’ve taken the time to laugh at Baekhyun’s nicknames for them if I wasn’t busy being scared less.) “But you’re just a -.” There was a loud thump as something hit the wall. 

“Yeah, I am. What’s it to you?” Baekhyun sounded breathy. Pained.

“I bet you take any up your , don’t you? You probably beg for it.” There was extra emphasis on the word ‘beg’ and it was that phrase that finally pissed me off enough to get my cowardly feet moving. In fact it was so effective that I was out of the stall and across the bathroom before I knew I had decided to move, at the same time hearing Baekhyun’s voice bite out, 

“Get your hand off me.” 

What met me was the sight of two of Chanyeol’s most loyal: Tao and D.O. crowding a very pissed-off Baekhyun against the wall. D.O. was the closer of the two, and I took stock of his hand currently grabbing Baekhyun’s . This set all kinds of bombs and whistles off in my head; the two s didn’t even have time to turn around before I was on them, yanking and twisting D.O.‘s slimy hand away, while grabbing a fistful of Tao’s shirt. I tugged them with so much force that they both immediately went tumbling backwards, D.O. landing on the floor hard. Heh. 

“I believe he told you to get your hand off him.” My voice sounded clipped, angrier than I expected it to. 

Automatically my eyes swept over Baekhyun, taking inventory. White t-shirt, light blue shredded skinnies (just as tight as the black, leather ones yesterday), same tasseled, platinum hair (even more perfectly disorganized today), a look lost somewhere between fear and surprise... and those same gorgeously intense eyes - trained entirely on me. 

I in air, choosing to not look at him for the moment. It was somehow distracting. My attention went back to the two behind me, now beginning to collect themselves and looking righteously pissed-off. Crap. I clenched my fists and stepped towards them before they could fully recover. 

“Get out.” I pointed towards the bathroom exit for emphasis. For a moment they paused, as if caught off guard by my sudden authority and were contemplating whether or not to obey. (Both had taken part in beating me up in the past. Many times.) The sudden power switch sent electricity through me. “I said get out. Now.” I took another step forward, placing myself about six inches from D.O.‘s face. “Or I’ll tell Chanyeol you had your hand on this boy’s . I wonder how he’ll take that information.”

A flicker of fear crossed D.O.‘s face and for a moment I thought he was going to fight me to keep me quiet, but then anger seemed to settle in his set jaw, violent resentment boiling and barely controlled just beneath his eyes in a sort of resignation. 

“You’re so going to regret this,” he bit out, a flicker of mirth crossing his features as a promise of pain that was sure to be in my near future. I internally shook but didn’t let it show - pushing to maintain the upper-hand. Then he left, Tao trailing behind him while tossing me a glare and letting the bathroom door crash loudly behind them. 

An audible sigh of relief escaped my mouth before I could think to stop it, only then remembering that I was not alone. Carefully, I turned to face the boy behind me. He had relaxed a little now that he wasn’t shoved up against the wall and the surprised expression was replaced with a thoughtful, somewhat guarded one. It was suffocatingly quiet. 

Common Jongdae. This is your chance. You have to make him like you.

“Are you okay?” I ventured. 

Baekhyun nodded, intensely dark eyes locked on mine and searching. This was so awkward. 

“Uh, good.” I tried again, stuffing my hands in my pockets. “I’m sorry that my comment yesterday seemed to get you in trouble.” Stupid thing to say. “Those guys are just s.” I rambled.

“No need to apologize,” he finally spoke, sagging ever so slightly against the wall as he did, as if releasing tension he had been holding for a while. “You helped me out. Thank you.” 

I found myself lost on that platinum hair for a moment, musing about how melodic his voice sounded, before I realized he had thanked me and was now waiting for a response. I blushed the tiniest bit, embarrassed by my own moronic-ness. There was something about him that kept distracting me, like a pull drawing my curiosity. He was everything I didn’t expect. Boyish, strong, defiant... these were not the traits I pictured when I heard people talk about the ‘homo ’. I could see why Chanyeol wanted him.

What? No. I abruptly halted that trail of thought, inwardly crushing it. 

...and then I realized for the first time where I was standing. 

In front of Baekhyun. 

Talking. 

This had never happened before..

SAY SOMETHING! 

“I’m Jongdae,” I found myself saying as a hand left my pocket and extended towards the boy. “It’s nice to meet you.” I was pleasantly surprised by the tenor of my voice. I sounded far more relaxed and put together than I felt. The tiniest pause left me wondering if he would ignore my greeting altogether and let my hand hang there awkwardly, but then a sincere smile flitted across his features and a hand rose to meet mine. 

“Baekhyun.” He greeted. “Nice to meet you too.” His hand was pleasantly cool and dry, I discovered, not warm and clammy as I had for some reason expected. Everything I thought he wouldn’t be. Baekhyun was full of surprises and I found my curiosity genuinely piqued, beyond the voice in my head reminding me that I had to get close to him. I kinda wanted to. 

The bell rang then and I realized I had spent the greater part of math class in the bathroom. Oops. The next block was my spare again, which meant more library time hiding away from all the ridiculousness of the school. I wanted to let out an excited fist pump at the thought, but I held it in. Get out before you do something stupid, Dae. 

“Well, catch you later,” I waved at Baekhyun, turning to leave the bathroom. 

“Uh- wait.” I stopped, cocking my head back at him in curiosity. “What class do you have next,” he asked. 

“I’m on spare.” He nodded his head, almost as if to himself like he had guessed as much. Huh.

“Me too.” My eyebrows rose. Well that was perfect. 

Plunge in! I mentally kicked myself.

“I’m heading to the library to work on homework,” the phrase hung in the air for a moment. Awkward. “...if you’d like join me?” He regarded me for a moment, again appearing to search my face for something before the strange expression faded and a smile took its place.

“Sure.” 

The walk up to the library felt somewhat strange. We kept pace together for the most part, neither of us having much to say. The librarian glanced at Baekhyun curiously as we strode past, unused to seeing anyone with me. I led the way, winding through book cases as I always did to my hidden table in the corner. Baekhyun’s eyebrows inched up as I plopped myself down in one of the chairs and began digging through my bag for a pen and notepad. 

“I didn’t know this table was even here,” he mumbled, pulling out a chair and following my lead. I shrugged.

“Nobody does. I prefer to keep it that way.” 

“Then why did you bring me here?”

Uhhhh...

“Friends are allowed. Xiumin and Sehun come here sometimes... I suppose this is a bit unusual considering I just met you and all - you’re cool though.” I added as an after thought, just barely covering up the fact that I didn’t have a good reason.

Baekhyun just looked at me, seemingly lost in thought again. He does that a lot. I wanted to stare back... just take a moment and breathe him in. From this close he was even more strikingly attractive. Beautiful even. 

With skin so pale and soft looking, and that hair... I drew my focus back to the notepad and pretended to look for a specific page. It was going to be difficult to get anything done with him sitting this close. Perhaps that was alright though? I could use this time instead to get close to the boy, figure him out, and start building some sort of fake friendship.. thing. Solid idea. I chucked the notepad carelessly onto the table.

“I don’t feel like studying right now. So, what do you do outside of school?” The sudden question seemed to catch him off guard. Slowly, he closed his own textbook, carefully placing it on the table as well, following my lead. 

“Uh- I work at a coffee shop.”

“Really?” I was surprised. Most high schoolers didn’t work and he didn’t seem like the type. I had assumed he was a heavy partier, maybe going to clubs a lot or something like that. Again, my assumptions were wrong. “Which one?” 

A weird expression I couldn’t place crossed his face. “It’s called the Red Cafe, just off Fifth Street.” 

“I know the place!” I sat up straighter. “I went there once with my friends I think sometime around last October. It was nice.” 

For a second I thought I saw a frown flit across his eyes, before it disappeared into a neutral stare. He nodded again. Strange. I questioned whether or not it had actually happened. 

“You should come by again then when I’m working. I’ll make you my own personal creation.” He smiled. Another chance. He was handing them out to me like candy. I internally smirked. This was easier than I had thought it would be, and I was pretty sure I had caught him checking me out a couple times now. Score. 

“When are you working next?” I asked innocently. 

“Today after school.” 

Perfect. 

“Cool. I’ll see you then.” 

He smiled. “So what do you do outside of school?” 

“Study mostly, and play video games with Xiumin and Sehun.” I shrugged. It was true. My life was depressingly unexciting. 

“And lift weights apparently,” he mumbled, eyes fixed appreciatively on my arms that were fully visible from the tight black tank-top I was sporting today. I smirked.

“Yeah that too. I just started this summer. It’s fun.” 

“How come?” 

“What?” I asked, cocking my head to the side. 

He cleared his throat, eyes meeting mine again. “Why did you start working out this summer? What changed?” I frowned. What changed? What the- It almost sounded as if he knew. 

“I don’t understand what you mean?” 

“Well,” he shrugged, leaning forward on the table towards me. The movement caused his shirt to slip a little lower down around his neck, exposing more of the creamy flesh on his collarbone. I found it distracting. Itchy, almost. “You never used to workout. In previous years I’m pretty sure everyone has just seen you as the bookworm, smart-kid type. So I’m wondering why the sudden interest in muscles?” He said the word like it was a unicorn, motioning vaguely at my arms.

My mind reeled, caught on two things... First, Baekhyun had mentioned ‘previous years’  meaning he had noticed me before now??... and second, he suspected a reason for the change in interest. I was both pleasantly surprised and mortified. This could make things tricky. I would have to be careful not to expose my true intentions for getting close to him. I knew the easiest way to convincingly trick someone was to tell them the truth, adding just one slight difference. He likely already suspected my plan of getting close to him to get back at Chanyeol. I would have to convince him otherwise. 

“I guess I just got sick of it,” I sighed, letting my honest feelings about being bullied bubble to the surface. He would be able to tell they were genuine. “Chanyeol constantly beating on me got old and I realized I was worth defending. If no one else was going to defend me, then I would have to get strong enough to do it myself.” I smiled meekly, meeting Baekhyun’s gaze. He was studying me. I went on, “Sorry. I guess I decided yesterday that I was tired of him pushing everyone around. It kind of spilled out onto you too when I saw him caging you in like that. You’re worth defending as well.” 

Silence descended on us, but not in an uncomfortable way. I could tell he was chewing over my words, deciding whether or not they checked out as truth. Apparently they did. 

“Yeah I get what you mean,” he nodded, looking at me with something akin to understanding. “Thank you, then. No one has ever stood up for me before.”  I smiled. 

“You’re welcome.” 

And just like that, I could tell I had him. There was a level of trust between us.

Baekhyun was caught in my trap. Now I just had to make him see me as more than a friend. I had to draw him in, ually. 

My eyes dropped down to the patch of visible skin at the base of his neck.

* * *

What He’ll Never Have

Part Four Completed. 

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