What He’ll Never Have

Part Three: Beat Down

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Today was easily going down in my books as the strangest one I had lived through yet. It was difficult to get used to the staring and shocked expressions constantly thrown my way. By lunchtime I could hear people whispering my name pretty much everywhere I went, though nobody was apparently curious enough to come talk to me. It was my one relief amongst the weirdness of today and I relished it as Xiumin, Sehun, and I settled down at the same table we always ate at. 

Perhaps they’re just unsure that it really is me they’re seeing? 

We could barely hide our grins as the three of us munched on sandwiches, silently communicating the crazy power high we all felt. Oh yes. We were definitely going to laugh about this together tonight. Sleepover at Sehun’s house? I think so. 

The three of us had been an inseparable trio since the beginning of last year, though we had each confessed it felt as though we had known each other for ages. We were more like brothers than losers that had bonded over one miserable commonality: Chanyeol. 

But soon that commonality was going to crumble and we would stick together no matter how it turned out. I was doing this as much for them as I was for myself, perhaps more even. 

After lunch I was relieved to discover I had a spare instead of class. Just what I need! Saluting my bros, I grabbed my backpack and headed out towards the library. Today had been fun but draining and I seriously needed some time alone in my study corner with a textbook and headphones. It was an easy journey there, no sign of Chanyeol or his pack of lemmings... just a lot of people pretending not to stare. I picked up my pace. 

The librarian did a double take and gaped at me when I handed her my library card. Over the course of the past three years we had become well acquainted since the library was my go-to spot. Sometimes I even helped her organize books or fix the photocopier when it was broken. 

I smiled warmly and laughed at her stunned expression, taking back my library card and winding my way through the bookshelves, as I had always done, to my table in the back of the room with a window that overlooked the soccer field and parking lot. My bag was tossed uncaringly on the floor, and my body sinking into a plush chair before I could stop myself. An audible sigh of exhaustion and relief escaped my lips as I threw my feet up on the table and let my head sag back. Slowly, tension I didn’t even know I was holding in my shoulders began to unwind and my mind began to wander, slowly chewing over everything that had happened so far today. 

Baekhyun...

My mind strayed to that perfect face... deep brown eyes that had held mine for just a moment before I threw insult at Chanyeol and walked away... plush lips... black leather pants... hair.

I froze, eyes snapping open. What the hell was I thinking about? Hair?! I shook my head, immediately sitting up and dropping my feet to the floor as I rummaged through my bag for my physics textbook. 

For the next hour I worked seamlessly, numbing my brain in pages about force and velocity before finally heading to my next class. The day floated by as it had in the morning. Some moments dragged on forever, some flew by in a moment. The staring continued, itching beneath my skin uncomfortably. And then the bell rang and I practically ran out the door to meet up with Sehun and Xiumin as was our tradition. 

We reconvened quickly. None of us ever being the ones to loiter after school. That had always proven to be a terrible mistake as Chanyeol’s group always seemed to be the last ones at school and being alone with them generally turned out to be a painful experience.

“Whew! I’m glad that’s over,” I couldn’t help but declare as we began cutting our way through the parking lot in the direction of Sehun’s house. The other two nodded in agreement. It had been an intense day for us all in which we had seriously earned ourselves ice cream and Dr. Pepper floats. Bring it on.

“Good on you, Dae.” Xiumin clasped my shoulder. “You were seriously amazing today.” 

“My hero!” Sehun agreed. “Did you see the look on Chanyeol’s face when you flipped him off? A tomato couldn’t have been redder.” I laughed, glad that one of us had seen it since I had been too focussed on getting far away to look. 

“I thought Xiumin was going to piss his pants.” I said, jabbing him roughly.

“Me?! You should’ve seen how terrified you looked,” Xiumin shot back. 

“Fine. But that’s because I thought I was about to get my face punched-”

“HEY!” We all froze, about twenty feet from the edge of the parking lot. Oh . That was Chanyeol. . 

“HEY ! I’m talking to you!” 

. . . It took every shred of my self-control not to start sprinting then and there, and I could tell from the way both Sehun and Xiumin were grasping my wrists suddenly that they were too. We were all calculating whether or not we could make it to Sehun’s house before Chanyeol murdered us. But I couldn’t. Even if we did manage to outrun the school’s star athlete (rather unlikely) running was not an option. If we ran now everything we had worked for would be ruined. Rule #1: Stop fearing him. 

. 

Slowly I turned, eyes pinning on Chanyeol, who was currently lumbering across the parking lot towards us, a hateful smirk stretching across his face. There were about ten feet left between us and he was shortening that distance at an unnerving rate. Students that had previously been milling about or heading home were now stopped and watching. . This was when it mattered. I knew it was in this moment and any others I would have to endure like it, that would either crumble his reputation or mine (though I was far more concerned with my personal health and wellness than reputation). 

With that thought in mind I pried my friends’ hands off of me and took a step forward, trying to look as unfazed as possible. 

“Hey ,” I called back, doing my best to not imagine what my mom would say when she found my body at the morgue. This was SUCH a terrible idea. My jeer seemed to catch Chanyeol off guard and he paused for a moment before picking up the pace again... faster this time and far more pissed off than he had been before. 

“I am SO going to enjoy smashing your face into the pavement,” he sneered, and I had to agree with him. From the look on his face I could tell he would enjoy it. Mom please don’t be mad at me! I stuffed my hands into pockets and shrugged, putting on what I hoped was a bored expression. 

“You could try.” 

“Oh believe me. I’m going to.” And then he was right in front of me and I was dodging fists as fast as I could while maintaining my hands in their pockets. 

Look bored. Don’t get hit. Look bored. Don’t get hit. 

I chanted to myself, somehow managing to do just that. This only infuriated Chanyeol more and the punches became stronger, each just barely whizzing past a body part that I valued very much. 

“Heh. You okay there ? I thought you said you were going to smash my face into the pavement,” I mocked, taking mental note of the way his face was now twisting into an ugly reddish-purple of extreme focus and hatred. If he caught me at this point I was going to go down with a lot more pain than just a broken bone or two. He would probably sit on me and smash them all before picking his teeth with the splinters. 

...and then it happened. At the last moment Chanyeol’s fist changed direction and there was no time for me to dodge. ! I my hands out, just as I had practiced this summer in defense classes, blocking the blow with one hand and grasping his wrist with the other. I spun, muscle memory taking over and for a brief moment I wasn’t entirely sure what had happened. 

Chanyeol was suddenly face down on the pavement, his right arm twisted and held behind his back... by me. 

We were all silent for a moment. Him, everyone watching, and myself. 

Did I just... beat Chanyeol...? 

A pained sound... almost a whimper?!... met my ears and I realized I was still twisting his arm. Immediately I released him, jumping back as if I had been burned. It almost felt that way. Too stunned to do much else, I stood there watching as the school’s all star athlete picked himself up off the ground and wiped away some blood that had started to ooze from his nose. He looked mortified- white almost -and I couldn’t blame him. I was just as freaked out. 

A tiny cough from Sehun behind me reminded me that we weren’t alone. 

“Right.” I muttered, more to myself than anyone else, awkwardly rubbing my hands together for lack of anything better to do. Focus Jongdae. This is your chance. I clicked my jaw, hardening my gaze and locking my eyes back in with Chanyeol’s. “No more-” my voice sounded shaky, and a little too high-pitched. Clearing my throat I tried again, “We won’t be taking any more of this. If you want to pick a fight with me then go ahead but I’m not going to just sit back and take your crap anymore. Not me, not them.” I my thumb at Sehun and Xiumin. “Got that?” 

He was absolutely silent, wide-eyed, and still mopping up blood from his nose now with the edge of his shirt. I nodded to myself, Good enough, before spinning and walking back to my friends. “Let’s go.” I whispered, now feeling a painful throb in the palm of my hand. It was going to need ice. They nodded and we all began to shuffle back towards the edge of the parking lot, this time much faster than we had before, minds swirling. 

I only just barely caught it then... a pink blob on the edge of my peripheral vision. Automatically my eyes tracked it... and there he was again. hair. 

Baekhyun. Standing against the same Camaro that I had seen him on last year, arms folded across his chest, though not in anger, and piercing black eyes trained on me. My stomach flipped. The look he was giving me was... overpowering. Like fire. 

I couldn’t put my finger on what exactly it was meant to communicate but it didn’t look bad. 

“Jongdae, focus!” My head snapped back, catching Sehun’s anxious stare. “Let’s go dude!” I nodded, picking up the pace again (though I didn’t remember slowing down) and clicking my tongue against the roof of my mouth. It suddenly felt very dry. 

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What He’ll Never Have

Part Three Completed.

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