I didn’t want to hear anything.

I sat in front of the TV in my living with the volume on mute.

I just watched the pictures of myself and Momo changing from one to another and the words flashed at the bottom:

HEADLINE: MEMBERS OF NATION’S GIRL GROUP IN A RELATIONSHIP

I had been home for a day since getting back from Beijing and it was all they were showing on the news. Well, except for the war in Syria and the some news on the United States. It was actually election season in South Korea but our faces had more airtime than the presidential candidates.

I was still in shock of everything.

I couldn’t manage to understand that it was really happening.

Our careers were ending.

I had never moved out of the couch and I hadn’t changed from my pajamas. I didn’t want to do anything.

But that was fine since our boss put us on house arrest until the hearing with the JYP board of directors that.

All I did was sulk.

Sip coffee.

And sulk some more.

I had told Momo on our way home in the plane that I wanted some time alone.

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” She asked me. I was sure she didn’t want me to be alone right now. I was sure she was just as worried for me as she was for herself. “Mina, we don’t have to listen to PD-nim. I can sneak into your apartment building.”

She insisted on giving me company, said that it was better for us to be together during the time because all we had were ourselves but I said no. I wanted to be alone and to reflect on things.

I would be reflecting on how life was just so unfair sometimes.

And how much I would love to take her with me and run away but there was no point in that because there was no way we could escape without getting caught.

We were like fugitives.

Momo gave up. “Okay, if that’s what you really want. I guess it’s better that we stay apart for a while until this dies down.”

I gave her a vulnerable smile. “We can still talk through the phone.”

“Yeah,” she smiled back.

I used to feel joy seeing Momo smile, but there in that plane, I just felt pain. I couldn’t believe that I was also responsible for what she was going through. I definitely blamed myself. My love for her had brought this of bad luck.

I could hardly bear the agony in my chest. If I looked at her for a second I just might burst into tears, so I roughly pulled her to an embrace. “Momo, I love you. I really love you. And I’m sorry this is happening.”

She hushed me, my back. “This isn’t anyone’s fault, Mina. We both knew it was going to happen eventually.”

I let go to see her incredible optimism. “But not like this! Not this bad!” I protested.

“We still have each other, Mina,” she reminded me and from then I had instilled it in my head. “No matter what they can never tear us apart.”

Even if our careers were ending, I thought, Momo and I would continue.

Our relationship was the only reason I had left to go on and it was my only source of hope in this horrific ordeal.

In my hours of sulking and reflecting in the living room, I had come to the decisio