word count: 1417

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November 25, 2016

"Jihoon!" Seungcheol shouted as his smile turned to panic. He saw Jihoon's face looking as if he was smiling.

He sprung up scooping Jihoon in his arms running to the car. He wrapped the younger in a scarf and a warm jacket and went to the car starting it immediately. He couldn't care anymore if he was wearing a tanktop and pyjama bottoms all he had in his mind was Jihoon.

His mind was flooded of Jihoon when he stopped at the hospital he didn't even park he just had to get the boy in there. He lifted the other in his arms once again and went into the building.

Novermber 26, 2016

Seungcheol woke up with the sound of the busy hospital outside the room. Jihoon was still haven't woken up. Seungcheol was still trembling. It was so much to take in, first he saw Jihoon smiling at him in the morning, then next thing he was here. He's so lost, He doesn't know where to put himself, he doesn't know what to do to help Jihoon, It hurts so much that it's actually like torture.

"Jihoon." He called but the boy remained unresponsive.

"Jihoon." He tried again growing more desperate. His shaking hands reached for the other's. Jihoon's hand was cold. Seungcheol trapped both hands on his own trying to warm it up.

Seungcheol could only look at the boy, He looked so beautiful, overwhelmingly beautiful.

He was so in love with the boy, He set up his mind that Jihoon might survive. But this situation, this hopeless feeling he has in his stomach was driving himself to the wall. He tried to be optimistic, but when Jihoon's doctor came in and out with his eyes filled with pity-that's when he knows he's hopeless.

He's praying, he's calling the other's name but the heartbeat monitor just goes a little quieter as time passes and he's a mess. Hair disheveled and he was falling apart. He was so desperate to hear Jihoon's voice again, see his eyes open.

"God, can I please be selfish and keep Jihoon, please don't take him from me." He said crying his eyes out still holding on to the boy's hands "Please, let him stay, let his smile, I won't know what to do. I love him so much. Please." He said his cheek and nose turning red. His ears feel warm. His whole body wrapped in warmth. Warmth that he'd want to give Jihoon right now.

Then there it was. the long agonizing sound of the heart monitor letting out a long beep sound, steadily. Doctors flooded the whole room, and he was forced to let go of Jihoon, his eyes we're wide and he was on shock. He was just looking at them, looking at the doctors trying to revive his boyfriend. He knelt on the floor and it seemed like forever until the doctors decided not to shock the boys body anymore, because it was now futile.

Jihoon was gone, and the body, lying on the bed was no longer alive. It was just there now.

"time of death, 2:57 pm."

Images of Jihoon just smiling flooded his mind, images of the boy closing his eyes before a kiss, Jihoon's beautiful laugh. His hands. Everything Jihoon, just filled his head and he was still on the floor, he was still shaking.

"I'm sorry, Mr.Choi."

The doctor said to the lost boy, and Seungcheol who was starting to crawl to the boy's bed didn't respond but focuused his whole existence on the body on the bed.

"Jihoonie? you're okay right? You're going to wake up right?" Seungcheol said taking Jihoon's hand to his cheek but the hand was already colder than before. "Please answer me. Talk to me, please?"

He was crying so much.

"Please." Seungcheol whispered more to himself.

But Jihoon remained limp.

and lifeless.

November 28, 2016

People might tell him, well at least you're free to love again, at least you don't have to worry anymore. But no, He doesn't want to be free. He wants to be trapped in Jihoon. He wants to drown in everything that is Jihoon. He wants to spend the rest of his life chained to Jihoon.

Jihoon, the only word that mattered to Seungcheol.

Jihoon was cremated, his urn safe between Seungcheol's weak arms. The design was pure white with Angel orchids painted on it.

Jihoon, the closest Seungcheol has seen heaven.

He was sitting on the lounger chair on their balcony, orchids just hanging by the side. He was looking up at the sky, The sky was a dull shade of blue it was almost white if you don't look hard enough. It was so cold.

Instead of rain, snow came that day, making the scene white and colorless.

Jihoon likes snow, so Seungcheol stayed in the balcony the only thing warming him up was their blanket.

He wouldn't feel as cold if Jihoon was here, right now.

He then heard to doorbell ring, He wasn't up for guests right now, but if it was Soonyoung, then, so be it. He answered the door and there was indeed Soonyoung, clad in a gray sweater and jeans, with a black coat and a white scarf. The boy looked as colorless as Seungcheol's world right now.

"Hi, hyung." Soonyoung said.

"Hey."

The older of the two led the way to the balcony and sat on the chair he was sitting on earlier offering Jihoon's chair to Soonyoung.

"How are you doing, Soonyoung." The older started, sincerely wanting to know how Soonyoung's holding up right now.

"Honestly, I'm not doing well." Soonyoung said shivering at the wind. "I don't know what to do, right now."

Seungcheol was the same.

"How about you, hyung?"

"The same as you."

There was silence then, no one wanted to talk. They just wanted to stay peaceful for a bit, they wanted to just sit there and look up at the sky. Almost an hour passed when someone spoke.

"You know, when jihoon introduced me to you." Seungcheol paused with a longing smile on his face "I found it really weird that you act like nothing's happeing when in fact you're friend was dying."

"That was one of Jihoon's wishes." Soonyoung said looking at nowhere. His face was unreadable, a mixture of ease and sadness, Jihoon could rest, but he won't be able to see him anymore, won't be able to talk to him. He has no one to turn to when he feels lost or he got his heart broken. Seungcheol could comfort him, he was also like a brother to Soonyoung by now, but not as much as the comfort Jihoon gives.

"Jihoon told us, he told us to treat him the same, as if he wasn't dying. To keep making jokes and laugh, to pretend like he's not dying. He even told us that whoever cries at his funeral will get haunted by him." Soonyoung smiled "Right now, now that we're here, i don't mind that."

Seungcheol was silent, his mind and heart absorbing what Soonyoung had said.

"Jihoon. I miss him already." Seungcheol said looking at the urn, tears rolling down his face like there's no tomorrow. "My Jihoonie."

Seungcheol was crying, he doesn't know anymore why he cries. When he was young, his father told him not to feel sad when someone dies because of a sickness or accident because then they will be released from their suffering. But he was far beyond sad now, he was hopeless.

He can't see anything anymore, either because of the tears or the fact that his eyes only want to see Jihoon right now.

"What will I do now?" He said almost ununderstandable

"Seungcheol hyung, The Jihoon we know would probably want you to get up from that chair right now and rest. Get some energy, hyung."

Seungcheol stood up, dusted his clothes then fixed his hair, though he was still crying and sniffing, He never knew he had this much tears.

Soonyoung was about to leave but before he did, he turned around as if to say something to the older.

"Hyung." He started "I've never said this before but, really, thank you for making Jihoon happy. He's happy when he died, I think. Take care of yourself, hyung. I know for a fact that Jihoon would want that. I've known him since forever, afterall."

"Take care of youself too, Soonyoung." The eldest said back. Jihoon would want that, he thought.

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OK ANOTHER QUICK (and painful) UPDATE FOR YA'LL. 

all of you really, you're comments crack me up idk why

anticipate the next few chapers.