Chapter 21: Start of goodbyes

CHANYEOL

I shifted on the other side of my bed and groaned. It's noisy. In my house. It's noisy in my house. It should not be noisy in my house. I sat up and looked around. It's clean. What the hell?

I walk out from my room and saw Meilee and Baekhyun rummaging through my kitchen. I scanned again and looked for her but- "Disappointed that it was just us?" Meilee said. "She won't come."

"Why are you guys here? And how did you know my passcode?"

Baekhyun chuckled. "Your birthday and 0801. Does that satisfy your question?"

And I realized that I lost count of the days since I've been with Kana. I'm enjoying it too much that I don't want each day to end. Those days ended quickly in just a snap. I don't know what made her leave again but I know she left for a reason and this time, I'll get her back for sure.

"I don't need people in my birthday. You both can just go." I was about to sit on my couch when someone rang my doorbell. I looked at Baekhyun and he shrugged.

"You're here too?" Chen said as he walks in. "Meilee- is she-"

I sighed and walked to my room slamming the door. I hate it. I hate it when that happens. I hate it that they're expecting her to be here too. I hate how Kana's not here. I miss her. I grab my phone and called her.

- - - - - - - - - - 

KANA

I threw myself in the bed. My whole body hurts and I am sleepy as hell. I just had two straight surgeries and I'm hungry and sleepy at the same time. I can't choose both so I choose sleeping. My phone started to ring. Chanyeol. He's calling. It's his birthday today and I'm not supposed to get calls from him. They'll know. The call ended and I missed it.

"I'm sorry.." I whispered. My heart is starting to hurt again and I clenched my fist on my chest hitting it. Trying to stop the pain but it doesn't. I struggled to lock the door, making sure nobody walks in. I leaned on the door and endured the pain. There's something wrong with me. This is not normal.

- - - - - - - - - - 

I open my eyes and find myself in a hospital room. Hospital rooms are normal for me but not me lying in hospital beds especially when Yoo Mi's staring in front of me with her arms crossed. I sat up pulling the blanket close to me as if I'm protecting myself from her. She sighs and walks closer to me, still her arms crossed to her chest.

"What do you think you're doing locking the door like that Kana?" She sits beside me. I feel like I'm being scolded by my mother right now.

"I don't want anyone to know."

"But not to that point! You are in a situation right now! And-"

"I'm dying right?" I blurted out. She stops and bit her lip in shock. "I knew about it. I'm a doctor too. I've read about my condition once, the symptoms are in much of what I feel right now. What I want to know personally from you is, how much time do I have left?"

"Kana-"

"I'm asking you as a patient now Yoo Mi. Please tell me how much more time do I have left?" She walks back and forth, now her hands are on her waist. She's staring up. "Yoo Mi?"

She stops and looks at me. "Three to four months in least but it can grew to years if we get you in a surgery-"

"Oh." For a breaker, that was the most painful sting I felt in my heart. Silence took over. None of us talked. It's like those words are eating us up. She walks to me and hugs me. She's sobbing. She's crying. I am now too.

"I'm sorry Kana. I told you that there's nothing that you should worry about and that you'll be fine.. it's just that, the-"

I pull out from her and wiped her tears. I force a smile because I know that she's having it hard now. I know she's blaming herself for my false hopes but I know that she hoped for me to be okay too. "It's not your fault. Doctors are not perfect. They make mistakes. I do too. Don't be too hard on yourself."

"Kana, we can still save you. If we have another transplant you'll-"

"I won't have it."

"Kana.."

"I'm sorry. I won't risk the time that I have left to spend with Soah at risk. I want to see her grow up. I want to see her be happy. I want to leave her with a perfect life Yoo Mi. I want my child to be secured and safe from all possible dangers that she can get."

"She won't be happy without you around." The door opens and Yoo Han enters. We both froze. Since when has he been in here? "I heard it all. I rushed when I heard you were found unconscious and I heard it all. You're damn dying."

Yoo Mi stands and releases me. She mouthed that she'll leave us to talk and I nod. Yoo Han sits beside me and holds me. "You can't die."

I chuckled. "It's not like I want to."

"Damn Kana this is nothing to joke about! You- You're ing sick! You're dying! How can you still-" he stops and groans. He threw his head back and roughly runs her hands through his face. "Damn it." I smile and took his hands.

"You're being angry more than I do."

"Do you expect me to smile then? Throw a party and celebrate that you're sick and dress up as a ripped heart from me being heartbroken because of your case?" I laugh and shake my head. He lowers his head and his shoulder lowers. He's starting to shake. He's crying.

"Yoo Han."

"I can't have you gone. I really can't.. I already lost my brother and now…"

"Stop crying Yoo Han.." He looks at me and wipes his tears. He kisses my hand in repeat and placed them on his cheek. "Do me a favor will you?"

"Anything."

"Help me make one hell of a lifetime in my remaining time okay?"

He smiles and nods. "No need to tell me."

- - - - - - - - - - 

KANA

"You look great." Yoo Han says. He glanced at his watch and his eyes shifted back at me. He scans around the room and grabbed the shawl hanging on my closet. "But I think this dress reveal your shoulders a bit and it's not good for your health so put this on okay?"

I chuckle and grab the shawl wrapping it around me. He helps me by tying it nicely and grabs my hand. "You sure you can go with me?"

"Your parents invited me. I should go."

"Tell me if you feel uncomfortable okay?"

"I still have a lot of time left and I'm not dying yet." His face turns to a serious one. I suddenly feel guilty for making it into a joke because he certainly hates it when I do that. "Sorry."

"Let's go." He grabs my hand and we make our way downstairs. Soah approaches me and runs.

"Mommy, you look like a princess!" I smile and take her to my arms.

"Thank you Soah." I replied and kissed her. "I'm sorry Mommy can't take you with us."

"It's okay. Mommy and Uncle Yoo Han shoudl enjoy!"

"We will princess." Yoo Han replied. I set her down and Baekhyun takes her.

"You, be careful okay?" I nod and laughs.

"I know. You say that every time."

"I say it because you're a tragedy magnet. Now go and have fun."

"I will." I kiss his cheek and we headed out. Yoo Han opens the door for me and walks to the driver’s seat. He starts the car and drives.

"I told them that we'll be postponing the wedding." I looked at him and tried to contemplate what he just said just now.

"You don't have to-"

"It's a forced wedding. I don't want to rush it when we are being forced. We both know this is because of the companies that our parents own. I also don't want Soah and you being at stake here."

Yoo Han talking is like Lu Han talking to me right now. I always feel guilty seeing Lu Han in Yoo Han. They're twins but I know they're different.

"And also," I know what he's going to say next. He's going to bring up Chanyeol.

"Ah, I'm hungry! We can head into the buffet table first right?" He looks at me with him being cut in talking and laughs. He shakes his head and continued driving. It took us twenty minutes to get to the venue. He stops and a valet approaches us and opened the door. He helps ne get off and the venue is grand. As expected of Yoo Han's family. We entered the place and greeted his parents. I can see that mom and dad are here too.

"Mom, Dad." I called.

"Kana!" My Dad greeted and Yoo Han's parents approached too. "We were just talking about you. Did you left at work? We thought you both will not make it."

"We got off early."

"I see." Yoo Han's mother replied. "You look very beautiful today dear."

"Thank you."

"Have you met my friend's daughter? She's here too. I'm sure you two can relate with each other!"

"Ah not yet.." I hope she doesn't find her because I really don't like interacting with people right now.

"Mom, it's okay. You-" Yoo Han was supposed to stop her but it was too late. It's the girl who I saw that's with Chanyeol back then.

"Hye Jin, this is my son and his fiancè Kana."

"Oh?" Hye Jin chuckles and approached me. "You're here? That's good! Chanyeol's here too!"

"You know each other?" Yoo Han's Mom asked.

"Yes auntie. She's actually-"

"That's enough." A familiar voice appeared. He's here... with her. Chanyeol walks in and greeted Yoo Han's and my parents. "Good evening."

"Oh? Chanyeol, you're here too." Dad replied.

"Yes. I'm accompanying my father Mr. Byun."

I felt Yoo Han's hand on mine. He grabs me away from the circle. "We should get something to eat. Excuse us." He says as we walk away. He pulls the seat for me and I took it. "I'll be back." I nod and watch him walk over the buffet table. I don't even know if I can eat right now. Everything's just messed up right now.

Yoo Han returns with plates full of food and I chuckled. "That's a lot."

"We have to eat to avoid being around the elders." I chuckle and took the spoon and fork from him. He gently sliced the beef and placed it on my plate. "Now eat."

"I can slice my own food. I'm not that weak yet."

"Can't I take good care of you at least?" I smile and started eating. A chair appeared beside our table. Chanyeol.

"Is the food to your liking? I'm hungry and I can't even eat a decent meal on my birthday." He takes my fork and eats the food on my plate. Yoo Han stares at him and I held his hand stopping him.

"What food do you like? I'll get it for you." Yoo Han asks.

"Take everything so that it'll take much of your time and never go back."

I stood up and looked at Chanyeol. "Let's talk."

"Kana-"

"I'll be back. I promise." I smile and walked away from the table. Chanyeol follows me and I stopped when I see nobody around us anymore. "What's with you?"

He scoffs and looks straight at me. "Should you really be asking me that right now when you suddenly acted opposite of what you've been the last time we're together?"

I stop. I was held back with what he said. I'm dying which is why I'm moving away from you. I'll only cause you to feel even worse than you're feeling right now. I wish I can say that but I can't. As much as I wanted to spend my last moments with him, I can't. He'll only feel miserable being with me.

"Now if you can tell me why you left again I would appreciate it-"

"Can't you just go? I would appreciate that more?"

This is his time to be held back. It's obvious that he was surprised with what I said just now. I'm sorry. I wish I can say that but I can't. My chest is starting to hurt. I held it tight and turned against him. I'm starting to feel weak. I rummage my bag and searched for my phone and pressed Yoo Han's number.

"Hey, Kana? Are you okay?" Chanyeol asked. I can feel him approaching. He can’t see me like this. Not now. Never. He can never know I’m dying.