Chapter 4: True feelings

I sat by the veranda as I wait for drowsiness to come and visit me so that I can head straight to my bed and sleep. Guess I won't be having any visitor for now. I sigh in frustration. No matter how much I try, I still can't remember who I am. The door in the veranda opens and I saw Chanyeol coming in. He sits at the chair next to me and hands me a warm cup of milk.

"Can't sleep as usual."

"Do I usually go here?" I asked.

"Yeah, whenever we go here, you stay here until you feel sleepy."

"Then I walk back to my room?"

"No. I always carry you there which is why I'm here."

"Y...You what?"

He laughs and continued drinking his milk. My heart is beating fast again. I am having hard time breathing. Just by looking at him makes me feel this way. I unconsciously leaned against him. Feeling him close makes me feel comfortable.

"Feel sleepy yet?" He asked.

"Yeah.. a bit.." I lied. I don't feel an inch of drowsiness in my body. This is ridiculous. 

"You can sleep. I'll carry you back."

"Mm." I replied. I closed my eyes and continue to lean on him. I felt his hand on me and this is so comfortable.

- - - - - - - - - - 

“Why are you staring?” I asked.

“Nothing.” Luhan replied.

“That's not nothing Luhan." I said and looked at him straight.

“Come here.” He gestured and I did. I sat in front of him and he hugs me from behind. “I love you.” I smiled and leaned on him.

“I love you too.”

- - - - - - - - - - 

I gasped and opened my eyes. I'm sweating. That dream.. that was definitely me. And that guy, did I have a relationship with Luhan? But they said he's just an ordinary friend.. how could he be?

"You're awake already? I just moved you here?" Chanyeol comes in and asked. I stood up and grabbed him. "What's wrong? You look pale."

"D..Did I? Did I have a relationship with Luhan Chan-" I gasped. He's kissing me. I didn't push him. I let him. He lets go but remains his eyes closed.

"Don't. Not yet. Please.. just not yet." He whispered.

"What? I don't understand. I mean, what did you do just now? And I- What do you mean exactly?"

His arms make its way around me. Now he's hugging me. If there's someone who can make a girl heart fall out of its place, well it's Chanyeol.

"Not yet. Just don't ask. Please pretend like it's nothing." He whispered again. There's something between me and that Luhan. I can tell there's something more than that. Me, Luhan and Chanyeol.

- - - - - - - - - - 

After what happened last night, I can't seem to look at Chanyeol straight. Well who can? A guy kissed you out of nowhere. We are now headed to the park for a picnic. Park Chanyeol is headed to the park. Okay I have to stop that. We found a spot and we set up the mat and the other things needed. So Ah run off to play with her toys and I smiled as I watch her. I don't know what's with So Ah. Looking at her makes me really happy and feel light.

"Unnie! Uncle! Look!!" She exclaimed showing us the butterfly that is on her headband. I chuckled. The butterfly must've thought that it is a real flower.

"It must've thought your headband is a real flower." I said. So Ah chuckled and nods. My eyes landed at Chanyeol but I looked away.

"Uncle, does Mom love flowers too?" So Ah asked. I looked at him waiting for the answer. Chanyeol smiled. I noticed that whenever we talk about Soah's mother, he smiles and for some reason, I don't like it.

"Yes. She loves flowers. Back then, she used to pick flowers from our place and we took pictures of it. She really loves them. She also looks beautiful while holding them. She's like a flower."

I have a feeling inside my chest. I don't like him talking about another person. "Then is my Mama pretty?"

"Very." He replied. I bit my lip in frustration.

"Do you like her? She's another person's wife." I replied. I regret what I just said because his expression changed.

"Uncle likes Mama?" Soah asked. Chanyeol looks at me and I looked back. I want to hear it. His answer.

"I do. I liked her very much."

I felt another sting in my chest. I stood up. "I..I have to go to the restroom." I replied. I reached the restroom and I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I'm now crying. "Stop.. you can't cry." I said to myself wiping my tears but they don't stop.

- - - - - - - - - - 

So Ah fell asleep while we spend time at the park. Chanyeol started to clean our things and I watch him do so. He looks at me in worry and I looked away. I look horrible after crying.

"You okay?" He asks while cleaning.

Do I look okay? After hearing the person you like saying that he likes another person, do you think I'll be okay? "Yes." I lied.

He sits in front of me and was about to touch me but I looked away. He was surprised by my action and stepped back. He always does things that I can misunderstand. I don't even know if he liked me even once. "We should go back now. It's getting dark." He says and I nod. He carried So Ah and I carried the basket. I sat inside the car and he gave So Ah to me. I hugged So Ah and felt relieved all of a sudden. Being with her really gives me a good feeling. We stopped by their house and picked up our things then headed back home.

The trip back home was really quiet. Chanyeol didn't talk and didn't play any music. I think me hearing music right now would just make my emotions even worse.

"There's a coffee shop nearby. Want to grab some drink?" He asks to break the silence. And that's when I realized, we're back in Seoul.

"Sure." I replied. He pulled over in front of the shop and tells me that he'll be back so I nod. I sigh and caressed So Ah's hair as she continued to sleep. Chanyeol comes back with beverages on his hands. He handed one to me and I was surprised that he didn't buy something that has pure coffee in it. I just realized that I don't like coffee much.

"Vanilla frappe. You don't like pure coffee." I flushed when he said that. How long did we know each other that he knew this thing? I chuckled. "Why?"

"Nothing. It's just that, you know me more that I do." He smiles.

"That's good."

"What is?" I asked.

"How you smiled just now. Glad to see it again. I haven't seen you smile since yesterday."

"Oh."  I stared at the drink and thinked. Did Chanyeol really like that person? I wonder what he thinks about me. He did kiss me that night or did he just did that to shut me up? Should I ask him?

"What are you thinking about?" He asked and shifted his gaze to me after sitting at the passenger seat.

"You." I blurted out. He looks surprised so I continued to examine him. He smiles and rested his arm on the seat. He looks cool just by doing it.

"Tell me about it. That sounds interesting." 

"I'm thinking what you think about me. Why you did that that night and if you really like that person."

His expression changes and shifted his gaze to So Ah. "You're still direct as ever." He said. Even though I don't know me being that way, I think I just hit the spot on him. "I can let you hear the answer to what you're thinking. Do you want to hear it?"

I bit my lip. I want to hear it but at the same time I can't. I have a feeling that I'll get hurt by his words. "No. I don't want to."

"You sure?"

"Yes." I replied. I cleared my throat and looked outside. "Can we go home now? I want to rest and I'm sure Soah does want to be on her room."

"Okay." He said and gets off from the passenger’s seat to the driver's seat. He continued to drive back to our house and my brother welcomed us back home. I carried So Ah and put her to bed. I smiled and kissed her goodnight. I returned to my room and sighed. "I have to forget about it." 

- - - - - - - - - - 

The next day, I can't believe I wanted to avoid Chanyeol. Luckily, I left earlier than him because I have to study for my class, so I can stay put for now. I stretched my arms, I've been studying for two hours straight and I haven't have breakfast yet. So I packed my things and bought something to eat at the cafeteria. I was on my way back when I saw Chanyeol. I gasped and turned around.

"Kana!"

"Too late.." I mumbled and tried to run but he grabs me. "Let go Chanyeol."

"You left before us. What's wrong? You didn't even leave a message."

"I can manage to go myself now. At least I remembered how to go here."

He looks at me with his arms folded in front of his chest. "You're not avoiding me are you? What’s wrong with you? You didn’t eat dinner with us last night and you didn’t even talk to me. Did I do something that made you upset?”

Oh that pissed me off really. I'm on the verge of crying. "That's why don't do things that I might misunderstand!"

"What are you saying? Did I did something wrong?" I looked at him and now I'm crying. I like you Chanyeol. I like you so much but you love another person. "Kan-"

"Chanyeol? We need you right now. Let's go!"

He shuts his eyes closed and sighed. "Wait for me here. Don't leave, I'll be back I promise." He said then left.

I ignored what he said then headed to class. I wiped my tears before coming in and sat on my seat. Meilee isn't here yet so I ate my sandwich. After some time, the class started and I felt my phone vibrated. It's Chanyeol.

Why the hell did you leave Kana? I went back and you're not there. We have to talk this out. I'll wait for you to finish your class. I'll be outside your classroom don't even think of running away.

I stared at the clock and saw that there's still twenty minutes left. I can't leave because the quiz will be given at any moment. After the papers have been given, I tried to answer every question as fast as I can but then I managed to answer it just in time for the test papers to be passed. Once I handed my paper, I ran towards the exit. I thought I made it but,

"Hey Byun Kana!" I paused and saw Chanyeol approaching. "You're escaping right now!"

"Leave me alone Chan- hey!" He started pulling me with him until we ended up in a place where there's only the two of us.

"Now tell me, why are you avoiding me?"

"Because if I don't, I might misunderstand you more. I don't want to hear your answer regarding my questions either!" I looked at him and he's smiling.

"You don't want to hear it?"

"I told you I don't! I don't want to do something that might hurt me even more! I can't like you any mor-" I gasp. He's kissing me again. I tried to push him away but he pulled me even closer. He pulls away and smiles.

"Let me get this clear okay? I liked that girl and who I like right now is you. That's what I think about you. I’m also fine with you misunderstanding everything."

I gasped. "W..What?" He chuckled.

"I'm saying that I like you too."

"Oh my gosh." He chuckles and hugs me. I felt him rest his chin on my head as he hugs me tighter.

"I love you too. Now I'm telling you that.”

I smiled and hugged him back. "Is it really true? That you like me?"

"Yeah. Want another proof?"

"What's the first proof?"

"This." He kisses me again. He just kissed me twice.

"Yo..You just kissed me twice."

"I can do that again and again. Would you want that? Because I would definitely love that."

"Look at you, you're being bold all of a sudden!" He chuckles.

"It's because I finally have you."

"Finally? How long have you been liking me anyway?" He takes my hand and smiles.

"Even if I tell you, you won't remember that moment anyway."