Chapter 13: Falling Apart

CHANYEOL

I look at her as she melts to the ground. Now she knows everything. The secret that I have been hoping she won't know. The secret that I know will break her heart.  I walk to her but she shoves me away. She doesn't want me.

"Kana!" Baekhyun called. I hold him back and shake my head no. She needed space. I know how she feels. The feeling of being suffocated. I told him that I'll follow her and he nods.

I make my way out as I watch her from afar as she walks. She is a little bit unsteady but she manages not to fall. Thunders are growling and lightning strikes but none of them manage to shake her feelings of despair away. Her phone rings and she picks up.

"Oh, Soah. Mm? Mommy's out right now.." she slowly sinks to ground. She wants to see her. She wants to see Soah. "Mommy misses you too. I want to see you.. Soah, Mommy wants to see you." She started crying. Rain starts falling. I walk up to her and took her phone.

"Soah, Uncle will get you there okay?" I say then hang up. I placed her phone on my pocket and hugged her. "Shh. I'm here. Everything will be okay."

- - - - - - - - - - 

"How is she?" Baekhyun asks and sits on the chair next to me. I scroll down the image as I edit it. I can't concentrate on what I am supposed to do when Kana is being like this.

"She's at her room. I think they're both sleeping. Soah made her calm down."

"I see." He replied. Baekhyun spins his phone on his hand and I noticed that he wanted to tell me something.

"What is it?" I asked. He chuckled and sits straight.

"Does it really look like I am about to say something?"

"Yeah. You kept on glancing on me and I can see it on my peripheral vision."

"I'm just thinking about it. What dad said that is."

"What about it?"

"He said that Lu Han's family wants vengeance right? I'm having thoughts if Yoohan's appearance might have something to do about it. I mean, what if Yoohan is with them too? Kana and Soah have been close to Yoohan."

My hand stopped clicking. My eyes stopped looking at the image. He has a point. What if Yoohan is the one in charge of finding out where Kana is? Then is this all part of his plan?

"Chanyeol?" I turn and saw Kana rubbing her eyes. She's cute when she does that.

"Hey." I replied and she approaches me. I hugged her and she rested her head on my chest and I kissed her forehead. "How are you?"

"I can't sleep at all."

"I think we can have you take on some meds." Baekhyun said.

"It'll be okay. Want me to stay with you?"

"Can you?" I smile and nod.

"You don't need to ask angel."

"I'm only letting this cheesiness of both of you because my sister's depressed. When she's good, not letting it happen." Baekhyun said and I chuckle. We make our way to her room and we smile seeing at Soah sleep.

"You can lie down next to her." She nods and did as she was told. I placed her head on my chest and hugged her.

"I can't sleep.." she whispered softly and I can feel her sob. I looked down at her and held her cheeks, kissing her.

"Please don't cry angel. It hurts me as much as you do." I whisper. I held on to her and kiss her. I can feel tears flow from her face as I continue kissing her. It hurts. Then I remembered the letter. I reach for her nightstand and opened the drawer. I took the letter then went back to her. "Here. This might help." I say giving her the letter.

Kana,

As much as I am wishing for this not to happen, unfortunately it did. You reading this letter means that you have found out that I was the one who gave you that heart. But hey, I don't want you to be sad. Please don't be. I will always be with you. We have the same heart and will be loving each other 'til forever. I know you might despise me for this and I can't blame you for that. You can do that all you want but I just want you to know that I don't regret getting in that train, catching you, looking at you with your beautiful smile because it was all worth it. Even for a short time, you made me feel so happy and complete and trust me, you're the only one who had done that to me.  For once, you made me feel like I was special, that I was needed. I'm really happy that I got to have a chance to know you and be with you. To have a daughter like Soah. I know you'll raise her well. I also know that Chanyeol will always be with you. Some girls have their one destiny but with you, you're lucky to have two. I know that you can learn to love him as much as you have loved me Kana. And trust me, he loves you more than you know it. I love you Kana. I love you to the moon and back.

- Lu Han

She closes the letter as she sobs. I don't know how to handle this because I am hurting as much as she does. I know Lu Han hyung will always have a place in her heart and I don't know how to have one in hers. She stands up and wipes her tears but it's useless.

"I..I need to wash up." She says and walks to the bathroom. She closes it and I followed her. I can her cry from inside. She just wants to be alone. I sit and lean on the door hoping that I can comfort her from here.

- - - - - - - - - - 

  KANA

I wash Soah as she plays with her toys in the tub. Looking at her reminds me of him. Why did Lu Han did that? If he didn't, will I be here washing Soah in this tub? Will he be with us? Will we still be happy? Will Chanyeol still be with us?

"Mommy, why are you crying?"

"H..Huh?" Soah's right. I am crying. Why didn't I notice? "O..Oh, something just got into my eyes Soah. Mommy's fine." I smiled. I felt a hand touch mine and I saw Chanyeol. He smiles and said that he'll wash Soah for me. I scoot over to the side and rinsed my hands watching them.

"Uncle, can you wipe Mommy's eyes? She's hurting."

Chanyeol looks at me and grabs my hand pulling me closer. He makes me sit on his lap and wipes my eyes. "Shh. Don't worry, I'll be here." He kisses my temple and whispered. I nod and hugged him resting my head on his. I sniffed and stood up smiling.

"Soah, uncle will finish you up okay?"

"Mm!" She replied. I walked back to my room to get ready and opened my closet. My phone rang, so I slip into the dress and grabbed my phone from my dresser.

"Hello?"

"Kana."

"Oh, Yoohan?"

"Where are you? Are you home?"

"Yeah I am. Why?"

"I'm outside. Come out."

"What?" I ran to my veranda and looked down. He's really here. I went back inside and ran downstairs. "Yoohan! Why are yo-"  I gasped with him grabbing me by my hand and pulling me to a hug. "Y..Yoohan?"

"Damn it. I was so worried. I heard that my Dad was looking for you. You haven't been answering my calls."

"Yoohan.."

CHANYEOL

I saw Kana ran downstairs earlier so I ran after her. When I got outside, Yoohan is here. Hugging her. Why the hell is he hugging her?

"Kana." I called and she looks back. I walk closer and took Kana. "Why are you here?" I say and looked at Yoohan.

"I heard everything. I am worried about Kana."

"Who are you to worry about her? How can I know that you are not involved in this?"

"Chanyeol." I felt her hand on mine and she shakes her head no. Yoohan's phone rang so he excused himself and answered it. He looks at Kana afterwards.

"You should go. I think it's an important call." I say.

"Will you be okay?" He asks Kana. She smiles and nods.

"I will be. Chanyeol and my brother are here. Thank you." He nods and smiled.

"Okay then. I'll just call you later okay?" He said and walked back to his car.

I walk back inside and I felt my hand against mine. Kana is staring at me and is not saying anything. "Are you mad?"

"I don't know. Do you think I am mad?" Such a ridiculous answer Chanyeol.

"I'm sorry. I don't know that he'll be coming." I walk closer to her and hugged her. I can feel her against my chest.

"Just... Just please don't be close to him. It worries the hell out of me. It's not that I don't trust him. But if something happens to you Kana, I don't know how to react to that." She looks up to me and smiles. She reaches for my cheek and told me to get close. She kisses me and I kissed her back. I can feel her arms around my neck as I kiss her and pull her close.

"Nothing's going to happen Chanyeol. Everything will be fine." She says and I nod. I don't even know if I can trust myself in this one.

"I love you." I whisper.

"I love you too. I love you Park Chanyeol."

"I love you more Byun Kana."

- - - - - - - - - - 

"Where are we going?" She asked as I drive for her. I smile liking that she's curious. "Well?" She's still hoping for an answer. I continue to smile.

"What do you think? You, in a beautiful dress and I am with you." She chuckles at my answer.

"We went out with me in a dress for four times, so I am guessing a date?" I shake my head at her wrong answer. I pulled over to the side after we have arrived at our destination. "Why are we here at your mother's flower park?"

"Just get off." I did and walked to her side. I take her hand, entwining it with mine and led the way. We stopped at the place where there are a lot of lilies and she lets go of my hand approaching them. She always has loved lilies. "Remember this place?"

She looks at the lilies and nods. "Yeah, you brought me here when Baekhyun and I fought for the first time. I cried really hard to you that time. And when you showed me these lilies, I really stopped crying." She stands and smiles at me. This night has never been so beautiful. The moonlight and Kana's beauty outshining it. "That's when I started liking lilies."

I smile and wrap my arms around her resting my chin on her head. "That's when I started liking you."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I never thought that you will make me feel needed at that time. I am always alone at home. I just wanted to be of help to someone and that day you made me feel like it. You made me feel like I'm not alone anymore."

She smiles taking my cheeks on her hands and kisses me. "I will be glad to make you feel you're needed." I smile and grabbed one lily on my hand. I'm getting nervous but I hope things will work out. I hand the lily to her and she smiles taking it.

"It's pretty isn't it?" I asked and she chuckles nodding. I grabbed her hand and make our way to Mom's backyard. She gasps in awe after I turned the lights off. All that remains are tiny bits of lights. "Bokeh. It's like it. I tried hard making them for you."

"I love it. Thank you!" She exclaimed. She notices the film container beside the projector. "What is this? I wonder what kind of pictures is inside this film."

"You can see them if you want. That's the first film that I used."

"Really? I would love to see them!"

"Open that box." I say and she did as she was told. She gasps when she saw the photos.

"It's... me?"

"Yeah. It's kind of embarrassing though." I let out an unusual, kind of awkward laugh. I am only willing to show this side of me to Kana.

She is starting to tear up and I am not even half way on my plan. I took the fold container and asked her to hold up her hand for me. I open the container and I ring drops to her hand. She gasps again and looks at me. She looks different.

KANA

A ring dropped off. He's proposing. He's look at me right now but I feel uneasy. I don't feel good. Lu Han was supposed to propose to me but died. If this happens, will Chanyeol-

"Kana?"

"Are.. Are you... Is this what I think it is? Because if it is I don't think I can do it."

He looks disappointed. I feel apologetic. "Why?"

"I'm scared... I just heard about Lu Han and I don't think me being with you will be good. Me being together with someone just brings danger. I can't put you into one too.."

He takes me to his arms and hugs me. Now we're both crying. He shakes his head repeatedly. "No. Please no Kana. Let's just take things slow okay? I'll take back my proposal so please."

It's happening again. I place the ring back to him and ran.