I left the train station with a beating heart. It was now or never. I came here without a plan, without any idea. But I know why I came here. The reason why I came back was to amend feelings and fix my friendship. This burden, in my heart, kept getting heavier. And I would not like to carry that burden for long. 

            I terminated my contract with the company. And I was no longer working for them. There was little to no possibility that we’ll cross paths. But it didn’t matter. I knew that I will do my best to accomplish this mission. I will do my best to give our story a happy ending. 

            Let’s give him his happy ending that he deserved.

XoxoX

            It’s been a week in Seoul. And I’ve made no progress at all. I wasn’t allowed inside the company building since I wasn’t a staff anymore. Also, I can’t visit the boys in their dorm, I was deemed a stranger, after all. One week and I was running out of money to live on. But my will and determination was strong like the people of the Earth Kingdom. That show left an impression on me, didn’t it? 

            The other line was ringing. In the contact list of my former staff members, this was the last. This was my last trump card. Everybody else didn’t want to help me. Everybody else either quit or found my conditions too troublesome.  

            This was the only contact list I had. And although Baekhyun and Suho’s phone numbers were saved in my phone, I was sure they changed phone numbers already. Idols change their phone numbers regularly to avoid crazy fans and stalkers bothering them. 

            “Hello?” the person on the other line asked with a rather irritated tone. Oh no. Nevertheless I persisted to ask, despite my chance slowly going down the drain. After a short greeting, I went straight to the point. 

            “We used to be workmates before. I just wanted to know if you would like to help—“ and beeping was heard on the other line. Damn it. I have tough luck. The stars weren’t aligning for me. I kind of regret that I wasn’t kinder to my workmates. If I shared bond with them, someone must be willing to help me now. 

            I’ll just sleep the night away. And I hope that when I wake up, fate will be in my favor. 

XoxoX

            I had no choice left, anymore. I’ve been in Seoul for a month and yet I’ve made no progression. We haven’t even see each other yet. At this point, I didn’t know anymore. I was lost. And the only thing keeping up my determination was his hearty smile in my memories. And the occasional pictures of him I’d see on the subway advertisements.

            He’s so popular now, his face can be seen everywhere. Although his eye makeup leaned to the more natural side and he didn’t wear eyeliner as often anymore. I guess it really was my trademark for him. I kind of miss doing his makeup. 

            I knew that there was one way so we would cross paths again. There was one way. And that way was to sign on a contract on the company again. And work again. But I didn’t want to be away from my family. I told them that I would only be gone for a two months. I didn’t want to break my promises with my family. 

XoxoX

            Two months and I was broke. Everyday seemed to be fasting because I had no food to eat. I had no money to pay rent. I didn’t have a job and I didn’t want my parents sending me money. My father was earning just enough to feed my family back home. The last bills inside my wallet were enough to go home. Fate hasn’t been kind to me for the last two months. I’m so sorry, but I have to go back. 

            I had no choice. I thought I would fix my regrets in a week or two. But I was in Seoul for two months and I haven’t even see his shadow. It was just impossible for me. So I went back to my family. I’m so sorry, Baekhyun. 

XoxoX

            Dinner with my family was so heartwarming. I missed home. It was painful being away for two months. I lived just on instant noodles in my two months in Seoul. But over dinner, I was still very bothered. I was angry and disappointed at myself. I said I’d give him his happy ending, and yet, I left again, for the second time. More painful than the first. 

            I guess our ending was having no ending. 

            “Are you happy?” my father asked, over dinner. He probably noticed my crestfallen expression and my unsuccessful attempt in Seoul. I only answered with a half-hearted “yeah” as I stared on to space. I was just torn. A part of me wanted to stay with my family while another part of me wanted to find him in Seoul. 

            “You aren’t,” my father pointed out the obvious. I looked at my father whose eyes were looking through me like I was a transparent glass. “You know we’ll support you as long as you’re happy.” That’s what my father said. But I couldn’t bring to tell him what I wanted to do. 

            “Tell us what you want to do,” my mom told me, smiling so brightly. I can’t tell them what I want to do. What I want was just painful for the both of us. I just didn’t want to leave anymore. 

            “It’s okay to work back in Seoul, as long as you’ll visit twice a year and call often.” My eyes turned wide. She knew what I wanted. She placed her warm hand on my back and hugged me. “We’ve discussed it while you were gone. And we think it’s alright,” she told me, my hug getting tighter. 

            I felt tears in my eyes. And the warm salted drops rolled down my cheeks as I weeped. “Thank you mom. Thank you dad,” I said, repeatedly, wiping my tears with my palms. I knew it would be hard to live away from my family. But I’ll endure it and I would visit often. 

            This family hug was so warm. I would never have experienced it if I still resented them. The happiness with my family was all thanks to him. Without him telling me to go on a trip with my new family, I wonder if I would ever experience times like this. 

            “Thanks mom and dad. Thank you so much.”

            Mom, up in heaven, I cried tears again. But these tears weren’t of pain or sorrow. The tears I shed today were happiness and joy. Mom, I think it’s alright to cry. As long as you have a family and a friend that will comfort you. 

XoxoX

            I watched how he approached me. He bowed and greeted politely, “Good morning. Thank you for taking care of us.” Those were his exact same words years ago. He hasn’t changed at all. He’s still the polite and sweet boy I knew of. Despite everything he’s going through, he didn’t take his frustrations on other people. And he still put up a strong façade. 

            He sat down on the chair and I began to whip up some magic. It was hard hiding my excitement. This was the first time we’ve met in years, after all. I pinned back his fringe and began to prep his face. I wanted to talk to him without beating around the bush. But I wanted to surprise him. 

            “How are you doing?” I asked while applying moisturizer on his face. He must have noticed the familiar tone I was speaking to him. I was supposed to be “new” in my job and I wasn’t allowed to talk to idols with such familiarity. But he still answered so kindly.

            “I’m doing great. Thank you for asking.” was what he said with a half-hearted smile. But I wasn’t going to buy that lie. He was a great actor. His smiles made me think that he was happy and always so cheerful. But I knew that he was hurt. And that his smiles weren’t genuine. He really was like the people of the Earth Kingdom. So strong to smile even in times like this. He was enduring the hardships. 

            While applying foundation, I began to speak of words that I wanted to say. These words have been stuck in me for such a long time. I wanted to tell him these words the night before I left Seoul. I wanted to tell him these words in the two months I came back to Seoul. And now, I have the chance to. 

            “I’m sorry for getting in a fight with you years ago,” I said, trying to stir up his memories. “I’m sorry I was not there when you needed a friend the most,” I continued, voicing out my apologies and regrets. “I’m sorry for leaving.” And that must have done the trick. 

            He stood up, facing me. “Is it you?” he asked, his eyes starting to water. “Is it really you?” he repeated, the tears rolling down his cheeks. I removed the cap I was wearing so he could recognize me. 

            He hugged me so tightly, I was almost out of air. He wrapped me in his arms, whispering words to my ears. I returned the hug, equally as tight. “Yes, it’s me.” I told Baekhyun as he weeped onto my shoulder. We were causing a scene but this was our meeting after years. And the tears fell, dampening my cheeks, falling down to the floor. These tears, that I didn’t shed for years after the death of my mother, were now falling because of too much happiness. “Do you forgive me?” 

            “There’s nothing to apologize about. I was rude and I treated you coldly just because life was too hard for me that time. But I forgive you for leaving me. Please, never leave me again,” he said, pulling away from the tight hug. The lingering feeling of his body stayed around me. Hugs are warm. I remember when he hugged me that day I shed tears for the first time in years. 

            He brought out a handkerchief and wiped his tears away. Now I need to re-apply his makeup because his tears washed the product away. “’Say, why is Earth the element of substance?’ you asked me some years ago. You were skipping practices and messing up performances. That’s the last thing you should worry about. But if I had known the answer to your question back then, I would have said it to you. And it would have changed everything. It’s been two years. Although it’s too late now, I’ll tell you my answer, anyway,” I told him, my eyes getting watery again. 

            “That’s because the people of the Earth kingdom are strong and enduring. They are persistent and enduring,” I told him my answer. Which I realized from a TV show for kids. “You’re like the people of the Earth kingdom, so strong and enduring. You always smiled, and endured everything to reach your dreams. Even going so far to leave your home,” I said with eyes full of admiration to him. And without noticing, he used his handkerchief to wipe the tears that fell from my eye, all the while smiling so brightly. It was his genuine smile. 

            This was our first meeting in years. And all my regrets and the sadness in my heart, were now gone. With his energetic smile that warmed my heart, I was now happy. I remember my birthday wish, and that was to stay with them and work with them, because that was my happiness.

            Meeting him was one of the best things that happened to me. He showed me the world, he showed me my family, he showed me his genuine smile. He showed me my happiness. I guess, fate really was kind to me. To have been born in this lifetime, to have met him in this world, aren’t I lucky enough? 

            When I went home after two months of looking for him, I thought I would never give him his happy ending. I thought it was just impossible to meet again. But here I was, by his side, ready to support him in sad days, ready to be happy in his happy times, ready to shed happy or sad tears for him. 

            “I told you to not cry before. But I think it’s okay if they are tears of joy and if there is someone to comfort you, don’t you think?” 

            “Yeah.” 

            Mom, I told you so, it’s okay to cry.