It was almost Valentine’s Day in 2014. I wasn’t really excited about it. Because there was nothing to be excited about. But there will be a small victory party on Valentine’s Day. We’ll celebrate the success of the company’s tour. It’s unusual for me to anticipate for the 14th.

            Today, we’re having a photoshoot for a magazine. 

            Baekhyun sat down first and I started to do his makeup. It’s been tradition that Baekhyun’s the first one to get his makeup done. Whenever I do his makeup, we talk about a lot of things, even such trivial matters. And we get carried away. The members would often complain because Baekhyun’s makeup application was taking too long. They can’t blame us, though. We just enjoy each other’s company. 

            “Can you cover this scar?” he asked, turning his head to the side. His finger was pointing on a violet bruise. It definitely wasn’t a scar. It was violet and definitely not a wound. 

            It’s not like him to suddenly get bruises on his skin. His skin was always fair and clear except for the time he had acne. “Did you get in a fight?” I asked, because this bruise could only come from a fight. But it was too small to be a punch. He shook his head no. “Where did you get it, then?” I asked, applying concealer to hide the mark. 

            “Uhh…,” he stuttered. “My friend’s cat bit me.” Was what he said. But I didn’t think so. It was obviously a love bite. My first conclusion was a bruise because he’s not the type to play around with girls. And while his ual escapades were not in my concern, I didn’t appreciate the fact that he lied to me. I only stayed silent, deliberating thoughts in my mind. 

               “I heard from the members that you were skipping practices,” I said, trying to change the subject. “Is that true?” was my question, while brushing powder around his face. For a brief second, I looked down and saw his expression. A face of dejection and guilt was what I saw. He gritted his teeth, and looked down. I’ve never seen him made that face before. 

               He scoffed, “Yeah, it’s true. Don’t lecture me about it. You’re an outsider.” Those cold words felt very painful. So painful, like a sword stabbed through my heart. Telling I was an outsider, was like telling me I didn’t matter. Sure, I wasn’t their dance instructor. But I was a friend, wasn’t I? That was the first time I saw him act in such a foul behavior. 

            “See you, then,” he bowed at me and left. It’s not like him to get angry. At the least, he would even make a joke about it and smile. But his cold eyes were colder than his farewell. And the warmth of his usual parting words was not there. And his smile, that I love, was gone. 

            We’ve been friends for two years. And we never fought or treated each other so coldly. I didn’t want to scar our friendship so I think I should apologize. If he was mad at me, then, I must have done something wrong. Although I didn’t know my mistakes to reflect on, I’ll apologize anyway. I don’t want this to continue and become worse.  

XoxoX

            This victory party will be my chance to apologize to him. I haven’t said my sorry because of busy schedules. And we’ve been treating each other coldly for the past few days. We only exchanged words that were yes or no. And he’s not the first to sit and get his makeup done anymore. I don’t want this to drag any longer. So I plan on apologizing tonight. 

            When I arrived, I quickly took note of his absence. All the other members came, and yet he was nowhere in sight. I thought he was only running late. There was nothing to worry about. But halfway through the party, there was still no sign of him. I was getting anxious because I will be flying overseas for the next few weeks and I won’t get to see him. I won’t be able to apologize. 

            “Where’s Baekhyun?” I asked Kris, using the least number of words I could. The members noticed our cold attitude towards each other, of course. I didn’t want to get bombarded with such questions so I was keeping myself short. 

            “He won’t be coming,” he simply told me. And I felt my heart shatter into thousands of pieces. I wanted to ask more questions about why, where, when and with whom. But I just chose to stay silent and think about things for the night. And before I noticed it, I was drowning myself with alcohol, alone in a corner. 

            It’s been bothering me. But hasn’t Baekhyun changed lately? I don’t see his smiles anymore. And his words became cold like the snow. He also arrives late for schedules and is often messing up the choreography. I wanted to talk to him about it, but my trip overseas was preventing me to. 

            It was almost eleven near midnight and the party was only getting started. I was beat, though. My brain was too tired of thinking and the alcohol was slowly kicking in. I was about leave and grab my bag when my co-worker asked me a question. “Do you know where is Taeyeon?” And come to think about it, SNSD’s leader was gone for the night too. 

            I shook my head in response. “How about Baekhyun?” What a coincidence, I was looking for him too. But sadly, he’s not here. “Damn, are those two dating?” And my jaw dropped with what I heard. I sat back down and asked him questions. 

            “What do you mean?” I asked, my mind running to places. I didn’t want to make false assumptions and wrong conclusions so I patiently waited for his reply. Even if every second felt like a millennium to me. 

            “Well, there’s been rumors online. And they’re often seen together these days,” he explained to me. So she was the lucky girl. I can see why Baekhyun liked her. She was beautiful, innocent and talented. I was happy for Baekhyun but concerned at the same time. If the rumors were true, fans would not react to it nicely. 

XoxoX

            My flight overseas was a two-week vacation trip to Thailand. And this will be my first flight overseas with my father and his new family. 

            When I visited my mother’s grave last Christmas, my father was there with his wife and his son. It was the reason why I didn’t visit my mother’s grave on her death anniversary. I was actually avoiding my father because of happenings in the past. 

            Right after my mother died, he remarried and had a child. My mother’s death was so painful for me. And my father bringing strangers as replacements didn’t help my situation. I never considered that woman and that child my family. When I graduated, I had enough. I asked my high school boyfriend to elope to Seoul. And since I moved to Seoul, I’d never seen my father. 

            It’s not like I still hate him. In fact, I stopped hating him a long time ago. As I grew older I realized that my father was only doing what he thought was the best for both of us. He was actually putting our happiness as his first priority. 

            And when I met them last Christmas, he asked me to go to a trip with them overseas. At first I didn’t want to go. I’d be awkward because we’ll be spending time together like I never left. But Baekhyun told me to go and give it a shot. He said family trips were always the best. 

            And because of that, I was enjoying Seafood Pad Thai and dining at a Thai restaurant with my father’s new family. They were asking me questions about how I was doing, my job and my love life. I would normally hate answering such annoying questions. But to think that these people were worried of how I was doing, moved me. I already told them my whole life in Seoul just a few days in Thailand. 

            I can see why my father fell in love with this woman. She was beautiful, kind and caring. She was beautiful, inside and out. She would often check on me, asking if I need anything. And the child she has, was an ten-year old boy who had the eyes of my father and the smile of this woman. 

            “Do you a boyfriend right now?” my father asked over our meal and I shook my head no. He almost spit his drink and my father’s wife was looking surprised. “But you’re 25?!” he exclaimed. And I knew they were only worried about me. At this age, women get married but I wasn’t planning to anytime soon. 

            “Well, I won’t force you to get married. I would be happy seeing my daughter living for what she wants.” And then I realized, my dad did care about me. My father always did. And I was glad he was supporting my life decisions and not predicting my future. 

XoxoX

            “Would you like to move back home? We miss you and we wish to spend more time with you.” My father once again asked me about moving back home. He had been asking me countless of times during our trip if I could go back and live together with them. 

            My short answer was, “I’ll reconsider my decisions.” 

            My father’s wife took my hand and wore a bracelet on my wrist. “It’s a charm. To protect you from bad spirits. You had one before, right? But you left it at home when you moved to Seoul.” 

            And I felt tears pooling in my eyes. This woman was sweet and kind, how did I hate her back then? “Take it. And please call me mom,” she said, smiling so brightly I could see beams around her. 

            “Thank you, mom.” And I hugged her tightly, crying onto her shoulder. I was a grown woman of 25-years old and crying on my mother’s shoulders. I didn’t care what people would say, though. I guess I would have never found my this happiness if I didn’t come on this trip. Baekhyun was right, family trips really were the best.