It was the spring of 2013 and we were preparing for something big. EXO’s comeback was in June and it’s their first full album after debut. The concept was wolves and all twelve members will promote together, this time. Fans have been anticipating for it, so we must not disappoint them. 

            The eye makeup for this particular concept was dark. So eyeliner and mascara it is, then. I just wished they’d change into a softer concept in the future. I’d love to see Baekhyun in soft, natural eye makeup. I’ve done dark eye makeup for these boys twice, already. Fans would love to see their idols in a different look sometimes. 

            Today was the photoshoot for their teaser photos. And the first one to approach me was Baekhyun. “Hello, noona!” he greeted me with a smile. I remembered a year ago, the first time I did his makeup, when he greeted me. His greeting that day was more formal. His greeting today was friendlier. I decided to greet him back for the amusement. 

            I did his makeup lightly to compliment his bleached hair. It was just dark brown kohl liner and matte brown eyeshadow to blend. I focused more on his brows and facial structure to give him more of a masculine vibe. I remembered his eye makeup on the debut showcase was very dark, he looked like a vampire. He was a charismatic vampire, at most. Today, I was curious to see him in a natural, boyfriend-material look. 

            “I saw my family last Christmas. I’ve never been so happy,” he said, looking at me through his eyelashes. I backed away because the intense look on his eyes made me uncomfortable. I was glad he saw his family, however. But I felt a tug at my heart when he said he was happy. A smile stretched across my face, and that was my reply. 

            When I was applying clear lip gloss on his lips, my hands were shaking. I was watching his lips and it felt like a sin. The very slight movement of his lips made me tremble. And the sticky liquid made things harder for me. His lips looked so kissable and soft. I wondered what his lips feel like? 

            I dropped the lip gloss on the floor. Was I shaking too much? I crouched down to grab for it. “Are you okay?” he asked. And I, myself, had no idea if I was okay. I suddenly shook and dropped things on the floor. But I just nodded my head as a reply. 

            “I’m gonna go grab some water,” I said, hurriedly rushing out of the room. 

            “Do you want me to grab it for you?”  I heard him say but I already stormed out the room. I chugged the water down my throat and my hands were still shaking. It must have been stress. After all, I just went to South America with Super Junior last month. I seriously need to take a week off or else I’d drop things everywhere. 

            The stylist took out the clothes and the boys left to try them out. The boys modeled for the staff to critic. “Sehun has too much skin. Do you think you could do something about that?” the stylist asked, looking at me. And I just happened to stand by his side. 

            I was a loss of words so I stuttered, “May-Maybe a tattoo?” Mentally face palmed myself for being a wuss and acting so unprofessional. For the love of god, I should take a short break to clear my head out. The stylist agreed on a temporary tattoo and I ended up painting on skin.

               Unfortunately, I was the only one who knew how to body paint. So I had to do each member’s fake tattoo. I painted flowers on Sehun’s bare shoulder, red tattoo on Lay’s chest and Kai on his neck and fingers. My hand was still shaking and I’d occasionally make mistakes while painting. 

            The only thought that filled my head was Baekhyun’s lips. I would close my eyes and clear my head. But the image always entered my mind, it’s driving me crazy. I made a huge streak across Lay’s chest because of too much shaking. I can’t concentrate like this. 

            And I had to paint on Baekhyun’s neck. This was a curse placed by a witch. I already had trouble with his lips, now I have to paint his neck. I chose a simple design of falling leaves and took a breath before my first . “I didn’t know you knew how to paint," Baekhyun commented as he bend his neck to the side. And that did not help with the process. “What are you painting?” he asked and I simply told him I was painting leaves. 

            I was already painting the second leaf when I found myself staring at his neck. His milky white skin, and those veins that pop when he hits a high note. Goddammit, I sound like a ert. There was obviously something wrong with me. I should go home and get some rest. 

            The total time I spent painting the design was extremely long. So long it felt like self-torture. I kept making mistakes with my unsteady hand. After I was done, he twisted his head to see the design. “Woah, it’s awesome. It looks like a real tattoo!!” he complimented. 

            “Don’t turn your head around. It’s not dry yet,” I scolded him. I was glad my voice didn’t shake or crack because my heart was thumping. Having him compliment me did not help the situation. 

            “Can I paint your hand too, noona?” I’m sorry, what? That’s a really odd request. But before I knew it, he was painting on the back of my hand. I had to unconsciously hold my breath while he was painting. All of a sudden, my face got hot and I thought I’ll catch a fever. He bowed at me and went on set right after he painted my hand. 

             “Thanks for everything. Please take care of yourself. –Baekhyun” I looked down my hand and saw what he painted. I felt like choking on my saliva because I couldn’t believe what happened. Can’t he say that directly to me like he normally does? After that horrendous self-torture, I went out to buy some coffee and hopefully wake up my system and maybe wake me up from this dream.  

            Dear lord, why was my heart racing? 

XoxoX

            We just finished shooting for the music video. I just wanted to leave and get some rest. For the past few days, I’ve been making mistakes and dealing with headache. My temperature’s at 38 degrees and my throat’s sore. I must have caught a virus from South America. 

            I practically ran out of the building to my apartment. It’s only walking distance but I felt like dying with each step I took. I should buy some medicine but the nearest pharmacy was very far. And my makeup box was very heavy to carry. 

            I threw myself on bed, not even bothering to switch on the lights. There’s this stabbing pain on my head that made things go in circles. And my body felt very heavy I didn’t want to move a single muscle. It’s only a fever. And I only need some rest and I should be fine. 

XoxoX

             Who said sleep would cure me? I felt horrible the next day. When I woke up, it felt like my stomach was punching my brain with all the muscle ache I was dealing with. I’ll take a day-off, I was already three-hours late, anyway. 

            After sending a text message to my co-worker, I went back to sleep. Not until the doorbell was ringing. The annoying sound made me dizzy and I just wanted it to stop. But I have no energy to walk to my door and open it. Maybe if I’ll ignore them, they’ll go away. But the annoying sound didn’t stop. 

            I walked to my door and opened it, “I don’t want any!” I shouted, assuming it was a door-to-door seller. But my jaw dropped when I saw who it was. Byun Baekhyun. It was Baekhyun standing in my door. Christ, I felt like fainting. 

            “Good morning,” he greeted, his eyes forming crescents. My heart did a backflip. I greeted him back with a good morning. “Can I come in?” he asked and I nodded my head. My bones felt like jabbing my muscles so I had to take a seat to not fall down. 

            “How are you feeling?” he asked, clearing out my table from all trash. He laid out the things he brought. A steaming hot bowl of Kimchi Soft-Tofu Stew made my mouth water. I haven’t ate since lunch yesterday. He also brought medicine with him. 

            But the muscle pain I had ruined the moment for me. “Bad, I guess,” I answered, massaging my arm. “Thanks, for coming. But you idiot, you have a broadcast today!” I raised my voice although it took me all my willpower. I really appreciated him coming here. But he should not miss a broadcast. And he shouldn’t be where he was not supposed to be. 

            “I’m sorry but I was worried. I told the staff I’ll be gone in two hours, so I should be alright,” he assured me, smiling like an idiot. My heart thumped loudly when he said he was worried about me. He willingly came here to check on me. I was flattered but his career was more important. 

               Furthermore, the company wouldn’t like a staff getting involved with an idol personally They wouldn’t like it if a makeup artist like me would distract an artist from work. It’s against my contract and I could be sued for breaking the contract. I wouldn’t like that. 

            “Go back, they need you for rehearsals, kiddo,” I demanded, waving him off like a fly. He knitted his eyebrows at me and he had a surprised expression. That was the first time I saw him make a face like that. To be honest, I was scared I flipped a switch. 

            His knitted brows relaxed and turned into a smile. Why does he always smile like that? His smile turned my knees to jelly. “Stop treating me like a kid, I’m only a few years younger!” he joked and I turned curious. 

            “Can I have this?” I asked, taking the steaming bowl of Kimchi Soft-Tofu Stew. “How old are you exactly?” I questioned, digging down the stew. The spicy taste of the stew helped me clear out my stuffed nose. 

            “Twenty-one,” he answered and I almost choked on the tofu I was chewing. That meant I was only three years older than him. I thought he was eighteen like most rookies nowadays. There was only a shorter age-gap than I thought. 

            He popped a lollipop in his mouth and my eyes started to wonder. His lips that drove me insane the other day. I tried drifting my eyes away but couldn’t. It felt like watching and sinning. I was starting to feel the heat rise to my cheeks, making my fever ten times worse. The mere of the candy drove me nuts. Whenever he took it out of his mouth, it will be coated in saliva. 

            And then, I realized. He’s no longer a child to me. But I started seeing him as an attractive, talented man, only a few years younger than me. 

            “You have a large apartment. Do you live with someone?” he asked and how I wished he didn’t. I chewed down the sides of my cheeks, trying to think logically. Dear god, please do not test my patience. He was being nosy without even knowing it. 

            I answered, using the least amounts of words as I could, “I used to.” Then I mentally recited a prayer that he will not ask anymore. But I guess my prayers weren’t heard by the gods.

            “What happened? Where’s your roommate?” Really, I knew Baekhyun was just worried about me. But he knew no boundaries and was not afraid to cross lines he shouldn’t. I simply couldn’t tell him to shut up without being rude. I was trying to be professional after my unintended wrongdoings and mishaps. My brain had just acknowledged him as a man, I can’t afford to be involved with him personally. Or else.. I’d end up committing the same mistake twice.

            I tried to keep my responses short to not give too much away. “He left.” 

            But he was so persistent, my short responses weren’t enough for him to drop the conversation. “Why?” 

            “He was my boyfriend. We broke up.” And I sincerely hope he won’t ask anymore. 

            His jaw literally dropped. He looked very surprised. “Why would anyone break up with you? You’re beautiful, kind, caring, hardworking and talented. What psycho would leave you?” Forget being professional but my cheeks heated up, making my fever worse. And I felt butterflies in my stomach. 

            He said I was beautiful, kind and caring. Such flattery that I’ve never heard. He also acknowledged my passion for my work. The way he described me with such beautiful words made my heart somersault. 

            And without knowing it, a tear rolled down my cheek.