“Why are you crying?” he asked, with a concerned tone. I couldn’t sum up the courage to tell him the reason. “I’m curious about what makes noona cry,” he simply told, wiping the tears from my cheeks. “You rarely smile, laugh or cry so I don’t know what makes you cry.” He brought out his handkerchief and handed it to me. 

            “These are tears of happiness. Because I have a friend like you who makes me laugh and cry and be happy…,” I told him, wiping the tears away. I was too embarrassed to tell him that his words moved me. Never have I cried over such simple words. For once, I felt like I have a purpose and that someone cares for me. 

            “I’m glad to have met you in this lifetime, too. I hope faith will bring us together in another life,” he told me, innocently, with his eyes forming crescents. I don’t believe in reincarnation or fate. But yeah, I hope we’ll meet in our next lives. I smiled at him as an agreement. 

            He suddenly asked me something personal out of curiosity. “Could you please tell me your love story?” And although I didn’t want to remember such bad memories, I let my guard down. I told him my story if that makes him happy. And I should move on from happenings in the past that happened a long time ago. He was nosey, but it’s all right because he’s my friend. 

            “We were high school classmates. And we dated since freshmen years. He was my first love. Things went rough in my family when I graduated. So we decided to elope and go here in Seoul. It was going good until I caught him doing god-knows-what with a woman on that bed.” And I pointed on the bed across the apartment. My story sounded so serious so I threw a joke out of nowhere. “I was prettier than her, so it was his loss.” But my joke was so bad it ended up backfiring. 

            He still laughed at my corny joke and nodded his head in agreement. “I’m sure you’re prettier than her.” And I felt blood rising to my cheeks again. Whether he was doing it in purpose or not, he was making me feel hot inside. "Why didn't you leave, then?" he asked me and honestly, I would have abandoned this apartment. But I was on a five-year contract so I couldn't. “What happened in your family in—“ He was about to ask, but I stopped him midway.

            I was still not ready to tell him about my family. Some day, when I’ve prepared myself to talk about such matters. "Isn’t it time for you to leave? They must be looking for you. You should go. I’m feeling better now, thank you for stopping by,” I said, trying to fake a smile. Although I didn’t want him to leave, I have to end our conversation. 

            “Thank you again,” I told him as he left my apartment. My hands didn’t close the door as I saw his back getting smaller. “Baekhyun!” I shouted, calling out his attention. He turned around and looked at me. “Thanks for everything. For taking care of me today, for being a friend and for smiling. I wish you the best and you’ll achieve your dream, soon.” That was the loudest my voice had ever been. I didn’t even bother if the neighbors would complain because I shouted at the hallway.

            That was also the second time I expressed myself in words. The first when I visited my mother, the second today. And both times were because of him. He was not afraid to tell his feelings. And the sincerity in his words always moved me. And today, I realized something important. 

            I realized that someone cared for me. My entire life, I’ve always been alone. No mother, no family, nobody. But today, someone was there beside me. My mom told me that I should not cry when she was gone. I’ve been doing well since then, I’ve never cried after your funeral. But my tears started flowing again when I met this person. Mom, I think it’s all right to cry, as long as you have someone to cry on.

            And I found him already. 

XoxoX

            Today, I turned 25. I’m getting older day by day and I was till lost in my life. People usually marry at this age and have kids. My ex-boyfriend promised to get married at this age. Too bad he cheated on me and we’re over now. I didn’t really care if I get older, nothing will change. I could still be a makeup artist at my 40s. It’s not like my job requires youth like modeling.

            Sometimes the future bothered me. But its not like I want to change it. Much more, I can’t change it. It will forever be an unknown future for me. At least I know I’d still be earning money, enough to support myself and not be homeless. I plan on renewing my contract every five years until retirement. That’s what certain as of now. 

            We have a photoshoot for a magazine today. I dragged my makeup box inside the studio and started to prepare my brushes and did the drill as usual. The lights suddenly turned off and I wondered if there was a power shortage. There was no notice, however. I used my phone’s flashlight and went to the door to find other people. 

            My heart pounded when I turned the knob and it was locked. The lock was inside but even so, I couldn’t open the door. It’s stuck. I started to panic and bang at the door. There was no electricity and I was locked in the room. “Open up!” I started banging hard and raising my voice. Great, tough luck. I guess, happy birthday to me? 

            There was suddenly a light approaching me and quiet singing. “Happy birthday to you,” I started hearing and I saw faces in the dark. The staff members and the boys. The one holding the cake with the candle was Baekhyun. And I felt my heart beating fast. 

            “Happy birthday!!” he greeted me and the members were hugging me and greeting me at the same time. “Make a wish, make a wish!” I was already emotional and the tears were threatening to fall. With one swift blow, the candle light went out and they switched on the lights. 

            My voice was stuck in my throat as I was speechless. It’s been such a long time since I last celebrated my birthday. I wanted to thank everyone, to thank the staff and to thank him. But my voice was lost as I weeped in happiness. “Happy birthday!!” he greeted me gleefully and he hugged me tightly. The hug made my chest tight and I felt more emotional. I returned the hugged and wrapped him in my arms. 

            “What did you wish for?” Tao asked me and I had to swallow my tears before speaking.

            “I wish to always work with you guys. I wish for happiness. I  wish success for you boys,” I answered in between tears. I’ve never wished for happiness. But I guess it’s a change… To be happy. Happy birthday to me. I always thought happiness was something I could never attain. But I was wishing for happiness. Not only for me, but for everyone that makes me happy. Especially Baekhyun.

            Since I met him, I started to realize things in my life. Things that had always stayed broken and a mess. I started to realize the true meaning of happiness. I started to realize that you can cry if you want to. I maybe getting older. But I was not lost in life. I knew where I was going. I knew what I wanted to be and that was to be happy.