RIIINNNGGGGG

The last bell went off and it was time to head home. There were so many things running through my head. Did that really happen? I found myself smiling at the thought. But, there was more to think about.

The scene kept playing in my head. So did many possibilities of what could have happened. Of what I wanted to do.  

I could have leaned forward. I could have looked away first. I could have gotten up. But, I didn't. I did none of that.

What was I thinking? Getting myself in that situation. Does my brain actually work? Or is a bunch of tissues that does nothing?

“UGHHHHHH.” I stopped walking and stood in place. Frustrated, I quickly ran my hands over my face and my hair. I stomped in place like a child. “AHHH RHFHJAOHDB.”

I found myself whining in the middle of the sidewalk. Behind me, I could hear the sounds of cars passing by. They were all probably judging me.

When I finally got to my senses, I looked across the street. The park. Ugghhh why the did I end up here? It only reminded me of the hard times, not even the good news Irene told me there.

Holy . Irene. OH COME ON. Why the does this keep happening?

I screamed as loud as I could. “God!”

I ended up stomping all the way home. My cheeks were hot and I could feel myself fuming. Why the did this happen? What? I can't even. What the was I supposed to do?

I tried opened my door with frustration. Why the won't this key open the ing door? I kept fumbling with my key until I was finally able to push the key in and turn it. I slammed my door. Lock the door, idiot.

Even in my frustration, I remembered my responsibilities. Annoying. Luckily, no one was home. No one was home to see my childish tantrum. My neighbors probably saw me fuming though. .

God, I need to calm the down. I slumped and walked to the kitchen. What’s wrong with me? Time to cool down. I grabbed a glass and filled it with water. Hoping it would clear my head, I chugged the glass. Alcohol would be really good right now. I turned to look at my mom's prized and open wine collection in the dining room.

Nah, it wouldn't do any good. I got homework to do. I filled the cup again before heading upstairs. I crashed on my bed as soon as I opened my door. Ew, dirty. Gross, I smelled like . Must have been the walk.

After changing into some comfortable clothes, I looked around for my phone. Typical. I had a text from my mom and a few snaps.

I checked the text first.

“I'll be home late today. Make dinner and save some for me.”

I replied: “K.” I went to snapchat to see what was going on in the world. V sent me a pick of his cute dog. Eric sent me a video of the new speakers he got. They were nice. He sent a second about how he got in trouble for testing them out. That's what he gets for blasting dubstep. I went through the stories quickly. Nothing was interesting.

I moved onto YouTube. I didn't realize, but I watched too many videos. Before I knew it, it was 6:00 pm. Time for homework.

I plugged in my phone and some music. I clicked on my instrumental playlist. Shuffle. A medley of the Spirited Away soundtrack came on. Nice.

AP Gov. Let's see, Chapter 6. Did my stats homework. College essay. Done, just gotta revise. AP Bio… Chapter 4, section 1… Done. What time is it? , it's 8:30.

I stretched my arms out. Ugh, I'm sore. I pushed away from my desk and rubbed my face. 2 hours and already done with AP bio. Record time. I’ll finish AP Gov after dinner. It was dark already.

I leisurely walked down the stairs. I checked the cabinets and fridge. Breakfast for dinner. Yummy.

I immediately washed rice and started the rice cooker. I made some scrambled eggs and fried some spam. Hawaiian breakfast for the win!! After I was done, I packed the dishwasher and headed to the living room. Let's see what's on tv today.

I flipped through until I found the cartoons. Dinner was delicious. Especially after that long homework session. I cleaned up before heading back upstairs.

I my lights and checked my phone. I guess I left it up here. Nothing. I have no friends. I shuffled back through the playlist and began to work again.

God, that was annoying. I finished the chapter and checked the time. . 11 o’clock?!? I got up to stretch. Time for bed. As I was grabbing my pjs, my phone went off. It was a text from V.

“Wen, you awake?” I scoffed.

“Of course I am.”

I sent a second. “I bet you Eric is too.”

“Haha. Very funny. I'm not that desperate.”

Huh. Salty. I grabbed my phone and headed to the bathroom. He quickly sent another text.

“Soooo….. Irene??? ;)”

What? Oh. OHHHHHHH!!!! You ! I answered quickly. “What about Irene?”

I opened the door to the bathroom. “You know… I saw everything today, Wendy.”

I stopped dead in my tracks.

“You're lucky Eric didn't see.” Oh my god. If Eric saw.

“And your point is?”

“I don't want to push you but Wen. Come on.”

I didn't want to answer his text. Not where this was going. No, I didn't want to think about it. My hands shook. What do I say? I have to seem normal.

“V no.” I rapidly typed out another. “We’ve been through this.”

“Okay fine.” I could feel the disappointment through his text. Pushing my buttons. I just really wanted to break something out of anger.

I almost slammed down my phone. I growled. Why was I so angry? Defeated, I jumped in the shower. I my music: Sad, Beautiful Love Songs. Fitting.

I let the water wash down my body. . Was I supposed to wash my hair today? Whatever. The water was warm on my body and I closed my eyes. It's been a long day. I felt refreshed. Time to wash up.

I washed my hair and began to wash my face. The music was barely louder than the shower, but I could hear it. Soothing. I let the warm water run on my face again. What would I do? I had no idea.

Memories from today flashed through my head. Irene. Beauty. Her face was beautiful. She was radiant. Her smile… was intoxicating. So close. Lean forward. I…

My eyes snapped open and I scraped the water off my face. I turned. The hot water stung my back.

I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't… I-I can't.

I turned off the water and jumped out. I walked out and stood in front of the mirror. It was fogged with steam. Holding my towel, I wiped the mirror. I looked at myself. My eyes were watery.

“Ugh,” I turned away from the mirror. Weak. I sniffled.

What was I doing? I was getting emotional over something I didn't know. I was getting crying for no goddamn reason. I was crying because I was confused.

I can’t be like this. I forced myself to get ready for bed. But, I had no energy. I was drained. It was one of those nights where I wanted to cry.

It was from physical exhaustion or mental exhaustion. I didn't know. But, my legs grew numb and I just wanted to lay down.

Laying down in bed, I stared at the ceiling restless. My eyes began to water at the thought of today. Why was I so mad? I was frustrated; that was it.

I turned over, staring at the wall. These past few weeks have been great. Irene’s better. School is better. I finally have time hang out with friends. Great?

Irene. A lovely image of Irene broke my thoughts. Her back was to me, but as she turned her hair flowed and shined. She met my eyes. Full of happiness and joy, her eyes sparkled. She beamed. Her smile from ear to ear, absolute happiness. Her face glowing, radiant. Hair bouncing, she made her way towards me. I watched her. My eyes softened and I could feel my lips curl into a smile. She came toe to toe with me and took my hand. I followed her with my eyes lovingly; she brought her eyes back up to mine. She smiled. Melted. My inhibitions seemed to wash away. Here I was, at the mercy of Irene.

God, Wendy. Wake up! I snapped back into reality. I was daydreaming. More like dreaming. So, I broke myself from it. I can't think that way. I tried to think of other things to keep my mind occupied. But, that image came back every time.

I didn't sleep well that night.