Seulgi grumbles under her breath while recalling the midnight before the orientation, when her older brother (who had been away for a few days, to God-knows-where, probably some other place to hang out with his friends or grovel for scores and marks from his professors and docents in college) suddenly came back and barged into her room (she forgot to lock it, goddammit, she still feels like cursing for that) and caught her smoking at evening with the window wide opened. Mind you, she was in a very critical situation, head spun and she quickly scrunched the alight cig into death and lurched her body from the window to dash and clasped her palm over Seungyoon's mouth with his eyes enraged and blazing while looking at her.

"Let me explain-"

"What the are you doing?" That is the first sentence her brother almost roared at her until she clasped her palm again to him, head shaking and mouth muttering, "Don't shout, I can't let Mom know of this, please hear me out first," he must have listened to the critical and urgent voice croaking and cracking out of .

He pushed her out of his way, not hard yet not gentle either, enough to show how infuriated he still was, body shaking and fists seemingly ready to punch anything and it almost made her cower away in fear. Her hand cracked the door open, head peeking out to look at the hallway if her mother was present on their floor and in return, she could hear glimpses of some ingredients (fish, it turned out to be) fried in vegetable oil with the sizzling and crippling sound of the ingredients, heated to a very high temperature. An aroma of the said dish sense of smell and she had to force herself back in, facing her brother, crossed arms and eyes judging her cruelly.

There was no way she was letting her brother blindly disclosing this behavior of hers to their mother, that this daughter of her who have long gone for three years returned home, transforming into the worst case scenario that had never crossed any of their minds. She was the brightest and most passionate in their family, after all. She was.

"Tell me about how you wound up smoking, and that-what the hell is with that nose piercing?" her brother's face was all over the place, the expression in his face is mixed with so many emotions and the soft contour and edges of his face is having so many difficulties in keeping it all in. His index finger is pointing accusingly at her, at her hair, at everything that is not Kang Seulgi molding itself around her. 

Days and days were spent and wasted, thinking deeply and breathing grey trails down her window, on how she would explain herself and how she procrastinated from conjuring up words to explain her condition drastically changed, not only because of puberty but because careless and mindless decisions she had made for herself.

It's too hard, no one will understand her. She secretly thinks that none of her friends believe in any of her words, that they were merely nodding their heads and agreeing to her reasons just so it wouldn't sound so illogical in their head. She felt like caving into her body, remembering that. Shut down the world, let the demons slip in again, let them protect her.

No ing way, I'm not returning to the person I used to be.

"I got messed up by the middle school back there. It couldn't be helped, Seungyoon. All of this made me survive and still here," she bravely proclaimed of her changed self, fists balled up by her sides, head angling up to the tall body of his. His curly brown hair falls along his eyebrows, eyes studying and examining her. "Dad abandoned me to that school. You don't know what I went through, you won't understand. I don't care if you believe me or not. The damage is done and there is nothing you can do about it."

It should have hurt him, but it scars her instead like a double-edged sword, how she was a changed human being, brutally thrown into chaos at such a young age. Warm tears welled up in her eyes and she feels more human than any days before that night, usually numbed to feelings of sadness and disappointment of herself after such a long time. 

She let them fall, slipping down her cheeks with her head turned away from him, breathing heavily to silence the scream of pain threatening her to explode from inside of her body in each missing breath she took. 

Silence. It is so deep and haunting, her ears begin to ring until his gentle voice breaks through.

"Why didn't you come back then?"

Screaming is an understatement, she wants to spill her feelings until her room and her home is burned with it.

"It's because D-" suddenly, uttering it to her brother seemed so difficult, to reveal the truth that their father held her back, how she heard from behind the door of his shared bedroom with his wife that it would only humiliate him, to not be able to fund her middle school years. All he thought about was himself and his wife. But more reasons materialized inside of her mind, how disappointed her mother would be in herself that she trusted her to his father if she were to know all of this, how her mother was having a hard time keeping Seungyoon in high school with him and all of his delinquent labellings, and how the last time she heard, her mother was still looking for a job and if she was there, if she was to reveal everything halfway, it would only bring everyone around her emotional and economic struggles.

To reveal that she'd rather have herself wrecked and vanquished to the depths of her being than the others around her would sound so melodramatic to everyone, including her and her brother, even though that is the truth. So she cut pieces of the truth and stitched it up to make sense in the simplest way possible. "Too many reasons, Seungyoon. Mom was also having a hard time. With divorcing from Dad, finding a new job-"

"With me also," he took the words out of casually and she nodded.

"You could have fought the stream-" her head began to hurt again. The demons were present.

Look, your brother can't even accept your reasons!

Poor little Kang, let us take over! Listen to us again!

"I said I had no choice and I'm trying to ch-"

His eyes hardened again. "There will always be choices. If you wanted to, you cou-"

She scoffed, heart breaking and being ripped open and now it felt useless to weep like this, all of this tears only showed her weakness. She gazed at him, eyes glassy and streaks of dried tears stained her face. Her feelings were all over her face and everything was blurred. "Ha! How easy for you to say that. It is always easy for those who only watch from the sidelines," shaking her head in disbelief, she went on. "You were also one of the reasons I couldn't return and how dare you to judge me like this? How dare you?" she had walked up closer and talked down to him, fingers atrociously stabbing his shoulder as every word seethed out of her lips like venom. She made sure that her voice was as hurtful and heart cutting like knives, as that was what she felt that time.

Her heart burnt in anger and disappointment that her brother didn't listen. She was so sad and pressed down to the world she trashed out of it and set herself in flames instead. Horrible, horrible. Nobody wanted to listen to me. How naive of me to think that everything would change just because I'm being honest. How naive you are, Kang Seulgi. She didn't know if that's her inner feelings, her true thoughts or her demons saying that in her voice. Each words kept entering her mind and jumbled themselves with each other.

It silenced him. It brought his lips shut, tight and regret was in his eyes. Seulgi didn't want to see, so she stepped back from him.

"I-I'm sorry, Seulgi," she saw his eyes softened as if he just did a very grave mistake, walking up to her and she knew he was going to envelop her in his arms so everything would seem like it was okay between the two of them.

But everything wasn't fine and she held out her palm, making him stop. "Just get out," she turned her back to him. "Just get out, I don't want to see you now."

She wrapped her arms over her body, the wind rolled in and helped her dry her tears at the same time breathing coldness to her skin, covered only in her sleeveless white-shirt and trousers, golden locks falling to her chest.

Before the door was cracked open and shut, her brother said this to her. 

"I'll let you tell Mom by yourself, what happened to you all that time. It's not my right to do so."

It soothed only a little part of worry she had inside of her. 

"What the hell, watch where you're going!" a deep voice she begins to get used hearing everyday pulls her back into reality as her left arm is pulled harshly to the side. She wakes up to the sight of her friends' worried faces, Seungwan reaching out for her with so much exasperation as if her ability is heartlessly stolen from her and to be given back when her hand gets a grip of Seulgi's skin, knowing that she is here with them and not wounded from a red convertible car speeding past them on their way to school, on their way to pick up Ten and Soojung along the way. 

Her eyes trail from the tight wrench of a grip around her arm to the owner of it, Wonwoo in his circle lens spectacles and his hair is up, up away from his forehead and his thick black eyebrows frown down at her. They are all wearing their school uniforms, Wonwoo has his blazer on his shoulders, his shirt fitting his broad yet lean figure with a carefully and intricately made tie and he doesn't seem to let go of her arm any sooner. So unnecessary of him to get this upset, she'd only break a bone or two or everything if she were to get hit.

"Let go," she pulls on his fingers and unlatch them from her arm by herself. She doesn't see him clenching and unclenching his fist by the side. "Let's roll again, Soojung and Ten are waiting for us," she breathes lifelessly after recalling the event last night, eyes probably swollen from rubbing her sadness away. She walks ahead of them near the sidewalk, not near the streets. She must have strayed far away while wondering on her daze. 

Her nose piercing is off (it hurt for a while when she did it, like feelling some foreign thing skulking out of her skin) and she feels a strip of her clothes is being taken. She still kept her piercings behind her ears, for she has read that this school she is attending has allowed the 'Students' Rights acts' which includes the freedom of hairstyle and uniform. She also took off two of her piercings on the ears for it's the oritentation day and she doesn't want to mess with anyone (unless someone starts up on her first). Seulgi has her hair up in a tight ponytail, making her look even more sharper and more vicious than before especially with the way her eyes glide along people. 

"You're lucky Soojung isn't here. She'd get so mad at you," Wonwoo calls out from behind her and she only rolls her eyes at him, probably walking side by side with Seokmin, who stared at her bewildered, a comical expression zigzagged across his face and she forgot to laugh somehow, and Seungwan. 

When they arrive there, she comes into a sight of Soojung's father coming down the steps of her porch to his car, and Soojung emerges soon with Ten trailing behind. She is limping her way down the steps slowly, her blue bagpack hangs lightly behind and when she comes down the steps and looks up, she smiles at them all.

"Hi guys, long time no see!" the days where Soojung kept herself inside of her room made her look even paler than before and Seulgi doesn't guess for any possible reasons, she just let this sinks into her mind. She is wearing a pair of white Vans sneakers and her left leg is bandaged, from the end of her knee down to the half section of her leg. She is clothed in the same uniform as hers, though Soojung's blazer is buttoned while hers isn't..

"She can't walk that long, by the way. Her father is going to take her to school-" Ten explains then Soojung cuts in.

"And you can join us!"

Seokmin finally speaks up. "But will it fit, Soojung? There is like, six people here. You'll have to sit in the front, since your leg is still healing and--oh no, don't tell me--"

Soojung laughs. Seulgi doesn't. "One person has to sit in someone's lap," she lets herself say the possibility. Oh my, what an awkward position. But sitting and jammed together for a few minutes sound a lot better than walking on her own with her somber mood this morning. 

"Let's just get in first. With the right arrangement, I'm sure everything will work out," Soojung assures them all, and Seulgi only nods, thoughts far away from here. "Seulgi, are you with me?" she holds her shoulders, making her look at Soojung, seemingly concerned. Her sour expression must be so visible to have her see her with those eyes.

"Yes, I am."

Ten walks up to Soojung's father and knocks on the glasswindow, making it rolls down. Some brief explaining, and Soojung's father peeks out from the window with a commanding and warm voice. "Just get on, kids! It will fit!"

Soojung's car is a full sized SUV she saw a lot in advertisements and billboards back in the city, in the colour of silver.

As they put their bags in the trunk of the SUV, Soojung's father really does some arrangements and set this extra seat for two passengers in the third row of the car. Seulgi enters the car from the right side to make the process faster. As she plops down on her seat she comes into a sight of Wonwoo beside her. 

"You again," she mutters under her breath as Soojung's father is still present before them, arranging and putting down the front seats so Ten, Seungwan and Seokmin can sit.

"A thank you would be nice," he leans back away from her, legs folded awkwardly and pressed to the front seat. His blazer is now in his lap, his shirt is rolled up to his elbows. Already a mess so early in the morning, Wonwoo is.

"You should have let me be," she mumbles, leaning her head to the small window on her right. 

"And I would be damned for being a guilty witness who saw how you died and did nothing," he turns to the sight of her side profile, her elven ears and slender neck coming out of her uniform's collar, to her half-closed eyes.

She pushes her head off the window, rubbing on it and when she leans back, her head is put into an uncomfortable position to sit up striaght. She doesn't feel like it.

"Let me borrow your shoulder for a while," she mutters lazily, eyes tired and drowsy from weeping all night after her brother walked out of her room last night. Without listening to his answer first, she lands her head to his shoulder, which perfectly fits the gap from his right shoulder up to his neck.

"A thank you would be nice," he repeats, looking down to her head on his shoulder with her left shoulder pressed to his.

"Yeah, yeah. Thank you, Wonwoo," the shutters of her lids close down after she mumbles her gratitude. She is not sure if she is thanking his shoulder for providing a warm comfort or for himself who saved her. Not a lot of people has saved her, and she can't accept that he did, especially since he was so cruel back then.

Wonwoo these days seems like losing his thorns or whatever violence that he always used, at least to her. Like, he knows that there is a limit to everything, even when back then he crossed a lot of boundaries. This side of Wonwoo is not that bad after all. It's strange how he is becoming better and she had changed for the worst amongst them all. She sighs in her sleep while recalling it again. She should stop meddling with the past already.

He manages to keep his eyes away from her furrowed eyebrows.

Before she was embraced into the pool of dreams and nightmares, she hears the engine starting up and the car rolling backward, teasing snickers and Seungwan's "Seulgi's asleep!" in a hushed and sweet voice, she can even imagine that smile curling up over her lips.

My heart feels pain warm while writing this chapter idk why, let me know of your opinions of this chapter guys!!! And do upvote this story if you like it :D (and I want to advertise this story soon, wish me luck :DD)