acceptance

A heavy sigh was just released right before her phone buzzed, asking for her attention. A sight of a familiar picture popped up which then followed by a small smile on her lips. When her hand grabbed the phone, there was a tiny note on her mind of how much she loved such coincidence, maybe, just maybe, their feeling was somehow connected, a stupid assumption perhaps, but it’s quite flattering, as always.

“Hello,” she greeted while resting her tired body on the couch.

Today schedule was quite exhausting. She had to wake up early in the morning to accompany the maknae doing routine shopping at nearby market; then preparing breakfast with the leader; at around eleven, along with all the members they had to do three hours practice; and one hour more for her vocal check up. At the evening, together with Bomi she had a recording for her management’s new boy group’s show. It just finished an hour ago and she had only been home for half an hour.

Her body was aching, and always at time like this, when no one was awake and she left awaken by herself, she felt so lonely. The house, their new apartment, was quite spacious–thanks to their rising popularity–yet seeing it’s empty of people had added the amount of loneliness she felt right now. And it led her mind to imagine his presence, picturing him sitting or just lying on the couch across her, doing nothing but staying still.

“Hey,” he replied, unintentionally bringing her back to him.

The tips of her lips were lifted again.

“I’m just thinking of you,” without a clear intention, she admitted, obviously oblivious of the effect of her confession.

Jung Eunji wouldn’t imagine that such words could easily make his heartbeat fastened, like a brand new drum played by a mad drummer. Kwon Jiyong was always that weak guy, yet she never learnt properly.

She heard him sighing.

“Why?” she’s alarmed pretty fast. “Something’s happened?”

“Ani,” he replied, although it’s not quite convicting.

“Sunbae?”

“I just … miss you,” he admitted rather hesitantly.

Her smile formed again, this time was accompanied by reddish shades on her cheeks.

“I’m just imagining you’re here,” again, she confessed, matching his revelation. “… sitting in front of me, looking at me, smiling,” she stopped, her grin getting wider as the picture getting even clearer.

“How … do I look?” he asked quietly.

“Mm … you look tired somehow, but handsome … as always,” she answered timidly, while biting the tip of her lips.

It became a habit already, starting by missing him, then thinking of him, then imagining him, it might not completely help her easing the longing feel, but it at least made her smile and feeling okay.

Seeing him was not easy by now, there were too many schedules, named it concert, show, off air recording, live shoot, fansigning event, or just simply routine practice, and not to forget their abroad schedules, being able to meet once or twice a month was considered lucky. They even sealed a silent agreement to stop complaining over such stuff, they needed to work on it somehow. It’s frustrating sometimes, but still, keeping their relationship was way more important.

That’s way, this girl preferred to imagine him, sitting and watching her to fulfill her need of him.

“Where are you, by the way?” she immediately remembered that she had no information of his current position. He was in Japan a week ago, but there weren’t more notes other than that.

“Home,” he replied, short and, still, sounded different.

From the way he’s sighing, which was more than once already, maybe he was tired too, she thought, like how the imaginary him looked in front of her. Or perhaps, he’s sleepy, it’s pretty late. Or, he probably was forcing himself to call her, to at least let her know he’s still there, being a good boyfriend just like how he always was.

But then she quickly shook her head over the third reason, denying such stupid assumption. Whenever her mind offering unhealthy thought, Eunji had to immediately break it before it consumed her, he just said he missed her anyway.

“Do you … want me to come over?” she muttered hesitantly. Nobody knew how exhausted she was better than herself, but then, it seemed that he needed her somehow, and it’s only right to at least try.

“No, it’s okay,” he said.

“Mm … okay,” but she didn’t sound okay. As if being rejected, she’s rather feeling down although he’s probably saying that for her sake. It was late, and it took time to get to his place, and she’s girl anyway.

A sigh followed, she didn’t mean to make her disappointment to be noticed, but it came out unintentionally. However then, both became quiet, only their breath remained sounded, heavy, as if dealing with something hard.

It was probably indeed hard, missing the one you dearly love but just couldn’t do much to help it. Since the beginning, they knew how difficult having a relationship with someone in this industry, especially he was G-Dragon and she had another job as an actress. They had managed it, somehow, but still, there were time like this when they felt so hopeless.

“Eunji-ya …”

His fragile voice broke their silence.

She didn’t like how he sounded, somehow. It’s as if he’s about to bring something big yet consuming enough nerve, she didn’t want to guess or even imagine the probability. That kind of voice, a bit shaking, sounded unsure, was just not the usual him. And unusual him was not her favorite, like when he’s telling her he’s doing world tour for three months in row, or when he told her about his tons of rejected demo, or when he said they had to stop seeing each other for some time because some paparazzi were following him, he sounded like this, and it made her feel uneasy.

“Yes?”

“… do you …” and he stopped, hanging the sentence with a heavy breathing, leaving her even more nervous. She didn’t like this, really.