Day 71

Noona! Why are you doing this?! Are you so desperate to leave us without a proper goodbye? You're so mean! I hope you know how upset we are towards you. We've been waiting for days for you to come home with us. Instead you're trying to.. move on? NO WAY. You can't die that easily. Sorry for being rude and selfish here, but I will never let you go that soon. You've promised to fight and survive the battle against cancer, so why does the doctor telling us that you'll not going to make it? Is this some kind of a joke?! Jinjja.. if you really want to die tonight, then hyung and I will never forgive you even if we meet in the next life. Not ever!

I don't understand why you need two men crying over you day and night. Do you enjoy seeing us like this? Were you 'laughing' at us right now? Honestly I've never cried this much for anyone.. so consider yourself special noona. You've caught us under your spell. Now can you stop fooling around or scaring us like this? Jaebal. My heart hurts everytime I saw the pain in Jong Kook's eyes, and I might end up just like him should your life ends tonight. I'm begging you, noona. Have mercy on us. We've already lost our mother to the same illness.. please don't add more to our misery by taking the same route with her. You know that will destroy Jong Kook hyung's future, cause there's no way he can be strong enough to face the failure.. twice.

Day 74

Mian. I let out my frustration on you and couldn't continue with my writing for the past few days while you're in critical state. It's because you almost die, noona. I was so mad thinking that we might have lost you that night, as your heart beat suddenly dropped below the norm. It scared us when your breathing became unstable and your skin turned pale without warning. Imagine how we felt seeing the woman we love was dying right in front of us, of which there's nothing that we can do to stop it. We were completely devastated. Even the doctor was not helping! He kept telling us to prepare for the worst which destroyed every last piece of hope for your survival. I wish you saw how Jong Kook reacted to the news. He went crazy. Hyung had to be sedated by his colleagues (other doctor and a nurse) to control his aggressiveness. Otherwise, he might attempt something really stupid.

Fortunately the doctor's assumption was incorrect and you survived. I'm sure that you've decided to delay your 'departure' because you knew we weren't ready to let you go. Thank you for not leaving us so soon, noona. It meant a lot especially to Jong Kook hyung. We really need time to accept this painful reality, therefore please don't stop fighting or lose hope for the ones who love you. At least.. give hyung a chance to taste happiness with you even for a short while. I really want to see both of you getting married and have children of your own. That's all I ask from you, noona. Don't disappoint your little brother again and come back to us as soon as you can. We miss you very much.

Day 76

Hyung has been acting strange lately since the day you were in critical condition. I'm not sure if it was resulted from the sedative that he received the other day, but he seemed to be at peace now. No more crying like he used to, instead Jong Kook hyung became more talkative (not so much with me, but he regularly talked to you) which made me glad to see him recovering from his pain. Most of the time he spoke about the day that he proposed to you, and I can tell he was doing his best to regulate his emotion. Hyung loves to play with the ring on your finger everytime he got excited talking about the good old days, and he would plant a kiss on your forehead before he bid goodnight.

Out of curiosity, I asked him yesterday what makes him a different person now. He smiled mysteriously, then invited me to take a walk at the open park. It took a while for Jong Kook hyung to prepare himself for the question, and I only got to hear his explanation once we sat down on a bench. Actually the night when we almost lost you, Jong Kook hyung had a dream. He said that you came to him - shining like an angel, looking incredibly beautiful with long silky hair and a slender figure. You don't seem to be suffering from your illness, in fact he said your face was beaming and peaceful. After a kiss, you told him that his love has sent you to a better place, which means hyung and I shouldn't be worrying about you anymore. I'm not sure how Jong Kook interpreted that dream, but it looks like he was ready to let you go. But noona.. I'm not going to give up on you.

Day 78

I was so frustrated knowing that hyung decided to let you move on as he told me that we shouldn't force you to stay when it's your turn to go. What do you mean, hyung?! Were you no longer in love with noona? I scolded my own brother for not believing in you, reminded him that you've promised to win the battle against cancer so you two will be able to proceed with the marriage just like both of you have been dreaming of. To my surprise, Jong Kook hyung just sealed his mouth and walked away from our conversation before I'm done talking. As I was furious by his reaction, I said things that I wasn't supposed to.

Spontaneously, I told my brother that he's a coward. Noona doesn't need a man like him, so he can just forget about his woman and the wedding plan cause I'll be filling in for him once he left. Omo.. I accidentally confessed about my feeling towards you noona, which Jong Kook seemed to be clueless about it. He kept asking when did I developed such feeling and if you knew about it, but out of anger I replied that it's none of his business because I'm going to prove that I can love you better than him as I will NEVER let you battle alone and die. That was totally unexpected.

Day 80

Because of the things that I've said previously, I sensed that Jong Kook hyung was avoiding my presence. I know I was wrong and I shouldn't let him know how I really feel about you, but he must understand how to appreciate you better noona. I really can't forgive him for giving up so easily just because of that stupid dream, which I think is ridiculous in the first place. So please noona, you must wake up soon and convince your man that you two are meant for each other.. of which your illness won't do you apart. The longer you take to heal, the harder for him to believe that miracle can happen. Save your relationship before it's too late.. and you can thank me later.

Right now I wish to know what was going through his mind when I said all that. Will it make him realize that he should hold on to you like I do? Or will hyung sacrifice his love for the sake of his little brother who has fallen for the same woman? Although that's been my greatest dream, but that's not the way I want it. Yes I've betrayed my own family for keeping this unrequited love, however the bond between brothers is too valuable to be broken. Furthermore, I know your heart is only for Jong Kook and I don't have the right to steal it from him. Unless.. well let's not talk about it. Get well soon, noona. I'm waiting for you.