There wasn’t much for Jeonghan to say to Joshua, other than his words of thanks for visiting his mother, and yet Joshua had never ending questions.

“How does it work?” The wide-eyed boy asked. They were both sitting on the floor crosslegged and facing each other. 

“I really… don’t know,” Jeonghan replied after a moment of consideration. Joshua nodded despite not getting a real answer to his question.

“And… Seungcheol. Who is he?” Joshua continued, his voice as quiet and gentle as ever despite just the two of them being able to hear him.

“He’s the leader of the guardian angels,” Jeonghan explained, “He gives the assignments and welcomes new angels to heaven. He also watches over the church here,” 

Joshua was curious.

“He does?”

Jeonghan nodded, “The church is a place for you to be closer to heaven, right?”

Joshua mumbled a quiet ‘yes.’

“The same goes for us. When we’re in the church, our assignments can’t get hurt, and so we’re able to have some time for ourselves.”

“Ah, so,” Joshua started, his eyes twinkled with mischief and crinkled as he smiled brightly, “you need a break from me?”

Jeonghan laughed,

“Never.”

______________________________________________________________________

Jeonghan’s mother’s condition wasn’t getting any better as the days passed, and instead, he watched her wither into nothingness. It seemed as if her skin clung to her bones and there was nothing more to her. The light in her eyes gone out, and she stopped politely smiling at Joshua. Jeonghan felt desperate and Joshua felt guilty, and so, Jeonghan stopped urging Joshua to go visit her. He didn’t want Joshua to have to be in the middle of this. Joshua couldn’t help her the way he could. No one could. Joshua may have been there for her, but he would never be her son. The best Jeonghan could do now was what was instructed and nothing more: save Joshua from unhappiness. And so, for now, he had to leave his mother alone.

He had never stopped feeling guilty. He was endlessly conflicted and endlessly exhausted, and yet he couldn’t show it. He had to keep Joshua safe and he had to keep Joshua happy. And eventually, he began using Joshua as a distraction rather than a friend. The words his mother had told him; that he should’ve been watching over her, had never left his mind, and Joshua knew this. Joshua felt sad when Jeonghan did. And therefore, Joshua felt sad and guilty constantly.

The relationship they had was taxing for the both of them. Jeonghan stopped visiting Joshua’s dreams, and Joshua stopped talking to Jeonghan when he was alone. The only time they communicated was when Joshua was being careless, which, because of his sadness, was more often than not, and Jeonghan would have to lazily think ‘stop,’ before returning to his sulking.

Joshua couldn’t stand it. The sadder Jeonghan felt, the more angry he got. And eventually, he began putting himself in danger simply to summon the ounce of care Jeonghan had left for him. He would walk into busy streets just so he could feel the tug at the back of his mind telling him to ‘come back,’ and to ‘stop being an idiot, Joshua.’

And one day, Joshua simply lost it, which he rarely ever did. His mother had gone out, and they were alone, and Joshua wouldn’t let Jeonghan drown in his own sadness anymore. Not alone.

“Jeonghan,” he started cautiously, “I… I need to speak to you. Are you listening?” They were sitting on the couch, and Joshua was reading a book. The page he was on flipped suddenly, and Joshua took that as a yes.

“Good. Could you… Could you visit my dreams again tonight? I really need to see you. Flip the page again for a ‘yes’, please. The page flipped. Joshua wasn’t quite content, but he would take what he could get.

________________________________________________________________________

Jeonghan was hesitant in visiting Joshua again, but he had already agreed, and he couldn’t bring himself to lie to the boy. Not after he had seemed so… desperate.

And so, Jeonghan found himself sitting in the middle of the dark room again, waiting patiently for Joshua to come find him.

“Joshua!” He yelled, hoping to draw the boy to him. It had worked, and soon enough, he heard the quick and delicate footsteps he had grown to recognize.

“Jeonghan,” Joshua breathed, sitting in front of the long-haired boy, “You came.”

Jeonghan nodded. 

“I said I would, didn’t I?” 

Joshua almost smiled at his tone. He recognized it as Jeonghan’s way of joking, and he secretly found it sort of cute. But he also recognized the look in Jeonghan’s eyes. It was the same look Mrs. Yoon had worn. 

“You did,” Joshua replied, watching Jeonghan roll the tips of his hair between his index finger and thumb.

“What did you want to talk about?” 

“You,” Joshua answered honestly, which had Jeonghan taken slightly aback. Jeonghan’s eyes met Joshua’s, and he almost felt guilty for acting the way he had. But who could blame him? He was exhausted and unhappy. He was sure Joshua knew that. Why was Joshua expecting so much from him? It was hard enough to watch his own mother transform to look more deceased than he did. Why did he have to be in charge of the other boy as well? 

“What about me?” He tried to look calm. He tried to look like his heart wasn’t aching and he didn’t want to be anywhere but here.

“What’s wrong, Jeonghan?” Joshua asked, reaching his hand out to grab Jeonghan. Jeonghan didn’t lace his fingers between Joshua’s like he always had, but he didn’t pull away either. He was simply there.

“Nothing. I’m fine.”

Joshua tilted his head, slightly hurt that Jeonghan wasn’t being honest with him.

“Jeonghan-“

“I’m fine. Leave it, Joshua,” and Joshua tried not to wince at the way Jeonghan spat his name.

“I know that’s a lie. Stop it. Just tell me what’s wrong. We can’t keep doing this,” Joshua practically begged, squeezing Jeonghan’s hand desperately. He knew that if he let go, Jeonghan’s hand would drop to the ground. Jeonghan did not want to hold on, and he knew that. 

“My mother,” Jeonghan started, dropping his gaze to stare at their hands, “She’s doing worse. Surely you’ve noticed it. She changed so much, and I just… I should be there, like she said. I shouldn’t be here, I should-“

“No,” Joshua’s voice was firm. It sounded unlike himself.

“No?” Jeonghan was startled.

“You can’t leave me, Jeonghan. You can’t. Please,” Jeonghan could tell that Joshua was trying to act strong. He was trying to seem like he wasn’t affected by all this.

“She needs me, Joshua.”

And they sat there in silence for what seemed like an eternity before Joshua whispered, his voice small and sad,

“So do I.”

______________________________________________________

ou things are getting serious :33333333333

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As always, thanks to the upvoters, subscribers, and viewers, and special thank you to my lovely new commenter OnceCarat, as well as my lovely friend Ros who made a lovely edit on tumblr based on this fanfic!!!!!!!!!

Thank you~!!