Part Three: Longing
Watch Over MeHis mother had aged in the week he hadn't seen her, Jeonghan noticed. He was supposed to be watching Joshua, but he couldn't keep his eyes off of her. Her skin was paler than he remembered; her voice shakier and the bags under her eyes much more prominent. He noticed that her hands were unsteady when she took the cookie from Joshua, and he noticed that when she smiled politely at him, it didn't reach her eyes.
"Ah," Joshua's voice was just barely above a whisper, "is this...your...." he trailed off, looking intently at a picture on the table they were sitting at. Jeonghan recognized the picture. His mother took it on his last birthday. They went to Jeju Island, and Jeonghan's long hair had been whipping around in the wind as he held the little white flowers he had found. She snapped a candid picture right when he smiled.
"Yes," his mother said weakly, "that's him."
Jeonghan had never heard her sound so lost. He realized then that, when he had left, so had parts of his mother. She wasn't the same without him. He protected the girl in the building, completely disregarding how much his mother needed him.
"He was a hero," Joshua said, "you should be proud.” Jeonghan's mother nodded.
"I am. I just... I miss his voice. I miss him."
Jeonghan would sing for her when she was sad. He knew that had been what she was referencing. If only he could sing for her now. If only she could hear him.
Joshua placed a hand on her shoulder in silent comfort. And then, he started humming. His voice was gentle and sweet, and Jeonghan's mother leaned into the comfort.
If Jeonghan couldn't protect her, he was glad Joshua would. As long as he protected Joshua, Joshua could comfort her. So, in a way, he would always be there for her.
Jeonghan's mother buried her face into the fabric of Joshua's sweater, resting her head on his shoulder, just below the crook of his neck. She cried and he hummed, and though they were both quiet, Jeonghan had never heard a sound so hauntingly deafening.
"He was beautiful," Joshua said, almost breathless as he finished humming. He was staring right at the picture.
"He would've liked you, Joshua," Jeonghan's mother sniffled.
Joshua nodded as she pulled away from him, still staring directly at the photo. Jeonghan couldn't breathe. The emotions were overwhelming. He felt so invisible and alone, and yet all he wanted was to tell Joshua that his mother was right: That he would've liked him. He just wanted to be there to tell him that. He just wanted to be there with them together.
"I would've liked him, too.”
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Jeonghan sat at the foot of Joshua’s bed and watched his chest rise and fall steadily. It was almost calming to his racing mind. Almost. Joshua’s eyebrows furrowed and Jeonghan watched as he shifted in his sleep, a small whimper escaping his lips. He was having a nightmare.
Jeonghan took a breath, remembering that he was assigned Joshua, and that his task was to protect him and bring him joy. He stopped thinking about his mother then in order to think about how he would be able to stop Joshua’s nightmares. He couldn’t sing to him. He couldn’t speak to him. He felt helpless watching Joshua writhe around in his sheets. All he could do was stand so he was facing Joshua, and grip his hand gently. He knew Joshua couldn’t feel it, but he watched in fascination as Joshua stopped whimpering. His eyebrows relaxed and he stopped moving. His chest rose and fell gently, and his hand curled slightly, as if he could feel where Jeonghan’s was.
Jeonghan shut his eyes then, and allowed himself to drift into a peaceful sleep, and he swore he could see Joshua in his dreams that night, looking straight at him, as if he could really see him; as if Jeonghan was alive.
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They should be getting longer from here, I promise! Triple update~
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