The song that became the inspiration for this chapter: PLAYLIST: Waiting Game

                 Some love gave and take. Some love just took off and never came back. It was an odd comparison, but the truth remained the same. When he was explaining everything, he left off bits and parts of his feeling. His love, he decided, should remain just like this. This time he would take the turn of standing by the side, watching. This time he would try not to be selfish and watched the girl he loved be happy on her own. Eventually, he would be fine with observing. Her happiness was at least worth the sacrifice. Love, as he came to know, did not always come in possession. He loved her, but if she wished not to, he would never force her to be his ever again.

                  It wasn’t Jongin’s personality to back down easily, but he thought that this was the one and only time he would relent, given the disgusted stare she casted on him earlier. There was no way to return to that blissful six months in 2015, and even if he had been given a choice to, he wouldn’t. Grandfather’s death signalled a new phase of event for everyone, and especially to Sena, because she would no longer have to deal with - Elders and Council and a deadly Grandfather who wanted her dead. He was just as relieved, if not more, than she was.

                  But his heart was not, that much he could tell. There was this stinging pain that grew unbearable as the silence came in. There was this growing emptiness that clouded his judgement. The look of disgust had finally worn off, as if she was tired. Frankly, he was, too, but there was no emotion laced onto his fair face. Sena’s defensive posture dropped down, her arms tiredly resting and her shoulder slumped in a seemingly relaxed manner. All kinds of emotions came swirling in.

                  She gazed up, remembering the difference of their height from years ago. He had grown impossibly taller, almost half a head taller than he was before, while she was short like always. Kim Jongin was looking at her with unreadable eyes. She could not comprehend the depth he showed. His grey eyes stirred awake like never before. Of course he would, he had been caged for too long. It was still Jongin. All she wanted before was to rush into that embrace, but Sena was not sure anymore.

                  She could not see Jongin the way he was before, when she literally worshipped the very ground he walked on. He was not perfect, but he might as well be in her biased eyes. How could she not fall for his smiles, for his words, and the way he made everything seemed okay? The cloudy night sky reflected her current mood. Everything made sense, and at the same time, she felt that his decision was too cruel, having experienced the effect herself.

                  “I can’t say thank you for what you’ve done… The same goes to Sehun.”

                  Surprisingly, Sena did not feel much, and would not call it a betrayal on Sehun’s part. She still trusted him, and she amazed herself for the capability of trusting others so blindly and fiercely, almost as if that boy was faultless. Jongin’s ears perked up, and she could not shield herself away from looking. The sadness on his eyes were so profound all she wanted to do was reach out and smoothened the crease between her brows. But in a flash of seconds, Jongin composed himself and straightened his posture in an almost regal manner.

                  “I never want you to thank me. It was beneficial for everyone,” and mostly for you, but Jongin could not confess. Perhaps it was his pride, but there was this little voice in the back of his mind that ultimately blocked off the raging confessions he was prepared to say. Then prolonged silence for the two of them as they drowned deep in their thoughts once again.

                  They never realised where they had walked to, but this was part of the abandoned garden in the headquarter. Jongin raised his head and looked around, recalling that one memory in Genbu’s headquarter because this place looked like an exact copy of that. There were stairs leading down the stony path, and a hot springs waiting by the end. Everything was the same, except that the excitement in their hearts had been replaced by immense sorrow.

                  Sena grew quiet as well. She pretended not to notice the nostalgic look on his face and followed him down the stairs. She refused to acknowledge that this garden was built to cherish the memory they had – the only good one in her mind. Her steps grew heavy and she reluctantly halted when Jongin did. His gaze was passively astonished. She had long forgotten such a place existed because it was only tended by the maids and no one else. It was sad, she thought, how something she loved could grow so terribly lonely.  

                  “Joonmyun’s courtesy, I presume?” Jongin’s lips quirked up, referring to the place itself.

                  Saliva lumped in . It wasn’t, but the lies slipped out easily before she could stop herself. “Yes.” But it wasn’t, really. This garden was perhaps, the only part she was very firm of in the planning stage. Joonmyun looked at her with tilted head and confusion, as if he didn’t understand why she would waste an extra space for it. Sena simply shook her head and insisted on it. It would not be an extra space if she felt so connected and fond of the garden. Jongin might be gone, but the shadow he left behind was still with her. The ghost of a memory lived in this place, waiting for the living to come back once again.

                  Jongin was good at reading others. He always managed to score first in psycho test almost every year. He knew Sena was telling lies, but he chose to believe this one white lie, because he could not bear the weight of truth. What if she still loved him the way he did? He couldn’t rip away parts of their past so easily as he did to her heart, could he? After all, make-believe was so much easier than telling more lies. His mind had subconsciously betrayed him by doing so.

                  “You know sometimes, it seems like everything had just happened yesterday, but now that I am looking at you like this,” She shifted and braced herself as she stared at his eyes. They were close once again, and Jongin bitterly recalled the kiss they had weeks ago. It had taken all his self-control not to have a continuation of what happened then. He noticed the way her fists were clenched tightly as she put on a brave front in front of him, but ultimately it was her next sentence that dragged him all the way to hell, “I realise that it’s so far away. Two years is akin to a century because it’s you, Jongin.”

                  Because it’s you. Her words hurt. It was like saying goodbye to her beloved, now lost and gone. If anything, he should be glad that Sena kept him in memories and cherished it with fondness. His feet stuck firmly to the ground, refusing to give up. He had been through so much pain even before he met her, but they would not accumulate to the kind of pain her words was giving now. Jongin flinched – not that she noticed – and his first betrayal gesture ultimately led to another.

                  Before he could let out a sound of anguish, Jongin turned around and walked further apart, creating a distance away so she would not be able to see and hear. He was strong. He should have known the consequences, but it was utterly nonsensical how the pain just came crushing in like waves. He clenched his fists and jammed his pointy nails into his palms. He saw red, blood, bitterness, disappointment. this. He suffered, too.

                  “Don’t give yourself much credit, Princess,” His low, husky voice was a perfect disguise to his misery.

                  “But now that you are here, once again,” She didn’t fail to remind him of the fact and smoothly continued. Sometimes Jongin wondered whether Sehun was fooling around with him when he said that Sena was still stuck in her past. Perhaps it was not him she was still thinking of. “I was thinking… Especially with your explanation and all, how about we move on from that chapter and be… civilised with each other? Be friends the way we used to?”

                  Jongin snorted, but Sena mistaken it as a mocking sneer. As he turned around, his grey eyes now dimmed under the light, he gave her a plausible smile that would pass of for a lie, “Of course.” And he was sure he sounded very convincing.

                  Sena sighed, ignoring the blood on her lips from biting too hard on it and returned his smile with an equally fake one. She could not break down now. She was glad he was back, but something told her everything would change from now on – whether it was for the better or the worse. She could only hope it was the former. There was only so much burden she could take on.

                  He walked away. His figure strong like always. It was not the first time he had walked away from her, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last. Minutes and hours after that, Sena stayed in the garden, starring at everything she had and everything she lost. It was then, that she finally heaved a sigh and cried to herself. The strength of her grip almost tore off the edge of her shirt, and even then, she still cried bitterly and painfully. It was not as if something was snapping anymore. It was like the entire soul collapsed into ruins.

                  For two years, Sena was chasing for an explanation. For a finality. For an epilogue. And now that she got to taste the ending of her first love, she knew what those songs and ty books meant. Finally she got to experience the kind of surrender, knowing that this was the end. She was normally not the type to give in to fate or situation, but this was the first time she had ever felt so helpless. Growing up was something she came to hate. She’d lost so many of her beloveds. Jongin wasn’t the last, but he surely would be that one scar she could not move on from.

                  Kim Jongin was the love of her life. In that short six months they experienced a roller coaster of emotion, but mostly they were a blissful pair. Still, she could not forget the kind of pain and despair she came to know of without his presence. She had moved on, but she would never forget the kind of love she had for him – the enormous need for affection and the terrible consequences of it. He would stay on in her life. Not as a partner, but a good friend.

                  That was honestly, more than enough.

                  A drop of tear finally fell down Kim Jongin’s face without him realising.   

                 A/N: I feel like that song 'Waiting Game' really suits the atmosphere of this chapter. Picture credit to Motion Picture Soundtrack. He is such a talented person.