Yo, you may want to listen to BIRDY - TERRIBLE LOVE PLAYLIST as you read this chapter!

                 There were few things Sena could not tolerate in this lifetime, and one of them was crying. She hardly ever cried anymore, though there were times she must force herself to swallow those tears within bitterly, and many of them – if she remembered correctly – was because of Kim Jongin. It was not because tears was a sign of her weakness, but Sena found it rather ridiculous trying to pour out her feelings with tears, even when words seemed to find no way to .

                  She didn’t cry when Jongin left. She cried afterwards.

                  She didn’t cry when Tao died. She mourned for his death.

                  She didn’t cry out loud when Joonmyun confessed for the first and last time. She knew it was not forever. Feelings lasted for a while and disappeared moments after. She knew Joonmyun would get over her, as she would to Jongin, though that would take years of practicing not to remember all the bittersweet things they had done together. Sena hated crying. She loathed it. She didn’t cry then, she wouldn’t cry now – or so she vowed. There was a pang of sadness when she caught a glimpse of Sehun in a white tube, infused with injections all over his body.

                  She had never felt more separated now than ever. Sehun had always been there for her, and it seemed so natural to have him by her side. He took care of her more than he should, and it just… broke her heart having to see this sight of him. Sena wanted to pull away from Luhan’s grasp and drown in her own misery. She did promise him she would only catch a glimpse, but she couldn’t. Something inside her just snapped, seeing Sehun inside, hurting and unconscious. It was unimaginable how she would be without him because quite frankly, Sena had never imagined a future without Oh Sehun within.

                  “Don’t!” Luhan warned and pulled her into a tight hug. Sena wanted to struggle, but she found herself slumping into his embrace without a word. They were stuck in , swallowed back inside. It hurt. It was as if someone had shot her twice and stabbed her again and again, and it still wouldn’t accumulate to the amount of pain she felt now. She took a peek from his chest and saw the motionless bedridden Sehun, so different from his usual self.

                  He looked deadly pale, and there was a long wound that ran down his neck. It would surely leave a big scar for the rest of his life. Would he blame her for this? Sehun, who was always so kind and pleasant to her? She could not imagine that, but surely, somewhere in his heart he would blame her for causing this. Sena felt her breath hitched as she pushed Luhan away as gently as she could. She didn’t want to be pitied. She didn’t want to look fragile. She didn’t want anyone to know the burden she had to bear.

                  Her Grandfather once told her, ‘a great leader must be rid of emotion’. He must be proud now.

                  “Sena…” Sehun seemed to notice their presences outside of the room. He looked weak, and she hated the small smile he put on to show a brave front to her. He should have known better than to act strong in times like this. Even then he would still call out to her, half- with injections and pipes and wounds all over his body. Without waiting for Luhan’s approval, Sena broke their promise by rushing into the room. It was thoughtless, she decided, but this was worth it.

                  “No, ing idiot!” She cursed angrily and ran to his side, “Stay on the bed. Don’t even talk.”

                  “But…” His voice was so soft she could barely hear it. She had to lean in until their distances was an inch away, when her lips almost brushed against his cheeks, that she could catch onto his mumbling noises – sounding almost nonsensical to her insensitive ears. She was angry at him for being so irrationally kind to her, even with wounds, and she swore if he made it out well, she would hit him for it. But now was not the time. She stared at him with eyes filled of sadness and disappointment, and no amount of drugs could blur in that image to be forever imprinted in his mind. “Sena…”

                  Sena, Sena, Sena. Her name was all to ever escape his mouth after he was forced to the emergency room. She didn’t know, and no one bothered to tell her. She was looking at him with those eyes he didn’t like to see, and he wanted to calm her down like he used to, but his whole body was tied down. He was immobile now, and he hated it. Please, he wanted to say, Please don’t look at me with those eyes. I can’t bear to see it. What makes you sad, Dearest? Tell me so I can bear the burden for you.

                  “If you speak one more word, I would have to leave the room,” Sena tried to snort light-heartedly, but she failed miserably. She almost choked in her own regret as she brushed the hair away from Sehun’s face. His features looked dead, except for his eyes. They were strong, a brilliant brown filled with affection and love she could not stare at for too long. She could feel this prick in her heart, but she did not know whether it was pain or joy she was feeling.

                  “Don’t,” He mouthed out with a forced smile. He did not have any energy left to spare because he could feel his consciousness slowly falling out. He took one last look at Sena and closed his eyes in peace. His injuries were not life-threatening, but it was horrible. She saw the way Jongin was fighting his way through three Shadow fighters, and now knew the consequences of enraging five frustrated mutants. Up-close, she gently traced his scar behind his left ear and almost hissed in anger.

                  Byun Baekhyun, we are not done yet. There were so many things to do. Before she saw him submit, she would not stop. He had hurt too many people of hers, and Sena would make him pay. Each drop of blood for every person he killed. She had never felt so determined before, not while helping Joonmyun stole his throne, nor when Jongin left her that night for her Grandfather. She just couldn’t bear the pain, the guilt, the raw sadness and anguish she felt when she looked at Sehun. He was fair before, but he looked tough now, especially with the scar running down his neck. Others might shun him for it, but in Sena’s eyes, he was no less beautiful than he ever was before – if not more.

                  “Please get well soon, Sehun. I miss you. I really do,” She whispered to air and placed a tender, heartfelt kiss on his cheek. She knew he would not hear her, and perhaps it was for the best that he didn’t. This feeling was for hers to keep, and she didn’t plan to act on it like she did with Jongin. It was different, but she knew whatever it was was growing. She was falling in a dangerous pace, and she was afraid to face what was waiting for her down below. And not to mention, she was still unable to shrug off the ghost of her past, no matter how hard she tried to.

                  Luhan stood outside with his feet stuck to the ground. He knew the stare all too well, knew what was behind the words she thought no one saw and heard, knew the feeling she had for Sehun. It was all too familiar to him, because he had been staring at her with the same eyes for years – not that she seemed to notice much. It was strange how life turned out this way, how the golden triangle of Seiryuu eventually became involved with each other. Of all Elites, she was closest to Luhan, Taeyong and Sehun. She relied on them heavily, in particular Sehun, after Kim Jongin – that bastard – left.

                  Human relationship was complex and complicated. No effort on his part would ever make him understand how love and hate worked. Sena would know. She knew how one could turn to another so quickly, in the blink of an eye. Albeit Luhan was known for being a possessive freak, he knew the limit of his feelings. He knew how to draw a line between them, even with the consequences of being heartbroken again and again. It was all for that smile of a girl he loved since the first day he saw her.

                  He had forgotten how to count the years since.

                  He didn’t know that it would have been fifteen years since their first faithful meeting. He was shy and she was curious when they were young, and her hands she extended on that day helped him get through even the darkest of times. That was why… No matter how much love he bear for her, no matter how hurtful it would be, Luhan would still prioritize her happiness over his. She might not remember the small kindness she gave him since, but he would. A boy who grew up with no love like Luhan would cherish Sena, the only light he had in his bleakness, for the rest of his life.

                  “You don’t look too sad, Flower Boy,” Jongin commented with a snide remark. It was so-Jongin-like, the way he casually dissed others, as if he knew everyone’s deepest and darkest secret and used it as a tool against them. To Luhan, it was despicable. He never did like Jongin, despite of the good and bad he’d heard around. He might be part of the plan, knew what he’d sacrificed for this clan, but Luhan could never like Kim Jongin no matter what happened. Their personalities clashed too much for them to live in harmony together. And not to mention, he was the first boy to break Sena’s heart. Luhan resented him for his ability to make her fall so easily and break her apart so cruelly.

                  “It’s none of your business,” Luhan coldly replied, not even sparring him a glance. His feet now itched to leave after Jongin’s arrival. But even with the shimmering hatred he had for him, Luhan could not miss that sad spark that flashed in his eyes before they were gone – quick as if they were never there at all. If his eyes had been grey before, they were now dead, like fishes’ eyes a moment before their kills. This man had no hint of life within him, just like the Shadow fighters.

                  “What are you doing here, Kim Jongin?”

                  “None of your business as well,” Jongin threw him a smirk with his own remark mercilessly.

                  “Then off,” Luhan scowled. He did not like the tone of superiority the younger guy used, though he technically was more superior than Luhan in terms of rank. Luhan had called it void since he left two years ago, hatefully commenting that Jongin no longer served such competency in the clan. He was just a tad bit jealous. Envious, so to say, more than anything. The dislike was a result of his jealousy, something Luhan secretly admitted to only himself.

                  “I heard Sena was looking for me, so I came,” His eyes darted from Luhan and rested on the girl with contentment. She appeared oblivious still, completely absorbed in her own world as she continued to mumble into her own hands, and even the expert of reading lips, Luhan, would not be able to understand what she was trying to say. But to Jongin, they were secret words he did not wish to hear. He hated to admit it, but he was feeling restless seeing the closeness of Sehun and Sena and how she relied on him completely.

                  When Jongin left, he had expected this. But seeing it with his own two eyes still hurt.

                  “You don’t really have the right to call her by name anymore, Jerkass. You lost that privilege long ago,” Luhan bitterly said, but little did he know that he had hit the right mark by doing so. Jongin might look ignorant enough to pass it off, but his heart was very much pained by the words. He knew. When she was hurting, crying, thrashing around, he knew how it felt like. Two years without her was hell to him. He would wish, more than anything, to have hurt her less. But no broken heart could be healed by a simple wish from him.

                  It didn’t take long before Sena looked up, and the soft eyes she had for Sehun now turned stony when she met Jongin’s stormy orbs. Luhan decided it was best for him to leave, because the two of them had much to solve on their own. To Sena, this was one of the finality, when she finally faced Jongin and confronted him for explanation. She no longer had to dream the same nightmares over and over again. But to Jongin, this was it. He was tired of pretending. Like a bird freed from its cage, he only wanted to be free with the truth. And so should he talk to her, offering the reasons from beginning to the end.