I must be dreaming, right? Please someone wake me up now! Right now! This can’t be real! No! No! No! HELP!

Taeyeon-ssi brushes her lips against mine, she slowly applies pressure on my body kissing my lips tenderly, I unconsciously respond without thinking.

After a while, my body get attract to her action, my mind go blank, I’m unable to figure out the right or the wrong in our actions, leaving the thought that Taeyeon-ssi isn’t leaving me any chance to protest. I kiss her back moving my lips like she does earlier. The only contact that we have is our body, as she pins my hands on each side of my head.

Reality catches me faster than I thought as I turn my head to the side when she wanted to get on more kiss. We look at each other without uttering any words, I feel like my voice has been cut off, I stare and stare deeper and deeper in her eyes trying to find a way to tell her to stop before she chooses to go any further more. I try to release myself from her hold and sit up.

I look at her strangely recalling her actions from lately. Her look, her touch, her grip, her kiss and the way she is clingy on me. Emotions get down. I was struggling from the moment at the restaurant when I saw her uncomfortable and drunk, to my house for three hours then taking care of her, in final to discover that she was merely drunk and only playing prank on me the all-time. I was trying to be honest and thoughtful with her. Knowing that, my anger quickly climbs up. Thousands questions run in my head again, why did she act drunk? Why did she kiss me? Why me among all those people outside?

×××

The silence between us become really heavy, so I decide to take advantage of it, turning the situation into my favor, Taeyeon-ssi played trick on me so why am I not allowed to play back? I smirk at her thinking about something mischievous to do without hurting her and her feelings. I lean forward facing her, leaving her no space for her to move….

I see Taeyeon-ssi is squeezing her eyes shut, at my attempting so I guess it is working, I wanted to kiss her and initiate the kiss. I lean in more and more until my breathe grazes on her left ear and whisper; “Don’t act innocent and clueless.” I peck on it lightly and remain my position. Feeling the warm of her body means that she is embarrassed, this so cute and hilarious. Although my dense attitude gets away little by little;

“Open your eyes I’m not going to harm you.” I face her leaving an inch between us.

I admitted I got attract to her from the day I spot her tailing behind Tiffany-ssi, even though I never expect that my feelings for her was a mutual thing. Anyhow it’s funny the way that she turns out to be really shy and awkward after her fierce act stealing my precious first kiss.

Taeyeon-ssi looks at me like a lost puppy which earns her another kiss on the lips.

Why do I have to maintain my feelings since I clearly know that she feels the same as me and let me know earlier.

Sitting on the edge of my bed I lean closer to her as I wasn’t close enough, putting my right arm on the mattress next to her side body to keep my balance, her breath start to be faster than before, her heart is pumping like it wants to get out from her torso, her eyes still shut I take a daze of her face light by the moon reflecting in my room. Pushing on my arm I stick my tongue out and her lips tasting her soft red flesh and plant a kiss at the corner of lips. Her body quickly respond to my teasing and tense up. Eyes shut; she is unaware to all my face expression. To shake her up I kiss her eyes lid and retract my face.

“Breathe, relax…” Using my other hand pulling her against my body like we are not close enough; “Tell me the truth you weren’t drunk?” my lips are brushing on her ear creating circles touches to make her give in. She lightly shakes her head ‘no’. “Why? Why did you act drunk then?” Using the tips of my fingers trailing light touches up and down her back.

“I wanted t-to…” Heat… Taeyeon-ssi is having a hard time forming a sentence and start to stutter. Keeping the same position and action, I have to make her answer all my questions without hurting her.

“To what?” I put my lips really softly on hers; “Maybe this would help you to regain strength and answer my question?” I plant another kiss on her lips.

“T-to g…-get your attention….” Taeyeon-ssi answer me with a heavy breath air seems to lack inside her immune system.

“Well you have it now.” Closing the tiny space between us I circle my arms around her stiffen body. Still, she didn’t move and respond to anything. “Look at me.”  I kiss her cheek, nuzzling on it saying. “I was honest with you the entire time that we spent together.” Taeyeon-ssi cracks her open her eyes. “Don’t be startle. You don’t have to feel guilty for anything. Hum… I should be the one to thank you, because of this clever trick I somehow confess to you what I feel even if it’s only actions, I hope you understand what I mean.” Pulling my face back I stare straight into her dark orbs; “My mother scold me this morning saying that I’m introverted and cold.” I take her hand and caress it. “You stole my first kiss.” I bring her hand close to my lips, kissing it tenderly.

“I’m sorry.” Taeyeon-ssi says looking away except my face.

“What for?” turning my face to captivate her stare.

“For acting drunk and make you struggle bringing me here.”

“Ah… you don’t have to beside you enjoy it don’t you,” She nods and I nod with her too.

“I was caught up in the game and the emotion; sorry I stole your first kiss”

“No more ‘sorry’. You feel attract to me too don’t you?”

“Yes”

“So there is no sorry to be say.”

“Are your body feeling sore anywhere?” she asks me from nowhere, I just shake my head my ‘no‘

×××

Nothing really matter to me except her presence, all my fears and doubt disappear like I’m ready to face everything. Strangely with Taeyeon at this moment in my life seems less dull and futile like before. I’ve never thought about love since the day my father decided to left my mother, my sisters and I, from that day I practically shut myself off. Love, feelings, and affections everything that involve those words makes me run away. That’s why I always express this coldness towards everybody, I never want to open up my heart to anyone without exception whether is boys who can possibly love me and protect me just like in movies or a girls that love, care and make me feel like I’m exceptional. I hardly really like contact with anyone out of my comfort zone even with my best friends. When we start to talk about our personal life I used to feel really reluctant about saying what I really think. They are different in my eyes, they might know my deepest fear and secret but they don’t really know me right? Let’s take a view on my mother the woman I cherish the most in my life, she shows so much strength and motivation towards us the day my father left, she moves on and stay strong to show us that life must go on even if I know deeply in my heart that she is hurt and got scars. Years after years she sinks herself into works and us claiming that we are the best thing that she ever had. My older sister is a strong and stern in business, me? Well I’m just doctors who dig herself into work and trying to always find the best. Finally my little sister the youngest who is still in high school, she was a new born when my heartless father left so I think that it’s even harder for her to know and understand what’s happen.  Every time I look at them I somehow feel sorry and weak.

All those feelings have suddenly make an appearance in me those days when I