Auditory Hallucination - Jang Jae In ft. Na Show (Kill me, Heal Me OST)
* Listen while reading to add more emotion and flavor to the chapter.

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“Unspoken Words”

Eun Joo

The pain of the memories that are left kills me every day.

In a world full of colors and beautiful things, there’s an empty world deep down in my heart that is slowly and painfully killing me.

They told me, I almost lost myself when he disappeared for the second time. I was so depressed to the point of almost committing suicide again and again.

I could still remember when I jumped off that building, that’s the moment when I finally saw him. The most memorable moment of my life that is already engraved in my heart and every time, I try to commit suicide it seems like he’s always telling me no and don’t do it. As if he’s telling me that he’s coming back into my arms again, that’s he’s going to save me again and be with me for the rest of my life, but no matter how much I think of it, it’s the most impossible thing that could happen.

It’s impossible for a person who already died and disappeared to come back again.

My last year as a high school student finally came. I don’t know how long I can handle myself so depressed. I tried making myself happy, but nothing can make me happy or smile anymore. I barely talk to anyone. They kept on hearing rumors about me and it’s making them keep their distance from me again.

I guess those rumors about me will remain forever. Even though I’ve made some friends after Baekhyun left for the second time, they kept distance from me because of the news that I’ve been bullied before and they don’t want to stay friends with an outcast and a monster like me.

What a horrible world is this that I live in?

It hurts when people stay away from you. For some odd reason, I feel like crying again. Only Baekhyun believed in me, stayed with me and loved me.

All I want is to see him again.

It’s so hard to forget someone you love so much. It’s so hard when he’s the only one that you can count on to be by your side whenever you need help or need some comforting. Whenever I cry, I pity myself because I have to comfort myself.

I decided to transfer schools this coming semester, I want a new place where no one knows me and I hope this time rumors will not follow me like a disease. I want to be alone until I graduate. Call me a loner, but it’s better to be alone than having fake friends who talk behind your back or leave you in the end.

Even though it’s far from my apartment, it’s better for me to start anew.

And as soon as I finish my studies, I’m going to move to another place again. A place where I, Eun Joo can really start living as a normal girl and no one will judge me. I will try my best so that Baekhyun’s sacrifice won’t be a waste. I will try leaving everything behind, including my memories with Baekhyun.

Am I really ready to let go of him, his memories and his existence?

“Don’t forget I existed.”

A wave of pain crashes me after remembering those words. I close my eyes and clenches my fist until it turns white and no blood is running through my veins. My hand starts shaking a bit. No, it’s impossible to forget. It’s really impossible to forget someone you love so dearly.

----

I started working as a part-time florist. After getting into a lot and different part-time jobs, I think this suits me well since I’m a type of person who doesn’t know how to express myself through my words and through flower arranging, I am able to show my talent and skills as well as express my feeling through it.

Usually, my customers are guys who buy a bouquet of flowers for their girlfriends. Whenever they want to surprise them or ask them out for a date. For some odd reason, there are a lot of people who buy flowers these days. It means more work for me and more money to save for the future.

I spend the rest of my time here at the flower shop after school. This way, it can eat up all the time because of the apartment, I’m getting suffocated by the old memories I want to erase.

The scents of the flowers relax me. The place is warm and it helps me lessen the depression I’m feeling.

I am currently arranging a bouquet of roses ordered by someone through the phone. Putting some red roses in it just like the customer wanted and angel’s breath. The bells hanging by the door rings signaling someone just opened it. “Good Day, Welcome to Noblesse Flower Shop.” I greeted as lively as I can. It’s my customer who ordered the bouquet of flowers.

Just in time I already finished it. I sprayed a bit of water on it before handing it to him, hoping that he’ll like it. A satisfied smile formed his lips, I smile inside my head, knowing that he liked it.

Most of the time, the manager scolds me a lot for not welcoming and smiling at the customers, but he can’t blame me. He needs my skills, time and work more than my smile.

He hands me his payment before stepping out of the shop. I put the cash in the register, then I take in a deep breath, then walks to the glass door, it’s raining. Great. It makes me feel sleepy and tired. Nothing interesting is outside and it’s time to close the shop soon. I want to stay longer here or maybe I can go at the arcade later and play random stuffs so when I go home, I’m so tired that I won’t be able to look around and just sleep on my bed.

It’s hard for me to forget him when at the end of the day, it seems like I always go home back to him, his memories. The longer I stay there, the more I miss him.

Just once, please… I want to see you again.

I watch the people walking at the pedestrian pass by our shop like a wave of water, shielding themselves from getting wet. I stare blankly at them and about to go back to my spot before the manager scolds me until everything just slowed down… through the glass door of the shop—my eyes widen in sho