TAEK’S ROOM - 1992

I can’t believe what I just heard.

“We are dating.” Junghwan shyly said as he held her hand, fingers interlocking.

The others were in disbelief when they heard what Junghwan said. “Yah, I’ve never imagined the both of you getting together. What has the world become, is there going to be a war soon?!” Dong Ryong exclaimed as he kept looking and teasing at the new couple. Upon hearing that, a blushing Deok Sun gave a huge smack to him.

Junghwan did it. He confessed to Deok Sun before I did. He had won. After congratulating the couple, everyone was focusing on watching the music festival except for me. I couldn’t help but to stare at the both of them. Junghwan was grinning from ear to ear, his eyes filled with love as he looked at Deok Sun helping her to arrange her hair neatly after it was messed up by the boys. Junghwan had his hand around her waist, pulling her close to him, occasionally planting kisses on her temple.

Halfway through the broadcast, I stood up and left the room quietly, not wanting to distract the others. Clad in only a white T-shirt and sweatpants, the chilly air hit me as I step outside of my house. Looking at the alley, I was overwhelmed suddenly with so much emotion. Maybe it was the alley that looked so empty and lonely, perhaps the chilly air that made the day so desolate or the fact that today the girl I like was officially taken. Unknowingly, a tear dropped and I was silently crying.

“Taek?”

That voice. That familiar and heart-warming voice. Hearing her voice, I instantly turned around with my back facing her, not wanting her to see my distraught state.

“Are you alright?” Deok Sun gently asked as she slowly made her way towards me. “Why are you crying? What happened?”

Wiping my shirt, I turned around to face her. However, I was not able to look into her eyes. She crouched down and looked at me. “What happened Taek?” she gently said as she placed her hand on my lap. “Why did you cry?” Hearing her voice, I could not help it but tear up. “I am just stressed over the upcoming match, my condition has not been good lately.” I lied, hoping she would believe. She would never know that the real reason for my behaviour was actually because of her.

“Taek, look at me and tell me why you are crying?” she cooed. Shaking my head, I refused to look at her, afraid that she would see right through my eyes. “Taek, please, just look at me” Deok Sun pleaded again, her voice slightly worried. Realising she was worried, I felt a pang of guilt. Reluctantly, I tilted my head up but avoided eye contact with her. “Yah, Choi Taek, look at me.” Deok Sun, her voice slightly louder now.

Taking a deep breath mentally, I looked into her eyes.

That was all it takes for me to start crying again. It’s wasn’t tears of despair or regret. Instead, it’s was tear of frustration. Frustration towards myself for not taking the chance to grab her when she was still single. Now, I can’t look into those beautiful eyes anymore. “Taek-ah…”

“I am just tired and worried about my upcoming match.” I immediately said to Deok Sun, not wanting her to probe any further. “Don’t worry about me. Congratulations.” As I said that last word, my heart ached. “Oh… thanks”. All of sudden, the atmosphere became awkward silence fills the alley. “You should go in, I just want to take a smoke before going in.” I lied to Deok Sun for the second time. She nodded. As she stood up, she took my jacket which was placed on the deck (which I did not notice before) and draped it around me. “It’s cold, faster come in okay.” I nodded in response. Before she stepped back into the house, she turned around and smile at me. “Everything will be alright, Taek-ah”.