Chapter 15

I wiped my mouth clean with the back of my hand and looked at my reflection in the mirror. I'm not surprised I looked like death. My eyes had sunken, my skin turned an unhealthy pale color, and my hands were trembling. I had thrown up after being woken up by a nightmare. My dinner was gone down the sink, and there was a hollow and uncomfortable feeling in my gut.

It wasn't so bad, except for the fact that I feel like . I wanted to eat breakfast when I came down after a warm bath, but I ended giving half of my plate to my brother who was more than happy to eat a portion of my bacons. This wasn't the first time I didn't feel like eating, but I told myself I may be just sick for the day. But I knew mom had a hint that I wasn't really feeling well at all. Not just for the day. By the way she looked at me before I left the table, she wanted to point this out, but I didn't let her.

I went out of the house at 7, rode the bike to school with Jongin, and we made it to the classroom just in time when Hana and Minjee came in. I wasn't that upset with them anymore and I was just so tired fighting with them that I let a greeting slip from my lips when they greeted me—this delighted them. But while the classroom got filled, and chatters erupted around us, I laid my head on my desk and slept.

At dawn, the dream I had was different but more vivid than the last. The last few days was of my mom's voice begging me to wake up. But this time it wasn't her. It was me I dreamt of. But I didn't really see myself. Instead, I sensed my surroundings; a white room, beeping in my ears, laughter, sobs, muffled words. I heard noises that sounded like a lot of nonsense. There was finally color—white, but there was really no clear picture of the place I was in. I just assumed it was a room. And it was dead cold, like I was inside a freezer. But then what was the most striking of all sensations I had vividly felt was the smell. It was as if my olfactory was overloaded with the standard stench of disinfectant. It almost smelled like the hospital. And when I woke up the smell still lingered, and I felt like really throwing up that I rushed to the bathroom. I hated the smell since hospitals really nauseated me. As much as often that I was brought there when I was young, being in the place was tiring. And I hated that it haunted me even in my dreams.

Remembering the occurence this morning, I let my eyes flutter open. I guessed that class was about to start and I decided I'd stay awake and listen. The teachers really hated it when someone sleeps in class and I guess I wouldn't be exempted for detention even if I wasn't feeling well. Or maybe I could. But I didn't know.

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes made me shiver. I wasn't in the classroom. I didn't know how I ended up in the place that I was in. And I felt myself panic. But all I could think—and tried convincing myself about—was that maybe I was dreaming again. Just that this time it all looked so real—it was the most vivid out of all my dreams—and I was seeing and feeling what was around me. A white room. Again. It was a big white room with machines, contraptions and special equipments around. I could tell that though this was a clear picture of a hospital room, it had a lot more amenities than a normal room. There were also a bunch of too distractingly beautiful flowers by the table next to the windows. And on them were greetings written on ribbons. But I couldn't read what were written since no matter how I try to move, it was like my body wasn't my own and I was stuck in my spot. 

I was stuck in my spot, across what looked like a hospital bed, and with someone who looked like me occupying it. I was confused, scared, and I didn't know whether to believe what I was seeing, but I just watched myself—the other me—sleep peacefully on the bed. She looked pale. Really paler than me. And if I didn't just see the mist of her breath dampening the mask covering and nose, I would think that she was not just sleeping but dead. It scared me really. But I hated to drive any conclusion from what I was seeing in my dreams.

I willed myself to close my eyes. This was just a dream. And if I think of it so hard, the moment I open my eyes, I won't be seeing this room or myself on that bed again. I started counting backwards. Five. You're not real. Four. I was only dreaming. Three. Stop haunting me. Two. Don't show me those images, please. One. Please. Please. Please.

"Soori." Someone was shaking me awake.

I tried opening my eyes but it was as if they were too tired to.even cooperate.

"Soori." Another shake on my arms.

I managed to open an eye. And then the other. Light flooded my vision, and I needed to adjust my eyes to the colors finally invading my sight. It hurt at first, but it looked so beautiful and relieving to finally see colors other than white. I was back. This wasn't a dream.

"Soori?"

I lifted my head from my desk and looked around. My eyes settled on the person I finally noticed sitting beside me. I was a little surprised because no one was in the classroom but us.

"Why is the room empty Jongin?" Confusion filled me.

He looked at me as if he couldn't believe why I was asking that question. But there was no point to question because I was genuinely confused. I really had no idea.

"You don't remember sleeping throughout the first two periods?"

"I did?" He nodded. Even so, I was shocked. I had no idea I slept that long because it didn't really feel like I was dreaming for that long. 

"You did." He said. "I tried waking you up but nothing worked. You were so deep in your sleep. Gladly, the teachers let you off."

"They did?" That was even shocking.

"They did. No idea what miracle happened but they did. Why did you even sleep like a corpse?" He asked, lifting a brow at me.

I opened my mouth to say something, but I wasn't so sure how to say it that I ended up closing my mouth. I just shook my head and looked down.

"Is there something bothering you?" He asked, worry dripping in his voice.

I looked up and saw the worried lines on his forehead. I wanted to straighten them away but I decided against touching him. "I just couldn't sleep at night." Hence, the admittance.

He nodded, understanding me and said, "Did you dream about your mother's voice again?"

I wanted to tell him that it was different and maybe worse than that, but I didn't want to worry him further so I just nodded in response.

He sighed. "I wish I could do something. You've been dreaming of the same thing for too long that it's already weird." That I agree with.

I let out a faint smile escape. "Well, maybe you should entertain me more at night?" I tried to lighten the atmosphere.

"Should I?" He asked, looking worried and amused at the same time.

"Maybe." I stood up. "Should we grab some lunch?"

Today, the cafeteria was as always filled with stereotypes. Groupings. Chatters. PDA. There were the normal geeks grouped at some tables who were quietly studying to themselves. The musicians were in an animated chatter about songs in the 80s. The jocks were grouped with some of the cheerleaders. The cheerleaders won't be group in the same tables since they were scattered, latched like s next to every pretty boy. The soccer team was surprisingly huddled in three tables put together and having the bonding moments of their lives. The popular kids were at the center of the room, being the most interesting sight of all. Even so, it wasn't the most interesting sight for me now because I could finally care less about Sehun and his bunch of plastic friends—Jinah included. 

We used to share the same table during the first half of the year, but after the blunder I caused, it was a guarantee that we had to separate ways. Two different groups weren't supposed to try and mix together anyway. It was bound to have complications. Pathetic students of this school wouldn't see it as acceptable especially since my group was a mixture of everything. We're probably the oddest but most normal mix. And involving with the popular kids was as good as none.

Even so, it wasn't about the groupings or the social ranking that complicated everything. It was just my doing. I wanted it to be that way so I'd be left alone in my little bubble. A bubble with real friends, not liars or hypocrites.

But much to my chagrin, along with the drift was some of the spotlight still being directed to me. People still thought I seduced Sehun in no ways imaginable. And even after what happened between the two of us, they still thought the same—or perhaps worse. Now they even accused me of playing him even though they had no idea that the drama finally ended. And more names were added to the list of names they had given me.

Today was the worst however.

I sat on our table trying to focus on the food in front of me. People were looking, I sensed that, and it wasn't like it was something I wasn't already used to. By now, stares didn't faze me. But it didn't go unnoticed when Hana and Minjee actually did the staring.

"What?" I spoke, swallowing food in my mouth, "is there something on my face?"

"None." Minjee said carefully. I nodded, refocusing on my food. "But—" I raised my head and waited for her to say what she needed to say. But she was hesitating. She looked back at Hana for help but the said girl shook her head. They started nudging each other like it was a competition.

I cleared my throat and said, "I'm just here. Talk to me if you want to guys." It was a hint that I was already annoyed. 

They stopped nudging each other and it was Hana who did the awkward speech. "Y-you see..." She peered at me but looked down to avoid my gaze, "Well, there was a rumor about you." I clenched my hands around my chopsticks when I heard the magic words. Rumors again.

"What rumor is it this time?" 

"Don't you really know anything?" Minjee asked, flabbergasted. Like I should have known what they were talking about and yet I didn't.

I stared at her and shook my head. "I certainly have no idea what it's all about this time." Minjee nodded, believing me. She must have seen the curiosity and confusion on my face.

"Well, there were rumors going around that you were hooking up with Yixing." Hana said. I gaped at her in mortification, not being able to grasp what I was hearing, 

"Who said that? What proof they even have?" I was feeling sort of mad because the rumor was too ridiculous. Me hooking up with Zhang Yixing? Goodness!

"Well, I just heard some girls in the comfort room a while ago say something about seeing you ride Yixing's bike the other day. And with some twisted logic they concluded that you two were finally hooking up." She explained.

I snorted because it was the most ridiculous joke I had ever heard about me! Just because I rode someone's bike, it already meant hooking up to those kids? Were they gifted with nothing but pea brains?!

"And they said he was seen taking drugs today like he was popping tarts in his mouth. It was the first time they saw him pop tarts in his mouth so they thought you must be the one giving him the substance. They say the events just coincides since..." This finally made me guffaw loudly. The sound I made surely caught everyone's attention in the cafeteria but I didn't care. They talked and nothing else anyway.

"I want to say such colorful words right now but I'm too amused to do it." I said, as I came down from my high. My friends on the table looked at me as if I was crazy. And I was. This school kept ruining my sanity. "You think they were right about us?" I asked when I was finally calm enough.

Silence.

"Well, it's not that I don't trust you, but I'm curious to know whether it was true or not..." Minjee said, looking at her lap. I couldn't blame her. She was one curious little thing when it comes to gossips at times.

"It was pure I guess." Hana said coolly, folding her arms and biting her lips.

I looked at Kyungsoo and he only smiled at me. Admittedly, that was the best and most comforting response so far. He knew I wouldn't do such a thing. And with a friend? No way.

When I looked at Jongin, I was a bit taken aback because he was looking at me intensely. "You don't believe the rumors, right?" I asked. 

At first he looked like he didn't understand me, as if he was there but not really. But then his face softened, and I was finally there reflected in his obsidian eyes. They were looking back at me with such warmth that I just wanted to drown in them.

"Of course, not." He said, shaking his head.

I smiled, shifting my head to look at all their faces. "Well, I really rode his bike with him the other day. That was the only thing that was true with that stupid rumor." Sighs escaped their lips as soon as I said that.

"But how did that even happen?" Minjee leaned closer on the table and asked as if we were conspirators. 

All of them were leaning into my direction when I explained everything. I told them about seeing him all beat up until the moment when I was tending to his wounds. The whole time, they listened patiently and let me talk without interruption. Sometimes I'd say something that totally surprised them or made their eyebrows raise, but the best thing about the whole situation was that they didn't judge me. Although I must say, I felt like I was a specimen being examined while at it.

"He didn't tell you anything specific?" Minjee asked when I finished.

I shook my head. "He only said something about wanting to do something but people kept telling him what to do. And that was the problem according to him." I explained. Everyone shrank back on their spots, still confused.

"You think something worse happened? Not just the rumors that circulated?" Kyungsoo asked.

"I think it was more than that. And obviously there was no drugs involved. Yixing doesn't take drugs or do pot. Like I said, what he must be popping like tarts in his mouth were the painkillers I gave him. And I'm really going to kill him for overdosing." That made them chuckle, easing the tense atmosphere.

"You got to tell us all about it when you did." Hana mused, smiling.

"Yeah." Minjee said, "Because I'd even pay a million just to know what his reaction was." 

I smiled, "I will."

I went home alone in the afternoon since Jongin had to meet Kang Hyeri again today for their English project. I wasn't ecstatic to hear about it by now since I felt like I was being robbed off a best friend for a couple of hours. I know it wasn't that much but maybe I was again just used to hanging out wth Jongin 24/7 (that was an exaggeration i know) that I started feeling that way. 

Idiotic me said, I couldn't help it when I share Jongin with someone. Especially with a girl. A girl! I had been his most favorite girl for the past 18 years, and okay he had Hana and Minjee too, but that was different. They were both our friends, and I knew that they wouldn't rob him off from me. That was already a given. 

And maybe because Kang Hyeri was a stranger to me that I couldn't just help but suspect that she was robbing Jongin away from me. What if they got closer than Jongin should be to me? What if he spent more time with her than with me? What if he changed because of her? What if he suddenly told me he wanted her? And they'd become a couple? Would that mean he would have to divide his time and attention for us? I hate that. I didn't want to even think about it.

The rational part of me said, that this was what you wanted for him, right? You wanted him to find a girl and be happy. And if things went well between them, my best friend would finally have a girlfriend after 18 whole years of being a celibate. 

It would just be right to let him spend sometime with someone other than you. That way, you'd learn not to depend on him so much. And sooner or later you won't be a jealous freak and not complain when he couldn't hang out with you. 

Right. That was more sensible. But still I was torn between making him happy and being selfish about him.

I did a detour to the shopping district again and noted some of the hiring inquiries. There were waitress jobs, cashier jobs, sales person jobs. But nothing really appealed to me. Half way down job hunting, I noticed Mrs. Im's restaurant and decided to have a meal to reward my already dead appetite.

When I came in, there was Mrs. Im at the counter, getting orders from a couple of high school students. Her daughter was there too, so I had an automatic idea that Baekhyun was there too. And I wasn't disappointed because there he was at the last table near the counter, probably doing his homework.

"Annyeonghaseyo!" I greeted and then bowed after entering. There weren't much customers so only a few heads turned and went back to gulping down their food.

Mrs. Im noticed me and waved. Baekhyun's mother greeted me back. Baekhyun showed the ghost of a smile when he noticed me. I approached the counter and ordered a meal, chatted with Mrs. Im about how her day went. As usual, she laughed and talked with her grandma voice. It was good as talking to my own grandma. Now, that made me miss her.

Baekhyun was alone on his table so without asking, I shamelessly sat across him on the table. He looked up as he wrote something on his notebook but didn't mind that I was there.

"Do you always come here after school?" I asked as I set my backpack down beside me.

He nodded and said with a soft voice, "I serve the customers after four." 

I nodded. I never had an idea where Baekhyun actually went to besides home and school, so this was some new discovery. "You work here everyday?" I attempted to make the conversation longer.

He shook his head and said, "I have Saturday and Sunday free."

"Oh." I said, learning something new again. "But do you just work here for free? I mean...since this is your family's..."

He smiled patiently at me even though he had to stop writing every now and then that I asked a question. "I get my allowance from the times I work here." He answered.

My eyes sparkled in interest. "That's awesome. My mom just gives me enough to last a day so now I'm envious. If only I could get a job and maybe..." I trailed off, suddenly thinking of the fact that I needed a job and money for the glasses that I owed Jongin.

"I could ask grandma to get you a waitress job here if you really need one." I widened my eyes when I heard Baekhyun say that.

"R-really? You don't mind?"

"Of course, not. Besides, I think she had been complaining about being understaffed since mom and some girl recently hired works in the morning. And I only work alone in the evening shift. You could lend me a hand and earn as well."

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