Chapter 14

As a result of a desperate need to know everything was fine between us, I had sneaked my little tokens for him into his room the next morning. The boy ragged doll phone strap and faux glasses were on his table with a tiny note telling him how sorry I was about what kind of a person I had become because I was always scared. And that despite everything I lacked, I had never stopped thinking of him for the past seven years.

And if only I was courageous enough to tell him again, I would have written down how much I missed him and if I could do what I did or what I had done now, I would pick the latter, set aside my pride, kneel in front of him and beg for his forgiveness no matter how pathetic that would look. Because I'd just do anything for him.

When I walked outside after breakfast, I was glad to see him perched next to his bike—that in some way I found also wanting to claim ownership for since I had ridden the thing since forever. The bike was something we shared in common and though it sounded very sentimental, it was a special memento of our friendship, for me.

He was again looking all nicely dressed in his uniform. But the thing that surprised me yet made my heart swell in pride was that he actually wore the faux glasses I had bought him. He still looked good with it, though it had obscured a fraction of what he really looked like without them. But I was just glad that he wore it, given that he still had to wear his contact lenses and it could have been very uncomfortable and redundant. I hope he had taken me seriously with the note I had left, and though seven years of doing nothing sounded severe, I wish he could really forgive me.

It wasn't until I was running in his direction that he had noticed my presence. A smile easily crept up on his face. An indication of good things.

"You read the note right?" I asked, giddy and nervous.

His hand came on top of my head, then he stilled, just looking thoughtfully at me before saying, "What can I say more? You have apologized with some bribe. Who am I not to forgive you then?"

A smile eased on my own lips. I threw my arms around his neck and squealed. "You sure are some saint Jongin!" I teased.

"If I am, the town could have at least funded me a monument." He joked. I slapped his chest in chiding. This side of him rarely came out. But it was better than nothing. The occasional playfulness and smiles that he showered me with was better especially when I knew it was the hard earned result of my efforts on him.

"If that happens then do we have to come to the square and say a prayer to you every Friday?" I went along.

"What?" He held me in front of him, his hands on my arms. "Then doesn't that make us look like a cult?" He gave me a side glance and raised a brow.

"Exactly." I grinned.

School wasn't a breeze. It still felt very stuffy inside the mediocre structure, with students regularly scrutinizing me. Another gossip had spread within less than a day, and no doubt it was about me being partnered with Sehun in our English class. They kept talking about how lucky was this ; that I kept on being involved with the prince Oh Sehun. I had no intention of picking a fight with them but sometimes I just wanted to spit on their faces and tell them to ask their god how that happened. Geez. Couldn't even give me a break. But really, if only they knew Sehun would never again want to do something with me, this sort of bullying would leave me unnoticed again (hopefully unscathed too).

Being in the classroom was a bit different, but some people still didn't know how to stop. Some of the boys congratulated—mocked—me for being partnered with my nemesis. I just stared as they said that and passed by me, scoffing at the mockery. Little did they know, I was already sewing their voodoo dolls and stabbing needles on their chest while chanting a dark spell. Hell, my imagination surely kept running wild.

At lunch, being the P and VP of the student body, Kyungsoo and Jongin left for a meeting with the entire student council. The school's founding day was next month, and they were using the next four weeks to plan and execute the plan for the annual festival. I was left in the care of Hana and Minjee who I was trying to avoid, yet without a choice, was stuck with at our lunch table in the cafeteria.

We ate in silence under the instance that I was still upset with them due to the Yixing dilemma. But without going unnoticed, I knew they were watching me while I ate and certainly wanted to talk to me about it. I said nothing, considering that I wanted them to explain themselves but didn't want to push the subject. What was the point of a directionless argument anyway?

"Now you won't even talk to us." Minjee finally spoke. I was quite relieved she did, but it wasn't enough to elicit some response from me.

"Are you really mad because we think Yixing is a hopeless case?" Hana mused.

I looked up, jaw tightening at her choice of words. "Mind you. Yixing isn't some hopeless case." I said begrudgingly.

Hana rolled her eyes heavenward, but I didn't budge. Like that would offend me. "Fine. He's not. But that doesn't mean we can easily persuade him to let go of his vices and hang out again with us." She said. Minjee hummed in agreement.

My fingers curled tighter around my chopsticks. "It's not easy, but it isn't impossible. What is there to lose if we try?" I asked.

They exchanged looks and then looked back at me again. This time Minjee spoke, "But aren't you afraid we'd get involved in the things he does and that would put us either in danger or send us to the principal's office?"

"Why would I be?" was my immediate answer. They looked at me like I had grown two heads.

The thing was, I was no longer afraid of anything. I felt more than alive just being here. So what was there to lose in taking a risk on Yixing? He was a friend, and I had already become a risk taker ever since the moment I woke up in this reality. I spoke my thoughts out, I did the stupidest things I could do, I jumped into the river and almost drowned, apologized to my best friend even though it was exhausting to be begging someone until he caved in, I talked to Baekhyun, I managed to act normally in front of Yixing, and I finally came to admit and show how much I hated Sehun. Was there more I couldn't do?

"You do know what you're saying, right?" Hana asked, looking worriedly at me, but it only felt like she too was thinking how I was going crazy.

I sighed, closing my eyes as I prevented myself from slamming my chopsticks on the table. Instead, I placed it on my tray, looked back at them with utter seriousness and stood up.

"I know what I am saying." I told them, "and I know what I am doing. It isn't the best idea and I don't have a concrete plan in mind, but what was there to lose in trying like I said?"

I walked away, leaving them both stunned. I had no idea why was I being so repulsive even though they were just worried for me and maybe doubtful of their own because it wasn't really easy to turn someone like Yixing to the person I was hoping for him to be. Not the person I expected him to turn back to, but the person he was under his mask. I really had no intention of hurting them, but I guess at some point I knew there was a part of them which wanted to believe in me. And the only way to awaken that part was to turn defiant, and show them what the odds could possibly bring. If I could show them at least a bit of progress, then maybe, just maybe, they would see the good in my cause.

I left the cafeteria, deciding to use my remaining 20 minutes to tour the campus. I haven't really visited all the places in the school and it sounded really like a good plan right now since I wanted to clear my mind. I went down halls, savoring the view outside; clear skies, cottony clouds. A fine day with the chilly wind to accompany it. Gladly, I had worn the coat my mom made me wear. She hadn't finished the new scarf she was going to give me, so I was told to stick to wearing the thick coat for a while. And I guess, this was better than nothing.

The music room was occupied by the school choral at the moment, so when I passed, I heard a bit of their piece for some interschool competition. The other clubs were hanging out in their meeting rooms as usual, even though it wasn't really for an urgent cause. It just worked that way, especially if club members already became too close to each other after so many years. No faculty staff roamed the halls at this hour, so staying in the club room wasn't really illegal, I guess. I never joined any clubs so I didn't really have any idea about the regulations.

When I walked out of the exit to the yard, vast greenery of the soccer field greeted me. The soccer players were currently out to practice, shouts ringing from one side of the field to the other as they played. I walked past the gym too and due to an unfortunate timing caught sight of Sehun who went out of the building to have a break. I hurried to a different direction but I was sure there was no way he didn't see me. It just so happen I was fast enough to dodge any form of interaction with him.

Out of habit, I ended up hiding at the back of the school. People said, we shouldn't go to the place since it was where the gangs and hopeless cases often hang out in. But I had come to the place often in the past. I knew why I shouldn't avoid it. The flowers in the back garden were an attraction students rarely appreciated, but I was a fan of colors. They certainly made the school look more alive and bearable.

But probably today was an exception.

I was surprised at first when I realized I wasn't alone in the back garden. It wasn't just the various flowers that made the place turn into such a sight, but seeing the lone figure lying on the grass without a care in the world made the place look a little bit different. He looked battered though peaceful in his nap. Bruises and cuts lined his face; his arms that were covering his eyes were also decorated with blue and black blotches. His uniform was unmade, stained with dirty soil. I had no idea what happened to him, but I had a guess he had been fighting. It isn't much of a surprise though if he did. Yixing had been in too many fights in the past.

I went closer to him, my figure looming over his deflated one. "You. Get up and leave my turf." I tried sounding more commanding as I playfully kicked his side.

A hiss left his lips, and immediately he was squinting at me, trying to figure out which moron actually disturbed his sleep. But when he actually saw me, his face calmed. He managed to smirk as he shook his head at me.

"What made you come here?" He said, lying back on the grass again, this time folding his arms behind his head.

I settled beside him, stretching my legs in front of me and leaning my weight on my palms that were on the grass. "I come here often. The flower beds are too nice to even ignore them." I gave him a side glance. "You?"

He let out a smile. The first genuine smile he showed me today. "Are you just an idiot or you don't know this place is as good as off limits?" He said. I knew what he meant. I just preferred not to think of it that way since there are too many good things here, and it’s hard to imagine such a place is where the weak gets bullied, were the druggies probably smoke their pots, were the hopeless cases hang out. The two things couldn't fit the same picture.

"I must be the former." I said. An idiot. No doubt. "What happened to you?"

"Do I have to answer?"

"Yes."

"Is this an interrogation?" I rolled my eyes at him.

"No. Just think of this as playing 20 questions." I said, trying to make him feel at ease.

But he just sighed. "I don't play that game."

"You did it when we were kids." I reminded him.

"No way. Don't remind me of that." He said, sounding embarrassed as he covered his eyes again with his arms.

I giggled, glad that I managed to see this side of him. "Answer my question then." I told him.

"Would that even matter? I mean, whatever I—"

"Yes." I said in a breath. "You matter to me."

He turned silent. Something told me I actually hit the right nail at that moment. But it wouldn't mean anything at all if he actually won't even open up to me.

"I got into a fight with Lee Jihyuk and his gang." He said flatly, like it didn't matter, like it was a normal thing to expect in his life.

"And did they beat you up?" I asked curiously.

He surprisingly shot up from the grass and interjected, "No way! Who said they can beat me up? It was likely the other way around. I beat up the five of them."

I almost snorted. The pride he had when he said that was as if defending that he had actually won the grand prize in a contest. Ironic though that he just meant to brag about winning a bloody fight. 1 vs. 5. Well, if he was outnumbered, it was all the more impressive. But it wasn't like I was going to tolerate the violence he was involved into.

"And that cost you these bruises eh?" I jabbed at his bruises, not caring whether he was wincing as I went from one blotch to the next. His rib probably got the worst injury since he actually groaned in pain and glared at me when I jabbed him there.

"Stop touching me." He swatted my hand away. I just laughed at him because he couldn't seem to retaliate further with me. It was as if he had lost his bravado all of a sudden, and what's left was half of the shell. "And who said I've gotten hit many times. Heck, all of them had gotten worse injuries. Someone broke their arm and nose because I fought well—owwww! Stop pinching me!" He said when I pinched his bruised arm.

"Never thought the fighter moans like a girl!" I taunted, giving him a smirk.

He hissed and said, "You harassed me. I could turn you over to the principal for doing that."

"Like the principal would believe you." I mocked, giving him an incredulous look. "That old cow would only drill you as to why you look like . And you'll get a sentence for breaking someone's arm and nose."

He pushed me away and plopped back on the grass. I cachinnated as I stumbled back a little. He looked beat and irked. "You are insufferable. Just like the same old girl who used to get herself in trouble." He said, shifting himself on his side so he was facing me.

"Well, I'm not in trouble now, right?" I blinked at him innocently.

He sat up again and leaned closer, squinting at me. I leaned away, flustered with the shortening distance between us. He probably noticed the change in me that he smirked and leaned even more. I backed away. He gripped my arm, stopping me from going away. My heart was hammering against my chest as he moved closer and closer. I closed my eyes, thinking about what this Yixing could do to me. I waited for him to do anything. Mostly, at this point he would have tried to kiss me if he was really an . But then nothing came.

I opened my eyes and found my vision being obscured by a ring of smoke and then the ugly smell of nicotine wafted to my nose. I pushed him away, feeling kind of irked that he got to fool me and even had the guts to smoke.

"Are you trying to kill yourself? Stop smoking that thing." I chided, snatching the nicotine stick from his mouth and pitching it somewhere far, hoping that it won't burn anything.

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