“Are you feeling better now?” No, not really. But he’s calmer and he doesn’t want Chansung to worry about him, so he nods and releases the vice grip he has around Chansung’s throat.

“I’m fine. How did I get back here?” Nichkhun struggles to sit up and absolutely does. Not. Blush. At the fact that Chansung is still leaning over him.

“Hyung called me, said you passed out drunk. I got you some tonic and an orange juice. How’s your head?” It stings like a mofo, but it’s easily forgotten when Chansung above his ear.

“Not too bad. Thank you.” Chansung nods and takes his hand away, shifting back onto his haunches.

“Why did you drink? You’ve been kind of off lately, but I didn’t think it was something I needed to worry about.” He looks so serious that Khun has to dodge his gaze. He tries for a smile.

“It’s nothing, Chansung-ah. Just… Graduation jitters.” Chansung is quiet for a minute.

“I should believe you, but I don’t. I’m not stupid just because I talk strangely. I can tell when you’re lying.” When Chansung says it like that, it makes it really hard for Nichkhun to keep lying. But, he’d rather lie to Chansung than become a nobody or a burden to him. He swallows and tries again.

“I’m not lying. I’m fine, really.” Chansung shakes his head and physically grabs Nichkhun’s face, turning him so that their eyes lock.

“Nichkhun Buck Horvejkul. Tell me what’s wrong. I won’t believe you just because of your pretty face, I know you. I see you. I won’t be scared off and I won’t judge you, you know I’m not like that. So just tell me.” His heart is pounding in his ears and he can barely breathe. His voice goes hoarse and he whispers:

“You don’t want to know.” Chansung stays steady as always and Nichkhun can feel the words puff out against his cheek, can smell that he hasn’t brushed his teeth and suddenly worries that Chansung can smell his breath too, which is ridiculous because it doesn’t matter and they’ve lived together for two years already.

“I do.” Chansung’s voice is strong, but Nichkhun continues to whisper and tremble.

“I don’t want to tell you.” Chansung doesn’t even hesitate and Nichkhun honestly didn’t expect him to.

“Tell me anyways. You keep too many things to yourself, it makes it difficult to help you. I worry about you. Tell me.” And by now, Nichkhun is certain that he will. But, Chansung is still too important and Nichkhun is still a coward.

“I… I don’t want to lose you.” But it’s starting to sound like an excuse.

“You won’t.” Each syllable clear and confident.

“You can’t promise that.” Only a matter of time before Nichkhun cracks.

“I can.” And Nichkhun is nothing in the power of Chansung’s detirmination, never has been.

“I love you.” That finally gives the boy some pause and he tilts his head in confusion, obviously wondering what that has to do with anything. Nichkhun tries again, louder this time and more enunciated.

“I’m in love with you.” That does it. He can see the comprehension dawning in the parting of Chansung’s lips and can’t stop his eyes darting down to capture the image. Chansung doesn’t notice.

After a pause, he says:

“I… You said you didn’t want to lose me and you won’t. But… I’ve never… Thought of you like that. Can you give me some time? Don’t worry, Hyung. I promise I won’t run away from you unless you tell me too. And even then, I won’t go unless you mean it.” It’s… More or less the response he was expecting but, he’s still torn between relief that Chansung didn’t shove him away and disappointment that he didn’t jump straight into Nichkhun’s lap. Nichkhun’s heart can be stupid like that.

“Okay.” He says, because it’s easy and relatively harmless.

“Okay. I’ll wash up and leave first. Don’t forget to take your tonic and, if you’re not feeling well, rest. You don’t have to be perfect all the time.” He hugs Nichkhun before he gets off the bed and Nichkhun has to shore up his resolve so he doesn’t melt into it.

Five minutes later and already dressed, Chansung pokes his head out and says:

“Hyung. If I don’t come back tonight, I’m not avoiding you, I just went to go talk to MinJun-Hyung. Arasso?” Nichkhun nods.

“Oh, arasso.” Two minutes later, he’s grabbing his bag and slipping his shoes on and he’s out the door. Nichkhun is alone, so he flops forward and muffles a scream into his sheets.

He really hates himself.