All you Never Say - Birdy (Play this song)

Krystal

I’ve seen you cry again. I have missed counting the times you used to hide your tears. You’ve failed because I saw the hurt in your eyes despite of your smiles. It made me ask myself, are you still happy with me? But, do I have the right to question your feelings for me? None – none at all. Your love was one of my wildest delusions. Until now, I am forcing myself not to fall for you but I failed – I fell hard each day and night that I even expected that you’ll reciprocate the feelings that I have. I was longing for something that will never be there and will never be given back. I am always day dreaming that I will be the first in your life – but I will never be.

Whenever I look in your eyes, I can see regret in there. Maybe you are wishing that we have never met at the first place and you had never given in to someone like me.

Every time you call my name, it wasn’t as sweet as your voice whenever you assure her that you’re going home. I can taste the bitterness on it and the coldness of it brings shiver down to my spine. It made me think that there was no attachment at all.

Every night your slender fingers run on my warm skin, I can feel the tremble of it. The anxiety and doubt lingering on your touches tells me that I am only a one-night stand.

It’s been two years since we have started this affair but I can’t still learn not to love you. Every night and day, I prepare myself that sooner or later you’ll get tired of it and leave me behind like an old friend. There’s no assurance that tomorrow morning you’ll still be there to watch me sleep and caress my face until I wake up.

These years with you are just borrowed moments. I may have you physically but I will never have your heart and soul.

All these years your heart still belongs to her.

It was already 9 in the morning when I decided to wake up. I looked around and there was no trace of you the moment I glanced on the floor. Everything was cleaned up and unto their proper place. I pull myself up then walked around the room with my undergarments.

I was used to it that I’ll wake up the next day without you by my side. But I can’t deny the hope that you’ll wait beside me and caress my hair till I wake up. It was always hope that makes me wake each day to face you with the same warmth and sweetness. But it was also hope that made me sometimes think that I’ve been holding unto a thin string that any moment it could break and let me fall unto my fears.

For the twenty six years of my life, I’ve never felt this desperate to gain someone’s attention – to have someone’s love. People knew me as a strong woman. I have never let anyone or anything stop me from getting what I want and what I dream. I do everything just to reach for it. I don’t let the chips fall unto their places instead I make them fall and favor on my side. I don’t wait for a miracle to happen; I make miracles for myself.

But Kim Jong In was an exception. I have stooped down on my level just to have him. I never thought that I would do everything just to have someone like him. He’s a known architect, a goal-oriented man, a family man – married. I know I should have hold myself from liking someone who’s already attached but he changed me.

Before I met him, I was broken. I thought I was tough enough to pull myself up from the ground. I got pregnant by my previous boyfriend. I was disowned by my parents. I got lost, wrecked and almost died three years ago. Jong In saved me. He became my anchor, my savior and my friend. He filled up the emptiness and hopelessness the moment I had my miscarriage.