Title: 午夜思想 / Midnight Thought

W.C.: 6036/12 pages

Finished: 21 February 2016 

Songs of the chapter:

Gnash ft. Olivia - I Hate You I Love You

Alex and Sierra - Little Do You Know

Buzzfeed said that broken people treat their new loves with the pendulum theory. You looked for someone with the opposing qualities of your past lover. But I didn’t, simply because I couldn’t free myself from his shadow. If pain could be painted as a person, then in my heart – it was him. Oh Sehun. 

“Mom, who is this guy?” Kim Joonmyun was thirteen years old this year and bore a close resemblance to my youth – with sharp, almond eyes and pink, plump lips. It was his smile, however, that reminded me of my husband, as I told him affectionately from time to time – Kim Jongin.

“Which guy?” I left the opened book on the wooden table and looked at the picture he pointed at. It had been twenty-three years since I last saw it, but the effect his smile had on me was still the same. That picture was taken candidly when he was eating in a sushi restaurant and I later bugged him to send it to me. My heart skipped a beat. Twenty-three years, and I remembered him very vividly like he never left at all. “That is Oh Sehun, a friend of mine.”

“The Oh Sehun Dad dislikes so much?” Joonmyun raised his eyebrow in disdain. With one hand holding my hand and the other holding my phone, he pulled me to the couch and sat cross-legged with a defiant streak in his clear, understanding eyes. Joonmyun was a child mature beyond his age. He was a joy to our family, as was he to many others. I the scar on his hair that he got from falling off the bicycle.

“What did your dad tell you?”

“That he’s a jerk who made you cry a lot,” His honesty did not falter even as my eyes turned a little moist. Joonmyun was scrolling through my phone. If I remembered correctly, I only had three pictures of him – all taken at restaurants and some other a private collection of Sehun’s own self-cameras. Twenty-three years passed by and I didn’t realise that I still kept the same pictures every time I changed my phone. “He’s a good-looking jerk, Mom. Is he your first love?”

He was not, but he might as well just be.

Back in 2015, I was only twenty and Sehun was twenty-one. I was ready to begin a new chapter of my life when I got accepted into University C in West Midlands, United Kingdom. It was an exciting prospect as it was frightening. Everything about the city was enchanting and surreal – the cathedral was beautiful and full of lights, the university was fun and welcoming, and my flat mates were friendly and agreeable. Twenty was the peak of my life and the core of my youth.

“Sara, come and meet my friends from Macau!” Mandy told me with a big smile on her face. She was beautiful and cheerful, and we got along instantly from the very first day. She was a physiotherapy student, two years younger than me and enrolled for an undergraduate degree. On the other hand, I was applying for postgraduate-foundation because I did not hold a Bachelor degree. Gripping onto my hand, she pointed at her friends, “This is Calvin, from Macau, and these are his flat mates – Frankie, Zoe and Dora.”

The first guy, Calvin with Tam surname gave me a courteous nod and a simple smile. He wore thick glasses that slid down to his small nose and as a result, he had to push it upwards every now and then. Frankie Ho was from Hong Kong and he waved at me with a light laughter. Zoe Hong was a girl with glasses and straight hair from China, while Dora, the shorter, adorable girl, came from Hong Kong. Being the social butterfly, I greeted them with exaggerated voice and cracked a few jokes to ease the tension.

“Oh! That’s Sehun,” Dora pointed at a tall man with light brown hair. He was very anxious and quiet. Not a hint of smile graced his strong features. That was, presumably, their fifth flat mate we had yet to meet. As we moved along the queue, the quiet stranger joined us, and when he did, I swore I could feel a strange sense of attachment when our eyes met for a short split-second. “Sara, Mandy, this is Oh Sehun. He is from South Korea.”

I could definitely tell, judging by his name. Sehun didn’t even glance at us once, but he kept his eyes on the ground wordlessly. He was a looker – sharp, intense eyes that spoke of emotions, long, tall nose, lips that would have looked good with a smile. Mandy and I looked at each other and shrugged – good-looking, but freaking rude. It was pointless no matter how much of an eye-candy he might be.

Later on, Nam Woohyun joined the Singer Hall group – the nickname we gave them based on their dormitory name. He and Sehun instantly hit it off because they came from the same country and spoke the same language. The two of them were good-looking bunch and caught attention and stares from the opposite genders. Whispers came that Woohyun resembled idols with fair skin and round hazel eyes. Sehun, on the other hand, didn’t look so much like a Korean to others with his mixed-races features. On that night, we all agreed to meet up for a welcoming party in a local nightclub.

“I will pay you later,” I smiled at Woohyun and he nodded with grace, “It’s not a problem. Drink’s on me.”

And yet I refused to let him pay for me because it was normal custom in my country not to be indebted to others. The music was loud and boring, but the dance floor was still empty. We were the only Asian group and we felt alienated. Half an hour later, Deborah – the sixth Turkish flat mate from Singer Hall – urged us to move to another space with better music and larger crowd. The songs they played turned from quick to slow to upbeat, from Love Me Like You Do by Ellie G to Rihanna and Eminem’s songs.

During a slow song with sweet, melancholic tune, Woohyun pulled me to his side as I danced from him to Sehun, and that was when he touched me on the wrist and actually looked at me properly. Up-close, his eyes looked even more beautiful. His lips were so close to my face and for that one-second, I forgot how to breathe. At the same time, I could hear Rihanna’s lyrics entering my ears when we danced,

Chest to chest

Nose to nose

Palm to palm

We were always just that close

(Rihanna – California King Bed)

“Why are you so stiff?” He asked with an adorable tint of Korean accent. I did not know why he became so intimate all of a sudden, but what I knew was that he smelt so good – like sparkling fresh fruits and soft leather, a bit spicy and very y. My red, flustered face rested on his shoulder as his hands wrapped around my waist. There were eight of us in that crowded room, but when he held me close, I felt so protected. The whole world seemed to zoom in at this man as we danced like that for the whole song.

“Because I can’t dance,” I shyly replied with nothing but the truth.

“Oh, come on, you can’t be that bad!” Sehun chuckled and swayed from side-to-side. Frankie was dancing with Mandy, and Dora and Calvin were just awkward with each other. Deborah – being the prettiest of us, was already swooped away by a blue-eyed hunk from another country. Zoe looked very uncomfortable and stood on one side, but she kept her eyes on Sehun and me. “See? You are doing well right now.”

“Am I?” I looked onto our feet and realised that I was not as awkward as I thought I would be. Sehun moved very smoothly for the rest of the song, and when it ended, so was the magic of the night. The sparks had gone away, fading into nothingness as Woohyun came to sweep me away to another dance song. He just smiled wistfully and stood on one side while the rest of us had fun. Whenever I glanced at him, he would always stare back at me, sometimes nodding to the beat. It never occurred to me that he had been looking at me, his eyes never leaving mine for the entire night, and yet, I remained oblivious to the fact until Mandy told me.

“Are we going back now?” Mandy asked me with a ‘what-the-’ look. It was just 2am in the morning and we had been wasting four hours in the noisy club. Both of us had not had enough of the dance and the music, but Zoe looked so displeased that I gave up and followed them home. Deborah pouted, and her young sixteen years-old face looked adorably helpless as Dora helped her put on the coat to shield against the cold September wind. “Urgh! Sara, it’s just freaking 2am. People don’t go home until 6 in the morning!”

I laughed and nodded understandingly. Zoe called a cab to take them back because their accommodation was far away, but Sehun insisted – being the gentleman he was – to take the two of us home because we were girls and something bad could have happened in the neighborhood. Of course I had to refuse. His dorm and ours were west and east; it was too far away and too troublesome for him to go back and forth. In the end – after much insistence and persuasion – he agreed reluctantly to go home with the rest of his group. Woohyun walked us halfway through and returned to his own apartment.

Sehun’s words became a curse when we noticed a drunken man following us back.

“What to do, Sara? What to do now?” Mandy whispered fearfully. She gripped onto my arms tightly and dared not look back. As the older one, I felt the responsibility to protect her, but at the same time, I was just as scared and clueless. There was no one at the road – not even a passing car. On one hand, that man was holding a big bottle of beer, trying to close in the distance between us. My breath became quicker as we walked faster to cross the bridge. The drunken man spoke some slurred words I could not understand, but when I did hear him, it was already too late.

One of his hands grasped mine tightly, while the other reached out for Mandy. I screamed in fear as he tried to force a kiss on me. I was so panicked that all the energy left my body. The drunken man dropped the bottle on the floor, and the sharp shards pierced onto my left feet and bled. Pain was all I felt. His breathing was uneven and it reeked of alcohol. I hated it. I did not want to be treated this way. Mandy screamed louder, wailing for help. And it was in that exact moment that Sehun appeared, huffing and panting from running.

It looked like a slow motion scene from a movie screen. Sehun pulled that man away, slamming him down onto the ground with brute force. That drunken man was knocked unconscious. I slid onto the ground, trembling and choking from tears. My face was pale in fear and my eyes moist and blurry. Sehun took one look at my injured feet and scooped me up into his arms. At the moment, Mandy was too afraid to even doubt him and quickly pointed out the way.

He did not ask me how I was – not even once. He was just quiet in his anger, quiet in his ambiguity. I whimpered when we arrived at the dorm and tearfully looked at Sehun. He gave me a sense of peace that I could not describe – as if everything was and would be fine with him around, no matter how bad it was. “Sehun? I can… I can walk now. You don’t need to carry me anymore.”

“Your feet are bleeding, and you have glasses on the injuries,” He glared and warned me not to contradict him. I looked at Mandy pitifully and all she did was shrug. She took the key from my pocket and opened the door for me. My room was still clean and empty because it was the first week. Sehun went in and put me down on the bed. His movements were gentle and steady, so as not to wound me more. My heart warmed up at this small, but detailed consideration that he had for me. “Err… can you grab a wet cloth, disinfectant, cotton, and…”

“I know, I study medicine,” Mandy threw him a playful stare and went to grab the things he mentioned. We were left alone in my room, with dim orange light. He knelt on the floor and examined the injury, and though it was painful, I did not think it was something to worry about, “Sehun, it’s fine, really. It doesn’t feel… ah, gently, you meanie!” I hit his arms and cried in pain.

“Can’t you stay still and let me see?” He scolded lightly and I froze at his command. He was getting angry over the small injury and I did not know how to tell him not to. Mandy came not long after with the stuffs and both of them cleaned up my feet and carefully checked to see if those shards had gotten in too deep into my flesh. Thankfully, they did not. My left feet suffered more injuries than my right one, but I was assured that none of those would leave obvious scars.

“Why do you come back?” I asked him.

“Because I am worried,” He answered plain and simple. It was sweet and small gestures and his brutal honesty that made me fall for him. He always cared for me in a way no one else could. I fell in love with his eyes and his words and the things he did and thought I would not know of. I inevitably fell for him that moment onwards, and with each step I took closer, I began to know why we were never meant to be.

***

They invited me to sleep over one night. It was 1am and I was dozing off on Frankie’s bed. He was really kind and told me he would sleep with Zoe instead. The others were still on a heated argument about the latest episode of The Walking Dead that we just finished watching. As I nodded to sleep, I heard Sehun’s voice softly calling me, his hand pulling my head to his shoulder, “I think you should tell them that you are sleepy. You look tired.”

I grabbed his arms and hummed in response. He had the right amount of muscle and meat and was very comfortable to hug. Sometimes when we came intimately close, he would stiffen at my boldness and my touches but he never shy away. “I… am… not… sleepy…” But I was ready to fall asleep.

Deborah finally noticed and woke me up. Being the youngest and the cutest, everyone listened to her demand. She pushed her glasses up and looked back and forth between me and Sehun. All of his flat mates had had their suspicions on us for a while – sometimes they would steal a peak at our text messages and overheard our conversation, but two of us insisted that we were nothing more than friends, “You know what? Sehun, you should offer her your room. After all, you’re closer to her than Frankie is.”

“No, I…” I tried to protest, but Deborah put a hand on my mouth and raised her eyebrow at Sehun, “Well…? Would you let her sleep in another man’s room, then?”

He shook his head and looked at me as I wrapped myself in thick blanket. It was more embarrassing when Deborah shoo-ed everyone off to let us talked privately. He came to the side of my bed and brushed the hair off of my forehead. His eyes were so tender and I swore I could feel something more between two of us. My heart was beating loudly and his lips did not help it, either. His presence was always a distracting one, and I suspected he knew the effect he had on me, “Do you want to stay in my room, instead?”

“And what about you?” I asked back.

“I have homework to do. You can take the bed for yourself.”

“But you will be tired. I think I’ll just sleep here,” I frowned.

“Would you rather sleep in Frankie’s room than mine?” He sounded jealous and I hid a smile under the blanket. He did not have to notice it but I was happy that he cared for me, happy that he was jealous of another man. Sehun was about to turn around and leave, but I grabbed his hand and shyly said, “Alright, I’ll come with you.”

His room smelt just like him, and I did not know how this guy smelt so good or if he sprayed perfume before I came in. Just like my dorm, his room had a single bed with white sheet and blanket. It was fairly clean, considering the less-than-neat tables and cupboards. I nodded in appreciation and smiled, as I lied down on his bed, happy and contented for that night. He told me he had homework to do, but he kept on glancing back to check on me and I, likewise, was not sleepy and could not stop my heart from overreacting.

“Why aren’t you working on the paper?”

“Why aren’t you asleep?”

We both asked at the same time. I chuckled and sat up on the bed and pat the spot next to me, “Come here and sit with me. You’re definitely not in the mood to do your homework and I’m not sleepy, either. So let’s just talk.” Talk all night long. Tell me things about yourself that others did not know of. I wanted to know more about him, as if texting each other every night and morning were not enough. I felt giddy and slightly nervous, but happy nonetheless when his arms touched mine and he looked at me with heart-melting gaze. 

I played with his phone and he played with my hair. We never talked much because words never seemed to find space in that comfortable silence. It was already 2 in the morning and neither of us seemed too tired to go to bed. His hand found its way to mine, and our fingers were entangled with each other – his wrapping perfectly around mine. His hand was big and warm and comfortable. I giggled like a little girl and stared at him. His eyes were soft brown and they were staring at me. Thump. My heart beat as he leaned in a bit.

“What are you doing?” I asked nervously. His stomach growled at the unlikeliest time and I burst out laughing. It was so loud and not long after, his stomach growled again. He covered his face in utter embarrassment as I tried to peel his hands away. He was just so adorable and endearing. I laughed even more and he merely chuckled to my amusement, “Are you hungry, Sehun? At this time when we are supposed to be sleeping, instead? Do you want something to eat?”

“I get hungry very easily,” He choked on his confession and stared anywhere but my eyes. “I have to eat every few hours.” I touched his flat, sculpted belly and smiled in envy, “And you stay so skinny all the time. Must be lucky to have such good appetite and not grow fat. See this,” I pointed at my cheeks and he squeezed it gently, “It’s growing fat because you guys are so good to me.”

“It’s cute,” Sehun graced his fingers against my cheeks and I set my eyes on him. It was like time had stopped when he looked at me like that. There were butterflies in my stomach and I swore it was vastly different from how I felt around my first love – and it was good. It was good because it was Sehun, and I did not know whether he would break my heart or mend it. He was quiet, but he seemed to be very good with words. Sehun knew what to say at the most appropriate time, “You’re cute.”

There goes my heart.

“You’re starting to speak nonsense because you are hungry. Tell me what you want to eat and I will eat together with you,” Ignoring the diet plan, I decided to let it go for that one night if he wanted to. Sehun’s lips turned into a thin line, it in anticipation and he chuckled and struggled to reply, “Okay, then. Can I eat your lips, instead?”

My heart stopped for that one second. Was he implying that he wanted to kiss me? If so, should I let him? I was arguing with my moral and in the end, I shook my head and firmly replied, “No.” But I continued staring at him because I knew what he wanted to do. Sehun narrowed his eyes at me, “No?”

I did not have the chance to shake my head again, nor did I have the opportunity to say the word ‘no’ because at that moment, he grabbed my chin with two fingers and tilted my head upwards as he leaned in for a kiss. Not a peck but a legit kiss. All I could see was color, bursting in my head, and his flawless skin and long eyelashes and this wonderful inexplicable feeling I did not want to define. He just kissed me. Oh Sehun just freaking kissed me and I liked it. I always thought that kisses were no big deal when my first love stole my first kiss, until I realised that it took the right time and place to feel good about it. I swore in that few seconds of bliss, I could suddenly see the next fifty years of my life and where I wanted to be with him.

“Why… did you do that?” I touched my lips in a daze. 

“Was it good?” He asked with raspy-morning voice. I was sitting down next to him, his hand on top of mine. Red blushes spread across my cheeks and I refused to answer. He needed not a boost to his ego. “If you don’t answer me, I’m gonna kiss you again to make sure that you like it.”

I turned to him wide-eyed as he dived in for another kiss. This time longer, deeper. I now knew that kisses were supposed to feel like this – like he put his entire soul into it. His lips on mine, moving slowly to make sure that I was alright with it. His hands were on my cheeks, and I had never felt so loved in my entire life. It was just beautiful, like poetry in motion, like those words I always wrote but never experienced. He was a fairytale prince that came to life and the story I was yet to draft. I struggled to find the perfect words to describe how he was, but he was so beautifully flawed. Beautiful and flawed, and all mine. 

“Do you want the others to know?”

“Know about what? Us?” We were lying down with our chests close, our faces inches apart. He nodded. “No, I don’t want to. Isn’t it better if it’s just the two of us? It’s like a secret little rendezvous…”

He chuckled in agreement. When I asked him why he liked those stolen kisses when others did not notice, he said that he liked kissing me. He loved to sneak behind people and held my hands and touched my cheeks when he thought that no one knew. He kissed me as if he did not want to let go. He touched me in possessiveness. He held my hands with warmth that felt so much like home. It was those secret little moments that hurt me all the way more when he left me. “I like kissing your lips,” he told me once, “I like you – all of you. Don’t you feel the same?”

I felt the same and I thought wistfully – how good would it be if this could last forever. It was inevitable when my feelings turned from a mere crush to deep, scarlet love. Falling for him was the best thing that ever happened to me. I fell for him more each day if it was possible to love someone so much. In the morning I wanted to see him in school, and I got excited knowing that he would wait for me, too. At night I would wait for his texts and calls and it did wonder in distracting me away from stress. 

It was good old time that I wished I would never return to.

***

“Where are you?” His text read. I chuckled and typed quickly, “Dorm, homework. What about you?”

He was with his friends from the Korean community and they loved to dine out together. Sometimes they would go late at night and returned home to drink soju. Coming from a country without drinking culture (mind you, it was banned), I did not understand much about their habit, but everyone around me seemed to enjoy it a lot. Alcohol, they said, was a source of distraction and bonding time, especially for men. Sehun told me they went drinking together.

“On a scale of 1-10, how good are you in handling alcohol?”

He took long to reply, assuming that he was talking with his friends. I did not mind much and resumed doing my homework until he sent a text back, “Hm. Let’s just say 2 or 3? I’m not good with alcohol. I get drunk easily after a glass or two.”             

“Then don’t drink too much or you can’t get home later. It’s nighttime and it’s dangerous,” I warned him warily. I swore I could picture him chuckling as he sent a text back not long after without emojis or punctuations, “That’s so sweet of you. Are you worried about me now?”

Of course I was worried. How could I not?

“Whatever. Just don’t drink too much and have fun. Night,” I frowned and sent him the text. It was midnight and he was sure to get drunk in an hour or so. I tugged in the blanket, ready to sleep now, though my heart was heavy with the thought of him. As if he could read my mind, the phone rang. He was calling. Without a moment of hesitation, I picked up the call and hummed, waiting for him to speak first.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“I’m at my friend’s place,” His words were a bit slurred and his breathing was quite heavy. It was quiet at night, and not a sound came from his side. I suspected that he either went out for fresh air (possibly limping because he could be a klutz at times) or his friends were dead on the couch, sleeping after getting drunk so hard.

“I know. And you are drunk,” I clicked my tongue and put the phone on my ear as I lied down on the bed. I did not comment much about it, but he must have known that I did not like him drinking. I hated to sound possessive but I could not get over how worried I was for him. He was not a baby and he did not need me to take care of him, but it was like a second nature to me to nurse over other people – whoever it might be.

“Sara?”

“Hm?”

“I miss you,” He chuckled.

“Oh, that’s good to hear, but you won’t remember this tomorrow, Sehun.”

“I will,” His words sounded like a promise and he had broken too many of them for me to believe. Still, I could not help but hope that he would stick to his words this time – just like the many times before when I stupidly believed that he would change. I did not understand back then, that it was impossible to change another person unless they really wanted it too.

“Then tell me again tomorrow morning,” I whispered huskily, surprised at the flirty tone I used, “I will be waiting, Sehun.”

“Goodnight, Sara.”

“Night, Sehun.”

***

Dating Sehun was not always sunshine and rainbows. I had thought it would be sweet until the honeymoon period was over and he went back to the same old him – ignorant and careless. He used to wait for me in front of the school gate, with or without his friends, but now, whenever I walked pass him and the group he was with, he would not even spare me a glance, and needless to say, I felt abandoned and ignored. And I started wondering – in my self-hatred moment – if this was it. I would ask him why he would ignore me that way, but he seemed to know it beforehand. He never admitted to it. He told me he noticed me and that I should greet him first if I did not wish to be ignored.

At the same time, his texts started becoming infrequent and even if he did text me back, it would take hours and sometimes days. I knew he was not cheating – he was not a man like that – but everytime I asked Sehun why, he would give me the same answer – exam was approaching, he was busy. Busy as he was, he could still go to another city to watch movie with his flat mates and go out to eat buffet, and yet he would not spare an extra minute to pay attention to me.

I hated him. I knew this relationship was going nowhere. But I loved him.

I really did. At one point in time, he was everything in my life.

“Don’t text me anymore. You’re becoming a burden,” was his last text in that cold December before he disappeared for two months. I did not want to become a burden to him. My friends told me I should let him go. But Oh Sehun came back later on without so much as an apology. It was a quiet, lonely night when we met in front of the library during exam. Sehun looked tired and stressed – his eye bags had gotten worse since I last saw him and he became skinnier. I did not like it.

“How have you been, Sara?”

His question was so casual and nonchalant, as if he did not hurt me at all with his words before. I hated how easy he made it sound, and why I still fell onto his honeyed voice trap after months of crying and self-blaming. I blamed myself for everything – for him leaving, and for our relationship to grew cold over time. Now that he was standing in front of me, it felt as if he never left at all. I realised that no matter how far he had gone, or how much distance we had, my heart would always come back to him in that split second if he ever asked me to.

“I’m good,” My voice came out colder than I had expected. “How about you, Sehun? Still busy?” It was a rude, sarcastic remark, but I had never felt more satisfied when I let it out. He just laughed at it like a joke and shook his head, “Still the same person, I see. I haven’t seen you in a while, Sara. I couldn’t find you in the foundation building.”

“Are you sure you’re not avoiding me?” I sneered and pushed the books to my chest.

“There are so many things I want to tell you,” He started and my heart howled in pain and protest. What would he tell me and how could he have the gut to? He should start by saying how sorry he was for his cruel words and why he abandoned me for two months without any texts or calls. If he’d wanted to talk to me, he should have. “I was called back to serve the army this year.”

Oh. My heart deflated. Of course. Korean men could not avoid their responsibility to the country. I had seen so many students going back because they had yet to serve. The ice in my heart melted at that moment and all I could think about was how much I missed him, and the things I would tell him. I still remembered it very vividly, because it was the last snow of the winter season, and together, we walked back hand-in-hand. Just like old times. But now with a scar that remained forever in the back of my mind.

***

“If he has hurt you that much, then why can’t you leave him behind?”

I smiled to myself. Joonmyun’s question reminded me of my former self. I was so innocent and naïve back then, and righteous to the core. I had this ideal principle that everything should be morally right. But the world was not always round, and people were not always kind. “You’re right, Joonmyun. I should have left him when I could, but you should also know that once in a lifetime, you will find a person you will go back to no matter what. One day you will fall in love with this person and you’ll realise that he will be able to shatter all your expectations and tear your heart however he’d like it. Oh Sehun is that kind of person for me.”

“I don’t like him,” My boy shook his head stubbornly. “No wonder why Dad hates his gut.”

“Your Dad doesn’t know and he doesn’t need to,” I warned Joonmyun, “Jongin only knows that he is my ex, not the length of our relationship. It is not fair to bring up the past to him, don’t you think so, Joonmyun? Your Dad would not like it. We are happy enough with or without Sehun.”

“Then why do you keep his pictures? Do you still love him?”

“No, I wish him happiness, but he doesn’t have a place in my heart anymore,” I lied. A thirteen year old would not understand. Oh Sehun had always been there all along, in a corner, but very much present. He was a reminder of everything I used to be. At one point in time, he was the most important person to me. But not anymore. “My heart only has you and Dad now.”

“Then tell me,” His smart eyes looked at me brightly. I wished that those twinkly lights in his eyes would stay forever – not be dimmed or tainted no matter what might come in the future. “I want to hear the story about how you met Dad.”

I chuckled. He had heard this story countless of times and loved it very much.

“Alright. This is how I met the one and only Kim Jongin…”      

SPECIAL (June 2016 – see Chapter 1)

Sehun stared down at the stones on the railway as the train started moving. His feet were frozen on the ground, and he glanced at Sara one last time. He could not bear to see her heartbroken expression – as if her tears had not hurt him enough. This girl – no matter how clingy or whiny – was the person who had brought him a lot of happiness for nine months. They had been through up and downs, and he knew he would miss her when she was gone.

Hell, he was already missing her. But he knew that this was their ending. Their time was up. She might not be his first or last love, but Sehun would always remember her, because he knew that he once loved her too. So much that it hurt.

“Kim Sara, one day you will meet a person who will protect you, love you and make you happy. I’m sorry that that person was not me.”

I hope you’re happy.    

WARNING: If you happen to know any of these people in real life, DON'T TELL THEM! I don't want to deal with angry ex. He is not a pleasant man, I tell you. Based on real life story, to all the people who's lost and loved. To be honest, it is impossible to truly get over him. I've moved on, sure, but it's just there. The memories, the love, everything you've done for him. And the whole time I'm writing, I'm imagining my ex instead of Sehun. Dunno if you guys can tell. Anyway thanks for giving this story much love. Until next story, peeps!

P.S: If you want more angst, you can try my newest story, The Dragon Heiress. I wrote it with lots of onions. And if you want a story similar to Adolescence, I have a new story for you called Seedlings.