“Which one is your boyfriend?”

                  One of my mother’s cousins, whom I endearingly called Auntie, casually asked me in a Chinese dialect. Unfortunately, Luhan was passing by and he happened to hear it. Both of us glanced at each other meaningfully. He went on to grab drinks by the other table, while I was scooping peanut dressings for my satay chicken.

                  Both my parents had a big family, but I was always closer to my mother’s side. We held gatherings like this once a month or so. Even when we were going for a long ride tomorrow morning, we still squeezed in a barbeque party with the other relatives. Hearing the questions, everyone naturally turned to look at us in curiosity.

                  “Err…” I stared at Luhan and Jongin helplessly. I had not thought about it yet. The question caught me by surprise. I was almost twenty-seven, had a stable job with good income, my family was probably pushing me to get married before thirty. “They are my best friends.”

                  “Oh?” The one who asked raised her eyebrow doubtfully. I gave her a casual smile. She did not give up and joyfully added on, “Such good looking men, how can you be just friends? Don’t lie to us.”

                  My other auntie chirped in, “Not long ago, Auntie Ying was asking about you. I think she is interested in matchmaking her son with you.”

                  “Ha,” I laughed tastelessly and looked at Luhan. His smile was still there, but his entire face had turned sour. Nobody expected him to understand the dialect because he was from Beijing, but nonetheless he did, and he was not happy about our conversation. Jongin furrowed his eyebrows, sensing that the situation was not quite right, and that Luhan was so tense. “Auntie, I am not interested in any other man right now.”

                  I quickly excused myself from the crowd and went to Luhan and Jongin. The former casted a hardened look at me, and I shrugged it off, “I want to introduce you two to my cousins. Most of them are very close to me.” I waved at my twin cousins; both with fiancées on their arms. Though they were not tall in stature, they had both charisma and good looks, and not to mention, quick wit.

                  “Are they coming with us tomorrow?” One of the twins asked. The other one, who was more familiar with Chinese introduced himself to Luhan. I nodded, “Yep, came all the way from UK just to see our hometown. Nothing much, right, Jongin?”

                  Jongin tilted his head and casually replied, “Nope.” To others, he might come off aloof and arrogant, even, but I laughed it off and continued talking with my cousin, with Jongin butting in occasionally. The night was soon over. But it was not, before my mother finally asked me that important question.

                  “I am your mother!” She reminded and I stared at her impatiently and packed my belonging for tomorrow. There were more things to bring, since we were going for one-week trip, “Of course, Mom. Who else will you be? Now, can you pass me the sunblock? You know how sensitive my skin is.”

                  Mom sighed and threw me the sunblock bottle. She sat down and lowered down her voice, talking seriously, “So which one is your boyfriend?”

                  I scratched my head and tilted it to the side so that I could stare at her all I wanted. I had finished packing so I zipped up the bag and folded my hands in front of my chest, “I said none. Didn’t you hear? Is that why you’ve been giving me weird looks? You know I won’t lie to you, Mom. I even told you about my first and only boyfriend!”

                  Sehun. Yeah. She knew.

                  “Okay. Then which one do you like?” She grinned, and I grinned in return. There was no way I would let her know my innermost feeling. As of right now, I had just a tiny wee bit of preference towards one more than the other, but I decided to hold it back because my decision could ruin this whole holiday.

                  “Well, don’t you want to know, Mom?” I huffed and threw the bag outside of my room. The other room Jongin and Luhan was staying at was still brightly lit, and there were hushed voices from inside, so I guessed they were still talking. I looked at the clock, “Mom, it’s 11pm; it’s way pass your sleeping time. You should go to sleep.”

                  “Sara,” She touched my bangs and brushed it aside. I sat down next to her, and let her pat me like I was a child, “I know you have grown up, but you are still my daughter. Both of them seem to be good, but I don’t want to let my judgement affect your future. I mean, Jongin is Korean, and I’m just scared…”

                  “Mom…” I stopped her with a confident smile and a reassuring grip, “I know you care for me. However, both Jongin and Luhan treat me well. You don’t need to worry anymore. I know how to take care of myself.”

                  Her eyes were glassy, but she refused to cry. I swallowed down the sadness and let her continued, “Do you remember the talk we had when you were just a child?” I nodded. “I just… As a mother, I had a hunch on whom you are going to get married to.” I raised my eyebrow curiously, “You do?” Because up until now, I had not had a single premonition on my future marriage, which seemed bleak as the night.

                   She let me laid on her legs as she my hair, “Silly you. What a terrible friend you are, breaking both hearts.”

                  “Mom! How do you know?” I complained and whined at her. She chuckled and touched my face. I had not realized how many wrinkles there were in my mother’s face, and why time with her suddenly seemed so short. She was still beautiful, and her touch was still warm.

                  “Why won’t I know when they look at you with yearning and longing?”

We were both silent. Indeed, mother’s instinct was very sharp. I could not deny the fact that I had been found out so easily.

“Mom, I promise I will make you happy. I’ve saved up over the year that in 2023, I will be able to buy a house for you and me,” I held out my pinky finger, just like that afternoon, when I made her a promise under the sunset in Bali. She had smiled at me with hope back then, confident that I would do my best to support her in the future. A ten-year difference could change so much.

“I know,” She smiled prettily. 

Seoul, South Korea

                  “You are twenty-seven and you still cry like a baby,” Jongin whispered in my ears teasingly. I glared at him through my tears when the plane took off. Hearing my sniff, Luhan laughed softly from the seat in front of me. “This farewell is not forever, you know.”

                  “Shut up, Kim Jongin, and hand me a tissue,” I covered my nose with my hand and used my other one to receive a new tissue paper from him. I tried to blow it as quietly as possible. “Who knows how many more years will it take before I can see her?”

                  “But, aren’t you buying a house next year? Won’t they move in with you?” Jongin asked earnestly. I had only told him about this plan of mine, but I guess now that he said it, even Luhan seemed to know. I shrugged it off because it wasn’t that big of a deal that everything had to be secretive.

                  “I hope the government will allow,” I simply replied.

                  It was a long flight from Singapore to Seoul, and by the time we arrived, all of us were so exhausted we could barely move. Jongin’s family, which consisted of his parents and older sister, came to pick us up from the airport. Luhan and I awkwardly greeted them, not used to the bowing manner that Koreans often displayed. My back was especially stiff when I bent halfway through.

                  “You are Sara?” Jongin’s mother’s English was broken and very heavily accented. She was a beautiful woman with a stern smile on her wrinkled face. One thing I noticed most was how moist and bouncy her skin was, even with all the aging marks. I was too stunned to reply that I just curtly nodded.

                  She then turned to talk to Jongin in Korean, and even his sister chirped in.

                  Jongin’s father was much more friendly toward us. Even though his English was not perfect, he tried hard to make small talks along the way as Luhan dragged my suitcase to the car. The moment we hit the road, Luhan and I were already sound asleep, ignoring the chatty voices of the Kim family.

***

                  “So how did your mother know me?” I ate the chicken skewer heartily. Jongin took us around the infamous Myeongdong area to shop and look around. I was so invested in the food that I forgot everything else around me. The chicken was to die for, with creamy cheese sauce and a bit of chili. I could live like this forever.

                  Jongin seemed to stiffen up beside me, “I might have told her a thing or two.”

                  “About us?” I hesitantly asked. He nodded.

                  “How much?”

                  “Not much,” Jongin seemed very uncomfortable, but he still glanced at me sometimes, out of habit to care for me. Luhan pressed his lips into a firm line and looked away. I had never seen him so agitated before, and I had to admit that his restlessness was starting to affect me. Luhan was the friend that I could depend on the most, and he was also the most mature and composed person out of us, three, so seeing his anxiety was a bit unsettling.

                  “Alright then.”

                  And we settled for that. Perhaps us were way too ambiguous, but it was the best subject to describe the term we were in right now. I knew I had been too selfish by stringing them along like this, knowing that I was taking a gamble to see who I would settle with. In a way, both Luhan and Jongin knew what I was doing, but they chose to go with it. In all honesty, I did not deserve such good friends in my life. But in this world filled with superficial people, I was not willing to let either one go, no matter how taboo our relationship was.