AN INCONCLUSIVE DUEL
BY TWICEAZELINE

❝ THE STORY IS REGARDING A DUEL BETWEEN TEO RENOWNED SOLDIERS. ALTHOUGHT IT WAS INITIALLY MEANT TO BE A PRACTICE SESSION, BOTH OF THEM GRADUALLY TREAT IT AS A SERIOUS COMPETITION AS THE MATCH WENT ON. ❞ > TITLE [4/5] FIRST OF ALL, I LIKE HOW YOU USED THE TITLE JUST STRAIGHT TO THE POINT OF THE WHOLE THING ABOUT THE STORY INSTEAD OF HIDING IT AROUND THE BUSH. THERE WAS NO GRAMMATICAL NOR SPELLING MISTAKES FOUND AT THE TITLE AND THAT'S ANOTHER PLUS POINT FOR YOU. SO GREAT JOB ON THAT. ON SECOND NOTE, I DON'T FIND THE TITLE VERY ALLURING FOR ONE TO CHECK OUT WHEN THEY SCROLL THROUGH THE LIST OF FANFICTIONS. AND IT WAS QUIRE OBVIOUS ON HOW THE STORY WOULD END DUE TO THE 'INCONCLUSIVE' PART. SINCE, YOU KNOW. IF YOU'RE GOING TO TELL A STORY ABOUT A BATTLE OF PRIDE BETWEEN TWO INDIVIDUALS, KEEPING UP THEIR REPUTATION DESPITE IT BEING SIMPLY A PRACTICE. UM, AND THE FACT THAT YOU MENTIONED' INCONCLUSIVE' AT THE TITLE TELLS A LOT ON HOW THE STORY WOULD END, WHICH WON'T BE AS INTERESTING AS FINDING OUT WHEN READING THE STORY, RIGHT? SO YEAH, I GUESS YOU COULD FIX UP ON THAT A  LITTLE BIT.   > DESCRIPTION/FOREWORD [7/10] IT WAS NICE THAT YOU KEPT IT SHORT AND BLUNT, I LIKE THINGS THAT ARENT DRAGGED ON, YOU KNOW. BUT, THE LENGTH COULDN'T BRING ME TO HELP YOU MUCH WITH WHAT SHOULD BE FIXED, THIS AND THAT. YOU DESCRIBED THE MAIN IDEA AND PLOT OF THE STORY IN THIS SECTION VERY CLEARLY, AND I THAT'S DEFINITELY SOMETHING GOOD. THERE WAS NO ERRORS OF SPELLING NEITHER GRAMMAR EITHER. AND I GUESS THE ONLY FLAW THAT'S THERE IN THE SECTION WAS HOW YOU CONFUSED BATTLE AND PRACTICE SESSION. I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A PRACTICE SECTION, BUT THEN THE FIRST CHAPTER AND THE WAY YOU WROTE 'ONLY A BATTLE COULD TELL' CONFUSED ME. BUT SINCE IT WAS AFTERALL TWO LEGENDS GOING AGAINST EACH OTHER, IT'S A NICE WAY FOR YOU TO MAYBE WRITE SOMETHING LIKE: EVEN IF IT WAS A MERE BATTLE BETWEEN THE TWO BRAVE SOLDIERS, PRIDE WAS ON THE LINE AND THE TWO DECIDED TO TAKE OUT EVERYTHING THEY HAD TO A SEEMINGLY BATTLE GROUND FOR THE TWO. SO IT WOULD BE LESS CONFUSING, YOU GET ME? OTHER THAN THAT, YOU DID A GREAT JOB SO CONGRATULATIONS!
> STORY PLOT [15/30] I FIND THE STORY PLOT INTERESTING AND REFRESHING (OR IS IT BECAUSE I READ ROMANCE TOO MUCH?) IM NOT SURE. BUT YEAH, TO HAVE SOLDIER AND WARRIORS AS A THEME IS DEFINITELY NEW. REMINDED ME OF THOSE NOSTALGIC TIMES AT OLD ASIANFANFICS, AH. COUGHS. IM GOING OFF TOPIC. BUT ANYHOW, I LIKE HOW YOU USED A NEW THEME, BATTLING OF PRIDE BETWEEN TWO REKNOWNED FIGHTERS IN THE BATCH. AND THE FACT THAT IT WAS A WOMAN FIGHTING AGAINST A MAN WAS PRETTY COOL, TOO. WHAT BAFFLED ME ADMIST ALL THOSE ADMIRATION IS HOW YOU PLAN THE WHOLE THING, AS IT WAS QUITE BLUR. WHY ARE THEY HAVING A PRACTICE ANYWAY? ARE THEY ALLIANCES OUTSIDE ARENA? ARE THE WARRIOR COMMUNITY AND THE SOLDIER COMMUNITY AGAINST EACH OTHER OR SOMETHING? THERE WAS NO TRUE INTENTIONS ON WHY THE PRACTICE WAS HELD AND IT MADE ME CONCLUDE TO THINGS MYSELF, WHICH I PERSONALLY PREFER FOR THAT TO BE THE ENDING (WHEN ITS CLIFFHANGING, ESPECIALLY) INSTEAD OF BEFORE THE WHOLE THING BEGAN. SO I SUGGEST YOU COULD ENHANCE THE BACKGROUND AND BASE OF STORY PLOT THAT YOU'RE USING FOR