05. Y o o n a - L u h a n

Baby don't Cry

I've harbored feelings to her for about 3 years. When I first saw her, I felt something that I had never felt in my life, something that may not be felt by everyone.

'Annyeonghaseyo Luhan-ssi.'
It was the first thing she said when we met for the first time. Her sweet smile with a neat white teeth made her look prettier. She looked in a hurry but still had time to greet me politely.

'Let's talk more later.'
That was the word she was saying before she disappeared from my sight. When people say that she’s someone who you’ll never probably hate, then believe it. She is the sweetest girl I've ever met, even before I knew her closely.

My ideal type of girl is someone with a personality that is calm and quiet like Seohyun but she's different. She is a girl with a cheerful and noisy personally. She loved to joke and laugh out loud as if she didn’t have a burden in her life. She is also highly favored by the older men here, not as a woman but rather as a little sister they wanted to protect to.

But today, at this moment, I seeing her crying alone in an empty rehearsal room. She put down her head and some of her hair covering her small face.

I could heard her sobs and sometimes she wiped her wet face. Her hand is holding a cell phone, is that the reason why she's crying? After a while, she looked back at the phone in her hands and then she cried again. What’s wrong with her? Did she break up with her ​​boyfriend? Wait a minute, as I recall she didn’t have a boyfriend.

Her cries are getting stronger and this time she let go mobile and covered her face with both of her hands. What should I do? Should go in and ask what happened? Should I help her or should I shut up and go quietly without leaving any sound?

"Who's there?" her voice was hoarse. I was startled and confused. I'm very confused. What should I do? Should I run away from here? But ... Ahh, what should I do?

"Nuguseyo?" she asked again. My body harden every time she pulled out her voice. I heard footsteps coming towards me. I’m.going.crazy.

"Luhan-ssi?" she said. I looked at her face without being able to blink or say anything. "Luhan-ssi, what are you doing here?" she asked softly in a voice which is still hoarse.

"I. .. I'm ... I'm sorry, I never intend to secretly ... I just accidentally saw you in there. I'm sorry." I said nervously. She looked at me blankly and walked away from me. Ah Luhan, you're so stupid!

What exactly had happened to her? What makes her cry? What things can make a person who likes to smile look extremely sad?

* * *

"Hyung, you're always distracted lately." Lay who was lying on his bed said.

"Oh? No, I'm not." I denied.

"Eyy ~ don’t lie to me hyung. I often to see you daydreaming lately. Do you have a problem?" he asked again.

"Yixing-ah,"

"um?"

"If you see a girl who has a personality that ... um, you could say she was always laughing and noisy and ..."

"Hyung, I think you like women who are quite and calm."

"No, she's not the woman I like. She's just ...  someone that I barely know."

"Then why are you talking about her?" he asked again.

"Yixing-ah, can you just shut up and listen to what I say, ok?" Lay just nodded slowly and then wait for me to talk again.

"What things can cause a woman who always showed her cheerfulness could cry and look sad?" I asked.

"Um ... Maybe something that really makes her sad? Heartache for example."

I nodded my head. Lay right. Surely there is something that makes her really sad. There must be things that make her heart hurt badly.

"Hyung!" Yixing shook my body and looked at me strangely.

"Ah, sorry." I said. I have to figure out what made ​​her so sad.

* * *

Today is the day that our last teaser was released, it means Chanyeol's teaser. We all left the dorm from this morning and went directly to the company.

"Annyeonghaseyo." we greet some of our senior that we et in the hallway.

"When are you going to debut? I can’t wait any longer!" Krystal said, one of f(x)’s members.

"Today is our last teaser was released and after that we’ll be holding a showcase." Joonmyun answered her.

"Chinja? Cukhae oppa." Krystal smiled broadly and then pull Amber out of the building.

"Ooh… rookie group annyoeng!" Sooyoung and Tiffany with Taeyeon noona cried the moment they saw us. All member, especially Kris who has a crush to Sooyoung, were returned their greeting with enthusiasm.

"I heard your last teaser will be released today right? Well, cukhae ~" Sooyoung noona said as she patted Kai’s shoulder.

"Gumawo noona."

"Aigoo, uri Jongin will finally debut. I'm so proud." Tiffany noona covered her face and pretended to cry.

"Baekhyun-ah, good luck." Taeyeon noona told Baekhyun, making Baekhyun’s face flushed.

"n .. ne. Gumawo noona." he replied.

"Onnie I --- Ooh, annyeong." she waved her hand as soon as she saw us.

"Yoona-ah, you know what? They’ll debut soon."  Tiffany noona said.

"Oh, arra. Leeteuk oppa just told me. Cukhaeyo." she smiled broadly as usual, as if she never cry as I saw yesterday. She's so good at acting, very clever that no one else, including her members, knew that she was just an ordinary girl who also can feel sad and cry.

"We must go ahead, we have a rehearsal." Tiffany noona immediately pulled her hand and bid goodbye to us. As she walked through me, I could see a little smile that he addressed to me, as if saying that she’s fine and I don’t have to think the reason why she was crying yesterday. I know this isn’t my problem but there is something about her that made ​​me want to know her further.

* * *

After a 1 hour meeting, we finally allowed to go out and continue our rehearsal. Our debut was imminent and it makes me so nervous.

When all members are in and ready for practice, there’s a voice calling from behind the vending machine. I glanced toward the sound and it turns out that she hid herself there. She gave me a smile, not her usual smile but a warm smile that makes my heart seemed to melt. I walked over and we were sitting on a couch which is located next to the vending machine.

"Cukhaeyo, you're going to debut soon." she said softly.

"Khamsahamnida." I replied

"Luhan-ssi, I ..."

"If you don’t want to discuss it so I don’t mind. I'm sorry that I’ve disturb your privacy, Yoona-ssi." I interrupted. She sighed softly and her forehead, I could see that she’s so tired.

"You know, Luhan-ssi? Maybe this is a bit - ah annyi, would sound very strange but may I tell you?" she said that made my eyes widened.

"Tell me? Tell me what?" I asked back.

"I’m not feel comfortable telling this to my members because we’re so close to each other so I wanted to tell you. I don’t mean that we're not close but we’re not really close since our relationship a little, ah no-- our relationship is very awkward for this past 4 years we didn’t ... "

"Yoona-ssi-" I called.

"N.. Ne?"

“Its ok, you can tell me.” I gave her a warmest smile that I could give. She took a deep breath and then began to talk.

"I've been in SMEnt for almost 10 years. I joined the company when I was 12 years old. At that time I was really young, I didn’t have my goals yet. When I saw people who sang and danced in television, I just dreamed that one day I should become like them, a person who's idolized and admired by others." she said.

"I was very happy when they told me that soon I will debut along with the other members are. I really understand how you feel right now, Luhan-ssi. I couldn’t even sleep for a week. I was extremely nervous and excited. When we debuted, being on the stage together with the other members was the happiest moment in my life. At that time we couldn’t stop crying because we were so happy. The tired feeling that we felt during the trainee says was paid off with just 3 minutes of being on the stage. When the fans calling your name, cheering and singing along is something that can’t be expressed in words. But lately, I kept thinking what would happen if I didn’t choose this path. "

“What do you mean?” I asked her.

She smiled, “I'm really tired. When I debuted, I didn’t only get the love from the fans but also the hatred of anti-fans. At that time, when I saw some of their hateful comments aimed at me then I’d  felt sad and I cried a lot. Then I got used to it. I started to ignore them and tried to laugh when some of them insult me​​. But now, I began to wonder if they really hated me from the beginning until now. I began to wonder, what makes them to hate me so much. Did I make the fatal mistake which makes them even can’t at least try to accept me?

I keep wondering about it. Yesterday, the day you saw me cry, it was when I read the hateful comments from anti-fans. They called me , talentless, etc. I just, I can’t take it anymore. They said that I always rely on my face to get what I want. I know I can’t sing like Taeyeon onnie, I can’t dance as good as Hyoyeon onnie or smart like Seohyun. I just a member with below-average ability but do I really deserve all the hate? " she raised her head and looked at me with her wet face.

"Yoo - Yoona-ssi ..."

"When I smile, they called me fake. When I showed my straight  face, they call me rude. Even when I choose to remain silent, they still hate me." she began to cry. She bowed her head and buried her face in her palms.

"Yoona-ssi ..." I called but she’s still crying. I ventured to pat her shoulder gently. I never thought that behind the smile that she always showed there’s a hidden tears and sadness which is so deep. She kept crying and crying. I brought her head closer and embraced her. I dared myself to her head softly, tried to calmed her down, “sshh… it’s okay, Yoona-ssi. Everything’s gonna be alright.”

* * *

Since that day, my relationship with her got better. Although we’re not in the bestfriend-stage,  at least the two of us are no longer awkward anymore. When we met in the office, we’ll greet each other and do a little chat. Although she hasn’t completely forgotten the hurtful words she received from anti-fans, but I was glad when she told her grievances to me.

Today is the day that EXO debut. We hold showcase tonight and all members felt tense and nervous. Some members like Kai, Sehun and Lay were practicing their dance. Baekhyun, Kyungsoo, Joonmyun and Jongdae practicing their vocals while Kris and Chanyeol are practicing their rap. I feel so nervous that I wasn’t be able to do anything but sit in a chair and tried to calm myself.

I closed my eyes and began praying, asking God to make things run smooth tonight. Not long after that, my phone vibrate. I saw there was an incoming message and it’s Yoona.

"Luhan-ssi, hwaiting! I'm sure you can do it. I'm sorry I can’t come to your debut sohwcase, I have a drama filming schedule tonight. Although I can’t come to see you guys but I'm always praying and expecting the best for you . Luhan-ssi, fighting! EXO FIGHTING! Right now, it's EXO Shi Dae!"

Her short message made ​​me feel less nervous and of course made ​​me smile.

"Why are you smiling, hyung?" asked Suho who was already sitting beside me.

"Aaah, you're scaring me!" I cried in surprise.

"Who's that?" he asked as he stole a glance to my phone.

"It's nothing." I said as hurriedly hid phone in my pocket. Suho pouted and stood up from his chair. After that,  I replied her sms.

"Gumawo, Yoona-ssi. I know that tonight you have your drama schedule. Worry, I will certainly do my best! And thanks for the support that you gave, it's very meaningful for me. Although I was very tense right now but I will do the best. Success for your drama ... " I was a little hesitant to say this but I try to took a deep breath and typing, "... my friend, Yoongie"  I smiled a little and press the 'send' button.

I really feel nervous as I was waiting for her reply. Was my action out of line? Was I not supposed to call her as 'my friend' considering our relationship hasn’t been that close yet. Although we’re at the same age and I’m one month older than her but still, she’s my senior.

Somehow waiting for her reply felt very very long. I started thinking what if she was uncomfortable with what I’ve done? What if after this our relationship becomes more awkward than before? Ah, Luhan you're really stupid!

My cell phone vibrates again. I dared myself to see what was said by him and not as I thought, a reply from him really made me not stop smiling.

"Arasso, Luhan-ah. Hwaiting for both of us. Even though you're busy but you have to watch my drama if you can, should! kkk ~ Ah, since you called me by my nickname so I'll give you one. Lulu. How is it? Do you like it? :DD"

I chuckled at her message.

"Lulu? Doesn’t that sound a bit feminine? Okay, but you have to promise not to tell anyone and only you can call me by that nickname, aracchi?"

"Arasso Chingu-ah. Lulu-ah, I have to back to shoot. Let me know if the showcase’s done and let’s meet tomorrow at the office. I hope we can meet up before you leave for China. Lulu-ah hwaiting ~ annyeong chingu-ah~ ^^"

"Ok. I'll call you when the showcase is done. Hwaiting Yoongie-ah, my friend. Annyeong ^^"

"Kids, it's time." Our manager called, indicating that the showcase is about to begin. I took a deep breath and gather with other members. We shouted our slogan and with trembling steps walked onto the stage.

I get a lot of things since I joined the SMEnt. I got a family, dreams and the person that I admired for such a long time as my friend. Yoona-ah, thank you for willing to be my friend. Although I realize that my relationship with her would not be more than a friend but I'm happy because I was the person she was looking for when she had a hard times, a person she could count on, a person whom she considered as friends or a best friend. Yoona-ah, promise me not to cry, don’t feel that you are alone in this world because from now on I'll protect you, as a friend and as a man.

Baby  don’t cry when lit up the dark night. Baby don’t cry, just treat it as if nothing happened because you will never be like foam. Don’t you know that? So baby don’t cry because my love will protect you and never let you go.