I heard voices and my beloved daughter’s name being mentioned making me look for the source. Slowly, I opened my eyes and I saw a figure that I’m still very much familiar with even after years already passed since I last saw him.

“J-Jiyong O-Oppa.” I called out as if I was whispering.

Surprise is evident on his face when he noticed that I was the one calling. Quickly, he rushed to my side and caressed my face.

“Yoong. Are you feeling better? Do you want anything?” He asked continuously and his tone filled with concern.

I just shook my head and replied weakly, “Nope. I’m fine. Sorry for making you worry.”

He was probably too surprised when he heard me call that he wasn’t able to even wipe the fresh tears from his handsome face. Seeing these tears made me focus on Jiyong’s eyes and there I saw how much pain he was currently feeling. It’s not the redness or the swelling of his eyes that gave it away, he’s just like that; whatever he feels, whatever he thinks, everything can be seen through his eyes.

Right then and there, with the way that he looks at me I know; he already knows.

“You know already.” I confirmed and instead of receiving a nod or a yes, he hugged me tightly and buried his face on the crook of my neck. There, once again, the man that I love cried his heart out for the child that he lost and never knew of.

Hugging him back while patting him on the back, I saw Sica Unnie standing by the door giving me a small smile which I returned out of gratefulness for breaking the news for me. Quietly, she went out of the room to attend to our little princess while giving Jiyong and I time to finally clear things up.

After feeling like Jiyong finally calmed down, I broke away from the hug first and wiped the tears that are covering his handsome features away.

“I’m very sorry Oppa.” I started apologizing when I should have done this right from the start.

“Don’t.” He shook his head after shushed me. “You’ve already been through enough. I won’t lie and tell you that I’m not disappointed or hurt, but I know you Yoong. You have your reasons and I’m partly at fault as well.”

“No Oppa!” This time, it was my turn to shake my head and stop him from taking the blame. It’s not his fault. It’s was never his fault. “It was my decision and I didn’t even give you the chance to take part in that decision when you have all the right to do so. I was selfish thinking that I was doing you a favor. I was wrong.”

My emotions are once again riled up and I can’t stay still like this if I would be explaining everything. I suddenly got out of my bed and started pacing back and forth as I try to find the words that I’ve wanted so much to tell him.

As I’m fighting with myself, I saw him about to stand up and reach for me probably worried thinking that I might break down again but no, I won’t. I just need to get this done so that everything can go back to where they belong, so that he can go back where he belongs.

“Stop!” I extended my hand out to tell him to stay where he is. “Just let me say my part.”

And like an obedient child, he sat back on my bed and just stared at me still worriedly.

“Okay.” I inhaled deeply as I look for the courage to start. When I finally calmed my nerves, I begun, “Truth is, I had everything planned out. From the moment I broke up with you until the part that I gave birth to my precious angel. I even had plans after that and onwards.”

I continued pacing with my hand on my forehead as it is very difficult to come up with the best way to express how I felt and currently feel and also to let him know and understand my actions.

“Everything was all set to let you have your dream and then later on have me and our baby as well. That’s why I specifically asked you to look for me once you’ve reached everything that you wanted, but things didn’t go as planned.”

My hands are flailing all over the place as I explain further and the gestures just kept on getting bigger and bigger as the frustration of not being able to properly convey my thoughts and about how my plans went wrong.

“Though I didn’t plan on meeting and being with Sica Unnie, Sunny Unnie, and the others, I’m glad that I did. They’re one of the best things that happened to me. But what mostly turned everything upside down is when my little baby…” And once again, the thought of what my little MiRae went through brought unstoppable tears to fall. “…my poor angel MiRae was born with such an illness.”

As I talk about her, I started to imagine how frail she looked like, how pitiful she sounded when she cried every time she’s getting attacks, and how beautiful her smile looked whenever she sees me. I closed my eyes and covered them with my right hand. “Everything still looks as clear as ever. No matter how many years already passed, I can still vividly remember everything about her; what she went through, what she looked like, what she sounds like, what she felt like in my arms.”

“It’s painful. Excruciatingly so.” I took my hand away from my eyes and let it lifelessly fall to my side as I looked at the ceiling to try and stop the tears, which I doubt would happen anytime soon. “The pain made me wish to just die than to go through it every day. It was never part of the plan to give birth to her with that wretched illness. I did everything to be healthy and to keep her healthy while she was still inside of me, but I don’t know what happened.” A sob is caught in my throat as I once again blame myself for what happened to my baby. “I don’t know Oppa. I didn’t want her to get sick. I didn’t want our baby to die.”

That was it for me. My knees gave up and on the floor, with my hands covering my face, I slumped down and cried. “All of the dreams that we had for her even before we actually had her, all of it, I was willing to do everything to give it to her; a happy childhood where she goes on playdates with her friends, a great education where she learns to become whatever she wants to be may it be a doctor, a lawyer, a musician, anything, a well off life where she would get all the food, clothes and toys she wants, and even a happy and complete family where you’re with us. But I wasn’t even able to begin doing anything for her when she left, not even letting her meet her own father.”

Sobs after sobs just kept on coming as I finally confess every regret that I feel towards my little angel. “Contrary to what you thought, no Jiyong Oppa, I’m not a wonderful mother especially to the one that I gave birth to. I was a failure. I failed terribly as MiRae’s Umma.” I can’t look at Jiyong’s face out of shame and most of all fear, fear of seeing disgust and disappointment on his face. Silently, I continued sitting there on the floor as I hug myself to stop my whole body from trembling due to the non-stop tears.  

For a span of a few minutes, nothing besides my sobs was heard inside the four walls of my room. The painful silence was only broken when I felt him behind me as he pulled me up and gave me a gentle hug. With his chin on my shoulder, softly, he called my name, “Yoona.”  I can’t help but close my eyes at the tenderness in his voice. The way he holds me, the way he called me, it’s as if he’s afraid to break me like a fragile little porcelain doll that already has cracks on it which would break with just one wrong move.

“Stop doing this to yourself Yoong. Stop putting all of these burdens solely on your shoulder.” Lightly, he left a kiss on the place where his chin was settled before and stayed there. “Unlike before, I wasn’t given a choice, you didn’t give me a choice, this time let me make mine. Yoong, let me carry these burdens with you. You’ve been the one who did it for the both of us all these years and now that I’m more than capable already, give me the chance to at least share it with you.”

Within a few seconds, I was turned to face him with his hands holding my shoulders lovingly. “It was never your fault and you did everything to save her. What happened to MiRae was out of your control. So stop saying that you failed her because I’m sure that as your daughter she has a very understanding and loving heart as well.” He paused as he wiped the fresh batch of tears that are flowing down my face. “Like what you mentioned, you weren’t even given the chance to begin to show her how much you love and are willing to do for her but here you are doing impeccably wonderful towards Soojung. I’m sure where our daughter might be now that she feels your love through Soojung.”

With that heart melting smile of his, he looked at me. “We can never turn back time nor as painful as it is to admit…” he closed his eyes for a second and gulped before continuing. “…our baby back, it doesn’t mean that we have to get anchored in the past.”

Caressing my face tenderly, he added. “Nor does it mean that we are a terrible person. So don’t, better yet, stop thinking that you are. Because if you were how would you have all these amazing people catering to you like over protective mother hens.” He chuckled pointing at the door out of my room. “Exhibit A, Jessica-ssi.” And slowly, his hands held mine just to carefully place it over his chest, where his heart resides. “And exhibit B, Kwon Jiyong.”

My eyes which were looking at my hands on his chest was diverted to his hazelnut eyes which are looking at me with the same look that he gave me years ago, when everything was magical, bright and sunny, and especially when we were still able to love without any hesitation or concerns.

“I’ve loved you much more than life itself and when you left me broken without any reason 7 years ago, I wanted to hate you. I wanted so much to stop loving you. But I guess one can never truly un-love another. We can only try to bury the feeling into the deepest parts of our hearts and mind in hopes that it would stay there never to resurface again.”

The love that he felt, along with the pain and tears that he experienced, all of it I witness through his eyes. Like he was purposely giving me access to his soul in order to give me a glimpse of what he went through because of me. I tried to look away, at anywhere, the ceiling, the door, the floor, the paintings on the wall, the small angel figurines on my shelf, anywhere but his eyes because those eyes gives me another reason to stop what he’s about to say, because I know for sure, I’m not worthy to hear it nor to receive it.

He knows what I’m doing and he cupped my cheeks again to make me look at him again. Struggling was pointless and I found myself looking at his eyes which were boring into mine and I tried to hold it down as well. Maybe, just maybe, I can get through to him like this. 

“And it won’t. I’ve given you so much pain already. Don’t go back to something that already scarred you this deep. You owe it to yourself.”

It was puzzling why he’s smiling chivalrously at me after what I said but then his words once again baffled me.

“And I also owe it to myself to stop forcing and pretending that I’m no longer in love with you or that I hate you for all that you did because I don’t. Never have and never will. Not even after what I learned today.” He chuckled as he wiped the tears that are streaming down my cheeks. “Because nothing can ever make me stop loving you Im Yoona.”

And with that, he gave me a gentle kiss on the forehead which unsurprisingly gave a good kind of shiver along my spine making my knees feel weak as well.

“If anything, everything that I heard and witnessed just made me uncontrollably fall deeper in love with you. And just to let you know, I’ve never stopped looking for you and I’m seeing that all those years of searching were all worth it now that you’re here in front of me.”

At first, hearing him say all these things made the butterflies that I thought left my life for good flutter chaotically and my heart was being overwhelmed with love. But then again, love is that kind of drug that gives you highest of all highs but would also give you the lowest of lows because in fantasy land, Jiyong and I can be together again, but this is reality, and in reality we can never be.

I tried my best to smile and ignore the pain from the wounds left by the shards of my broken heart. “That feels wonderful to hear…” I lifted to my frail hands to his handsome face to feel it even for what I believe could be the last time. “…all the more to believe. But…”

“But what?” he asked knowing of the words that were impending to be said; words that he can’t say himself.

“But we both know we can’t.”

“What I said is the truth Yoong. There’s nothing wrong to believe it.” He asked of me as he held the hand on his face tightly.

“There is Ji. It is wrong to believe when we both know that there’s already someone else; someone that you’ve already made a promise with, someone that you already made to believe the same thing is solely for her.” And there goes the last remaining un-shattered part of my fragile heart fall to the ground in pieces.

His tears are now falling silently down my hand and I want to trap him in my embrace to somehow ease the pain of knowing I was right but I didn’t. I can’t, not now that I’m trying to fight myself over making him mine again, over getting back what was once mine. I just might not be able to let him go if I do so.

“I had you once, and even if you say I still do, we both know that another truth is waiting for you outside these walls.” This time, I was the one who wiped his tears. “I love you and you love me. In a perfect world we will live happily ever after, but we’re in the real world, which is nowhere near perfect. In this world, not everyone who loves each other can be together.”

“Can we just stay in this perfect world Yoong?”

“I would love to Ji. You know how much I love you right? I love you so much that I would do everything for you. I can do anything even the impossible just to give you the best. That’s even why we are here now, because I tried to give you the best future that you can have. And look at you now? I’m thinking that I did a great job.” I smiled brightly at him to show how proud of his achievements I am. His face lit up with hope only to be washed over with grief again.

“And that’s exactly why I can’t be with you in that perfect world. Tiffany-ssi is the best for you right now, not only for your career but also for your personal life. You’re already engaged to her which only means that you have feelings strong enough to overcome the one you say you still have for me. I don’t want to make you into someone pathetic in the eyes of everyone by being the person who turns his back on the person that fixed you only to return to the one who broke you in the first place.”

My hands left his face only to grasp both his hands and give it a reassuring squeeze.

“It’s so frustrating how I understand everything that you’re saying. And what’s worse is it makes perfect sense in my mind but not in my heart. You know that too right?” He asked, to which I just nodded in reply.

“Once I get out of this room, I’m afraid that this time I would lose you and MiRae forever Yoong.” His fear was made more obvious by the slight crack in his voice.

I just smiled at him and replied, “You’ll always have me and MiRae. Maybe not in the way that we promised 7 years back, because right now we have already made new promises that overlaps the ones that we had before, but you’ll always have us.”

“You’re right. I always have you and you’ve done so much for me already. Maybe this time it’s my turn to be the one to do what’s best for you like how you always did for me.”

Before I can even look at his expression, he already locked me in his arms tightly and whispered in my ear something that left me stunned wondering and confused as he left the room.

“I’ll get our future back. I love you.” 

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a/n: WAAAAHHHHH!!!! It's over! What do you think about the ending? did you like it? if you were to end it, how would you do it? hehehe If you were Jiyong or Yoona, what would you have done? >3< I'm sooooooo thankful for all the support and love that this story received >///////< Thank you guys so much, it means a lot to me! *sobbing* We'll meet each other again soon heheheh love love! <3