7 years later…

The view of the city from my office window has always been something that relaxes me even after all the stress that I go through with the cases that I’m handling. Just seeing how little details merge together into one big and majestic picture eases my mind. It makes me hold on to the knowledge that different things happen for some reason. It might not look like it does if you’re just going to focus on one thing, but if you’re going to look at the whole image you’ll find yourself marveling at how everything suddenly makes sense.

As I’m taking in the beautiful night scene of the city, I heard a light knock. I’m guessing it’s just Seungri with more documents for my latest case. So, I turned my back on my little haven with a promise to return later and seated comfortably on my chair.

“Come in.”

With that, the door slowly went ajar and a man holding one manila envelope came in with hesitant steps towards my desk.

What’s wrong with this guy? He’s usually very hyper and confident in everything he does but why is there this somber feeling coming out from him. It’s like he’s nervous of something or better yet; scared.

In an attempt to make the atmosphere lighter, I tried to make a joke.

“Why are you so tense Seungri-ah? Are you afraid that you’re the next one to get fired after Junho-ssi?” I laughed but surprisingly, not even that helped his stiff demeanor to change. “Is there something wrong Seungri-ah? You don’t look all good.”

I’m seriously getting concerned. To have one of my most playful friends tense up like this means that something serious happened, and I’m sure it’s not something good.

I can see him gripping the manila tightly to the point of crumpling it. I guess he saw me looking at it and suspiciously, he hid the envelope behind his back.

“What’s in the envelope?” I asked with a raised brow.

“N-nothing.” He stuttered.

I don’t have time for this charades and I know the reason why he’s in here is because of that manila envelope. Why is he even hiding it from me?

“Give it to me.” I extended my hand asking for the item.

Surprisingly so, Seungri-ssi shook his head like a little kid afraid of punishment.

“It’s either you give it to me now or I’ll pry it away from you with brute force and fire you after.” I threatened him calmly.

Slowly, he reached the envelope to me and I smirked. Sounding and looking extremely calm while dealing with people always works like a charm. It makes the most unbelievable believable. That’s something that I learned from THE past, the past that I can’t seem to let go off.

Without knowing, I slipped into one of those moments once again where I get into my thoughts that I forget everything and everyone around me. Those times that all I care about is to keep the image, the memory, and the feeling longer, hoping that it would stay; that she would stay.

“Jiyong hyung.” Seungri called out shaking me out of my trance.

I blinked my eyes for a couple of seconds to get the illusion off of my mind and see the reality. After adjusting myself, I flipped the top flap of the envelope to finally take out the contents and figure out what’s so frightening about it.

Carefully, I read the documents and even scanned the pictures in it. At first I thought I was just seeing things, that I was once again dreaming, but after making a double take on everything I was sure that what I’m seeing is true. These are not some files for any case. These are the complete findings for that one missing person.

I took hold of her picture and stared at it for the longest time possible. She’s still so beautiful and it seems like she just blossomed even more with time. Her long brown hair that flows gracefully till her waist. Her milky white skin that looks so soft and smooth. Those doe eyes; those innocent doe eyes that makes you want to protect her and just love her with everything that you have. And her smile; Oh God her smile that shines brightly that it melts the heart of everyone who sees it. With that smile, you can’t help but get drawn to it that you end up smiling like a fool without being conscious of it, exactly like what’s happening to me now.

Luckily, only one person is here to witness this scene ‘cause I can’t contain the emotions that have been locked up in me for so many years. Tears cascaded down my smiling face as I looked at her photos and held on to it afraid of letting go. As if my life depended on it. And it does. My sanity does depend on it. After 7 long years…

“I’ve finally found you.” I murmured to the picture as if I’m talking to the actual person.

My little reunion with my past was cut short when Seungri-ssi took the envelope away from me. I was ready to pounce at him for stealing it from my grasp but his words stopped me.

“Jiyong Hyung, you know you shouldn’t act like this. What if somebody else sees you? What if somebody else finds out? Do you know what would happen if they do? Get a grip of yourself.” He was angry; furious even, and I understand why he is. He’s right. I shouldn’t be like this. It’s just not right.

He let out a frustrated sigh while pinching the bridge of his nose and said, “This is why I was so scared of even letting you know. I think I just ruined everything.”

Silence ensued between the both of us and I had to take a deep breath to calm my nerves. After a few minutes, when I got my head cleared up, I stood up while secretly keeping the picture in my pocket and went back to my spot.

“I’m sorry.” I bowed my head in apology. “You’re right. I should be more careful. But I just can’t help it Seungri-ah. How do you expect me to just sit there and act as if something that I’ve been waiting for, something that I’ve been longing for so long isn’t right in front of me?”

I had my back facing him to hide the continuous flow of tears from his judging eyes. I’m not embarrassed of crying, I’m just ashamed of what I’m doing by crying.

“Don’t worry though. Just give me this night. Let me bask in the joy of what I’ve just acquired and tomorrow, I give you my word, I’ll start doing the right thing.”

I sounded like I’m pleading for his understanding when in truth I’m saying it to try and make myself believe.

“Just give me tonight.” I asked but more like demanded.

Seungri sighed deeply and I heard him placing the envelope back on my desk and starting to walk away. With the click of the door, once again I bawled my eyes out in happiness and grief; happiness for finally getting something concrete and useful to find her and for finally being close to fulfilling my promise; and grief for all of this to happen at this time of my life.

“Why only now?”

I cried harder and kept on asking the universe about the timing of everything as well as asking the heavens on what I should do.

After minutes or even hours of weeping, I’ve come to a decision. I’ve already made up my mind and I don’t give a damn on what’s going to come out of it. I’ll do this even if it will cost me my life.