Nothing.

There wasn’t anything around me. I felt like I was floating in nothingness. I didn’t how I had gotten to this surreal place. How long had I been here?

Why couldn’t I see anything but darkness? Where was I?

The place had a familiarity about it. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but I had definitely been here before, in this space of … of what?

Suddenly, it seemed like gravity pulled me down. I fell. Fell through the nothingness. It was fascinating and scary at the same time. I felt like screaming, but no sound came from my mouth. It was like being stuck in a vacuum with no sound to be heard. I just kept falling until white light blinded me. I closed my eyes; the light was way too intense.

As I finally opened my eyes, I was looking down into what appeared to be a hospital room. A bed was standing in the middle of the room. There was a big window to the left of the bed, and it seemed to be open, the curtains moving because of a gentle breeze. It was dark outside.

The bed was occupied by someone, who was softly breathing. A white blanket reached the person’s collarbone and an injured arm, which seemed to be with needles and different kind of tubes. stuck out from underneath it.

I moved closer to the bed, still looking down from above. The person had bruises and wounds in her entire face. She looked horrible. Long, dark brown hair framed her face and was laid in a fan-shape on the pillow.

It took a while but after taking a better look at her face, I soon found out that the girl lying in that hospital bed was in fact me.

How was that even possible? How could I be lying there and still be ... here, above everything including myself?

A faint beeping noise caught my attention. To the right of the bed, different machines were standing. One of them looked like those you see in those medical tv-dramas, with a green dot moving across a screen, making a zig-zag line.

The door creaked open and a man entered. My father. He was wearing one of his suits, which told me that he had probably been at the office before coming to this place. Behind him followed a crying Taeyoon. She was just crying silently, tears streaming down her cheeks and no sound coming from her.

My father sat down in the chair beside the bed and took my hand. The funny thing was that I actually felt it. I was not in my body, yet I could still feel his touch. Taeyoon placed herself by the window, her cheeks still completely wet.

A flash of light blinded me once more and the scene changed. It was still the hospitalroom, but someone else was sitting in the chair. A blonde-haired guy. Namjoon? He was just sitting there, obviously not knowing what to do. His eyes were red and swollen and his cheeks were wet, just like Taeyoon’s eyes had been. Had Namjoon been crying? I was still lying in the bed, not looking much different from before.

It seemed like a lot of time passed before Namjoon got up from the chair and went out of the room. It might have been just a few minutes, I wasn’t really sure. Time didn’t seem right.. here. When he came back he sat down again, mumbling something. This time he reached out for my hand and held it with both of his, and I could somehow feel the warmth coming from them. He looked miserable. Why? Because of the girl lying in the bed? Because of me? He shouldn’t. I would much rather see his dimple-smile.

I closed my eyes for what seemed like days. It was like sleeping. You know, that movie ‘Inception’? A dream within a dream. It kinda seemed like that, because I knew what I had been watching was a dream. But now the me of that dream was dreaming too.  This dream was kinda blurry though and I had a hard time focusing on everything at the same time, only being able to notice a few things at once. Seulgi was in the dream. She was standing with her feet in a bucket filled with water … and goldfish? Her face was tear-streaked and her hands were bloody. Because of her incredible beauty and black hair, she looked like some kind of creepy doll from a horror movie.

Suddenly, I heard drums playing. The creepy Seulgi had disappeared in the blur. Behind me Namjoon sat on a miniature, wooden chair. He was wearing a big hat and in front of him stood two small drums. Namjoon looked at me and then at the drums. Without warning he began playing them. It was a happy rhythm and I couldn’t help but smile. Somehow it made this place seem less lonely. I sat down on what seemed to be the ground. At the moment everything but Namjoon and the drums were one big blur. He continued playing and my eyes followed his hands which were moving fast. He looked at me and smiled, before he too disappeared in a blur. I didn’t know what to think about this blurry dream. Did it mean anything? Probably not, it was too weird.

I was back in the hospital room. Seulgi was sitting in the chair, starring at my body. Was she trying to find out how creepy it was possible for her to look?

I guess I somehow knew what was going on now. Hospital, the me lying in bed and the me who was looking down from above. Didn’t this always happen in movies? Huh, I guess some movies actually hold some truth in them with the depiction of this near-death thing. Something had definitely happened to me, but I couldn’t remember what, no matter how hard I tried to. Was I going to die? It seemed like that. I didn’t want to die, though, not yet. There were still so many things I wanted to do. If I was going to die, I wanted to at least bid my loved ones goodbye. I wanted to go back to my body. Now. I just didn’t know how - but I had been here before, I could remember that much. It was just that familiar. If I had been here before, maybe it would be possible to get back to my body? Maybe if I…Before I could finish that thought, everything in front of me changed once more.

I was once again floating in nothingness.

Just then, I felt a shockwave go all the way through my body and my body suddenly felt ‘heavy’ again, like I wasn’t floating anymore. It was incredibly uncomfortable and painful. The pain kept going for a long time and even though everything around me was completely black, I still felt something like a big commotion going on around me. Out of nowhere, the feeling of chaos around me stopped.

I felt at peace. Was this death? It didn’t seem as bad as I had thought…