Namjoon did not visit me again. Not because he didn’t want to (or at least I hoped that was the case), he just wasn’t allowed to visit me anymore, as he ‘disturbed my recovery too much’. I didn’t really understand the nurses though; I had actually felt much better after he had visited.

When I had told Seulgi and Taeyoon about his visit, Taeyoon had insisted that he liked me. They told me about how he had reacted when there had been doubt I would even make it out of the accident alive. He had been at the hospital with Seulgi, Taeyoon and Yoongi at that time. My mother had been there too. Apparently a doctor had said something that everyone misunderstood, so they all thought I was already dead. Seulgi had told me how Namjoon had looked absolutely devastated, sitting by himself. It made me sad, but also happy at the same time. He cared that much. I even found it a bit incredible that he had actually been there when that doctor had messed up his words.

Somehow I felt both incredibly excited and extremely anxious at the same time, when I thought about meeting him again.

A few weeks passed and I was finally discharged. I had been in hospital for about one month and two weeks, so naturally I was very happy when I was finally able to get out and breathe in fresh air. Not that I hadn’t been allowed outside while I was in the hospital, but it was just something else to be able to go outside and do whatever you’d like, not caring about your condition or anything else.

I was still on medication, which meant I had to be careful. Most of the bruises I had had, had healed up while in hospital. The injuries I had sustained on the inside of my body were better and I could finally laugh without it hurting too much.

My dad had visited me a few times, but still mostly relied on the hourly updates the nurses send him.

When it was finally time to go home, he couldn’t pick me up. My aunt, Seulgi’s mother, came to pick me up instead. She had visited me every day, often bringing me snacks and drawing supplies – I really enjoyed drawing.

When she came to pick me up, she arrived in the best drama style, wearing sunglasses indoors and a long silk scarf. It was easy to see where Seulgi got her beauty from – in general Seulgi and her family were incredible good looking. Despite the fact that my aunt was the older sister of my father, she still managed to look younger than him.

“My favorite niece~” she mused, when she entered my room, taking her sunglasses off while walking towards my bed. “Are you feeling better? Ready to go home?”

“Auntie, you saw me yesterday, I don’t think I’ve changed much” I smiled at her, swinging my legs out of the bed and onto the floor.

“Thank you for taking me home by the way” I added. My aunt smiled her beautiful smile in response.

We began packing my stuff, including all the get-well-soon cards and small gifts I had gotten.

It felt nice to finally take off the hospital gown and wear some of my own clothes.

The nurse with the bright smile entered the room.

“Have a safe trip home Ms. Ahn. Remember to take your medication and remember that you have to rest at home for a few weeks too”

I nodded in response. I knew I had to stay at home, so I wouldn’t be able to go to school just like that. Maybe in a week? I honestly didn’t think I would be able to sit at home for more than a week. It just didn’t seem possible.

For once my aunt hadn’t brought her personal driver, but was driving her own car instead. It wasn’t like she wasn’t able to drive by herself, I guess she just felt it was easier not to.

I sat on the passenger seat. In the beginning we didn’t talk much. We reached a red light and my aunt decided that now was the time for her to begin talking – or rather ask questions about her daughter’s doings. I knew she viewed me as someone who could tell her about Seulgi, when Seulgi didn’t tell her about things herself.

“So! Do you know Seulgi’s boyfriend?” she asked, looking at me, obviously expecting I knew who she were talking about.

“Huh?”

“The pale, blond-haired guy? He never told me his name” she said, no longer looking at me but just glancing out the window of the car. When she spaced out like that, she really reminded me of Seulgi.

A pale, blonde-haired guy? I didn’t know many guys who fit that description, mainly because I didn’t know many people who had actually bleached their hair. Well, there was Namjoon. He had blonde hair, but he wasn’t exactly pale, though. Then, could she be referring to… Yoongi? Were they actually dating?

“I don’t know. She hasn’t told me” I ended up answering. Since Seulgi had decided not to tell me, I figured I shouldn’t say too much. It would be a lie to say I was not a bit confused over the fact that I hadn’t been told anything. Maybe my aunt had just misunderstood.

My aunt looked at me once more. She looked like she really wondered whether she should believe me or not. After all, I had been a part of Seulgi’s “gang” before my parents’ divorce and I hung out with her a lot. The light turned green and my aunt’s attention was on the road once more. We didn’t talk much for the remainder of the ride. She dropped me off in front of the apartment complex. At first she wanted to me all the way to the front door of my apartment, but I insisted on her not doing so.

“I’m home” I yelled, when I entered the apartment. Silence.

No one was home of course. I hadn’t expected it, but I knew my dad was often doing his work from home, so it wouldn’t have been unusual. I still hadn’t quite gotten used to the apartment I shared with my dad. It was enormous and when my dad wasn’t home like he had been two days ago, everything seemed so empty and lonely. There were even rooms not in use, because how could two people use up all this space?

When I had arrived in Korea, I couldn’t help but wonder if my dad had just bought this place because he could and because he had the money or if he genuinely thought he would be able to use all the space himself.

He had given me the biggest room and except for the bed, a clothes and a desk it was mostly empty. It seemed like my room was the size, if not bigger, than the apartment I had lived in with my mom in New York before leaving.  Besides the closet was a door, which led to a small hallway, to which three rooms were connected: a walk-in closet, a bathroom and a room with a bathtub and a shower.

I put my medication on the desk and walked to my bed, which I immediately sat down on – if I could, I would have jumped onto it, but I still had to be careful.

I lay on my back, looking up at the ceiling. The ceiling was high above the floor, making the room seem even more gigantic. I rolled onto my stomach and looked for my laptop. If I remembered correctly I had put it under my bed the last time I had used it. It was weird to think about how I hadn’t used it in over a month, when usually I spend most of my time alone on it, listening to music or playing games.

It wouldn’t hurt to spend the next few days catching up on the newest music, would it? I could look at school work at the same time. Oh, the cleverness of me.

I had ended up sitting between Seulgi and Taeyoon on Taeyoon’s bed. I felt like I was sitting in the middle of a war zone. At the moment Taeyoon was questioning Seulgi about Taeyoon and it seemed like Taeyoon might throw something at Seulgi at any moment.

It was only a few days since I had come home and I should actually be at home, and now I was sitting here, probably risking my health.

I knew my dad wouldn’t approve – he knew how “wild” Seulgi and Taeyoon could be. He adored both of them though, especially Seulgi. Nevertheless I hadn’t bothered to text him that I was hanging out at Taeyoon’s place. If he knew, he would probably leave his work to come get me, or send someone else. He insisted on me resting and had even hidden one of my schoolbooks, so I wouldn’t overwork myself.

“Well… he told my mom he’s my boyfriend” Seulgi explained to Taeyoon. “But… we haven’t quite talked to each other about it, so-“.

That explained a lot – about why her mother thought he was her boyfriend and about why Seulgi hadn’t told me anything.

“That’s just so like you” I said, trying to hold back a laugh. When it came to relationships and feelings, Seulgi always seemed so confused. If Yoongi really wanted to be Seulgi’s boyfriend, he should probably say it directly to her face. He shouldn’t even ask her if she wanted him as her boyfriend, he should just say “I’m your boyfriend now” or else Seulgi wouldn’t get what he was saying.

Both Taeyoon and I were looking at Seulgi now with big smirks on our faces. Seulgi was the funniest to tease about something like this, because you never really got the chance – she was always acting tough.

“Stop it. Let’s talk about one of you instead” Seulgi said. Was she actually thinking that would work?

“Nope! This is fun~” Taeyoon grinned, while Seulgi threw a pillow at her, which she barely avoided.

“We just started, you know?” I added. It was nice not getting any attention at the moment. Honestly, I didn’t care whether we talked about Seulgi or Taeyoon, but if I backstabbed Taeyoon, and Seulgi and I began teasing her, Taeyoon wouldn’t go easy on me later on. It was easier this way. Yes, I actually thought this far ahead.

“I ing hate you, why do I even hang out with you” Seulgi sighed and covered her face with her hands. Neither of us answered, but just continued to stare Seulgi down. When she finally looked up again she began to laugh, which resulted in all of us laughing.

 “Seriously though…” Seulgi said after she had regained her composure.

“Hm?” Taeyoon mumbled and leaned against my shoulder. She looked tired.

“How’s it going with you and Taehyung? Like.. Have you heard anything about that girl?” Seulgi looked intensely at Taeyoon with a serious expression. Taeyoon kept her eyes closed, I didn’t know whether she was ignoring Seulgi or if she was indeed just very tired.

“Nothing” Taeyoon replied after a while, obviously not wanting to talk about it anymore. I wasn’t going to let her go that easy, though it might end up being to my disadvantage at some point during this conversation.

“Explain” I demanded.

“There’s not much to explain… We haven’t really talked… You saw him last time he went to with the others to visit Mali… he avoided me.” Taeyoon replied. It was true. When the others had been there, the atmosphere had been somehow awkward, whenever Taeyoon or Taehyung joined the conversation. It had been pretty obvious that Taehyung had tried to avoid Taeyoon as much as possible. It was kinda sad that they hadn’t talked together since that though.

“That’s boring” I mumbled, mostly to myself.

“What’s good about drama? Isn’t it better for things to pass by peacefully?” Seulgi asked, looking thoughtful (though she kinda looked like that most of the time with all her weird thoughts). I didn’t like drama either – as long as it didn’t involve me. On the other hand I was a er for drama which involved other people. I really liked hearing about their problems, especially regarding relationships, because I’d never experienced anything like that myself. My excuse? If I ever got in a relationship I would know what to do and what not to do. Hopefully.

As I thought more about it, I realized that Seulgi was the one who had just said that it was better to let things pass by peacefully? What? Seulgi? Seulgi had always been the one to choose the not-so-peaceful methods… like violence. My eyes wandered around Taeyoon’s room. They stopped at a picture standing on Taeyoon’s desk in the opposite end of the room. It was a picture which was taken some time before my parents divorced and I left Korea. On the picture were three girls, all of them having at least one bandaid stuck to their face. The one on the left looked extremely beautiful with wavy black hair. A lollipop hung lazily out of . The one on the right was wearing a very happy expression, showing almost all of her teeth. Her hair was put up in a ponytail and a pair of skates for figure skating hung around her neck. In the middle of those two, a younger me was standing, looking awfully awkward. My eyes had missed the moment the picture had been taken, so I was looking slightly to the left with a weird, crooked smile.

The picture brought back so many memories and I couldn’t help but smile. Looking at the wry expression Seulgi was making, I remembered how she had been back then. She hadn’t changed much really.

“’Peace is kind of boring’ – you said so yourself, Seulgi” I said, still looking at the picture.

“I can’t deny I’ve said that… But do you remember what that resulted in? I’ve changed. I prefer the peaceful way.” Seulgi replied and looked at me with a somewhat dark expression. As she said those words, I flinched. I hadn’t expected her to bring that up. An accident and a funeral, I remembered way too clearly. It was something I would rather not remember…

Taeyoon apparently thought the same as me, as she whispered something about why Seulgi would bring up that subject.

“Guys” Seulgi said, “Do you really think Hongsik would be happy that you can’t even talk about him anymore?”

I looked at Seulgi, not knowing what to reply.

“Says the one who hasn’t visited him yet…” Taeyoon replied. Seulgi froze at Taeyoon’s harsh words. It was a reply that had been completely unnecessary.

“Stop it. Both of you know that this is silly. Even though I also think it’s silly for Seulgi to not have visited Hongsik yet, we all know she’s been banned from the place. So stop it.” I couldn’t hold back my words. I seldom made comments like this, but I didn’t want them to fight over something like Hongsik, especially when it did nothing else but make everyone sad.

After a few minutes of silence, Taeyoon declared that she was hungry. We left the comfy bed and went out into the kitchen. Still affected by our conversation, we didn’t talk much, but mostly ate in silence.

I guess all of us were lost in deep thoughts about our Hongsik.