Mi Ran is entering the school gates just as Jun and I arrive, and we all walk to class together.

“I booked one of the school practice rooms for today, so Jun can show us what she choreographed and we can practice it on our own later,” Mi Ran informs us.

The school’s been in an uproar since last week because the showcase is getting closer and some of the performance classes would soon be substituted with free time to work on the performances with other students. Everyone is busy planning their performances and trying to recruit the more talented students into their groups. Mi Ran, Jun, and I have already decided to do a dance performance together along with another friend of Jun’s from her class, Se Ah. Jun is in charge of the choreographing with input from Mi Ran since neither Se Ah nor I have any experience in that area.

As we’re walking down the corridor, someone passes by us and Jun and I reflexively turn to look at the person when Mi Ran bows slightly to them. Surprisingly enough, it’s Oh Sehun and he briefly nods at Mi Ran before going on his way. I turn to look at Mi Ran in surprise and she ducks her head, trying to avoid my eyes. I try to think of a way to ask her subtly exactly what just happened when Jun blurts out, “You know Oh Sehun?”

“N-not really well. I’ve met him once or twice before with Taemin sunbae and Kai sunbae...” she trails off, looking uncomfortable. It’s obvious that she doesn’t want to say anymore on the topic, so I subtly elbow Jun to stop her from asking any more questions. She gives me a dirty look but shuts up. And apparently I wasn’t subtle enough in my elbowing because Mi Ran shoots me a grateful look from beside Jun. I smile at her.

************

“Whoa, this is mind-blowing!” I say, as I lay flat on the floor of the practice room, trying to catch my breathe after the intense workout we’ve all just had. Jun and Mi Ran seem to be geniuses (or that’s what it looks like to me) and have pretty much mastered the entire choreography already. I can somewhat understand it in Jun’s case since she is the one that came up with the choreography but Mi Ran is like some dance master! She learnt the moves the fastest and she and Jun almost have the routine down pat. Luckily for me, Jun’s friend Se Ah was just as slow, and we were both still struggling to make the movements correctly.

Like I said, dance isn’t something that comes naturally for me, so I’d been expecting to have to work hard at the routine this time as well (just like always… sigh), but now I feel like an amateur compared to these two! Argh, why do I suddenly feel like I will be losing even more sleep in the near future? Dear Wonderful Bed… I’m going to miss you!!

But I’ll definitely take this over singing at the showcase any day. Sighing, I get off of my and get back to work, with Jun correcting my mistakes occasionally. Se Ah joins me soon enough and we all try the routine as a group. It’s still in the early stages and very unpolished (especially in my and Se Ah’s case), but I can already tell it’s going to be absolutely amazing when we perform it on stage. We put Se Ah in charge of designing/acquiring the costumes and head back to class just as the bell rings.

After school, Jun and I head to the trainee center together. I have a dance lesson today where they teach us the dance styles, movements and expressions used commonly in most girl group dances. Unfortunately, we’re required to dance in sky-high heels, and every time I’m done with the class I want to chuck the shoes as far as I can and never see them again. It’s much better now than when I first started out but it still hurts like a everyday… Girl group members who practically live in these instruments of torture have my utmost respect and commiseration.

After massaging my feet to help relieve the pain a little, I make my way to In Na Eunni’s class. She messaged me earlier to reach the class half an hour early today so I’m b with curiosity by the time I get there. But before I even have a chance to open my mouth she gives me a wide grin and starts dragging me down the corridor enthusiastically.

“Eunni! Where are we going? Aren’t we having the class today?” I ask, trying not to trip over my own feet as I helplessly follow her.

“We will have the lesson in a different location today,” she announces, sounding a little too happy for my liking.

“Why? Is something wrong with the usual room? Eunni, what’s going on?” I try to dig my feet into the ground to slow us down, but she relentlessly makes her way to her car in the parking lot, dragging me along by the arm.

“Oof, just get in first! You’ll find out soon enough!”

Totally confused by now, I just go along with her orders and take a seat in the car and buckle up obediently. Before I know it, we’re at the nearby park overlooking the Han River that is popular among the trainees. I help her carry a portable speaker set to a nearby spot while she follows me with her guitar case and bag. She quickly sets up the speakers and the guitar and a microphone and turns to me expectantly.

“Okay! It’s time for you make your debut in public! We’re going to have you sing a few songs here to help you ease into singing in public,”she announces casually, as if she hasn’t just given me a heart attack.

“E-eunni, you’re joking right? I don’t have any confidence in s-singing in public... I-I just can’t!!” I say, unable to meet her eyes as I try to think of ways to escape this nightmare-ish situation.

“Are you not serious about becoming an idol?” she questions me sternly.

“I am! I really am... but this is something that’s just not possible for me right now! Maybe in a few months after I’ve practiced more and trained more, but it’s too early for me now! We’ve only been training together for a little more than 3 months, and I’ve only barely caught up with the other trainees! What’s the hurry?!”

I’m not lying when I say that I really am serious about pursuing a career as an idol. It’s true that I first stepped onto this path because I thought it’d be the most convenient way to move out but I’ve spent so much of my time and effort on this goal now.

More importantly, I realized for the first time why I chose the path of being an idol trainee when Lee-Sajang asked me about it at the audition. Before that, I hadn’t really thought about it deeply beyond the fact that it was a means to move away from my family without offending them or completely breaking all ties with them. But I’ve since realised that it is so much more to me.

I want people to know who I am, I want to show off my skills and abilities to thousands of people, and have them acknowledge my talent. I want to be remembered even when I am gone. It looks like my mom’s fears had a bigger impact on me than I’d ever thought.

So I’m being sincere when I say that I am working my hardest to reach that stage, but at this point in time I just cannot imagine singing in front of all these strangers. I feel like I’m going to throw up just at the thought of it.

“Eunni, I think I’m going to throw up if you don’t let me leave right now.”

“No, we are not going back today without you singing here, So Jung Min. I understand that it’s hard for you to do this, but you have to at least try! You have improved more than I could have ever imagined when I first met you but you’re at a point now where you can’t proceed further without overcoming this fear of yours,” she says adamantly.

“Throw up if you think you need to, but you’re going to do this today. Here’s what we’re going to do. We will use the empty guitar-case to collect money from our audience. The goal tonight is to collect at least 25,000 won through your singing. I’ll accompany you on my guitar, okay? Do you think you can do this?” she asks me gently.

I know I’m being childish, and I feel ashamed and guilty about the fuss I’m making in front of Eunni but I don’t understand what the big rush is. Isn’t it fine if get used to singing slowly? I never wanted to sing in the first place! That annoying old man had to go and make me a singer instead of the dancer I wanted to be… And now I’m stuck here singing solo in front of random passersby. , where did I do wrong in my life?

So Jung Min, are you even listening to yourself? Who’s the one who wanted to be an idol in the first place? Who wanted to be acknowledged and remembered by others? You should be ashamed of yourself! Not even making the effort to overcome your fear after all the time and effort In Na Eunni poured into training you. This is nothing short of throwing all her kindness and hard work back in her face. If you want to make something of yourself in the entertainment industry, you need to put yourself out there and do this! Especially since you’ve already been told you’re not idol material as a dancer, at least at SM...

As I am whining and scolding myself silently in my head, In Na Eunni patiently waits at my side, giving me the time I need to process my thoughts and make a decision. No matter how I think about it, there’s only one choice I can make at this point without feeling ashamed of myself for the rest of my life. Squaring my shoulders, I turn to In Na Eunni with a grim nod, “Let’s do this.”

She looks relieved and gives me a bright smile. “I’ll start off with a song first. You can just relax and observe. Psych yourself up for your turn.”

I nod, somewhat glad for the short respite before it’s my turn to face the music, pun intended. I am distracted from my thoughts when In Na Eunni starts playing a very familiar tune on her guitar. She is singing an old 90’s classic about unrequited first love, and people are already slowing down around us. She has a very sweet melodic voice, and I find myself immersed in the song and her guitar as she sings.

She sings two more songs after the first one and the crowd breaks out into applause when she ends the last song with a bow. I was so immersed in her singing that I only notice the crowd that has gathered around us now. There’s a lot of couples, and old people, and some families too. She grins and thanks everyone for their time and people drop some money in the guitar case before moving on.

Some people are still hanging around to see if she’s going to sing anymore, looking at us with interest. I try to clamp down on my nerves as she hands me the microphone, asking me which song I want to sing. I pick another 90’s classic that we’ve practiced before and she nods, playing out the tune on her guitar so I can get used to it. When we are both ready, she gives me the cue and starts playing the tune again. I suddenly feel nauseous and my heart is pounding away in my chest. I don’t think I was this nervous even when I had to sing at the final audition in front of the old man.

I take a deep breath in and start singing the first verse of the song. I start out shaky but In Na Enni gives me an encouraging look, so I keep singing, hoping I won’t blank out and forget the lyrics in the middle of the song. Luckily I manage to finish the song somehow by looking at the ground the whole time and pretending that there’s no one else present. I finally look around once she’s played the last few strains of music on her guitar only to find that the people who were hanging around earlier are nowhere to be found. There’s barely two or three people in front of us. I blush, embarrassed. I probably scared them all away with my singing. Sigh...

“You did well for your first song,” she reassures me. I can only nod back at her half-heartedly, feeling glum and dejected at the prospect of having to do that all over again. She picks the next song, again one that we’ve practiced before, and launches into it right away. I am (very) slightly less nervous now compared to before, and manage to sing the song without too many mistakes. Again, I look around after the song is over, and there’s still barely anyone there just like before.

I realize all of a sudden that I’m disappointed. There were so many people gathered around when In Na Eunni was singing, yet there’s barely anybody here when I’m the one singing. I figured I wouldn’t have people clamoring for my autograph, but was I really so bad that nobody stuck around for even one measly song?

“Eunni, didn’t you say that my singing has improved a lot? How come nobody is stopping to hear me sing?” It comes out sounding almost like a whine.

She lets out a small laugh, seeing how upset and frustrated I look. “Aren’t you the one who didn’t want to sing in front of people? Shouldn’t you be happy there’s no one around?” she asks, teasingly.

“That’s right! That’s right, but… But I still want people to listen to me when I sing!” I say defensively, trying my best not to sound like a spoilt child.

“Good, because that is the important thing a singer needs to have. The wish to let others hear their voice and feel the emotions they’re trying to convey through the song. Even though you’re conscious of letting others hear you sing, subconsciously you still want them to hear your singing.

“This means that as long as you can overcome your ridiculous self-consciousness of singing in public, you will be able to move closer to becoming a professional singer. And the only way to do that is to face it head-on. Sing in public whenever you can. Remember that you won’t make any progress without pushing yourself. Got it?”

I reluctantly nod, thinking over everything she’s said. She’s right. Even though I was just freaking out at having to sing in front of so many people, I’m still upset that barely any of them actually stayed to listen to my songs. But that’s okay. I’ll show them all. I’ll improve so much nobody will be able to resist stopping to listen to me. I’m going to be the best! I grin giddily, excited at my newfound resolve to do well.

“Really, if I ever meet the person who made you so self-conscious of your voice, they’re going to get it from me,” she mutters to herself, frowning. “Such a beautiful voice, and she’s freaking insecure about it…”

I giggle to myself as my brain conjures up the image of Eunni chasing after Ho-dong Oppa with a flyswatter in hand for some ridiculous reason. Eunni shakes her head and turns to me.

“Try to make and maintain eye contact with the people in the audience when you’re singing. You also have to project your voice more when you’re singing outdoors so keep that in mind. Don’t worry about the number of people in front of you but about whether or not you are able to convey the meaning and the feelings in the song properly or not. I wish there was an easy way out, but the best way to learn the tricks of busking in the park like this is through practice. We are going to come back here at least once every week from now on till you’re as comfortable singing for strangers as you are back in the practice room. And this is good experience, either way.”

We start again, and work our way through a number of songs, and slowly the crowd around us grows again. I’m still shaky at times when I realize I’m actually singing in a freaking park in front of total strangers, but it affects me less and less as the evening progresses. By the time we finish, there’s once again a crowd around us, and this time we both take a bow and In Na Eunni again thanks everyone for their time and support. I observe that the crowd is much (much) smaller than when In Na Eunni sang, but it’s not too bad for my first time busking. Or that’s what In Na Eunni tells me.

We sip from our water bottles as some of the people from the crowd drop money in the guitar case. One of the people breaks away from the crowd and makes their way towards us, pausing to drop a few bills into the guitar case. My eyes widen in recognition, “Oppa!”

In Na Eunni looks back and forth between me and Sung Jae Oppa. “You know each other?” she asks, surprised.

“Wait, you two know each other?” I ask, equally surprised.

Sung Jae Oppa looks back and forth between us as if just coming to a realization. He gives us a sheepish grin before explaining,

“In Na, meet So Jung Min, one of my favorite students at the studio. Jung Min-ah, this is my lovely girlfriend, Yoo In Na.” I think it’s safe to say that we both look totally gobsmacked.

“Did you know that she was my student, Sung Jae? Why didn’t you say anything?” Eunni demands, arms folded across her chest.

“Oh my god, you’re the girlfriend he’s always running off to meet! And the surprise birthday event! That was for you too!” I blurt out, unable to contain my excitement at the unexpected revelation that two of my favorite adults are dating each other.

“Yep, this is her. The love of my life that has me running around in circles!” Sung Jae Oppa throws a cheesy wink at us. “And I didn’t know that she was your student. She’s a dancer so I thought you wouldn’t be running into each other much. That’s why I didn’t say anything about it,” he adds when Eunni narrows her eyes at him.

“By the way, I think my girlfriend should be getting paid a lot more by SM! You sounded so much better than before that I was totally surprised!”

“Haha, thanks,” I comment dryly at the half compliment. “And I am actually under SM as a singer. It’s a long story,” I add sheepishly.

He looks confused at that but takes it in stride. In Na Eunni will probably explain the situation to him later and I’m too tired to explain the whole thing now. We all head to a nearby ddukbokki stall after leaving the equipment in Eunni’s car. We gorge ourselves on the spicy food and marvel over how interconnected the world is and chat about stuff.

It’s been a while since I’ve had a chance to just relax like this and I relish the precious free time. When we’re done eating, Eunni pays for our food with the money we got from singing earlier, which totalled to around 26,100 won thanks to the 5000 won note Sung Jae Oppa contributed earlier. I’m really glad he did because I’m afraid Eunni would have made me sing some more till we reached the goal otherwise! She gives me the rest of the money saying,“You earned it, after all!”

They drop me off at the trainee center after and head off on a movie date. I’m still b with energy from my newly-found drive to succeed, so I work on my singing for a few hours though I still have to practice my part for the showcase performance. I know I’ll have to burn the midnight oil if I want to keep up with the others in the group so I get to work perfecting my part, pushing the tiredness to the back of my mind. When I’m finally satisfied with the progress I’ve made, I head to the dorm and crash on my bed, too tired to even wash up.

Despite how tired my physical body is, my heart feels rejuvenated as I remember the way I used to feel about singing before. Looking back on it now, it was always something I used to do without any conscious thought or effort. I especially loved singing for the people close to my heart, cheering them up when they were down and showing them my love through my singing. It had always been effortless and was something that cheered me up no matter the situation.

When Ho-dong Oppa had ridiculed my singing just that once, I suppose I shouldn’t have taken it to heart. After all, it was something the 11-year old had said in a fit of anger and jealousy. But I can see now in hindsight that I’d been particularly sensitive then, since mother had been in the final stages of her cancer and I hadn’t really felt the desire to sing at that time, or do much of anything else really. Even after she passed away and we were beginning to move forward with our lives, I couldn’t bring myself to sing for others anymore and I redirected my attention to dancing thanks to grandma’s efforts. But now that I remember what singing once meant to me, I’m motivated to work that much harder. I feel like I’ve found a piece of myself that I’d never even noticed was missing.

I fall asleep that night with a smile on my face, imagining what life would be like if I hadn’t taken Oppa’s words to heart and had stuck to singing…

A/N: So what do you guys think? I have one-third of the next chapter written, but I've gotten stuck at a point, sigh... I would hate to keep you guys waiting, so hopefully I figure it out soon. Please do comment, I swear I don't bite! A comment is guaranteed to make my day, because otherwise I don't know if anyone's even reading the story or if I'm just talking to myself in here...

Thanks to everyone who's subscribed so far! Happy New Year, everyone! :D

Here, have some eye candy now. :) Trainee days... Ah, so nostalgic...

P.S. - We'll be seeing more of Satansoo next chapter, kekeke! >.<