Pairing: moonsun

 Rate: PG+

 Word count: 880

A/N: sorry

 She doesn't know why she feels this way.

It felt like her whole life has been set in slow motion and she's just the bystander watching everything play out. The constant pain and the everlasting doubt crowded every empty spot inside her mind - that wasn't already occupied by the girl whose hair was as bright as her personality, or the way her eyes shined just like the stars above.

Yongsun wondered if that's why they named her Byulyi.

Settling on the bed, Yongsun pulled the cover over her head - trying to drown out the memories that were inevitably, on reply. Had she done wrong? Was it a mistake?

Kim Yongsun knew that she owed the younger girl an explanation far greater than the excuse she had repeated over and over in her mind, seemingly trying to convince herself that it would be okay, but it wasn't.

(It never really was.)

Was it fear that had clogged her mind and unraveled her already nervous heart, permitting herself to breaking the single promise she had made to herself as well as to Byulyi?

I can't do this anymore...

What?

The numbing feeling that overwhelmed her heart at the time cannot compare to how empty and broken it feels right now.

(How did she ever think that this would be the solution?)

I can't do this anymore.

Did I do something wrong?

Had the younger girl done wrong? No, she hadn't. It was Yongsun who protested and never let Byulyi hold her hand in public. It was Yongsun who had reprimanded the younger girl because Byulyi was the ever vocal and expressing person that she was, if only ever with her.

I don't want this anymore.

This? Us?

(She should receive the winning award for best liar.)

Everything had been a lie. She wanted Byulyi just as much as the younger girl did. She wanted to hold her hand and show her the world just as Yongsun would be standing next to her, already seeing her world in the form of Moon Byulyi.

(You can't always get what you want.)

Fear made you lose everything and it filled you with paranoia.

She just can't tell Byulyi that she didn't like the looks others would throw her - their - way when Byulyi would grab her hand under the table and look at her with such adoration in her eyes.

That she didn't appreciate the snarky comments they would say whenever Byulyi whispered in her ear - judging them.

I never really wanted it.

(She wanted it with all her heart.)

*

"Unnie?"

Yongsun looked up at the sound of her name being called out, watching with half open eyes as Wheein sat down at the foot of the bed.

"Let's go out tonight."

Yongsun sighed before shaking her head, not letting Wheein see the way her eyes started watering at the realization of how long she's been cooped up in her room.

Maybe it was time.

"Mmm."

*

Wheein didn't dare question the choice of clothes that Yongsun was wearing. Not really knowing a good way to question why Yongsun was wearing Byulyi's favorite black sweater nor the reason for why she would still have said sweater.

Yongsun only listened half to what Wheein was saying rather deciding to stare at the ground beneath her feet.

They continued their pace as they neared the cafe, Wheein had said she was hungry. Yongsun couldn't ignore the rumbling in her stomach as well, forgetting the last time she ate.

The walk was finished in relative silence as Wheein ushered her through the cafe's door before letting it close behind her as she too, stepped inside.

They ordered their food and sat down facing a window as rain suddenly started pouring, surrounding the place in a lulling atmosphere at the sound of the rain drops hitting the rooftop.

"...and Hwasa decided that it be a good idea to - unnie, were you listening?"

She was now.

"Where is Hwasa?"

Wheein remained quiet and Yongsun knew what that meant. Hwasa was probably with Byulyi just like Wheein was with her.

She didn't expect to see her.

That doesn't quench the overwhelming need to see her if just for a few seconds and to possibly apologize.

Yongsun lowered her gaze and instead focused on the way the rain caused the window to fill up with the droplets, quickly gaining more mass as they trickled down the window slowly.

As she stared, she noticed a streak of familiar hair quickly passing through.

Yongsun felt her heart swell.

She could recognize that color anywhere.

"Unnie? Unnie!"

She ignored Wheein's urgent calls as she practically tore open the door and sprinted into the poring rain trying to catch another look of that hair.

She spotted it a few yards away from her and before she knew it she was calling out a name she hadn't said out loud in over seventeen days.

(Yongsun never realized she had been counting.)

"Byul-ah!"

The figure turned and joy seeped into her body warming it where the rain had soaked through her bones.

Yongsun walked over with a smile on her lips and the younger girl stood there paralyzed.

Among the load pouring of the rain you could distinctly hear a soft voice speaking,

"I've missed you."

stay healthy and love freely

shadow14