Seungcheol was a troublemaker.

Since grade school had started, he’d gone through any means necessary to avoid being dubbed as a teacher’s pet, a prodigy, a born wizard, a genius, or any titles similar to those. He did everything he could to stand out as someone who didn’t care about school, and never would.

Although he excelled in magic, he never raised his hand to answer questions. When he was called up to the front, he’d grin and poke fun at his friends, write down a wrong answer on the board, and stick his tongue out at his teacher. They knew he knew the answer… So, they’d scold him. But in the eyes of his classmates, watching Seungcheol get whipped across the wrist with a ruler, and brush it off with a grin, that was just an everyday occurrence. That was Seungcheol; The carefree goofball without a care or worry in the world.

Well, that was how they saw him, anyways. And Seungcheol wanted to keep it that way.

There was only one person he couldn’t fool.

In the first year of highschool, Seungcheol entered his new classroom with a cheerful skip and a hop, tossing a basketball at the ignorant back of his friend’s head in a teasing manner. He walked to his usual seat in stride, halting when he spotted mid-length silver hair draping against the cheek of a mysterious figure, sat smack dab in his own seat at the far back corner where he liked to nap.

Seungcheol gulped away the thump in his chest as he watched the person brush silken hair past narrow shoulders, turning to look his way with a curious expression. Their eyes were almond-shaped and bright, lips parted.

“Is anyone sitting here?” Seungcheol asked, feeling an odd level of fluster whirl about his chest.

The person smiled. “Nobody; Go ahead.”

He sat down with a grin. And in the name of his carefree and popular persona, Seungcheol took the first chance he got to flirt with the mysterious person who’d stolen his seat. When he complimented their beautiful silver hair, and asked to eat lunch together while his classmates jeered him on, they laughed for a good long while, not once taking the inquiry seriously.

“You know I’m a boy, right?” He stated through teary, laughing eyes, wheezing, causing the boys around them to roar with laughter at the misunderstanding.

Seungcheol went red up to his ears, standing up from the table with a frazzled expression. He tried to move seats out of embarrassment, but everywhere else was full, and his teasing friends and classmates found it hilarious to pit him against this silver-tonged troll for the rest of the year.

He did his best to ignore this boy, who did little but read medical books, chat with the girls in his class, and sit looking beautiful for no goddamn reason. Seungcheol went about his life and continued his act. He for having long hair, and for studying like a nerd, and for being beautiful even though he was a boy.

He had bigger things to worry about than the boy named Jeonghan.

When Seungcheol came to school with rings around his eyes from being forced to study long nights, bandages wrapped around his wrists from practicing spells far too advanced for his tender age, and a listless, tired sense of worthlessness weighing him down… He’d smile. He’d laugh and joke and bully the teacher, flirt with girls without care, and try his best to ignore the gaze of his annoying desk-mate. His wrists were whipped with a ruler, cheeks were red from the slaps of another girlfriend gone wrong, and the back of his head burned from the incessant eyes of others. But… Seungcheol was smiling.

His talks with friends were shallow and meaningless. They joked and laughed, and they thought they knew Seungcheol. But nobody really knew. They only saw what Seungcheol let them see.

He felt like a lonely actor stood beneath stage-lights, in this never-ending play.

He was tired.

The marks from midterms were posted on the wall at the front of the classroom for everyone to see. And number one in spells, was Seungcheol.

“I bet it’s because your mom and dad are sorcerers…” A boy accused, red with jealousy. Why did he get seventh after pulling all-nighters for four days straight? Why did carefree, stupid Seungcheol get first?

Seungcheol had his feet propped up on the desk, sat tossing a ball up in the air with an unaffected grin. “I was just lucky.” He defended. “But who cares about these dumb placement tests, anyways?”

His friends laughed along with him, defending him. Everybody else came to his side and dragged the jealous boy through the mud. How could you be jealous of Seungcheol? Funny, lovable Seungcheol?

When the teacher banged a book against his desk in anger, Seungcheol dropped his ball in his friend’s lap and skipped back over to his proper seat. At the back of the class, as the teacher began their lesson, Seungcheol stared down at his hands, wrapped in bandages and pulsing with pain. His wrists were slit, fingers calloused and sore, energy drained. But nobody could know that Seungcheol had spent weeks after school in relentless spell practice. They couldn’t know how many times his nose had dripped red from stress and exhaustion. They didn’t see the red, bruised marks on the backs of his calves, indented with the mark of a leather belt.

Nobody knew how worthless those numbers on the board felt to him.

“Are you okay?”

Seungcheol turned to Jeonghan with widened eyes. He fixed his fallen expression and smirked, teasing. “Why would you care?”

Jeonghan frowned, staring into him, eyebrows knitted with worry. When Jeonghan looked at him, as he often did, concernedly. Seungcheol hated it. He hated the sense of pity he saw in his expression…

Jeonghan didn’t press on, and class went on as usual. But when the bell rung, and Jeonghan collected his books to leave, Seungcheol followed him. He found him at the back of the school and shoved him from behind, stepping forward to threaten the boy with a shaking, angry fist.

“Why do you keep looking at me like that?!” He asked with shaking eyes, pulling Jeonghan’s collar towards him.

Jeonghan’s eyes were calm, unflinching. As if he saw right through that glare. Even if he threw a punch, he’d never be able to deal damage in the state he was in.

“I feel sorry for you.” He spoke quietly, staring up with eyes that made him think he was transparent.

“Don’t.” He argued. “Don’t act like you know me.”

Jeonghan sighed, pulling Seungcheol’s fist away from his collar, and straightening his shirt. He picked up the books that had fallen to the dirt, while Seungcheol watched in anger. Jeonghan turned back with a solemn expression. “I don’t know anything about you, but I know about medicine.” He spoke as he looked him up and down, focusing on his bandaged hands, pale skin, and dark-rimmed eyes.

“What are you talking about, freak?” Seungcheol asked, anxious.

“You don’t have to pretend all the time, you know.”

“Wh-what?”

His eyes flickered down, to the tattered bandages wrapped from finger to wrist. “I know that you work harder than anyone else in our class. I just don’t get why you hide it.”

Seungcheol scoffed, chest stuttering with a spike of anxiety. “What, are you mad that I got first too?”

“No… I think you deserve it.” Jeonghan answered with a faint smile.

They weren’t friends, not in the slightest, but he was the first person to ever say such a thing to Seungcheol. Nobody usually though he deserved what he got, they always appointed his success to privilege.

“I won’t tell anyone, so don’t worry.”

Jeonghan turned and walked away, leaving Seungcheol stood silenced with a thumping heart.

That was the day that somebody in the audience of his stage, had walked behind the curtains and acknowledged Seungcheol, who behind the mask, was running out of time.

Because really, Seungcheol didn’t care if he lived or died. He was just waiting for a chance to exit stage left, without anybody realizing he had gone away.

And since the first day of high school, Jeonghan had found himself watching that odd boy act as though he was full of energy and joy, despite being hallowed and worn to a shadow in reality. Jeonghan couldn’t help but notice him, and soon he found himself searching for a reason to make Seungcheol stay.

Seungcheol’s vision warped. The sight of the boy in front of him was shifting, a much older Jeonghan facing Seungcheol with a beaten, bloodied expression, but still smiling as he always had.

He looked sorry for him, as if the shock on Seungcheol’s face was enough to make him forget his own fleeting mortality. Jeonghan smiled at him as if to tell him the one thing Seungcheol couldn’t bear to hear at that moment, because he knew it wasn’t true.

It’s not your fault, Seungcheol…

~

To the buzzing of the phone alarm, he gasped awake, stopping himself from launching out of bed in a fit of worry when he felt Woozi—no, Jihoon—latched on to him like a snake.

Seungcheol fumbled in the dark, silencing the buzz of the alarm before it could interrupt the boy’s sleep.

He felt oddly nauseous. Maybe a part of that was the hangover, or the exhaustion. Some of it was the overwhelming happiness of unexpectedly reciprocated love… But mostly, it was that dream. He hadn’t been able to sleep without waking up in a cold sweat for so long. Every time he let his guard down, his subconscious rushed to the most absurd and unbearable fears in his mind.

He wanted to stay right here next to him and just breath him in. He wanted to drown Jihoon in affection, and smother him in kisses until the demon grew fed-up beat him with a broom. He was drunk with the feeling of yesterday, but at the same time he couldn’t help but feel the timing was off.

First and foremost, he needed to ensure Jeonghan would be safe from now on. If something happened to him again… He wouldn’t be able to live with the guilt. It was time for him to unravel with issue from the core.

Seungcheol forced himself out of the comforts of his bed, careful not to wake the demon. He splashed his face with cold water instead of a shower, changed into some casual clothes, and dropped a note on his bedside table for his roommates to find when they woke up.

I’m going to my parent’s house, will be back by tomorrow. Don’t worry and stay put.

-Seungcheol Hyung

He looked back at the dark, quiet house with a final breath of resolution, stepping out into the mild air of an early summer’s morning as his phone buzzed. Seungcheol read with a sigh as he boarded the early morning bus, scrolling through a chain of messages. This would be the first time in years that he’d asked to visit them. And if things went the way he expected them to go, it could be the last.

~

“Welcome home, dear.” She pulled him into a hug, leaving Seungcheol mumbling a half-hearted response as he stared to the hallway behind her.

The smell of luxury perfume, the same familiar walls and furniture, nothing had changed about this place. It was a building trapped within childhood memories, oddly nostalgic.

“Your father just left for work, so it’ll just be you and me today.”

Seungcheol pulled away after a moment, stepping out of his shoes and into some slippers. He sniffed the air, picking up a savory scent wafting in from the kitchen. “What’s for breakfast?”

She smiled, leading him in as if Seungcheol wouldn’t recognize the layout of the house. It had been a while, but she acted as if he didn’t grow up here…

“I made an English-style breakfast. Eggs benedict, toast and fruit salad. Come sit down, honey.”

He sat at the dining table, holding a slight smile as he sat in the presence of his mother. It was just a habit, really. He never wanted her to ask if something was wrong, because she never truly seemed to care no matter what he said in reply. It all trinkled back to his grades and ability.

Seungcheol picked up his knife and fork and cut into the egg, chewing as he pondered how to bring up the question. His mom ate silently as well, oblivious to his internal turmoil. She was dressed casually for once, since she’d taken a day off for him, but she always looked put together no matter what.

His mother looked up at him with a quirk of her head, brown hear brushing against her shoulders as she did. “What’s wrong, sweety?”

Seungcheol swallowed, placing his fork and knife against his plate, eyes burning into the tablecloth as he willed himself to speak. “Mom… Have you ever done anything illegal?”

Her smile fell in obvious confusion, chuckling amusedly after a beat of silence. “Oh, I stole a doll from the grocery store when I was little once… although I hardly remember it.”

“No, I mean…” he breathed, “I’m being serious. Have you and dad ever done something dangerous?”

“Seungcheol, I don’t understand what you’re saying… Are you in some kind of trouble?”

The expression in her eyes was obvious. She was going to assume Seungcheol had done some petty crime again, and was asking for help…. Or money. She would never assume it was her fault… It never was.

“Mom, answer my question.” He persisted, looking up at her with serious eyes. “Do you know about any big underground crime going on in town? You work for the government, you guys deal with that kind of stuff, right?”

Her expression fell at the intonation of his voice, noticing just then that Seungcheol was angry. He was trembling at the table as he spoke, unexpectedly so. “Seungcheol, answer your mother, Are you in some kind of trouble or not?”

Seungcheol threw his fist down on the table with a bang. “This isn’t about me! Why do you think I’m the one with the problem every time we talk? For s sake, I’m asking about you, mom!”

“Do not raise your voice at me. I don’t even understand what you’re talking about, Seungcheol!”

Seungcheol took a breath, calming himself. She was right, he was being unclear. If he wanted to get through this woman’s thick skull, he would have spell it out letter by letter.

“Mom, why did you set up a barrier at my house?”

She opened , surprised. “How did you-“

“Or how about this, tell me why you only care to check on me when I miss a day of school… Why don’t you call me any other days? Why is it that every time you talk to me it’s about my future as a magician? Why is that so ing important to you, mom?!”

She was silent, mouth parted as Seungcheol let go of his complaints in one good burst. He’d talked back to his parents before, but never like this.

He balled his hands into fists, holding back from shaking. His eyes were watering, reddened, more from frustration than anything else. “Why did you recite a diffusing spell to me every night when I was little… What the were you so afraid of, mom? That someone would curse me? And if that’s not it, then why?”

opened, then shut, fumbling for an excuse, but nothing came. “Seungcheol, I don’t know what-”

“Don’t tell me you don’t know. Just tell me the goddamn truth for once!” He snapped, emotions spilling over as he stood, face falling into the palms of his hands, squeezing against his eyelids to ease the sting of tears. “Just… Please. I can’t do this anymore, mom..”

She stood up from the table, reaching to comfort him, only to be pushed away by a shaking hand, drawing a barrier between the two of them in a motion. She saw the desperation in his eyes, the exhaustion, and stepped away, dropping her hands.

“I understand...” She breathed, stepping away from Seungcheol to take her seat at the table again. “Sit down, Seungcheol.”

Seungcheol complied, stifling his emotions with deep breaths. He faced her after a moment, steadying his voice. “Mom, tell me about the black magic group… Why do they know you?”

This time, she didn’t argue. The surprise in her expression was evident, but she knew by now that she couldn’t excuse what had happened. Seungcheol had already picked up the pieces she’d been careless to leave behind. They sat at the table and let their eggs grow cold, as Mrs. Choi began to recite a story from her past.

~

It began a short while after she had started highschool, at a time when she was barely old enough to be considered a teenager, let alone an adult. Rather than a mistake, or a venture down a wrong path, the way in which she had become entangled in that group of people was so simple. It was because of the invitation of a single girl, her closest friend named Jia.

Jia had told her about a group of worshipers she had gotten tangled up with, a group of loving, happy people who cared for each other like one large family. They called their group ‘Apostasia’, meaning to abandon religion, which was blasphemous within their quaint conservative community.

And at first, of course she was skeptical of their good grace and open arms, she had never experienced such warmth before. But she wouldn’t dare leave Jia all alone with those people. So, she had held onto her insecurity, and followed Jia through the gates of hell, attending their meetings and gatherings, until she eventually assimilated, moving into their community.

And… it was wonderful. They had no worries while they attended that place, no worldly fears to hold them back. They learned magic avidly, magic that no school would ever dare to teach them. It was dark magic, but it was never used to do wrong while she was there. It helped them to thrive as a community, and grow, until they practically became a commune.

She was happy there, with Jia and the others. It felt like a paradise on earth.

But one day, their kind leader came to the girls of the commune with a request, just one small task for them all. They were all told that the group needed to grow, but too many people within were already related to each other, and the number of men was too small.

The girls needed to leave the commune and become impregnated, for the greater good of Apostasia. And although she was not yet an adult, there was no exception.

Well, except for Jia. She was the only girl in the commune withheld from this request. And the time, she believed it was because the leader was in love with her friend. She caught him looking her way so often, talking to her in private, and smiling just a bit brighter when he saw her.

She was forced to leave the commune alone, in search of a partner. She left with an open mind and joined a highschool in a town nearby. As if by fate, when she entered her classes and came upon a boy, who with his handsome face and heart of gold, had stolen her heart with ease.

He accepted her feelings in just a short time. The only problem was that he refused her body incessantly, he wouldn’t sleep with her until they were married. But he was the one. She wouldn’t stop trying after one no, so she pushed and pushed, and like most adolescent boys would do if pushed enough, he snapped. As she had hoped so, she fell pregnant with that boy’s baby.

She was so in love with him, that it was easy to fall in love with the child she was carrying. It was the son of her beloved, and although she was so young, she felt that within this commune she would have the support she needed to raise it.

Except… She overheard a conversation she never should have heard.

On her way to find Jia, she fell upon whispering voices beyond the door of the leaders office, conspiring together.

“When the children turn two, we will offer them to our deity. Only then will our goal be possible.”

Jia gasped, shrinking under his gaze when he shot her a look of warning. “But… The other mothers would never agree to this.”

“They will.” He spoke sharply. “And if they don’t, they will join the fire.”

She was in shock. She had believed this place was a heaven on earth, a place to raise a family and live with her true love until death. She’d dropped everything for these people… Her family, her education, her life, all to live amongst them. But… they were going to kill her baby, and possibly her boyfriend. And if she refused, they would kill her too.

So that night, under the guise of a late-night walk, she ran away. She ran and ran through the night, and came to that boy’s house sobbing in his arms and gasping for air. First he was confused, but once things were made clear, he dragged her inside and wouldn’t let her leave. He vowed to protect her even if his parents disowned him for doing so.

The only way for them to live without constant fear of that group, was to become the kind of people they could not touch, and to ensure that their family contained no weak link.

Even during the time that she was heavily pregnant, they worked themselves to the bone to become government workers, and adapt their magical capability. It was to the point that when Seungcheol was finally born they left no time to waste on childhood. In order to assure their survival, Seungcheol would need to follow in their footsteps.

He needed to become strong enough, and famous enough, that Apostatia would never come after them again. They would push him without hesitation, and vowed to never let him fall behind, even if he grew to hate them for it.

~

There was a heavy feeling weighing down the room as she spoke her piece. Seungcheol listened thoroughly, quietly, soaking in every single word with burden. And when she had finished, finally looking towards her son with a genuinely empathetic expression, he couldn’t help but feel angry.

“What were the sacrifices for?” He asked, swallowing back his personal complaints for the moment.

“I… don’t know. After I left, I never heard anything from them again.”

He sighed. “But they were still out there, mom. They’ve… committed terrorism in the past. You knew that, but you didn’t do anything to stop them? What was the point of getting a job with the government, then?”

She covered her face with her hands, as if to pretend that the obviously upset expression on her son’s face would disappear as long as she couldn’t see him.

“If we work there, we’re under the protection of Government security… If I didn’t bother them, they wouldn’t bother us… That’s what I thought. It’s been 22 years, Seungcheol, I never-” She stuttered, sniffing as she rubbed at her eyes with her sleeves. Whether it was crocodile tears or genuine distress, was undefined “I never thought they would come after you..”

“What about the other people who died, mom?”

She looked up at him past her hands, eyes red, rounded with confusion. Her expression was obvious… The others didn’t matter to her. She’d done all of this to save her own hide. The only reason his father was safe was because she loved him, and the only reason Seugcheol was still here was because he was his father’s child.

If it had been a loveless conception, Seungcheol had to wonder if she would have done so much to protect him. He really couldn’t imagine that to be the case.

“I’m sorry, Seungcheol…” She looked him in the eyes, tears welling up again. “Mom’s sorry…”

Seungcheol stood up from the dining table, staring down at cold eggs with a dull expression. “I should go now… Thanks for breakfast, mom.”

When he turned to leave, his mother burst up from the table, stopping him by the wrist before he could walk down the hall towards the door. “Don’t go, Seungcheol. You should stay here, with us. It’s not safe for you to live alone...”

Seungcheol didn’t look back. He felt her grip tighten around his wrist, desperate to keep him there.

“I hate magic, mom..”

“What?”

His eyes turned down to the floor, tired. “I’ve always hated it, and I think you’ve always known that.”

She didn’t answer him, mouth open as if searching for a string of words to tie him down. She had probably though that through telling this story, Seungcheol would pity her. She was his mother, he had to stick with her no matter what.

But… this was a decision that had hindered him since birth. Everything she had done to him until this point wouldn’t become obsolete because of one sad story; how could it?

Seungcheol pulled her hand off of him, holding her wrist as he spoke, looking into her eyes. Her brown eyes searched for forgiveness in his expression, mouth parted.

“Thanks for everything... But I’m not staying, mom.”

When he walked out that door, she stared after him, calling out to him with a desperate, breaking voice. Seungcheol never looked back, and no matter how hopelessly she called, she still didn’t follow him out that door.

~

Seungcheol walked home through the fall of summer downpour, feeling the patter of rain against his face, staring up at the sky. He didn’t take the bus back, taking the time it took to get home peering at the path with a blurred expression, ignoring the questioning gazes of umbrella-holding passersby’s, who through the haze could barely recognize that the water streaming down his face was not just rain.

When he got to the house, Jeonghan opened the door before he could turn the key, eyes wide in concern, looking him up-and-down and searching his face for an explanation.

“Wha-how did you get so wet?” He pulled him inside by the wrist, wiping water away from his face with a sleave. “And how could you just leave like that? Do you know how worried I was when I saw your letter?” He asked, frowning

Jihoon came up from behind in surprise, rushing forward. “Is… everything okay?”

Patting away at rain-water, the slide of a droplet diverted his attention to the sorrow in Seungcheol's expression. He froze. “What happened, Cheol?”

Seungcheol stepped towards the two of them with a feeling of defeat, pulling them into a three-way hug as he hid his grievance behind their backs. He held them there tightly, trembling not from the shiver of a summer’s rain, but from the tremor of every exhausted sob.

They couldn't help but feel startled, confused and concerned in unison, unsure how to comfort him without knowing what had happened.

“I… need to tell you guys something.” He sniffed, holding their shoulders with a firm grip as he attempted to push back his feelings to explain.

Jeonghan held a hand up to pat his back gently, heart thumping in worry. “First come sit down, you’ll catch a cold if you stay out here…”

He came inside and sat on the couch, wrapped in the throw-blanket Jeonghan had fetched for him in a rush.

Jihoon swallowed. “What happened with your mom?”

“I’ll explain… But, I’m not going to be involved with her anymore.. We have more important things to worry about.”

The two said nothing, urging him to continue.

He breathed. “We can’t run and hide from those bastards anymore.”

“What… do you mean?” Jeonghan asked, anxious.

“Woozi, you said before that Kyungsoo had mentioned something about plans, right? Big plans?”

He quirked an eye at Seungcheol continuing to use his bond name, but didn’t speak up. Now wasn’t the time, he supposed. “Yeah, he did… Why?”

“That group… they’ve killed people before, and if they’re planning something big, I’m almost one hundred percent certain that they’re going to kill again.”

“But what can we do?” Jihoon asked with furrowed brows. “We don’t even know the magnitude of what we’re dealing with.”

“I know.” He answered without hesitation. “I don’t think we can handle with on our own anymore…”

Jeonghan’s eyes widened… “You don't mean...”

“We're going to rally a team."