Violet

Allow Me To Show You

“What are you doing?”

Jungkook turned around to see Jin staring at him weirdly. He couldn’t really blame him, not when he was pacing a hole in front of Yoongi’s room with a big vase full of purple flower – violas – in his arm.

“Umm...” Jungkook stared at everything but the man in front of him. “I’m guarding the door?”

“With flowers?”

“...Yeah?”

From the looks on his face, he wasn’t fooled, not that Jungkook could take him as a fool. He took one long stare at him before closing the distance between them. Thinking he was going to be told off, Jungkook shut his eyes and waited for the blow. He was surprised, however, when he felt a shift of weight in his arms. He opened his eyes to see his hyung rearranging the flowers, to busy himself more than anything else.

“You’re worried and scared,” was all he stated. Jungkook just stood frozen in his place until Jin finally backed up a little, although his eyes never leaving him. “I am too.”

And just like that, Jungkook’s entire strong facade crumbled into dust. He shifted his gaze to the small window on Yoongi’s door, seeing the man lying on his new bed with his eyes closed. “What happened yesterday reminded me of how easy it is to lose him, hyung.” He didn’t need to turn around to see the sympathy that was radiating from the older. “I don’t think I can go through that again.”

“None of us do.” An arm was slung around his shoulder and Jungkook found comfort – no matter how small it was – in Jin’s side hug. “But you can’t hide from him like this. Sooner or later you’re going to have to face your fears.”

Jungkook knew his hyung was right but sometimes – more like every time – it was easier to live in denial, to have that false sense of safety.

“Besides, those flowers won’t stay fresh for long if you intend to just pace out here than going in there right now.”

It took a few more convincing and a promise for some beef before Jungkook finally stepped into the room with Jin a few steps behind him, stomach churning with anxiety. As if sensing our presence, Yoongi peek an eye open before a lazy smile made its way on his lips.

“Hey there, Motionless Min,” Jin greeted playfully, hi-fiving the second oldest.

Yoongi chuckled at the nickname. “I haven’t heard that name in a long time.” He then turned to the youngest member in the room who was standing awkwardly to the side, hands still clutching the large vase. “Hey, Jungkook.”

Jungkook could only manage an awkward smile. “Hey, hyung.”

The air was tense afterward, none of the two knowing what to say. Jin - bless his soul - saved Jungkook from further embarrassment when he motioned towards the flowers. “Isn’t there something you wanted to give to Yoongi, Kook?”

That broke him out of his daze as he quickly made a beeline for the side table. “Umm, I brought some violas to, you know, brighten up the room a bit. I wanted to get the colourful ones but we were in a hurry so I picked up the first thing I saw. Which were these. Yeah.” He was making a fool of himself but at least he wasn’t stuttering.

Yoongi was staring at him, like really staring at him, which made him feel a bit uncomfortable before he shared a look with Jin. The older must’ve understood whatever message he was sending to him because he was suddenly by the door. “I’m going to call Hoseok, ask where he is. I’ll be back in a minute.” Before he could protest, the older had already walked out of the room, leaving him defenceless against any awkward moments with Yoongi.

Yoongi was still staring at him as Jungkook fidget behind the flowers, trying to act busy. He knew he shouldn’t have agreed to enter the room, not when Jin hyung left him high and dry. When the stare got too much for him, he started towards the door. “I- I should probably check if Jin hyung needs my help. You know, just in case. I’ll be right b-”

“I heard what you said to Jin hyung just know, outside the door.”

That took him by surprise, freezing him in his step. He slowly turned to face the calculating stare of his hyung, brown orbs boring into his soul. “What?”

“I heard everything.”

“How?”

It was only then did the older broke the stare, instead staring at the wall behind him. “The walls aren’t that soundproof in here.” He let out a sigh before regarding Jungkook again. “Jungkook-ah, can you do something for me?”

Before his mind could catch up, he answered, “Yeah?”

Instead of asking, Yoongi proceeded to get off his bed, stumbling a bit. Jungkook moved to help but Yoongi stopped him with a raise of a hand. He took a deep breath before walking towards him, only stopping when they were only two steps away. His eyes was studying him, memorizing him and all Jungkook could do was stand there frozen, waiting to hear what his hyung wanted to say to him.

After what felt like an eternity, Yoongi finally talked but not what Jungkook was expecting at all.

“Be blunt with me.”

Jungkook was dumbfounded. “What?”

“Be blunt with me. I want you to be honest with me right now.”

He wanted to laugh. He had to be joking, Jungkook thought to himself but Yoongi wasn’t smiling.

“I can’t-”

“Why not? You did the same thing with Jin a few minutes ago,” he demanded gently but firmly.

“Yeah, but he’s Jin and you’re-”

“I’m what?”

“You’re- I don’t- Hyung.”

When Yoongi placed his hand on his shoulder, he felt weak. He couldn’t face the other, scared of something he wasn’t too sure about.

“No honorific. Right here, right now, no honorific. I just want you to be honest with me.”

Jungkook collected enough courage to look up but almost regret it when he met the unwavering stare of the other. It could be his imagination but he thought he saw a bit of sadness in them.

“If you’re angry at me, shout it out. If you’re disappointed with me, scream it out. If you’re scared, voice it out. Just, let me know.”

It was silent, almost deafening, before he finally spoke up.

“I’m angry – no, livid - at for not telling anyone about your sickness. I’m angry at you for still doing all of these straining activities when you know it might make it worse. I’m angry at you for foolishly waiting until you drop dead on your feet to realize how bad it actually is. I’m mad at you for scaring us like that. For scaring me like that!”

In the heat of the moment, Jungkook pushed the older away from him, voice shaking, but Yoongi just took the lashing, eyes challenging him to go on.

“And I’m also angry at myself for not being able to fully be mad at you. You’re the cause of all of this but every time I want to lash out, to rage at you, I just can’t.” His eyes were watering but seeing the blank look on his hyung’s face just pushed him. “I can’t because I then remembered all the other things, the memories and I...

“I remembered how you would always comfort me and the others when we needed it, how you would spoil us with whatever that you have. You’re blunt when we make our mistakes but that’s how we learn from it. Whenever Namjoon breaks stuff, we would always count on you to fix them. Who are we going to depend on when Namjoon breaks another thing again if not you? Who would buy us ice cream whenever we go out? Who would keep Jimin hyung and Taehyung hyung in line?”

Tears were running wildly down Jungkook’s face but he was far from finish. “And then what about BTS? What would we do without Suga? Our rapper extraordinaire, music prodigy and hip hop enthusiast? Who’s going to protect us from all the haters who think we’re just kids in the hip hop world? Spitting out lyrics and rhythm that’ll prove them wrong. What would we do without you? What would the ARMY do without you? BTS isn’t BTS without all of us together.

“And I can’t lose a brother.” For a second, Jungkook saw a shadow past Yoongi’s eyes. “I don’t want to have to let you go. Jin might be the oldest but I respect and cherish you more. You take care of me, play with me, comfort me, go to no end for me and I feel like I don’t tell you enough how much I’m thankful of you for that. So please, hyung, don’t go. Not yet.”

His eyes and nose were red from crying, hiccups leaving his mouth now and again. Finally, Yoongi moved, if only to pull the wrecked maknae into his embrace where Jungkook continued to wet his shirt.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered into his ear. “I’m sorry.

Word Count: 1525

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Hey, guys!

Another sad chapter, I know, and I'm sorry. On the bright side, Suga and V seems to be doing okay walking down the red carpet but where's RapMon?

Anyway, last chapter is on the way and I can then finally mark this story complete. I have mixed feelings.

Hopefully you guys enjoyed this chapter and have a good day/night/whatever!

~BookWorm61 :)

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Comments

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mieyhyun
#1
Chapter 9: One word. Beautiful.
moecorks #2
Chapter 9: IM CRYING SO HARD THIS WAS SO INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL.
TKeyAlex
#3
THIS ONE SHOULD HAVE GAIN LOTS OF LOTS OF UPVOTE!
TKeyAlex
#4
Chapter 9: This is gold.
lunaluz #5
Chapter 9: This was beautiful, author-nim. The color representation that you've used was quite the coolest foundation of the story.
belinha1045 #6
Chapter 9: I love it!!!
Really sad but so perfect *----*
albertmurasaki
#7
Chapter 9: Omg I hate and love you so much at the same moment. I can't it's so perfect and beautiful and natural, like, there is no forced lines, everything is so smooth and I was reading this story with so much pleasure. You know, it's end of the year, I'm in home with mom and her drunk partner. There is so much hatred right now, they are arguing so much and I just can't, I'm so lonely. I feel like dying. And then, this story appeared, and I feel so much better even tho this is sad story, yet so beautiful. Thank you, really. I hope that you will write more stories with yoongi and kookie, just like this one. I would be so great, you have so much talent.
DoubleSpower #8
Chapter 9: This is so sad...........
belinha1045 #9
Chapter 2: Omg....
Oh boy...
I'm really liking this fic!!!
Can't wait for the next chapter*--*
feelingkimchi
#10
The description just gave me the feeeelssss.