DeerLuhan2233 #2
Seventeen Imagines! - Requests Closed
Jihoon nodded his head to the beat, playing back the same chords several times until he got the flow just right. This was a special night for him and his feelings could not and would not get the best of him.
He was working on a special single to present to his former girlfriend Tiffany. The two had been together for a span of almost three years until they had broken up because of the sensation of lost feelings. After a while, their hugs didn't last as long and their kisses seemed meaningless. It was almost as though the space between them was hollow and dull and no spark or switch could change that.
During their time of separation, Jihoon fell into a deep trance of sadness and loss. He didn't realize how much she meant to him and how much her presence affected his life. She had changed him and he had opened up to her in ways that could prove that. But after she was gone, he was beginning to loose himself and everything he had grown to become seemed distant and far away. She was his everything and if she wasn't by his side, he couldn't function.
After weeks of begging, she promised to stop by and pick up his CD. He had been talking on and on about how his feelings were poured into one song and even though her initial response was to stay away, she accepted. Just take the CD and she was out of his life forever. Jihoon promised himself to throw his dignity, emotion, pride and soul into one song. But he was struggling as his expressions and passion couldn't be decomposed into a few lyrics. It was hard. He didn't know which thoughts to scratch and which ones to keep. After all, she was going to be seeing this and he had to let her know he missed her. That was all he wanted to really do.
"I'm here," He heard a small voice speak and his heart clenched, the familiar tone made him freeze in fear.
The door to the studio cracked open a small bit and then it was open fully, a grown Tiffany standing at the door.
Jihoon held his breath, the nostalgia almost making his eyes water. She was standing there, more precious than ever at the frame of the studio in high boots and a long trench coat that was bundled up to her chin. She had her long black hair let down and it rested smoothly on her shoulders. She had the same facial expression she always had on; one of boredom. Everyone thought she was the mean, uptight type but only Jihoon had learned that she was truly a subtle, shy person who had on that expression as a shield for defence. Only Jihoon had learned her biggest insecurities and fears to conclude that this face was a product of her harsh childhood, the taunts and threats she endured everyday. Only he knew the real reason.
"Tiffany," He finally spoke, standing up to formally bow.
He felt foreign and new and as though he was meeting a stranger. That bow caused him pain because she wasn't a stranger, she couldn't be a stranger.
"It's so cold," She shivered, stepping inside casually and closing the door.
She was always good at keeping the conversation. Even if she was at a bad place with you she would speak so normally it would drive you insane. Whenever her and Jihoon got into arguments she held on an indifferent demeanour and it drove him to the point of begging her to be mad at him. Indeed, she was good.
"Can I sit here?" She asked, her eyes sparkling wide with curiosity and comfort.
Jihoon glanced at the chair beside him. It was near enough for their legs to touch if she sat down and he didn't know if he could handle that. Still he nodded, pointing to the base of the chair and indicating that she take a seat. She did so with her jacket on and Jihoon knew that meant her stay wouldn't be long. His calculations were met as the minute she sat down their thighs were glued together.
"So what have you been working on these days?" She smiled, titling her head and looking him in the eyes.
He held his hands down, the urge to touch her face or hold her hand had to be fought. She wasn't his anymore.
"Oh you know," His voice was heavy and he had to cough mid-sentence to level it out, "Just usual stuff whenever I have the chance to get in here."
He was scared. Scared that she would think he was okay when he was anything but that.
"So," She rubbed her hands together excitedly.
Jihoon clenched him lips together in fear.
"Do you want me to just give you the disk or do you want me to play it?" He had to ask. If he had made the decision for her he would never live with the embarrassment.
She bit her bottom lip, her head looking up only slightly in thought, "Play it."
Something inside Jihoon grew and an emotion of happiness with a pinch of guilt began to build in the pit of his stomach. If he played what he had so far out loud, he feared tears would roll down his eyes. Playing the song in an empty studio was different than playing it with the girl he loved in the room. Loved. That couldn't be right? He still loved her. He still wanted to hear her say the same. But if it didn't go both ways then was it really love or just an obsession?
He clicked a few buttons, the keyboard illuminating in the shadow darkness of the room. It was late out but he wasn't tired. Neither was she. Something about he night woke him up. That was one of the things the two shared. His finger hovered over the play button for a split second until he noticed Tiffany caught it. She was extremely attentive and his every move could be interpreted by her keen eyes and quick thinking. She knew he was nervous. Without another moment wasted, he hit play and leaned back as far as his chair would bend, hoping it would snap and so would he.
The slow melody came in first, a somewhat soothing yet up right hum. He watched as her eyes stayed glued to the screen, her finger tapping lightly on the glass table.
Darling I don't know what to say,
I think of you when I look at me every single day,
Thin words caught in a heavy storm,
Tell me when you're gone why don't I feel so alone?
There are voices in my head,
Keeping me company cause' you aren't here instead,
You would think I'd be broken,
With the tears wasted baby I myself was hoping,
I couldn't be alive like this anyway,
But here are the words I'll say to you today,
Baby I tried to fight,
And baby I tried to smile,
But every time I closed my eyes,
You'd pop up every once in a while,
This empty feeling got me searching so deep,
For a love I thought could never leave me this weak,
Baby I tried to forget,
But all I feel is immense regret,
For the words I didn't say,
But you left them anyway,
So what's the point if I keep reaching?
Telling me where's the finish line?
Tell me when will all this pain be gone and I'll start to feel fine,
Baby tell me,
Cause' I feel empty,
What's easier than this? Death?
Cause' I can barely catch my breath,
Remember that first feeling when we held hands?
All our conversations about future plans-
The music stopped and the lyrics paused in an abrupt halt.
Jihoon's heart was racing and the back of his eyes stung. Everything he poured into the song was true and every last lyric he had wrote was based off of experience. The pain he felt after losing her even he couldn't comprehend. Everyday he swooped into a deeper version of loss and struggle and now with Tiffany hearing the song for the first time, he could barely keep up. He had been biting his finger so hard it was begging to bleed slightly. Everything was a magnificent blur and he wanted to erase all of it.
Tiffany had her finger over the pause button, her hand shaking slightly and her eyes hazy. Jihoon was too caught up in his own reality to notice she had paused the song. The studio was silent. Nothing and no one moved for what seemed like hours.
Tiffany pulled her hands back slowly, one reaching to tuck a strand of her black hair behind her ear. He chair slid back with a loud creek and she stood up, standing over the computer and Jihoon for some while.
He couldn't look up at her. He knew if he did he would say something regrettable. She adjusted the hem of her coat and began to walk towards the door. Jihoon sat up, his eyes glued to her back as he watched her speed up and almost exit the studio before his throat took control and he called out.
"Tiffany!"
She froze the second the first syllable left his mouth, as if she was waiting for him to stop her. Her back was straight and Jihoon bit his lip in hopes that she would turn around, walk towards him and kiss him. Oh, he missed her lips.
"Why would you do that?" It was a small mutter, barely audible but Jihoon heard as if she had yelled in his ear.
"Do what? Tell you how I feel?" He was quick to respond knowing that if he was any seconds late she would storm out.
He learned that about her. If she asked something and you took too long to say your answer she would grow irritated and upset.
She turned around abruptly, her eyes watering and hands clenched in anger. He had broke her, that song had broken her once confident aura and had shed her down to what she was really feeling and Jihoon loved it. He adored knowing when he was able to get her wall down and see the emotions on the inside. She was always guarded and closed off to an extent where she pretending everything was okay. He knew when he did catch her at a vulnerable time, he used it to tell her how much he loved her and no matter what she was going through he was there for her.
"Do you think my feelings come easily?" She spat, taking three small steps towards him, "Do you think I'm just going to curl up in your arms and love you again?"
Jihoon furrowed his brow. He knew she was on to something. Why was her reaction like this? Because maybe deep down she was missing him too and this song displayed everything she had felt at the time of their break up. And if he was lucky, maybe she wanted him back like he did with her.
"I don't think that," Another two steps forward for him to meet her halfway.
"Then what's the point of this?" She threw her arms in the air. She seemed thrown off and defeated. Jihoon couldn't tell if she was saddened or miserable. It was a mix between the two in her eyes.
"I did this because I just want you to know how I feel..." His speech slowed as he realized that there was no point.
Even if he had shown this to her, even if he had written in on the tallest tower in Korea, there was no changing the way she felt about it. Unless she was hurting too, there was no point to the song and it was merely another accessory for her to fill up space on her shelf.
"Why would you do this to me?" She lowered her tone, her eyebrows furrowed as if she herself didn't understand what she was saying.
Jihoon had to get it out of her, he had to and tonight, "Do what?" He pressed.
She had her jaw slightly open and her eyes wandered across his face, hoping he would save her and say something. That was another habit of hers, whenever she was at a loss of words she relied on someone else for aid.
"You think this is easy on me?" She breathed, her hands finding their way to clench the hem of his shirt.
Jihoon knew she grabbed onto whatever was at her nearest when she was nervous. If that happened to be his clothes, he didn't mind one bit.
"You think I want to be away from you when I know the decision I made was wrong?" She continued.
He felt his heart rate increase and he kept his eyes on her hands which were fiddling with the ends of his top. He finally knew she wanted him back as much as he wanted her. She was in regret of breaking up with him and she just didn't know the right words to say to express that.
"Then let's change this!" He was excited now, his eyes locking on her lips, waiting for her verbal 'okay'.
But it didn't come and he was now confused. If she knew breaking up with him was wrong then why wasn't she eager to fix it? In fact, now that he was sane he began to question why she never made the first move in approaching him until this moment. And Jihoon began to grow scared that maybe it wasn't love she had felt for him in the first place.
"Why?" His voice cracked and he held her hands for a second before moving them away from his shirt. He wouldn't handle this. It was too much.
She shook her head, tears threatening to fall from her eyes and she finally looked up at him. Even with anger pent up inside of him he couldn't resist the sudden push inside of him as he wrapped his arms around her body, protecting her from her sudden sadness. His knees almost gave in and her warmth embraced him so quickly he could barely think. His head rested in the crook of her neck, breathing in her vanilla scent. When he first began to like her he promised her he would never watch her cry. He promised her he would be there for her even if that meant from all the way across the world. That was a promise he could not break, dating or not.
"I'm scared," She spoke, tightening her grip around his body.
And as though he could hug away he fears, he nodded into her neck, sympathizing with her emotions. He knew what it was like to be afraid to loose yourself.
"I'm scared that everything I feel for you will come raining down on me so fast I won't know how to handle it," She muttered and Jihoon could feel her shaking her head in disappointment.
She was afraid that if she gave them a chance, her emotions would pile up and she wouldn't know the right words to say or the right move to make. It was understandable. Although Jihoon wanted to get back to being in a relationship with her he also respected her and if that meant waiting for her to settle her feelings then he was willing to do that.
"I know," He stopped himself before the word baby could slip out of his mouth. He wouldn't do that to her.
When their arms were back at their sides she let out a small yawn, her eyes red with tears and tiredness. This was a new start to her and it was overwhelming. Even at this stage, she wasn't ready for what would come in the future but as long as she was with him, she was going to be okay.
"You either let me drive you home or you crash at my place," Jihoon laughed, cupping the sides of her cheeks to .
She slapped his hands away, her cheeks tinting red and she became flustered as the next word left her lips,
"Both."
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