Seulgi

            It’s been awhile since I’ve hung out with Jongin, and I’m pretty sure I’ve moved on. Pretty sure. Recently I’ve been closer with my favorite dongsaeng, Taeyongie. Even though our ’s one year, I think we’re close enough to call each other by our names. Sometimes I would ditch Jongin just to hang out with Taeyong. It’s about time I find more best friends and not just depend on one forever.

            “Seul. I’m free tonight. Wanna hang out?” Jongin asked. I was just finished practicing our latest dance routine with Joohyun, Sooyoung, Seunghwan and Yeri. Seunghwan, or Wendy, just came at the end of 2012. She got in from the SM Global Audition in Canada.

            “Tonight? I thought you had to record your repackage album?” I asked him and my voice showed a tint of guilt.

            “Why do you seem disappointed?” Jongin asked with a slight frown on his face although he still kept a small smile on his face.

            “Err,” I peeked at my phone and my eyes widened when he said he’s already waiting in the lobby. “I kind of made plans tonight.”

            Jongin huffed and ran a hand through his hair. “Again? Seulgi! I can’t even count how many times you’ve ditched our dates—”

            My body went timid at that word. I wasn’t quite comfortable with him calling our outings as dates when he didn’t even want to be intimate with me.

            “I mean plans. You’ve ditched our plans so many times we barely hung out. We haven’t hung out in the past two months.”

            I was getting bothered with his rant. Is it my problem that he always asked me to go on outings right in the last minute? Does he think my life revolves around him? I won’t always be ready to just go with him. I am human being too and I’m not as lonely as he thinks I am. Does he think I’ll wait for him forever after he rejected?

            Inside my little heart, I heard a voice say “Maybe.” But I know that the right thing to do is to move on. There’s lots of fish in the sea.

            Instead of arguing with him and wasting my time, I decide to just say a simple goodbye and leave him.

            I walked at a fast pace to the elevator and quickly pressed the close button to make sure he wouldn’t get in the same elevator as me.

            Unfortunately, he was able to slip in before the door completely closes and stood next to me. I thought he would rant again about how selfish and cold I am, but instead he stood still. We were both quite. Instead of feeling uncomfortable about his cold behavior, I felt awkward and remembered our first meeting. We were both alone in the elevator too.

            “Do you remember that day we both went home last in the company?” Jongin suddenly started. I smirked. Turns out we were both thinking about the same thing. As a reply, I hummed a little just to let him know that I do remember that day, even until today.

            “Are we still friends?” I mumbled a yes.

            “Are we still best friends?” I mumbled another yes.

            “Have you forgiven me?” Before I could mumble another yes, I turned to him and looked at him in confusion.

            “What do I need to forgive you for?”

            “You seemed mad at me.”

            “Then tell me what you think. Why do you think would I be mad at you?”

            He sighed as he realized we were actually already at the lobby but the door wouldn’t open.

            “Seul we’re stuck.”

            I just grunted because I knew Taeyong’s already waiting for a long time and Jongin’s avoiding the answer. I simply hit the emergency button and told the security guards we were stuck. They told us that it would soon be working, 10 minutes at most.

            “Why do you think I’m mad at you?”

            “Because I rejected you…?”

            I froze. I breathed in once, twice, thrice, and then I blew up. A train of profanities spilled out of my mouth and they were all directed to him.

            “This is exactly why I’m mad Jongin. You need to let that go. I don’t love you anymore Jongin, I never did. It was just a silly crush. Just because I confessed to you doesn’t mean that my whole life will revolve around you. It is not my fault that you’re an idol now and you’re busy as hell. I’m sorry if I can’t always be there during your free time. I’m sorry I have plans. I’m sorry I’m not as free as you think. I’m sorry my only friend isn’t you. So stop being a brat and grow up Kai!” I blurted out all these mean things and I didn’t do that so that Jongin could get hurt. No. I did that to slap myself mentally and realize that I have to move on from Jongin. I can’t keep being the

            The elevator door suddenly opened and I rushed outside, refusing to look at him.

            “I’m not Kai!” He screamed but I ignored him. I walked away and saw Taeyong waiting outside the door. I walked to him and smiled. If Jongin’s going to keep acting like Kai, the mighty idol who has every girl falling in front of him, I will just distant myself from him and stay with my other friends. I haven’t thought of the possibility of how Jongin would change because of his fame.

            “Seul! You ready?” He asked and playfully offered his arm. I chuckled, wore my coat and looped my arm with his.

            “Let’s go.” I said as we walked down towards the bus stop.

            Before I could even walked three steps, Jonin, I mean Kai, grab a hold of my elbow.

            “We need to talk.”

            I huffed and closed my eyes. “Not this again,” I muttered as I shrugged his hand off my arm. “Later.”

            “Kang Seulgi! Stop acting like this! I thought you’re my best friend!”

            “Best friends don’t treat each other like how you treat me. Stop taking me for granted Kai.”

            “Stop calling me Kai! You don’t call me that!” He shouted. Taeyong awkwardly removed his arm from my arm but I held his hand.

            “Talk to me later when you decide to cherish me. Stop acting like you’re my boyfriend.” He tried talking but I quickly led Taeyong out of the gates. I knew Jongin wouldn’t dare go out of the gates because he knows Dispatch might be lurking somewhere.

            “So,” Taeyong started we looped our arms again, “What was that all about?”

            I sighed and shook my head. “Just some brat who thinks he has it all just because he’s an idol.”

            I thought that after reconciling with him, everything will be okay. But no. It was the complete opposite. Sure, we do smile at each other, greet each other and chat if we have time, but now Jongin does not even text me or appear in any of our midnight practices. He would ditch me and forget about it the next day. Every day I would just smile at him, pretending that he didn’t ditch me.